Thank for for reading my story.
I just turned 28 and she is 26
From my time of reflecting and praying. I think the main thing was communication. I can admit that I'm not the most easiest person to communicate about what's in my head. She's been saying from time to time, she wishes I could communicate more and in depth. It's not like I don't communicate at all or something, I just answer with very few words. Also she always talked about the future and "what if" situations and I did have answers and talked but again I say very few words. For example if we're talking about marriage she would ask "when do you want to get married?" and I would just say "soon, before I'm 30" but I would not ask that question back to her because it's not like we talked about this once, I just remembered her answers and what she wanted from previous conversations, so I didn't want to repeat the same conversation. That's just an example.
Yes faith is the centerpiece in a relationship to both of us. I think it's the sharing part that I wasn't doing well. Again I keep to myself a lot and that's something I need to grow out of regarding sharing His word. We would talk here and then about the sermons and about certain religious based topics. But again my answers are very short; I'm the type to just go straight into the detail while she's the type to give the background and everything in between to the end and we both knew this about each other before we started dating. She indicated that we should share more about our faith and what we're doing to grow closer to Him. I completely agreed and this is what I wanted as well. So I started sharing my QT verses with her for about a month, but we never really talked about them. I would just send her a verse, I just thought she would bring it up and then we can talk about it. The bible does say that the male should take the lead in the spiritual aspect within the family, so I knew that I should be leading. But again I was doing this alone. I was doing QT alone, praying more alone, when she wanted to do it together and share together. I don't why or how I just missed this until it was too late. Everything should have been done together cause we are in a relationship and want the same thing and yet knowing this, I was just blinded.
Regarding my personality. Yes exactly I'm the quiet type that keeps to myself but when necessary I'll do everything I need to. It's not like it's not "in" me or I'm not doing anything, I just sit back and listen before I do anything. Again we knew this about each other before we started dating. She's more out going than me, more talkative than me, more expressive, she get emotional and I'm always calm. All these things were knew about each other and we believed it was good that each of us have things that we can learn and bounce off each other. Overall, there was not problem within our relationship.
She told me that she couldn't see my faith. She doesn't see the faith that she wants to see in her future husband. I always thought you can just see someone's faith and understand it without having to talk about it or "show" it. Nobody is a mind reader so I need to get that concept out of my mind. While reflecting, praying and through His words a community in which you share things is important for one to grow. Keeping these things by myself does nothing. So I understand. Also I don't really understand what she means when she said "we have different colors of faith." Maybe these are the things she meant where faith is shown through sharing/talking while I assumed faith can just be seen?
I am quite a bit older then you and I can tell you from most of my life experiences that you men, quite often, are the "silent" type. Even as something as basic as pen pals, where I might write something in response to how my day was that would resemble War and Peace in length if I had had a particularly grueling day or problem only to get
a word or teo... possibly a small paragraph in reply .
Yes, I find that very frustrating but realize that silence is not lack of interest, it just is what it is.
But your girl likely has not experienced much of that... And while she is very open with you I bet she is somehow felling that you are not interested in what she has to say, and she may also think you just do not care.
Here is a true story about my adopted niece. She is 26 years old.. actually just turned 27. She met and was seeing a young man... booth of the same faith, and I believe they went to church together a couple of times.
Well...aside from the fact that she usually had to drive to meet him for their occasional dates, they usually were of him preparing, or ordering in, dinner at his place.
NOPE...NO sex at all involved.
In fact, they never once kissed. And he rarely talked... They would eat, sit on the sofa and watch TV and rarely if ever would he talk..... even when he would come her and be among her family.
It finally drove her nuts and she called it quits.
I do not know where you stand with this girl at this point. Is she still talking to you?
If so I would try to go the questioning route. You ask a question about anything from how her day is going, to what does she think the meaning of some verse in the Bible is . Or ask her opinion on something. Anything that is questioning that will allow her to talk and then question back.
You can even say I do not know much about (whatever) but would be interesting to hear to talk about it. Not in those words necessary but something along those lines.
Religion is a big thing to her... I applaud her, and you for that matter, for having it first and foremost in your young lives....
BUT.... What is it that she wants to keep talking about? And that she feels you are at different colors in your faith?
WE members of Grace Centered are all about talking and learning about our Lord, but if you have looked at the variety of subject matters from Politics, and Computer Help, to Things Around the World, To relationship troubles and Forums for men and Forums for women... and the list goes on and on... So even we members of CG do not just talk about our religions, or compare our faiths, we talk a whole lot of other stuff. That is all part of the Christian life and makes for a well rounded individual.
Not... that I have said all that I have. Do you think there is a chance that she has met someone else? Do you think someone else might be feeding her ideas ?
And just to throw a wild card out there.
Since I know you are trying to get back with her and you have had some communications....
Why not call her, or show up somewhere that you know she will be, either at work or home and simply cut to the chase and tell her You want to marry her and You want her to pick out a date.
The worst will be you will know if she really has moved on.
Two years is a long time... long enough at your age to make a definite decision on when... She likely feels it will never happen.