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Offline wolflet7

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Seriously?!
« on: Fri Mar 23, 2012 - 09:40:45 »
So my ex and I broke up Tuesday night.  It was so stupid!  Monday we were having a little argument over text and when I asked how I could fix it, she kept saying "I don't know" and eventually confessed that she was considering ending the relationship.  I told her we should give it a couple days and she was fine with that.  But I started thinking that night that if she was considering breaking up with me and that was the only solution to the problem we had, then she's not worth my time. 

I texted her Tuesday night at around 6 (beforehand I finally texted her first at 2:30 and she replied fifteen minutes later saying she was with friends, so I texted back saying "It looks like you're busy, so I'll leave you alone" and she told me she would talk to me later.  At 5 she was posting on Facebook, so it was obvious she was playing very hard to get) and said "It's pretty apparent that you don't want to continue this relationship.  When and where do you want me to give you back your Hunger Games ticket?"  She had bought my ticket and I thought it was only fair if I gave it back so one of her friends could go, since I had nobody to go with besides her and our double-date friends and if I was going to break up with her that night then that was not going to happen.  Then she got mad about me not giving it a couple days.  But if her only solution to a stupid argument that we could have fixed is to break up, then that's the solution she is going to get. 

Ugh, I wish I could find a girl who doesn't just like me physically (which was obvious by what we did on open dorm nights; just watch a movie in her room and make-out during it.  When we did homework or did something in the lounge she would always want to sit on my lap or "cuddle" up next to me). 

Any advice/comfort?  Anybody?

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Seriously?!
« on: Fri Mar 23, 2012 - 09:40:45 »

Offline JohnDB

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #1 on: Fri Mar 23, 2012 - 11:48:10 »
It took me a loooonnnnngggg time to figure this one out.

People are, by nature, self serving & self centered. They prefer the tokens of ourselves to our actual personas. 

IOW your friend liked you solely for your looks & held her nose with all the rest of you that came along with it.

I've had women that liked me for my looks and or one of my attributes. But when it came time for them to like me without one of my talents they became irritated, bored and distant.  For some it was money, cooking talents, car work, handiness, or manner of speaking. But when it came to loving me & being a match on an intellectual and emotional level they were no where near me.

And that is what makes the true love of a wonderful spouse amazing. It is completely scary for most guys (and women). Most relationships go through power struggles. The great relationships don't have a power struggle "winner" only two winners.

Its rare and special when you find someone. Perfect timing of meeting your match is always in God's hands.

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #1 on: Fri Mar 23, 2012 - 11:48:10 »

Offline IamStefanie

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #2 on: Fri Mar 23, 2012 - 17:33:16 »

People are, by nature, self serving & self centered. They prefer the tokens of ourselves to our actual personas. 

IOW your friend liked you solely for your looks & held her nose with all the rest of you that came along with it.

I've had women that liked me for my looks and or one of my attributes. But when it came time for them to like me without one of my talents they became irritated, bored and distant.  For some it was money, cooking talents, car work, handiness, or manner of speaking. But when it came to loving me & being a match on an intellectual and emotional level they were no where near me.

And that is what makes the true love of a wonderful spouse amazing. It is completely scary for most guys (and women). Most relationships go through power struggles. The great relationships don't have a power struggle "winner" only two winners.

Its rare and special when you find someone. Perfect timing of meeting your match is always in God's hands.

John, thank you and God bless you for sharing that wisdom...I needed to see this as well....relationships are important, and unfortunately, we run away from them once we meet the person behind the 'pleasing' stuff.

ObeyTheGospel

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #3 on: Sat Mar 24, 2012 - 15:03:48 »
So my ex and I broke up Tuesday night.  It was so stupid!  Monday we were having a little argument over text and when I asked how I could fix it, she kept saying "I don't know" and eventually confessed that she was considering ending the relationship.  I told her we should give it a couple days and she was fine with that.  But I started thinking that night that if she was considering breaking up with me and that was the only solution to the problem we had, then she's not worth my time. 

I texted her Tuesday night at around 6 (beforehand I finally texted her first at 2:30 and she replied fifteen minutes later saying she was with friends, so I texted back saying "It looks like you're busy, so I'll leave you alone" and she told me she would talk to me later.  At 5 she was posting on Facebook, so it was obvious she was playing very hard to get) and said "It's pretty apparent that you don't want to continue this relationship.  When and where do you want me to give you back your Hunger Games ticket?"  She had bought my ticket and I thought it was only fair if I gave it back so one of her friends could go, since I had nobody to go with besides her and our double-date friends and if I was going to break up with her that night then that was not going to happen.  Then she got mad about me not giving it a couple days.  But if her only solution to a stupid argument that we could have fixed is to break up, then that's the solution she is going to get. 

Ugh, I wish I could find a girl who doesn't just like me physically (which was obvious by what we did on open dorm nights; just watch a movie in her room and make-out during it.  When we did homework or did something in the lounge she would always want to sit on my lap or "cuddle" up next to me). 

Any advice/comfort?  Anybody?

You're not Christians are you? You know Christians shouldn't make out before marriage?

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #3 on: Sat Mar 24, 2012 - 15:03:48 »
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Offline fcadcock

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #4 on: Sat Mar 24, 2012 - 21:50:53 »
You're not Christians are you? You know Christians shouldn't make out before marriage?

Where exactly is that in the bible?  I've read the entire thing a few times and I don't think it ever makes mention of that.  Have they added new books to it recently?  I haven't updated mine in a while and wouldn't have gotten those.

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #4 on: Sat Mar 24, 2012 - 21:50:53 »



Offline wolflet7

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #5 on: Sun Mar 25, 2012 - 23:11:00 »
I agree; it says nothing about not making out in the Bible.  Although it also doesn't say anything about not doing anything sexual before marriage that's not sex itself.  We can interpret the Bible in a lot of different ways.  I actually made myself a rule not to make out with a girl before marriage, but I let myself go with this one  ::frown::

JohnDB, thank you so much for those encouraging words.  I could see my relationship with this girl as somewhat of a power struggle and I didn't like it.  It's nice to know that great relationships aren't power struggles.


Offline the_distance_betweenus

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #6 on: Mon Mar 26, 2012 - 00:17:44 »
eh, physical intimacy isn't inherently bad or wrong. hugging, kissing, and the like are just signs of affection in a close relationship. If theres not a line drawn between the way you treat your significant other and any other friend the person in question is going to start feeling like they are just a friend. Its a good way to cause unnecessary strife in a relationship. now when you get into rationalizing different types of sex acts because they aren't specifically mentioned in the bible, then you're getting into murky waters.

Offline fcadcock

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #7 on: Mon Mar 26, 2012 - 23:54:12 »
eh, physical intimacy isn't inherently bad or wrong. hugging, kissing, and the like are just signs of affection in a close relationship. If theres not a line drawn between the way you treat your significant other and any other friend the person in question is going to start feeling like they are just a friend. Its a good way to cause unnecessary strife in a relationship. now when you get into rationalizing different types of sex acts because they aren't specifically mentioned in the bible, then you're getting into murky waters.

Well, I'm no Bill Clinton and it shows.  Personally, if it has the word "sex" in it anywhere, it's probably sex.  Or, if you have to take your pants off to do it, it seems likely that it's sex.  Making out though, nah... 

Offline wolflet7

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #8 on: Thu Mar 29, 2012 - 01:26:08 »
An update on this happy little tale of mine:

Last night I texted her asking her if I can ask her a question (sorry if that sounded confusing).  She texted back at 6 a.m. saying "I guess.  What is it?"  Lately I've been missing our friendship, where we had random conversations on Facebook before we were even thinking about going out.  So I texted back asking her if she missed this, because I missed it. 

The WHOLE day she didn't text back.  Finally, at midnight tonight, I texted her pretty much telling her that it's pretty apparent she still doesn't want to be my friend and that I don't deserve to be ignored like this for all my efforts for trying to mend this friendship back together.  I called her a jerk at the end.  Just simply jerk.  Better than a MUCH more colorful word I had in mind, trust me.  Then she went off on me about how I ended the relationship and she was cool with being friends with me until I sent that last text message and pretty much said it's all my fault.  Then she told me to grow up and not talk to her until I have.  Me, being the stubborn young college student that I am, wasn't going to take any more crap from her and proceeded to tell her how she was a complete JERK and how she was the one who mentioned breaking up in the first place!!!!! 

Ahh...it felt good to get that off my chest...story of my life I suppose

Offline catherine26

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #9 on: Fri Mar 30, 2012 - 02:58:22 »
AT first I thought that there might be hope for a reconciliation as sometimes people say things they don't mean in the heat of an argument.
But when you talked about her only appearing to want you physically, that indicated that there might not be a real friendship here.
Just a thought,
Catherine26

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #10 on: Sat Mar 31, 2012 - 16:58:09 »
Read your update. Yea...not good. 

For now, just leave it alone. Create space between yourself and this situation.

If there are future discussions, I would forgo the electronic conversation and talk in person.

Just my two cents.

 

Offline wolflet7

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #11 on: Sat Mar 31, 2012 - 21:35:36 »
I agree with both of you.  Looking back on it, before we were official it seemed as if she was trying to "butter me up" by liking all my statuses and other things.  And trust me, I am in no condition to start talking to her again.  It's been frustrating enough.

Thanks for the support guys  ::smile::

ObeyTheGospel

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #12 on: Tue Apr 03, 2012 - 07:23:55 »
You're not Christians are you? You know Christians shouldn't make out before marriage?

Where exactly is that in the bible?  I've read the entire thing a few times and I don't think it ever makes mention of that.  Have they added new books to it recently?  I haven't updated mine in a while and wouldn't have gotten those.


"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God." (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

Fornication is having sex outside of marriage. People who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of heaven, according to the word of God. Here is another scripture:

"Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman, Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband." (1 Corinthians 7:1-2)











Offline DaveW

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #13 on: Tue Apr 03, 2012 - 08:26:03 »
Quote
Quote
You're not Christians are you? You know Christians shouldn't make out before marriage?
Where exactly is that in the bible?  I've read the entire thing a few times and I don't think it ever makes mention of that.  Have they added new books to it recently?  I haven't updated mine in a while and wouldn't have gotten those.
"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God." (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

Fornication is having sex outside of marriage. People who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of heaven, according to the word of God. Here is another scripture:

"Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman, Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband." (1 Corinthians 7:1-2)

Um - you do know that 'making out' is not the same as having sex, right?

ObeyTheGospel

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #14 on: Tue Apr 03, 2012 - 17:16:26 »
Quote
Quote
You're not Christians are you? You know Christians shouldn't make out before marriage?
Where exactly is that in the bible?  I've read the entire thing a few times and I don't think it ever makes mention of that.  Have they added new books to it recently?  I haven't updated mine in a while and wouldn't have gotten those.
"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God." (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

Fornication is having sex outside of marriage. People who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of heaven, according to the word of God. Here is another scripture:

"Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman, Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband." (1 Corinthians 7:1-2)

Um - you do know that 'making out' is not the same as having sex, right?


"Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman, Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband." (1 Corinthians 7:1-2)

Offline psalm22

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #15 on: Thu May 17, 2012 - 19:50:26 »
WOW!   Shame on all of you for making this about wether or not God allows you to get to first base.  If you are without sin in that... by all means cast the first stone.

Dude!  The part I have to chime in on is that, in everything you have written, you both have decieded the fate of your relationship by entirely electronic means.  Dust this one off.  I know you do not want to hear this but you are young.  First, focus on what you are becoming and what God has planned for you.  You, and anyone you date will be a very different person in the next 3-5 years.  When you learn who you are then you will have a much better idea what you will want or need to look for in a mate. 

MOST IMPORTANTLY, learn how to communicate.  I am not being glib on that.  Most people are horrible at communication and it is nearly impossible and always unwise to expect any meaningful communication by electronic means.  If you cannot look someone in the eye and connect with them you have ZERO hope of any productive relationship.  To prove my point, what I have just written does nothing to show the compassion, empathy, hope and love I bear you, my brother.  I pray and hope you find peace.  Talk to God and then shut up and listen, he talks back.

Offline IamStefanie

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #16 on: Thu May 17, 2012 - 23:10:30 »
MOST IMPORTANTLY, learn how to communicate.  I am not being glib on that.  Most people are horrible at communication and it is nearly impossible and always unwise to expect any meaningful communication by electronic means.  If you cannot look someone in the eye and connect with them you have ZERO hope of any productive relationship.  To prove my point, what I have just written does nothing to show the compassion, empathy, hope and love I bear you, my brother.  I pray and hope you find peace.  Talk to God and then shut up and listen, he talks back.

I agree. I hope that whenever I do enter into a healthy relationship, we communicate more in person and not by these silly phones. Yes, they are silly to me. I have one, but I am human enough to know that they are taking away from bonding with people. We bond  more with tv, phones, and computers than we do with people.

Offline wolflet7

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #17 on: Fri May 18, 2012 - 00:03:02 »
First of all, welcome to the forums, Psalm22.  I'm sorry, but I read your message as somewhat rude, honestly.  It felt more harmful than hurtful.  My relationship with this girl was NOT about getting to first base and never was.  I respect women and do not "play baseball" with them like that. 

I understand what you mean about the electronic communication.  However, it was very difficult to communicate with her considering she goes to a Christian college in my town that only allows boys into the dorms at specific days and hours and I live a home and go to a community college.  Nevertheless, I would probably have come around as a "stalker" if I went over to her dorm looking for her when I broke up with her a few days before.  She has a track phone and she only gets so many minutes per month, so I took that into consideration by texting her instead of using her minutes and coming around as somewhat creepy. 

Thanks for taking the time to read this message.  Perhaps I should have done all of what you said.  I will keep that in mind in my next relationship.

Offline psalm22

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #18 on: Mon May 21, 2012 - 13:50:17 »
Hey wolflet,
     I appologize if I came off as rude dispite my explicit disclosure of the feelings I was having about your situation.  On the same note, thank you for proving my point in that electronics is the absolute worst way to communicate.

      For the record, my chiding comment about getting to first base was directed, not at you, but to the others who wanted to make it about what amount of physical affection was appropriate vs. sinful.  I was sticking up for you a bit and giving you credit for knowing what was right and wrong in that regard.

     I understand your struggles with distance and limited means of communication.  You were merely doing the best with what you had and I get it.  I generalized you into what I see as an epidemic problem of our electronic age.  If I did so unjustly I truly appologize. 

      I wish you well and you are in my prayers that you find peace with this hurdle in your life and that you find joy as God's plan for you unfolds.

 ::smile::

Offline wolflet7

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #19 on: Tue May 22, 2012 - 00:14:48 »
Thank you Psalm22.  My friend told me that she has a new boyfriend now that she met at a country club.  Honestly though, I don't feel all that heart achy.  In fact, I actually feel really sorry for her.  She's gone through about 5 or 6 guys this school year, myself included.  I also found out that she "attacked" our double date couple with some not so nice words, so they no longer talk to her.  It seems as if she isn't putting Christ in the middle of her relationships, just like we didn't put Him in the middle of ours when we were dating.  Please pray for Hannah guys

Offline Popsiclestix1234

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #20 on: Sun May 27, 2012 - 03:23:02 »
I know I'm necroing a thread about a week old but wow you story matches mine so much that I could not resist myself from registering and posting!

OP clearly repented, sought forgiveness, and offered reconciliation (asking how he could fix it). She then proceeded to ignore him and even posted on Facebook as if nothing happened at all, treating their relationship as a non-priority. This is called the silent-treatment and is emotionally abusive.

Quote
Indifference is the strongest force in the universe. It makes everything it touches meaningless. Love and hate don't stand a chance against it.
-Joan Vinge

Unlike psalm22 here, I disagree with the part that blasts him about learning to communicate. This girl sounds narcissistic, only able to see how wolflet7 had injured her, instead of what she did to hurt him. I've learned that it is impossible to communicate with such narcissistic people.

I do have to ask though, OP, is this the one of the rare fights with the girl or has this been a road of continually degrading relations such as my own? I find it kind of hard to believe for a relationship to end so suddenly without any warning signs.

Offline wolflet7

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Re: Seriously?!
« Reply #21 on: Sun May 27, 2012 - 14:03:14 »
There have been some times where I have felt she has been bossy.  I guess it was just the little things that added up.  It was odd though.  Beforehand, we had talked through the petty arguments and mishaps.  Along with that though, she did seem to give up easily on different things, such as putting homework aside to spend more time with me.  I knew that was a red flag and there were bigger situations in which she seemed to give up on, but I never acted on it, unfortunately.

 

     
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