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Author Topic: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.  (Read 5237 times)

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Offline skwaa.scott

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Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« on: Mon May 14, 2012 - 03:10:01 »
Hi,
I am a devoted christian and my boyfriend of a year sort of qualifies himself as an agnostic. I had been meaning to bring the topic up for a while and then one day it just came up and I asked him about what he believed.

His mother is a Christian and his father is Jewish but they had let their children decide what they wanted to believe for themselves.
He told me that he knows he believes in something, but he's not sure what. He's very undecided and then it began to scare me. He started talking about how he may believe in God or many gods or be Buddhist or whatever is out there. He told me he believes in evolution and the Big Bang theory which contradicts any possibility of a Creator. I told him that if we were to get to the point of having a family that I would want to raise them with my faith and pray before meals and the whole deal and he said he couldn't guarantee that to me. I can easily see a future with him and the difference in our faiths is the only thing holding me back.  ::frown::

I have taken him to church events and things before and I thought maybe I could get him to convert or even to start believing in things similar to what I believe at the least. I love him a lot, more than I'm sure a lot of people can understand, but his faith or lacktherof worries me.

I don't want to end my relationship with him but I don't know what else to do. Can anyone offer some advice? Please? ::help::

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Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« on: Mon May 14, 2012 - 03:10:01 »

Offline Victor08

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #1 on: Mon May 14, 2012 - 03:16:05 »

He told me he believes in evolution and the Big Bang theory which contradicts any possibility of a Creator.

Actually, the Big Bang theory just says the Universe had a beginning, I don't see how it "contradicts any possibility of a Creator."

By the way that sounds like me and my wife, we have been happily(mostly ::smile::) married for 20 years.

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #1 on: Mon May 14, 2012 - 03:16:05 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #2 on: Mon May 14, 2012 - 04:27:53 »
Hi and welcome here. MY first husband wasnt a believer(and neither was I when we married), and my second husband is. I greatly value Gods wise words not to be uneaqually yoked to unbelievers. Paul also says what has light to do with darkness? He is right. You are from 2 different worlds spiritually.
I have 3 close friends married to non believers, and they are desperate for them to become Christians. Its so hard for them to be alone in their faith, and the children are confused with one parent saying one thing and the other parents disagreeing.
My sister in law recently broke up with a non believer because God convicted her to do so.They had been together 6 years. Was it easy? No it was very hard, she loved him, but God will bless her for her obedience.

I suppose the choice is yours. Do what God says or not. He may convert one day but he may not. I think you would be making a big big mistake by marrying him.  As to whether you carry on going out with him, not wise in my opinion and if you cant marry him whats the point?
If he ever does convert and you still know each other, then if its what God wants you can get back together, but God has already given you the answer to this question in tne Bible if you are honest.

My pastor speaks strongly against believers going out with non believers, because of situations like yours where you will have to choose between God and the boyfriend.
« Last Edit: Mon May 14, 2012 - 07:19:49 by chosenone »

Offline DaveW

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #3 on: Mon May 14, 2012 - 06:40:10 »
You may want to check out a Messianic congregation if one is in your area.  They deal well with mixed marriages of Jew and Christian.  It may just give your BF a common ground between his parents, one in which he can come to faith in the Lord Yeshua/Jesus.

But do not consider marriage until he does come to that faith.

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #3 on: Mon May 14, 2012 - 06:40:10 »
Pinterest: GraceCentered.com

Offline comfy

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #4 on: Mon May 14, 2012 - 08:40:36 »
I would say get free of him, but be available for friendship.

And it might work well for you to get more into relating with mature Christian example people who are good for you . . . so you can see how much more good your Christian family is than how an agnostic can be. There's not much, really, he can do for or with you, like your really Christian people can. So, may be you have been mixing mainly with ones who aren't very Christian . . . if he is so impressive to you.

The Bible says, "the husband is head of the wife," in Ephesians 5:23. So, God wants you to have a man who is your "head". Do you trust him this much, like how a body can trust its head; and is he good for you, like how a body needs its head? This is all you need to know . . . maybe ::smile:: God bless you, too, hope to see you some more. bill

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #4 on: Mon May 14, 2012 - 08:40:36 »



Offline Don58

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #5 on: Mon May 14, 2012 - 10:21:37 »
  Christians do need support, and an unbeliever spouse is most likely not support.  God first, all else follows. 
  What is it that you have in common with this person, do you have similar goals and desires?  Would you be sacrificing your relationship with Jesus by continuing and even marrying ? 
  As chosenone has said the Bible directs us on how to choose a spouse. 
  Do let him know Jesus accepts us all.
  Perhaps apologetics is the answer for nonbelievers, it worked and changed my mind.. 

larry2

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #6 on: Mon May 14, 2012 - 11:14:37 »
Dear Sister Scott, making a mistake in marriage of this magnitude can be the worst decision you ever make. There are many with the thought pattern that they can lead the object of their affection to the Lord and it'll just all work out. One counselor I know recommends that even if you lead such an one to the Lord, many times they have what might be called a quick conversion for the sake of the one they want to marry, but then they soon revert to their inherit nature and disaster is the result.

I'll leave the following link to "Principles of Godly Courtship" which no one but me has probably ever read, but hopefully it provides the answers you seek. It was the study at our Church Youth Camp one year.

http://www.gracecentered.com/christian_forums/christian-singles-forum/principles-of-godly-courtship-web-links/msg1054620783/#msg1054620783

BTW - Welcome to these forums in Jesus' name.

Offline Victor08

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #7 on: Mon May 14, 2012 - 11:25:31 »
Here’s a thought. Atheists have an advantage over Christians; they are not encumbered by the need (requirement?) to marry someone of the same faith. ::smile::

Offline chosenone

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #8 on: Mon May 14, 2012 - 11:29:06 »
Here's a thought. Atheists have an advantage over Christians; they are not encumbered by the need (requirement?) to marry someone of the same faith. ::smile::


 Ahh but its a joy and a blessing, and not a disadvantage, to be married to another Christian Victor, and also we have God at the centre of our marriage which is also a real blessing.

When I unexpectedly became single again in my early 40's, I knew that as a Christian woman of that age, the chances of me meeting a godly christian guy was very small, but there was absolutely no way that I would consider a guy who wasn't a believer. After all, if I did, I am saying that I know better than God. ::eek:: Also God was far too important to me not to be able to share my faith with a husband. I was alone for 6 years and then God led me to a lovely godly man who I have now been happily married to for 7 years this year. Its worth waiting, believe me.
Also you have the problem of how many people now are willing to go without sex till marriage? Pretty rare.I know a few women who went out with non believers, saying that there was no way they were going to have sex, and how their boyfriends respected their stand on no sex before marriage etc etc etc and guess what? They had sex, and the relationships didn't last.

Just do what God says is my advise, after all he knows best, and it saves a lot of heartache.
« Last Edit: Mon May 14, 2012 - 11:40:00 by chosenone »

Offline comfy

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #9 on: Mon May 14, 2012 - 14:47:39 »
Yes, Chosen One, we need to not boast about what we can handle.

There's nothing like putting my wet hand-washed laundry in an oven set at 400º F and thinking I will be able to get the clothes dried just right and get them out just in time so they don't get burned.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #10 on: Mon May 14, 2012 - 15:48:14 »
comfy I havent got a clue what you are talking about. ::shrug::
« Last Edit: Tue May 15, 2012 - 11:52:53 by chosenone »

Offline Don58

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #11 on: Tue May 15, 2012 - 11:13:41 »
chosenone,
    Well spoken.

Offline diamond17

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #12 on: Wed May 16, 2012 - 12:05:27 »
i'm in kind of the opposite situation to you, i was a complete antitheist/atheist when i started dating a Christian guy a year ago and, like you and your boyfriend, we think we're right for each other and we want to get married. obviously, as everyone has pointed out above, that's kind of not acceptable according to the Bible.
i thought it was going to be a massive problem when i found out about the unequally yoked thing but i've been going to church with my boyfriend, and we've been studying the Bible together and praying together, and i have gradually been coming to belief in the greatness of God and Jesus.
maybe God brought you together with this guy, who's got some confused ideas about what he believes, so that you could show him the right path? i don't think you should leave him because of his not having sorted out what he beleives yet. my boyfriend put up with me, helped me and showed me the right way to live, like a loving Christian should. Christianity seems to me to be about spreading the word of Jesus ('go, and make disciples' etc), maybe God is giving you the chance to lead a messed-up guy to salvation through showing him Jesus?

Offline chosenone

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #13 on: Wed May 16, 2012 - 21:54:28 »
diamond, this can happen occasionally, that the believer can lead the non believer to God, and I can think of 2 couples that I know where this has happened, but often it doesnt happen and either the non believer will sort of pretend to have a conversion so they can marry, and than disaster, it doesnt last, or they marry anyway and there is friction later on, or the believer has to choose the partner or God.
I suppose that it depends on whether the partner is open to God and willing to seek the right answers as you were.

My advise would always be to remain just friends until such time that the other person does become a Christian(if they do) and then date, or not even consider dating a non believer. Just because 2 people are in love doesnt men that its Gods will for them to be together.

To the op, I can see that you say you are a devoted Christian, did you think about the fact that he wasnt when you first went out? Did no one in your church or family mention this to you, or advise you against it? I know that my pastor would very strongly advise anyone not to go out with a non believer. Also, I am pretty amazed that it took a whole year for you to even talk about faith and God together because its so vital. Sorry but that surprises me so much.   

Offline DaveW

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #14 on: Thu May 17, 2012 - 07:29:46 »
Diamond, what you describe is actually rather rare. 

Offline skwaa.scott

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #15 on: Thu May 17, 2012 - 21:50:28 »
To the op, I can see that you say you are a devoted Christian, did you think about the fact that he wasnt when you first went out? Did no one in your church or family mention this to you, or advise you against it? I know that my pastor would very strongly advise anyone not to go out with a non believer. Also, I am pretty amazed that it took a whole year for you to even talk about faith and God together because its so vital. Sorry but that surprises me so much.   

We had been friends for about a year before we started dating so I did know, but I wasn't sure exactly how bad it was. With his parents being religious I thought he wasn't that far off from what they believed, but I was wrong. No one advised me against it because he'd helped out at my church during fundraisers and gone to plays and things. We didn't talk about it very early because I couldn't figure exactly how I needed to bring it up or if he would be weirded out by the topic of our future too early. But I have talked about my own faith to him before.

Offline skwaa.scott

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #16 on: Thu May 17, 2012 - 21:55:43 »
maybe God brought you together with this guy, who's got some confused ideas about what he believes, so that you could show him the right path? i don't think you should leave him because of his not having sorted out what he beleives yet. my boyfriend put up with me, helped me and showed me the right way to live, like a loving Christian should. Christianity seems to me to be about spreading the word of Jesus ('go, and make disciples' etc), maybe God is giving you the chance to lead a messed-up guy to salvation through showing him Jesus?

I don't think I'll give up on him, no, and even if we break up we've talked about still being friends because that's how we were before. But yes, I am slowly trying to show him the way. I know he believes in something and so I'm hoping to help him realize that what he believes in is God. thank you for sharing your story.  ::smile::

Lily76

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Re: Christian and her semi-Agnostic boyfriend.
« Reply #17 on: Fri May 18, 2012 - 04:55:20 »
I was crying when I read this :(

I’m a Christian for only few years. But, I studied the bible almost daily and went to church regularly. So it is not like I do not know anything.

I’m sure that you do not commit a sin when you date or marry unbeliever.

I’d say it makes marriage easier and safer. You will be happier, but it is really up to you since biblically Paul asked only Corinthians to marry believers because they were influenced by other religions making them in danger to lose faith. Therefore; if you trust yourself that he won’t influence you somehow then you may consider it. There could be other risks. Just do not listen to whoever says it is a sin, or you can’t date him. There are many things Paul asked Corinthians to do while he did not ask others.

My marriage would not have happened probably if I did not become a believer myself. We are separated for *the second time now* not sure if telling you this will help you or not. I’m just telling you my experience so yeah it could have risks. Basically, for me I tend to be liberal and I do not like a lot of rules he asked me to follow. I was not able to adapt to completely new life and actually I do not want all those rules in my life.


Quote
“Also, I am pretty amazed that it took a whole year for you to even talk about faith and God together because its so vital. Sorry but that surprises me so much.