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Offline dothackzero

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« on: Mon Feb 16, 2009 - 19:00:44 »
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« Last Edit: Tue Nov 20, 2012 - 23:00:17 by dothackzero »

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« on: Mon Feb 16, 2009 - 19:00:44 »

Offline Pokhara

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Re: Why am I having so much of a problem find a girlfriend?
« Reply #1 on: Tue Feb 17, 2009 - 08:51:07 »
I am not sure what all of those things are, except OCD.  The good news is that having OCD does not stop women liking you.  Look at David Beckham.  Look at his wife.  (I recommend the latter.)

I am single right now, and it doesn't bug me.  Trust in God, and don't go making reckless decisions.

Think of Abraham.  He was upset at not having a son, and so fathered a brat by his wife's maidservant.   Mistake.

Be patient.  God will provide you with the woman you are looking for when the time is right.

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Re: Why am I having so much of a problem find a girlfriend?
« Reply #1 on: Tue Feb 17, 2009 - 08:51:07 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Why am I having so much of a problem find a girlfriend?
« Reply #2 on: Tue Feb 17, 2009 - 11:00:17 »
Be patient.(I know that it is hard). My son met the girl of his dreams last year, and he is 30, but he said that she is worth the wait, and I agree, becuase she is a really lovely Christian girl.
Gods knows you and he knows who will be right for you, so trust Him. It sounds to me that you are a really nice guy.

Offline dothackzero

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« Reply #3 on: Tue Feb 17, 2009 - 11:34:22 »
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« Last Edit: Tue Nov 20, 2012 - 23:00:51 by dothackzero »

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« Reply #3 on: Tue Feb 17, 2009 - 11:34:22 »
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Offline chosenone

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Re: Why am I having so much of a problem find a girlfriend?
« Reply #4 on: Tue Feb 17, 2009 - 11:50:00 »
well you are still VERY young at 20. I know it is hard to appear to be different from your friends, but we are all different and some will find the right person when they are young and some will not find the right person till they are much older like my son.

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Re: Why am I having so much of a problem find a girlfriend?
« Reply #4 on: Tue Feb 17, 2009 - 11:50:00 »



Offline dothackzero

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« Reply #5 on: Tue Feb 17, 2009 - 11:58:04 »
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« Last Edit: Tue Nov 20, 2012 - 23:01:46 by dothackzero »

Offline Howdyboyalan

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Re: Why am I having so much of a problem find a girlfriend?
« Reply #6 on: Tue Feb 17, 2009 - 12:26:58 »
Quote
respect(I actually look at a girl's face when I'm talking to a girl, and not her breasts)

I listen to what girls have to say, and actually care what they are feeling and saying.

Being the pop psychologist I am.

What about boys? Do you respect boys? Why do you need to clarify you respect women. Why do you have to state you listen to what girls have to say (especially since you admit you hardly know any of them.)

I think you have either objectified (not likely) or seperated yourself from women to much. Treat them as you would a person, not as how you would treat them a girl. Then as you make more friends, you feel yourself becoming more comfortable and trying less hard. Then someone is going to be naturally impressed with you.

One of the big things in life I have learnt is that people can see right through people who try to hard and are immediately put off. Just relax and let life happen.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Why am I having so much of a problem find a girlfriend?
« Reply #7 on: Tue Feb 17, 2009 - 12:34:28 »
well you are still VERY young at 20. I know it is hard to appear to be different from your friends, but we are all different and some will find the right person when they are young and some will not find the right person till they are much older like my son.


I really hope I don't have to wait till I'm 30... Besides I'd rather get married earlier rather than later than most people for obvious reasons. I really hope I'm not gonna be one of those people that gonna be alone forever...

I think that God will find you the right person at the right time for you. I dont know about the USA, but in the Uk where I live. young people rarely marry early any more, and most wait till their late 20s or early 30s now.None of my sons friends who are all about 30ish are married
Yet.
Have you had any prayer and ministry for your different conditons?
I do believe that some of them may be helped with this sort of prayer and ministry.

Offline wolflet7

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Have you ever tried finding a girl online?  I particularly wouldn't do it myself, but most of the people on here have used them and found the one they love.  If you're in this bad of a situation where you can't find a single good-looking girl that's the right match for you anywhere near you, then I would give it a shot.  What can you lose?  Even if it is a girl in your neighborhood that ends up being your first match, you may grow on each other.

Offline dothackzero

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« Reply #9 on: Tue Feb 17, 2009 - 19:46:28 »
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« Last Edit: Tue Nov 20, 2012 - 23:02:20 by dothackzero »

Offline chosenone

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Have you ever tried finding a girl online?  I particularly wouldn't do it myself, but most of the people on here have used them and found the one they love.  If you're in this bad of a situation where you can't find a single good-looking girl that's the right match for you anywhere near you, then I would give it a shot.  What can you lose?  Even if it is a girl in your neighborhood that ends up being your first match, you may grow on each other.

I'm thinking about it, but I'm not really sure if I wanna do it yet.

BTW I am getting therypy for the OCD, GAD, ADD, Hopefully the SA too. The TMJ should hopefully go away with the as the axiety goes away.

Thats good that you are getting therapy. Is it helping? Sometimes some of these things can have spiritual roots that need to be prayed about also, but it depends on whether the church that you go to does this sort of prayer/ministry and most dont.

I am not quite sure if I would try the internet at your young age, but it can work, as I met my husband this way and I know others who have also,but maybe leave that till a later date.

Offline dothackzero

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« Reply #11 on: Tue Feb 17, 2009 - 21:34:08 »
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« Last Edit: Tue Nov 20, 2012 - 23:03:04 by dothackzero »

Offline fanuvmxpx

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Try to work on your shyness. You can speak to my wife for confirmation but most women are attracted to confidence. You don't have to have model looks...just be confident in yourself that you are a good man, can make any woman happy, you want a good woman, and God loves you. Remember those things and it will help your confidence. Also, you don't have to think "I'm the hottest thing since sliced bread" in order to be confident. Be confident that you are a man after God's heart.

I used to be very shy, especially in High School. At about 22/23, I finally gained confidence in myself as a man of God, and dating opportunities skyrocketed. Do you have a particular woman in mind whom you like but is currently just a friend? If so, ask her out, be bold...ask her to coffee or somewhere she likes to go. If she says no, your in the exact same place you were before you asked, no loss on your part.

It never hurts to ask, and most women (from my experience) will not be rude to you if you do ask. They will generally politely say no, or will go out with you anyways and you'll see there isn't a dating connection first hand. Just get out there on some innocent dates, you'll understand dating chemistry and will know what to look for.


Offline Mere Nick

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Here's my thoughts and they are probably worth every cent you are paying me for them:

One of my best friends was the last to marry, partly because it was so obvious he was wanting to get married.  By about the third date, if not towards the end of the first, he was ready, and it scared girls off.

My dad didn't meet my mom until he was in his mid 20s.  Don't feel like an over-the-hill geezer.

It seems most girls don't have the same interests you do, so that may make it a little tough.  But surely there are some interests that you do have that you would have in common with girls you know now or will meet.

If you could develop computer hacking skills, girls might like that.   You know, like nunchuku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.



Offline dothackzero

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« Reply #14 on: Fri Feb 20, 2009 - 01:30:29 »
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« Last Edit: Tue Nov 20, 2012 - 23:03:31 by dothackzero »

Offline Howdyboyalan

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Somehow I dont think hacking is on the top of many girls' list:P

Offline chosenone

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Somehow I dont think hacking is on the top of many girls' list:P

 

It would put me off actually

Offline Mere Nick

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Napoleon Dynamite said girls like guys who can do that.  Since he is such a good dancer I figured he must know what he's talking about.

Offline dothackzero

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« Reply #18 on: Fri Feb 20, 2009 - 13:16:32 »
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« Last Edit: Tue Nov 20, 2012 - 23:04:33 by dothackzero »

Offline fanuvmxpx

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Does anyone have some tips for atleast being to make friends with girls?

Yes. Treat them just like your male friends (in the sense of go 'hang out' and have fun). Find common interests and go and do things together. Try not to be shy around them, be confident & happy to be spending time with them.

Do your very best to make a date feel less like a date and more like a fun time to hang out and get to know your female friend. Talk about your Christian walks, find out what church she goes too. Be honest about yourself, honesty is very important and they will know exactly who you are up front.

The most important advice...if you two have "chemistry" it will happen naturally...don't force it. Most of the time you'll be able to tell if the girl likes you. Before you go in close for the goodnight kiss...look for signs of shyness/smiling...good eye contact...blushing...things like that.

If you don't know the girl yet, have someone introduce you or just say hello and find out why you are both in the same place at that time. The first response to a hello my name is John or whatever it may be is a good indicator if they would even want to be your friend (or worth your time).

Offline wolflet7

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Well I often find myself out of subjects to ask when talking to a girl.  The thing is, a conversation that is deep and fluid can go from skiing to plastic forks.  Conversations can be limitless as long as you keep it going.  Here are some starters for conversations...

Doing anything interesting later today/this weekend?

How is your family?

What's new in your life?

Did you see the baseball/football/hockey/basketball game last night?  Who were you rooting for?

Today is going to be a boring day.  What do you like to do on boring days?


The point is, try to ask questions that won't weird her out.  Ex. "What's your favorite store?  Wal-Mart or Target?"  You see?  Really weird because why does it matter?  Ask questions that you wouldn't mind being asked/answering.  Not too bland questions like "What's your favorite color?" and not too complicated questions like "What would you do if a giant meteor started coming at you at 50 mph when it is 500 yards from your head and there is no vehicle around you?".  Just typical questions. 

Offline dothackzero

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« Reply #21 on: Fri Feb 20, 2009 - 19:35:25 »
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« Last Edit: Tue Nov 20, 2012 - 23:05:59 by dothackzero »

Offline wolflet7

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Well, personally for me, not very hard at all.  That may also be because I am in high school and am not that old.  If you are having trouble finding a girl, then perhaps online dating is your thing.  You never know what opportunities await!

Offline Howdyboyalan

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Does anyone have some tips for atleast being to make friends with girls?

Like I said, stop trying so hard, and just see them as people rather than girls

Offline dothackzero

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« Reply #24 on: Sat Feb 21, 2009 - 13:21:45 »
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« Last Edit: Tue Nov 20, 2012 - 23:06:26 by dothackzero »

Offline Howdyboyalan

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It depends.

I have been scrutinising abstinence only education and purity ring schemes and I have come to the conclusion they are total naff. The purity ring scheme relies on people banding together for support, and when the number of people with them in a school exceeds a critical mass the whole system breaks down, and abstinence ed just doesn't work.

Sooo....you can't just really hope to meet a christian girl with these moral values at school, college, work etc (sure there will be some, but most people who say they are christian, arent). It would be better to get very involved in your christian community. Even some of these girls won't have the values you are looking for. So just find yourself a good group of friends, be happy, and the rest will come naturally.

what worries me about your posts is that you seem to have no love for yourself. One of the best pieces of advice really is love yourself before you love another. You are just going to give heartachle and hassle to both yourself and your partner if you rush into it, because you will be overly insecure, worrysome, and maybe even controlling. Let a relationship blossom out of an increased love of yourself and of life.

Offline dothackzero

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« Reply #26 on: Sat Feb 21, 2009 - 16:33:40 »
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« Last Edit: Tue Nov 20, 2012 - 23:05:23 by dothackzero »

Offline Howdyboyalan

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Self respect, knowing you are  worthy person, confidence in ones self.

Offline dothackzero

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« Reply #28 on: Sat Feb 21, 2009 - 16:40:38 »
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« Last Edit: Tue Nov 20, 2012 - 23:05:00 by dothackzero »

Offline Howdyboyalan

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no not being worthy for a girl. I just mean feeling good about yourself. Being screwed with can kill confidence, but everyone gets it to some degree. It is going to have differing effects depending on what kind of person you are. You just have to be strong and move past it.

Offline dothackzero

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« Reply #30 on: Sat Feb 21, 2009 - 17:01:45 »
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« Last Edit: Tue Nov 20, 2012 - 23:07:06 by dothackzero »

Offline Howdyboyalan

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bingo

Offline dothackzero

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« Reply #32 on: Sat Feb 21, 2009 - 17:17:47 »
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« Last Edit: Tue Nov 20, 2012 - 23:07:35 by dothackzero »

Offline Howdyboyalan

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I am not a psychiatrist.

I think you could answer that question yourself anyway.

Stop trying to be someone or something you are not or what the world expects of you. Go into a quiet room, by yourself and just reflect on who you are and why you think you have the problems that you have. Know yourself, and seek therapy if you think you need guidance and help etc.

Offline dothackzero

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« Reply #34 on: Sun Feb 22, 2009 - 15:08:29 »
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« Last Edit: Tue Nov 20, 2012 - 23:08:05 by dothackzero »