Why has God ignored me?

[Firewing]

I'm 27, and had only had a single girlfriend (which lasted only a month).

For literally 5 years, I have been praying, EVERY NIGHT, without stopping, that God leads me to the girl that would become my future wife.

I don't smoke, do drugs and I would be a very loyal boyfriend/husband to that girl.

When I met my (only) girlfriend back in May, and started talking, we were very similar in almost every way.  We were very compatible.  But that only lasted 1 month. She broke up with me because she claimed I was going "too slow".  I actually wanted to wait to have sex until marriage.  How freaking fast did she expect me to go?  (Call me old-fashioned but that's what I want to do, ideally). One month is not a lot of time for anything to happen.

I have been praying every night since then.  EVERY night.  Yet, God seems to be completely ignoring it.  I'm not asking for riches, or for materialistic things.  I'm asking for that loving connection that I see all of my friends have.  I literally am sick and tired of being alone.  Every time I see a couple holding hands or kissing, my usual calm personality turns into one of extreme jealousy and I have to leave the area.  I *hate* this feeling of jealousy.  My thinking isn't "I want HIS girl" but more like "I want THAT kind of connection".  I want to love somebody that I can actually hug and hold.

Every night I've been praying.  I'm sure God is tired of it by now.  But I'm not going to stop until it happens, even if I sound like a broken record to him.

Why is God ignoring me?  It honestly feels like talking to a brick wall sometimes.  All of my other friends have their relationships going, most are married, and I'm still stuck being single and looking in from the outside.

I do not hate God.  I'm just mad that he's allowing everyone I know to have someone special, but me, he ignores.  It hurts to be single.

Why is God ignoring me?

[son of God]

I think it might be good to look at scripture to see what God says about it.  However, because we are humans, and God is God, often the Word of God clashes with our ways, until we mature in Him.

So, there is a passage that states that we ask but do not receive, because we ask with a wrong heart.  It can be a good thing that we are asking for, but it is with wrong motives.  (selfish, lustful, pride, envy, etc..)  We do know, too, that God gave the opposite sex to satisfy those sex drives, and that it must be done within marriage only.  Period.  So stick to your guns on that one!  You will be thankful all your life that you did.  If you don't, you and the other will suffer spiritually very much -- it's just not worth it.  "count the cost, and follow Me" is what Jesus said, because it costs an exhobitantly high amount when we sin.  There's just no way around that.

I didn't marry until I was 27.  Don't sweat it. 

However, you seem to be obsessing with it.  Actually, you just are, aren't you?  You have your focus on the wrong thing, even though that might sound stupid.  Think about when the Israelites tested God by demanding that their physical/emotional/mental desires be met.  They also demanded that He give them meat.  So He said "fine, baby"  and gave it to them, but killed them even as they ate it.  Pretty tough stuff from God, huh?  I think that God wants us to man-up, and focus on Him, then when our desires are His, He gives us the desires of our heart.  Or at least that's what the bible says.  So really, you must give up your life in order to fine it.  But then again, that's what Christ said, so I'm not so smart in this -- I've just learned it from Him.

Until your focus isn't on this, you will have grief in it: there's just no way around it.  I did much like you did, and paid for it dearly in the wife God gave me.  So, after 17 years of pure crap, for which so many couldn't believe that I never left, (and I wanted to many, many times, and seriously considered it), I realized that I needed heart work by God, and He was wanting to use my marriage in order to do it.  I finally realized that that was the problem before I got married, and "forced" God to get drastic with me and grant me my wish.  Now, I finally have a good marriage, and boy is it sweet!  Good friendship, good wife, good mother of our children, great sex, good fun, think much the same way, same values, etc..  But it didn't come until I laid down my life to present her pure and spotless before God (which the Word says the husband is to do for the with), and not consider what I wanted or "needed" in any of it.  When I finally came to that heart by repenting of my sinful selfishness and living as He says to in His Word, did I have a change of heart and then God bless me with what I had wanted all along!  Wild.  But it's God's way.

So you have a choice.  Which way will you go?

"Behold, I set before you this day life and death.  Choose life, and live." -- God

[chosenone]

Stop asking Him and start thanking Him that he is preparing just the right girl for you to meet at the right time. He isnt deaf, He heard you the first time and he knows the desire of your heart.
My son met the girl he will marry last year and he is 31 now. My older daughter is 29 and like you is sitll waiting, but I KNOW that God has someone really special out there for her.
Are you doing anything to get out there and meet someone? My son met his lovely girlfriend on a Christian internet dating site here in the UK,as have others who I know. You could try that.
Get involved in things where young christians are. My daughter is involved in loads of things at church and outside where she meets lots of people. God Bless

[JohnDB]

miserable and alone isn't the worst condition a person can be in.

Misery with someone there to torture you and add to your misery is much much worse.


Dude!!!
You gotta be happy by yourself before you can be happy with someone else.
Marriage is all about giving and sharing...not what you get out of it. A spouse never recieves the love that you offer them in quite the fashion you think they will...

For some odd reason they just don't seem to find any value in a really great mitre box that you find for a great price. So when you give them one for an anniversary present you will be in trouble every time...

women are just weird like that....I promise you are much much better on your own than dating at the moment.

I would highly reccomend though getting out and hanging out with some singles groups at church...and if the one you have been going to is dead and boring...find another one that has activities and does stuff.

[yesult]

I agree with the obsessing over it.  We follow God, he doesn't follow us. Stop trying to make him fulfill your desires and choose to follow his. When you lay your life down for what he wants, you'll have peace, because you've got the most important thing in your life sorted.

Yes, we all struggle to that place, but the short cuts (like already posted) can be really nasty. I've seen that too, and it isn't worth it. If we're not married already and we've prayed about it then there's a reason. And a good one. God loves us and wants the best for our lives, but he sees the big picture, we don't.

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

For some odd reason they just don't seem to find any value in a really great mitre box that you find for a great price. So when you give them one for an anniversary present you will be in trouble every time...

women are just weird like that....I promise you are much much better on your own than dating at the moment.

I could use a mitre box.  Got an extra 3-4?

[son of God]

great posts!

[wolflet7]

I understand how frustrating that must be.  Praying to God every single night, hoping that a true miracle would happen.  One question though...

Has God been talking to YOU, asking YOU to spend MORE time with HIM? 

My uncle didn't marry until 30 years old.  Some users on here haven't married until/remarried in between late 30's and early 50's.  I haven't had a girlfriend for more than a month either and that was almost 2 years ago. 

Sometimes miracles take faith as small as a mustard seed, brother in Christ...

[Firewing]

Has God been talking to YOU, asking YOU to spend MORE time with HIM? 

This is what bothers me.  I've been praying that God say *something* to me as to why I don't seem to be getting anywhere.  Yet I don't hear anything from him.  Nothing. 

[wolflet7]

A picture, or event, is worth a thousand words.  Ask God to show you in some way or another whether you're qualified now to have a girlfriend and if so then ask Him to reveal that special somebody in your life. 

[JohnDB]

Has God been talking to YOU, asking YOU to spend MORE time with HIM? 

This is what bothers me.  I've been praying that God say *something* to me as to why I don't seem to be getting anywhere.  Yet I don't hear anything from him.  Nothing. 

God, if He decides to answer you directly, will not use words. And I don't believe that you are ready for him to speak to you directly anyway...you gotta be ready for the "NO" which He has been telling you all along and you haven't been ready to recieve that answer.

We all have been telling you that God has said for you to be content in your current position...not try to change it or whine inccessantly about it to him...and by content we mean to be truly happy in your single life. If you can somehow manage that...then there might possibly later be a "yes" in your future...no one is sure.

I ain't saying that you are whining about it...but I do know a lot of people who do whine about their problems all day long to God...I imagine God putting earplugs in when they start their prayers...cause He knows that they are fixing to whine to him about all kinds of stuff.

A long time ago I wanted to play basketball in High School...I seen that everyone had high top sneakers...I needed a pair to wear in order to play. They were gonna be expensive and we didn't have a lot of money.

I asked my father for some...

I didn't get the sneakers because I asked well...or that I had even gotten straight A's on my report card...or anything I had done....I got those sneakers just because I was his son and regularly talked to him about other stuff...sometimes just a word to say that I loved him...I got a feeling God operates on the same principles as my father on this subject. And there is always the possiblility too that good wives are tough to come by...and take hundreds of years in the making...

And you want one now when she likely isn't ready for you in her life yet...sounds like bad karma to me.

[walker starr]

        In a book written by Andrew Womack that I read recently it makes a lot of sense.
         GOD seldom responds to complainers.  GOD however does respond to praise and thanksgiving.       

[Isabell Island]

Firewing, God is working on your future wife right now.  She needs to go through her lessons just as you need to go through yours.  When you least expect it (and quit expecting it) she will come into your life, just when she is suppose to.  Have patience and work on becoming the best person you can be......one who is comfortable with being alone and likes your own company.  Then, maybe, you will be ready to have the correct balance in your life to maintain a healthy relationship.  Hang in there. 

[Brian Millar]

It's all about timing, both in your life and with your future wifes life.  The two must be in since for it to happen, too soon and it will be disaster.  I'll take myself with the current situation.  I was in a loveless, rather hellish relationship for over 10 years, we did just live together, which wasn't right I know, both of us pretty much knew from the beginning it wouldn't last forever, there simply was not enough between us in that area.

We split up for good 10 months ago and I've recently found this other gal from the other side of the globe.  She too never has been married and like myself, has gone through her own tribulations in life.  If we met just a year or two ago, we likely would have never happened, the same as if we only met in person and didn't take the time to get to know each other as friends first.  I'm taking a trip over to visit her and see where this is headed, in person in a month.  So far though, the direction we both want to take this will result in being a happily married couple.  We are in our 40's, just to give you an idea along the waiting for the timing element to pan out, we also both are strong in very complimentary areas with our careers and have grown significantly within the Church as well.

With your prayers to God, know that he hears them, but stuff like this, always has to be done in his time, so just saying, give it it's proper time, she will be there when it's just right. 

[yesult]

Yep, as above, be patient. But another helpful thing to keep in mind, is that as a christian, the only way out of an unhappy marriage is if your partner sins sexually. If they don't, you can't divorce and remarry according to scripture. Otherwise God views it as adultery.
So if you rush into anything and make a bad choice, you can end up paying for it for a very long time. Not a good thing.

If we don't trust God to be Lord of our relationships then we don't really trust him as our Lord (master), period.  

If God isn't our master then he isn't really our God either.