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Author Topic: Will I be single forever?  (Read 2280 times)

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Offline dothackzero

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Will I be single forever?
« on: October 23, 2014, 03:40:25 PM »
I'm 26 years old, I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. I'm about 5'7" feet tall. I have dirty blond longish curly hair. I'm around 149 pounds.

I tend to be very shy around people till I get to know them, but once I get to know them I start to open up a lot more and become more myself around as long as I feel accepted for who I am, if I start to feel judged or unaccepted I close myself off again.

I'm a Christian, I have relationship based faith in God and not one based on rules.

I'm in school going for computer science(programming). I'm mostly a indoor person so I tend to play video games, watch anime, play Magic: The Gathering and listen to music (Mostly different types of metal). So basically what you'd expect from a geek, though I would be willing to try some more stuff if it was with a girl I liked.

I do have some other interests like psychology, culture, mythology, science, sci-fi science like string theory, parallel universes. Really, I do have a lot of interests I just choose to take focus on God, programming, video games and anime.

I tend to like staying in smaller groups without too much noise. In a more relaxed setting so it makes talking to other easier. I don't really have a problem with things being loud, but just not when I'm trying to get to know someone. I'm the type of guy that only needs a few friends to be happy, but at the same time I need to feel connected to people I'm with or I'll start getting lonely.

White/Blue: http://www.colorcode.com/about/
 ISFP - http://www.personalitypage.com/ISFP.html
 ISFJ - http://www.personalitypage.com/ISFJ.html

 Can't really say that I much faith that I'll find someone. I mean I've been looking for a girlfriend for 10 years, and I've still never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl yet. My friends aren't any help in helping me find someone. I can't even say that I have any friends that are girls. On the few times I tried to get anywhere with a girl, it was always met with rejection, including just friends with girl or just hanging out with her. I haven't even been able to get a girl in a online dating site. Even when I have tried to talking to a girl, I can only talk to her for a seconds before she loses interest or gets distracted. I haven't even gotten a hug from a girl over last few months and even when I do get one, it only half of a freaking second long. Like the they just doing it get it over with, not because they actually care.
« Last Edit: October 23, 2014, 03:43:47 PM by dothackzero »

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Will I be single forever?
« on: October 23, 2014, 03:40:25 PM »

Offline Wycliffes_Shillelagh

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Re: Will I be single forever?
« Reply #1 on: October 24, 2014, 10:57:30 AM »

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Re: Will I be single forever?
« Reply #1 on: October 24, 2014, 10:57:30 AM »

Offline chapmic

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Re: Will I be single forever?
« Reply #2 on: October 24, 2014, 11:23:22 AM »
I know it's hard but keep trying man, You never know what tomorrow holds. Do not fear rejection, it may hurt at the time but it when you find her you will know that it was well worth it. Whenever you approach a girl, speak with confidence. It doesn't matter if you are completely wrong or don't know much about the topic, just speak with confidence and a girl will be interested. I will be praying for you, Keep your head up!  I know what you are feeling.

Offline Cally

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Re: Will I be single forever?
« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2014, 10:50:11 PM »
dothackzero you sound a lot like me--a major introvert! :D

I'm more worried for you that you'll get TOO MANY women interested in you once you graduate with a computer science degree, because you'll most likely be one of the small portion of men our age capable of building a family-sustaining career. O_O

Several CS friends of mine--one single man with a good job, graduated from my school, and a married man in the program with me--said that if you're looking for a wife, do it before you graduate to avoid the gold-digging type!

I have another dear friend who really wanted a girlfriend/wife but could never find one. I hurt for the guy. He got really depressed about it until really recently, feeling kind of settled in his mind (great Christian man).

I understand that a lot people really want to get married. But in the meantime, I pray you can be securely settled in your mind of your value in Christ. Focus on building your confidence, getting settled on YOUR path. I believe the most attractive thing to a woman is a "man on a mission," a guy driven and passionate toward his goals--Eve was Adam's "suitable helper'! So seeing that passion is attractive to a Godly woman! That kind of manner in a man really magnetizes women--for friends or girlfriends--for great reasons.

There's so much to enjoy as a single man though. Please keep your eye on Christ. ;)

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Re: Will I be single forever?
« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2014, 10:50:11 PM »

Offline Catholica

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Re: Will I be single forever?
« Reply #4 on: November 21, 2014, 07:46:50 AM »
If I was to give advice, with what I have learned over the years, is this: People should not date except for the reason of seeking marriage.

Are you ready to be married?  Are you prepared to support a family?  To manage the upkeep of a home and a yard?  Ready to get up at all hours for your children, to support your wife when she needs extra help, to lay down your life for your wife?

When you describe yourself to me, honestly it seems that you are not, that you have a lot of hobbies that you enjoy, but which are not going to be that attractive to women.  A man who plays a lot of video games and looks at anime and playing card games like "Magic" are not going to attract women. 

If you want to find a woman you should take my words seriously.  Stop making your life about entertainment and start living a manly life.  Work on saving up for a home.  Learn about and practice home maintenance.  Show that you are willing to sacrifice for others by doing things for others like volunteering to help your elderly neighbors, or the homeless, or the hungry at a food shelf.  These things will help you develop a mission in life and add purpose to your life and be good for your soul at the same time.  And they will make you VERY attractive to women AND VERY interesting to talk to.

The definition of insanity is keeping doing what you are doing and expecting a different result.  Give this a try and you will find someone, God willing.

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Re: Will I be single forever?
« Reply #4 on: November 21, 2014, 07:46:50 AM »



Offline p.progress

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Re: Will I be single forever?
« Reply #5 on: November 21, 2014, 03:39:15 PM »
Listen to Catholica's advice. No doubt self-confidence, an engaging personality and the ability to both carry on a serious conversation with a woman, and yet also be able to make her laugh, are several positive attributes which most women - if not all of them are attracted to - at least the kind of woman you ought to be interested in pursuing a relationship with.

Go do things - something that does not entail being wrapped up into yourself and into 'games' or sci-fic /fantasy movies or TV shows. Self-confidence is something that some may have in spades due to their natural ease of communicating and achieving success in various areas (say athletic prowness). For others, it takes work, sweat, labor to earn the confidence that comes from such effort. You have to stretch yourself. Face any fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of being recognized as a 'geek', 'dork, etc.

You may not like this advice. BUT IT IS sound advice.




 

Offline Cally

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Re: Will I be single forever?
« Reply #6 on: November 21, 2014, 04:00:32 PM »
With respect, some of the sentiments above sound a little silly to me. Nerdy guys get girls too, with their nerdy indoors-y hobbies and all.

And seriously, the guy is a computer science student. The "save up for a home" comment is ridiculous, because that degree is pretty much the best future investment for long-term career you can get. And he plays video games as a hobby? Welcome to computer science culture!!! And believe me, CS people know what work is. I can't believe the ignorance of the comment "stop making your life about entertainment" when you're talking about a CS student--I know lots of them, playing those horrible video games for fun, enjoying programming, having the easiest time finding high-paying careers as pretty much anyone I've ever seen especially in today's unemployment apocalypse for the youth.

A manly confidence means not putting up with things that get in the way of your goal--driven with a passion. Make sure that goal is Christ.

Offline Cally

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Re: Will I be single forever?
« Reply #7 on: November 21, 2014, 04:17:31 PM »
PS . . . okay, I'm a little reluctant to say this, but just because I'm loving dothackzero like crazy here, I have a thing or two in common, such as:

*I'm close to the same age (30)
*I'm EXTREMELY introverted
*I'm a computer science student (coming close to finishing a Master's degree)
*I'm a Japanophile and like videogames.

I have women friends. For how seldom I even interact with women, what with the CS program being almost entirely male, they're super friendly to me at a really high rate, and I've started to learn that they (sometimes) can get stuck to me like crazy-glue. An FB chat with a woman who meets me can end up lasting HOURS if I let it, they like to see me and hear from me, find out about me and wonder what I'm up to--kind of like sisters.

That might sound condescending to them but I don't mean it to be. I love them! And, they're super kind and nice and a blessing, usually. Beyond that, other interactions with women that I've had (suffice it to say)--however arrogant this may sound to some--lead me to believe that I would not have a hard time getting a date if I actually tried.

I really think the "man on a mission" is the way to carry yourself, and that includes not diverting to chase women. A man is very very interesting to a woman when he has "stuff going on," dreams, career moves, passions, and they can even respect your hobbies. Enjoy your masculinity. I like to lift weights and other exercise, and a benefit is that it raises testosterone--you know, your male hormone--chemically, cut and dry, plain and simple. And a manly manner, with gentleness, is really attractive.

If you're 26, I think women in that age range are starting to think seriously about finding a husband, so that's a good place to be. But put Christ first!
« Last Edit: November 21, 2014, 04:34:49 PM by Cally »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Will I be single forever?
« Reply #8 on: November 21, 2014, 08:04:18 PM »
The son of a friend of mine, age 27, complains about not having a girlfriend, and he has never had a serious girlfriend. He has a degree in Computing and Maths, and his full time job is in computers,  and so he doesnt mix with many women in his work. He rarely socialises apart from occasionally with people from work, he wont to  go to church even though he made a commitment to God some years back and was baptised. He could easily afford to move away from home but doesnt, and his mum does all his cooking, washing and ironing. He refuses to go onto any on line dating sites, and apart from work mostly sits at home on his computer. His dad says to him, 'you arent going to met a girl sitting up in your room on the computer', and he is so right.

If I were a young available lady in her mid to late 20's today, I personally wouldnt be too interested in a guy in his late 20's who spent nearly all his time on computer games or similar. I would  like to see a man who was working, who was completely independent from his parents, paying his bills, looking after himself, involved in things outside the home, going to church and being involved there, and mixing with people in real life to build up his confidence and people skills.

Trouble is, I have noticed that people today who are more introvert and/or lacking in social skills, tend to hide away and sit behind their computers, and this is the worst thing they can do, because they never learn to interact or build those relationships with men and women to enable themselves to be emotionally ready to have any sort of healthy equal relationship, let alone marriage, with the opposite sex. I think this is an enormous problem today with this generation. I see many young adults in this cycle.  It takes their own efforts to overcome it, forcing themselves to get out there, off their games, leave home, go out more, get involved with things, meet people etc. I have seen young people do that and its amazing how they have changed and matured after just 2 or 3 years of being independent and living in the real world. The more they mix and interact, the more they learn to relate and grow in confidence with other people in society. Sorry but there is just no way round this, its a decision to do it, and its not always easy, but its vital.

In Japan this is an enormous problem, with a whole generation of young men obsessed to a greater or lesser  extent with their computers and gaming and similar, still acting like teenagers/students well into their late 20's and even beyond, and not relating to women. Apparently the number of marriages there has fallen dramatically because of this and because of that the birthrate as well. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24614830
« Last Edit: November 22, 2014, 02:11:01 AM by chosenone »

Offline dothackzero

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Re: Will I be single forever?
« Reply #9 on: January 04, 2015, 07:04:42 PM »
Still nothing happening. >_<

Offline chosenone

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Re: Will I be single forever?
« Reply #10 on: January 04, 2015, 09:14:30 PM »
Did you listen to the advise that we already gave above?

Offline Mr_Handsome

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Re: Will I be single forever?
« Reply #11 on: April 24, 2015, 12:55:36 PM »
The son of a friend of mine, age 27, complains about not having a girlfriend, and he has never had a serious girlfriend. He has a degree in Computing and Maths, and his full time job is in computers,  and so he doesnt mix with many women in his work. He rarely socialises apart from occasionally with people from work, he wont to  go to church even though he made a commitment to God some years back and was baptised. He could easily afford to move away from home but doesnt, and his mum does all his cooking, washing and ironing. He refuses to go onto any on line dating sites, and apart from work mostly sits at home on his computer. His dad says to him, 'you arent going to met a girl sitting up in your room on the computer', and he is so right.

If I were a young available lady in her mid to late 20's today, I personally wouldnt be too interested in a guy in his late 20's who spent nearly all his time on computer games or similar. I would  like to see a man who was working, who was completely independent from his parents, paying his bills, looking after himself, involved in things outside the home, going to church and being involved there, and mixing with people in real life to build up his confidence and people skills.

Trouble is, I have noticed that people today who are more introvert and/or lacking in social skills, tend to hide away and sit behind their computers, and this is the worst thing they can do, because they never learn to interact or build those relationships with men and women to enable themselves to be emotionally ready to have any sort of healthy equal relationship, let alone marriage, with the opposite sex. I think this is an enormous problem today with this generation. I see many young adults in this cycle.  It takes their own efforts to overcome it, forcing themselves to get out there, off their games, leave home, go out more, get involved with things, meet people etc. I have seen young people do that and its amazing how they have changed and matured after just 2 or 3 years of being independent and living in the real world. The more they mix and interact, the more they learn to relate and grow in confidence with other people in society. Sorry but there is just no way round this, its a decision to do it, and its not always easy, but its vital.

In Japan this is an enormous problem, with a whole generation of young men obsessed to a greater or lesser  extent with their computers and gaming and similar, still acting like teenagers/students well into their late 20's and even beyond, and not relating to women. Apparently the number of marriages there has fallen dramatically because of this and because of that the birthrate as well. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24614830


Marriage has fallen due to feminism and selfish women.

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Re: Will I be single forever?
« Reply #12 on: April 24, 2015, 01:47:42 PM »
Just go out more, try new things, be willing to do adventures. Hard to meet people when you're mostly in doors, dude, I know.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Will I be single forever?
« Reply #13 on: April 24, 2015, 02:18:53 PM »
The son of a friend of mine, age 27, complains about not having a girlfriend, and he has never had a serious girlfriend. He has a degree in Computing and Maths, and his full time job is in computers,  and so he doesnt mix with many women in his work. He rarely socialises apart from occasionally with people from work, he wont to  go to church even though he made a commitment to God some years back and was baptised. He could easily afford to move away from home but doesnt, and his mum does all his cooking, washing and ironing. He refuses to go onto any on line dating sites, and apart from work mostly sits at home on his computer. His dad says to him, 'you arent going to met a girl sitting up in your room on the computer', and he is so right.

If I were a young available lady in her mid to late 20's today, I personally wouldnt be too interested in a guy in his late 20's who spent nearly all his time on computer games or similar. I would  like to see a man who was working, who was completely independent from his parents, paying his bills, looking after himself, involved in things outside the home, going to church and being involved there, and mixing with people in real life to build up his confidence and people skills.

Trouble is, I have noticed that people today who are more introvert and/or lacking in social skills, tend to hide away and sit behind their computers, and this is the worst thing they can do, because they never learn to interact or build those relationships with men and women to enable themselves to be emotionally ready to have any sort of healthy equal relationship, let alone marriage, with the opposite sex. I think this is an enormous problem today with this generation. I see many young adults in this cycle.  It takes their own efforts to overcome it, forcing themselves to get out there, off their games, leave home, go out more, get involved with things, meet people etc. I have seen young people do that and its amazing how they have changed and matured after just 2 or 3 years of being independent and living in the real world. The more they mix and interact, the more they learn to relate and grow in confidence with other people in society. Sorry but there is just no way round this, its a decision to do it, and its not always easy, but its vital.

In Japan this is an enormous problem, with a whole generation of young men obsessed to a greater or lesser  extent with their computers and gaming and similar, still acting like teenagers/students well into their late 20's and even beyond, and not relating to women. Apparently the number of marriages there has fallen dramatically because of this and because of that the birthrate as well. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24614830


Marriage has fallen due to feminism and selfish women.


As I already said there are many reasons why fewer marry.  Having said that most people still do marry at some point.

Offline Chade

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Re: Will I be single forever?
« Reply #14 on: October 14, 2015, 09:15:08 PM »
Christian Men will be single as long as Christian Women are not willing t give up the same superficiality they complain of Men mantaining.