Am I a virtuous woman/wife?

[wife101]

Am I a virtuous woman (as described in Proverbs 31)?

No, well not completely, and not yet.

So many Christian women talk about being women of virtue, however, so few of us really understand what the verses mean. I've been a Christian the majority of my life. I was raised in a Christian home; I am the daughter of a pastor. I've read Proverbs 31 a zillion times and loved it, but still did not fully understand...until about a year and a half ago.

For a month God had me study Proverbs 31 and gave me amazing revelation about the 31 verses. I was so excited and filled with new wisdom I wanted to share it with the world, so I did. I wrote a book - not just any book but a book that is both fiction and nonfiction: It's a story about a woman who must learn about Proverbs 31 in order to snag a great husband.

I am new to this forum, but I wanted to share my journey with you all and offer a chance for questions or discussion about being a virtuous woman. If anyone has any thoughts or questions, please feel free to post them or ask. I would love to talk to you all about them.

God Bless!

[chosenone]

I am glad about the journey,and what God has shown you but remember that this woman is not real.
Many women may think that if they had a house full of servants and loads of money, they would have time and energy to be a better wife and mother, and I am sure they are right. I could go and buy a field quite happily actually, much better then cleaning toilets, doing the ironing or cleaning the kitchen floor!!!!
I managed to snag an amazing husband without being like this lady, but I am sure the principles are good to think about and reflect on, as is all of the Bible.

By the way, a reminder that you arent allowed to promote your own books here or try to sell anything, so I have deleted the book title, but you are welcome to discuss what you have learnt.I am sure that it will be interesting and helpful.

[wife101]

chosenone,

Why isn't this woman real? Is there anything in the Bible that is not "real" and relevant to our lives? This is exactly what I am talking about. As women, we really don't understand Proverbs 31. We take it at face value, not comprehending the meaning behind them. This is where we fail to receive the wisdom that God has for us. We have to get that 1) the Bible often uses stories, analogies, parables, and imagery to get a point across, and 2) society was different back then so some of the comparisons are not what they would be in today's society. Proverbs 31 is about the traits of a godly woman, not about servants and buying a physical field. There is so much that God wants to teach us, but until we open our spiritual minds, we cannot receive His revelation, wisdom that can give us the abundant life that He promised.

Snagging a great husband is not solely about getting married, but the ability to stay married. In a world where Christian divorce is just as high as non-Christians, we need to understand how to maintain and save our marriages. This thinking, that we don't have to step up and become the women God has called us to be is one of the reasons many marriages fall apart over time. We should always be pressing toward the mark, the higher calling of God.

As far as me promoting my book, I am promoting God's truth. I do not mind discussing these topics and what I have learned with women in this forum, but there is only so much that can be offered here. I would think that a forum that is dedicated to uplifting, promoting, and preserving Christian women would also be a place of resources for women to be able to use in their daily walk. Maybe I don't understand the true purpose of these forums.   

[Deborah4God]

I agree with chosenones here... proverbs 31 has a lot of layers and i don't think it's primarily about real wives. This is a rich woman with servants and seems to be pretty interested in business ventures. That's great. Does it all directly apply to my life as a mother of infant twins (no servants)? Not so straightforward.

[chosenone]

wife101. No where does God say that we must all be like this fictitious lady. I hate sewing and always have, and its cheaper to buy clothes these days. believe me, no one in my family would want to wear anything that I made.Lol. Of course there were no shopping malls then to go and buy cheap clothes.
I bought up three children with no servants, cleaner, or help of any kind, and no money to buy anything but day to day necessities. My life couldn't be futher from the life of this lady if I tried.

I used the word 'snag' a husband only because you used it. I don't like that phrase myself. I am very very happily married to a wonderful godly man, my soul mate, and I strive to be a good wife. He says that I am and that's good enough for me.
I am glad that this passage has helped you so much, but I have heard women say that it makes them feel inadequate, and that isn't what God wants because He adores us AS WE ARE. I am sure there are good principles there for us however as there are in all of the Bible.

As for the book, I am sorry but its against the rules here to promote books or anything else to sell. Discussions are great and welcome. If we let everyone who comes here trying to sell something stay, we would be overrun. I am sure that any ladies who want to know more can send you a message.

[IamStefanie]

Hello wife 101,
 I sent you a PM but your inbox is full, please inbox me...

[FollowHisGrace]

Remember that Proverbs 31 was written by King Lemuel, by the words given to him by his. . . MOTHER.  While the woman, herself, may never have existed, I believe it was intended as a model for the type of woman King Lemuel's mother wanted him to find.  Being that it is a part of the Bible. . . the divinely inspired Word of God. . . I believe that this is something that He wants us to use as a model for our own lives.

The 31st Proverb is a cherished chapter of mine.  I constantly pray this scripture because, honestly, what woman wouldn't want to carry herself with such dignity and grace?  There is so much that the Bible tells us, the more we read it.  There is so much depth.  I believe the Proverb speaks more of a state of mind, rather than whether or not we can sew or cook or are an entrepreneur.  Is our mind pure?  Our our thoughts steadfast?  Can our children call us blessed?  Can our spouse tell us that we "surpass them all"?

[chosenone]

Remember that Proverbs 31 was written by King Lemuel, by the words given to him by his. . . MOTHER.  While the woman, herself, may never have existed, I believe it was intended as a model for the type of woman King Lemuel's mother wanted him to find.  Being that it is a part of the Bible. . . the divinely inspired Word of God. . . I believe that this is something that He wants us to use as a model for our own lives.

The 31st Proverb is a cherished chapter of mine.  I constantly pray this scripture because, honestly, what woman wouldn't want to carry herself with such dignity and grace?  There is so much that the Bible tells us, the more we read it.  There is so much depth.  I believe the Proverb speaks more of a state of mind, rather than whether or not we can sew or cook or are an entrepreneur.  Is our mind pure?  Our our thoughts steadfast?  Can our children call us blessed?  Can our spouse tell us that we "surpass them all"?

  Followhisgrace
Thanks for that post, it made me laugh.
Many mothers have a totally unrealistic picture of the woman who they want for their wonderful sons don't they. My mil never thought that any of her daughter in laws were good enough for her perfect sons(as she saw them) and tried to break up all of their marriages. Very sad.
Also if he was a King he would need a wife who was able to deal with having servants, running a large household, and spending lots of money. lol Hardly the normal every day wife that most men need or want.

I am so blessed though, as my son married a lovely godly girl last year.   Everything that I could have wanted for him, but I think you are right in that it is the attitude and heart that is the main thing, and not that we always get things right or are perfect.
My DH seems to think I am a lovely wife and my adult kids seem to think I am a brilliant mum, so that's good enough for me whether I am like this fictional woman or not, and to be totally honest, I cant relate to her at all in any way!

 I suppose that I don't like Christian women to feel that they have to all be a certain way.We are all unique. There are enough pressures from the world without having more from the Bible as to what we must do or what we must be like, and lack of self esteem is an enormous problems among women today.
I just want them to know that God adores them AS THEY ARE.  

By the way who is King lemuel???How do you know that he wrote it, and that his mother told him what to write?.

[IamStefanie]

Chosenone, King Lemuel is the man mentioned at the heading of Proverbs 31 in the Bible. On the heading, in the New American Standard version, it says "The Words of Lemuel." Then it goes on to say  "The words of King Lemuel, the oracle which his mother taught him:" I went to google to see exactly who he was, since he is only mentioned in Proverbs 31. There is a lot of commentary based on history and language.  I won't dig further because I only know for sure what is written in the Bible.

As a mother, I want my son to have a quality woman. As a woman who has made her share of mistakes, I do not want to see my son linked up with a woman who does not have substance with God as the main source. And I don't think that's unrealistic. I know she probably won't do everything that the Proverbs 31 woman does, but I sure hope the woman will be a good wife to and for my son, knows how to take care of her house and stay out of other people's business, works with her hands and uses her talents to help others along, and whatever other Godly qualities she possesses. And being a woman of beauty and cherished by her husband and children is surely a GOOD thing. I KNOW women who were wives but were not cherished or called blessed by their family (for various reasons, of course).

Everyone won't agree with the idea of the Proverbs 31 woman. And that's ok. But for those that do, I think its a good thing. I used to think it was senseless myself. But as I grow, I see that being a worthy woman of God is surely a thing I like to work toward, by faith.

[FollowHisGrace]

Everyone won't agree with the idea of the Proverbs 31 woman. And that's ok. But for those that do, I think its a good thing. I used to think it was senseless myself. But as I grow, I see that being a worthy woman of God is surely a thing I like to work toward, by faith.

I agree with that!  Our Sunday school class is studying Proverbs, right now.  While I absolutely love Proverbs 31 and try to live by it, there is another woman in our class who doesn't like it.  I am hoping that when we get to that chapter, I get the opportunity to explain to her that Proverbs 31 means different things to different people.  For me, it's a matter of attitude.  I want to serve my family and those around me with the heart of a servant and feel fulfilled knowing that I have taken care of in the way that I feel I am called.  But every woman has a different calling and the way Proverbs 31 plays into that calling for them may be different than the way it plays into my calling.

Some see Proverbs 31 as oppressive, others see it as freeing.  Being that it is a part of God's word, I believe it is to be freeing.  When you read it and truly meditate on it, you can see that it encompasses ALL women.  This virtuous woman is a homemaker (she clothes her family by her own hand), business woman (from her profits she plants a vinyard), entrepreneur (she makes linen garments and sells them), humanitarian (she reaches out her hands to the needey).  There is nothing this woman can't do!  She is not lazy.  She is wise.  Heck!  She is even well dressed (she makes tapestry for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple).

God didn't give us the scriptures to oppress us with lists of rules that we need to obey.  He gave us the scriptures to free us.  I think Proverbs 31 shows that a woman can do anything she sets her mind to, just so that it honors God!

[MeMyself]

I like the Proverbs 31 woman because she is a strong leader. She isn't a shrinking violet kind of submissive woman.  Her submission is *action* and *decisive*, she doesn't wait around for permission or direction...she knows what needs to be done and does it...and her husband has FULL confidence in her.   

I don't have all of her attributes, but I like that she was confident in her role, and her dh praised her for it!   

[proverbs35]

I didn't realize that so many women felt pressured by Pro 31. Proverbs is my favorite book of the Bible. Although I've never felt pressured by Pro 31, I believe that it can be used disproportionately. There are many other Bible verses and illustrations that edify women that rarely get mentioned.

With that being said, many Bible women were virtuous and had some of the traits outlined in Pro 31. 

These women were called blessed:
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.

[Lovepeace]

Thank you Proverbs35 for an insightful thread.   

[chosenone]

Chosenone, King Lemuel is the man mentioned at the heading of Proverbs 31 in the Bible. On the heading, in the New American Standard version, it says "The Words of Lemuel." Then it goes on to say  "The words of King Lemuel, the oracle which his mother taught him:" I went to google to see exactly who he was, since he is only mentioned in Proverbs 31. There is a lot of commentary based on history and language.  I won't dig further because I only know for sure what is written in the Bible.

As a mother, I want my son to have a quality woman. As a woman who has made her share of mistakes, I do not want to see my son linked up with a woman who does not have substance with God as the main source. And I don't think that's unrealistic. I know she probably won't do everything that the Proverbs 31 woman does, but I sure hope the woman will be a good wife to and for my son, knows how to take care of her house and stay out of other people's business, works with her hands and uses her talents to help others along, and whatever other Godly qualities she possesses. And being a woman of beauty and cherished by her husband and children is surely a GOOD thing. I KNOW women who were wives but were not cherished or called blessed by their family (for various reasons, of course).

Everyone won't agree with the idea of the Proverbs 31 woman. And that's ok. But for those that do, I think its a good thing. I used to think it was senseless myself. But as I grow, I see that being a worthy woman of God is surely a thing I like to work toward, by faith.

 Thanks for that answer. I agree about what you want for your son. My daughter in law is all that you said and more. She is a godly young lady but also great fun and sweet, and she adores my son. Is she like the proverbs 31 woman? I havent a clue because I have never even thought about it, but she is perfect for my son and that is all that matters to me.

 As women we have many parts of the Bible that we can learn from, but we are still unique and we will never all be the same.
I relate far more to this verse, proverbs 12v4
A virtous and worthy wife (earnest and strong in character) is a crowning joy to her husband. This describes me, and what I aspire to, wheras the other woman(who isnt actually real) is nothing like me. I cant relate at all to this description. She isnt real to most of us today. As soon as it mentions servants and the fact that she is clearly rich and can buy fields etc I switch off, because her life is so far removed from the lives of most women today. (at least those that I know anyway).