my husband doesnt love me anymore

[shabar]

My husband isn't interested in me at all anymore.  I feel so heartbroken.  He doesn't spend time with me, he's always busy with work and when he's not he always finds something else to do.  He never shows me any love or affection.  The only time he kisses me is on the forehead quickly the same as our children when he's on his way out of the door.  I have felt for a long time that I'm going to die and he will find a better wife.  I know it's weird.  I don't feel like God cares at all about me at all.  That's how I feel right now.  It is such a struggle going to church, trying not to cry the whole time I'm there. Pretending to be happy when i feel so worthless.

[chosenone]

Have you told him how unhappy you are? Men cant read our minds, and if you dont say anything he will just assume that nothing is wrong and that you are fine. God does care because the Bible says He does, so we cant go by our feelings in this.
I think that you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your husband, it sounds as if you have got into a rut,and some good Christian marriage counseling may help.You need to make time for your marriage. Have a date night one evening a week when you can just go out together and not talk about the children. Take up a hobby together, or have a few weekends away together away from the children.
You need to stop thinking about dying, if you begin to think that then immediatly remove it from your mind and think positive thoughts instead. Thank God for what you do have.
Have you got any close female friends who you can talk to? Do you have a group that you belong to from church? Do you have interests or hobbies that you enjoy?

[shabar]

I have spoken to him before but he think a quick hug will make it better then back the same again. I don't feel like I can talk to, my husband works for them.  We used to have 3 married couples we were friends with but they all ended up divorced within a year of eachother.  One of the girls still comes and we are friends but she says we give her hope that a marriage can work and she's hardened after her husband left her for another woman, she doesn't like people moaning too much.I work part-time and when I'm not I have the children with me.  My husband goes to meetings and does youth sessions in the evening and when he's not out he's cleaning the kitchen which I already cleaned or he goes upstairs to read etc I try to make sure everything is done but there's always something he'll find to occupy himself.

[Janice]

Perhaps your husband senses your unhappiness and in typical male fashion, is just giving you space to work it out? He is still showing you tenderness by kissing your forehead and giving you a hug when you ask for one, and this says to me that he still cares. He might just not know how to help you, and that can be hard on a guy - wanting to fix things for his wife, but not being able to.

I wonder if this goes a little deeper than not feeling loved. It sounds to me like you might have clinical depression. It might be beneficial to talk with your doctor. In the meantime, there are things you can do to confront depression, but you have to do it in spite of how you feel. There are several things that contribute to overall happiness and sense of well-being. One is optimism, which is basically what chosenone suggests - take your depressed thoughts captive and change them. Other characteristics of happy people include:
- they savor life
- they are spiritual
- they have goals and work to reach them
- they are helpful
- have good social support
- they have gratitude

Some of those are thought-based, and yes, it takes a lot of work to deliberately take thoughts captive to gratitude and savoring life. Others are action-based, and for someone who struggles with depression, it takes a lot of work to get out of bed and participate in life - especially a helpful and/or social life. It might be helpful to find a position you enjoy volunteering in. You can be helpful and also develop a social support at the same time.

But imo, even if you do try those things, you might want to also still talk with your doctor - and let your husband know what's going on, too.

[graciemay]

I tend to agree with Janice.

Also, have you thought about couples counseling? It could be with your pastor or a therapist. Or, at the very least, counseling for yourself. It may prove very helpful.

[wife4life]

You need to confront it.  You need to spell it out, and don't settle for a kiss on the forehead either.  Tell him, that's not going to do it.  Not even close!

Offer counseling.

[janine]

Even just a half-hour a day of time face-to-face talking about everything, not only your current feelings but everything else important to you, might turn into a real change.

[IamStefanie]

Counseling is good. I hope your husband will agree. Make sure the person is someone you can BOTH talk to. Not one who will take sides.

[kensington]

I'm wonder what his age is.  Is it possible for some reason he is having sexual problems, not really problems but more along the lines of "not aroused" issues. He may need a medication. If he is, he could be with drawing because it is emotionally depressing for him. He doesn't want to admit it. He may also just be getting older and is depressed about that. People who are experiencing depression, often withdrawl.

Have you asked him if there is more you can do to reach out to him?  You said he finds things to keep busy, I suggest you find things to offer to do with him. Sometimes, just being together and the time not be about one or the other getting attention is all you need to feel closer.

Don't give in to self pity, I agree you need to address these issues and find a plan to move from one place to another as a couple. But, don't speak such negativity to yourself on the way. Never use the word "worthless" when speaking about yourself.  If you or anyone was worthless, Jesus would not have had to die. He proved you are not worthless on Calvary, embrace that.

Please read Isiah 54 and see yourself as the woman God is speaking to. Embrace His healing word as your own. Believe what He says is true.

Also, I suggest to you, that you lay hands on your husband at night while he sleeps and pray for him. Whisper or pray silently, and pray for God to help him, to guide him, to protect him and heal him. I've done this since I got married 26 years ago. And once a few years ago, my husband said he had woke up many times when I prayed and it gave him peace to know I loved him and prayed.

I prayed for everything from his job to our marriage. I know God sees the man who wife is praying for him. HTH.

[Deborah4God]

Is it possible you're reading into this? I think oftentimes women are better at reading emotions and subtle signals and often men aren't so good at that. Unless you are very bold and specific he might just be confused. Can you think of specific things you'd like him to do so that you'd feel closer? How about going out together?

[ObeyTheGospel]

You have to keep in mind that we are in the last days. The last days, according to the Bible, will be difficult times. Jesus even said in Matthew 24:12, "And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold."

I don't want to be judgmental, but I believe that the majority of people who call themselves a Christian are not really a true Christian. Christianity today is very lukewarm. People who call themselves Christians don't seem truly committed to the gospel. If your husband knew his Bible, he would know that he has to love and honor you, and you must also love and honor him. Is your husband a true, dedicated Christian, or is he somebody who just goes to church on Sunday but doesn't truly obey the gospel?