Christian Forums and Message Board

Let me preface by saying that I truly love God and so does my fiance.  Our relationship was founded on our common faith and has been what has sustained us til now. We got engaged a couple of months agoand i can honestly say that I know that God brought us together and that he is the guy God handpicked for me.  I prayed for years (as did he) and I've finally found him. 

I know that sex before marriage is wrong. I truly believed in waiting til marriage....my fiance and I were both virgins, until we had sex the other day.  It wasn't planned or premeditated and up until then we had specific boundaries that we didnt want to cross and we followed them.  THe thing is, we are currently long distance due to some cirumstances outside of our control and idk what, but apparently the not seeing eachother for a long time really ignited something in both of us. And the night we finally saw eachother, it just happened and neither of us did anything to stop it. 

I am a very sexual person.  I've known that since I was probably 11 or so, and actually struggled with pornography through middle shcool, but thankfully have not dealt with that issue in over 10 years thank God, but its still a struggle sometimes to keep my mind pure. 

But now I'm just not sure how to keep ourselves from letting it happen again.  I've heard that once you do it once, it's very difficult to not do it again, and our wedding isn't until next May, unfortunately.  We both regret what happened, but honestly, my mind keeps going back to it, and I am just trying to find ways to get back to another state of mind. 

I know that God forgives, but it still hurts so much that I broke a promise to myself and God, something that I really wanted to keep until marriage. 

Pray to God(I AM) for forgiveness through Christ Jesus, forgive yourself and your fiance through Christ Jesus, and follow closenone's advice.   

You can be alone together without being 'alone together', if you see what I mean. This person was asking how they can avoid having sex again, so meeting together in public places, and going out for dates instead of staying in, seems sensible.There are so many places to go together where you can talk and have privacy, but wont be tempted sexually because there are people around.

I would like to add some comments in defense of my last post. Although I have not changed my opinion about your question, I do not want it to be ONLY my opinion. I began to think of the Apostle Paul's writing on this subject. If I were you I would think about taking his advice, for he said, "I think also that I have the Spirit of God". 1 Cor. 7:40
 1 Cor. 7 states, " Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.   
 2 Nevertheless to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
7 For I would that all men were even as I myself am. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one in this manner and another in that.   
 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I.   
 9 But if they cannot contain themselves, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn."

It is pretty obvious that you do not have the gift Paul mentions here and you have also already made a commitment to one another to get married. Paul's advice here is clear to you both; "9 But if they cannot contain themselves, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn."
 You have not mentioned why you are not getting married. I would say that if it is for others, that is the wrong reason. YOU will choose your partner and when it is expedient for you to be married. Gen. 2   24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh."

I agree with Supplanter on this one. Well, this post is almost a year old and May 2012 is right around the corner, so I wonder what this couple is up to. But just for conversational purposes, I don't see why this in love couple would wait almost a year later to get married after they have already engaged in sex. HOWEVER, if this couple really does not WANT to have any more sex and wanted to wait until the next year to marry, then chosenone's advice seems the most sensible. If I have had pre-marital sex with the person who I am in love with, yet, I don't want to do it anymore until my wedding which is not until the NEXT year, then being around him alone and in an intimate setting will not help me keep my goal....but again, my first thought would be, lets just get married now since that is what we are doing anyway....

Forgive yourself, for one. You are human. You did a human thing with someone you wanted to do it with, and holding yourself hostage with idealisms that almost no one in the religion itself follows will only serve to further erode your confidence. What does the legal contract of marriage have to do with anything if God himself is the one who picked this person to be with you? If that is your belief then you have always been married to this person and always will be. If that is your belief then no man-made tradition can get in the way of that nor should societal attitudes of people who ARE NOT YOU matter in any shape fashion or form when it comes to what you do with your soul-mate. Having sex is following a biological urge - something that the good lord himself programmed deep into the consciousness of nearly every living thing.

 However he clearly puts a fence round sex and says that it is for marriage only. Also you are very mistaken when you say that almost no one who is a Christian follows this teaching. Not sure where you get this from, but I know countless couples, many of them young couples, who waited till marriage for sex. Its what God wants whether we do what he wants or not.

Hello, Absolom  -    Are you male or female?    

 
Good point lavender. After all, wasnt he the guy that raped his sister?

Also do you believe that we are to live following the Bibles teaching?

Quote from: Absolom on April 23, 2012, 10:28:24 PM

Forgive yourself, for one. You are human. You did a human thing with someone you wanted to do it with, and holding yourself hostage with idealisms that almost no one in the religion itself follows will only serve to further erode your confidence. What does the legal contract of marriage have to do with anything if God himself is the one who picked this person to be with you? If that is your belief then you have always been married to this person and always will be. If that is your belief then no man-made tradition can get in the way of that nor should societal attitudes of people who ARE NOT YOU matter in any shape fashion or form when it comes to what you do with your soul-mate. Having sex is following a biological urge - something that the good lord himself programmed deep into the consciousness of nearly every living thing.

 However he clearly puts a fence round sex and says that it is for marriage only.

  and to add, Absolom there are many that honor God's wish and kept sex within the boundaries of marriage, but even if there are some who don't (even MANY who don't) WHO CARES???  Just because man doesn't act in holy obedient ways doesn't mean God's ways should be dismissed!  GOD has boundaries and guidelines He wants us to follow for our own GOOD!