Author Topic: Struggling with marriage, need prayers and guidance  (Read 797 times)

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Offline StephanieT

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Struggling with marriage, need prayers and guidance
« on: Thu Jun 18, 2015 - 00:21:52 »
I'm a member of a conservative church of Christ. I'm 34 years old, and my husband and I have been married for 13 years and we have three children, ages 9, 8 and 6.  Since the week my husband and I returned from our honeymoon, he has been addicted to pornography.  I've researched and researched on whether or not I have grounds for a divorce, but I'm drowning. I don't believe if he just looks at a woman and thinks she's pretty and therefore lusts, that I have grounds for a divorce.  What I'm questioning is the lustful INTENT.  About 8 years ago, we both agreed to help his problem by getting a program on the computer to block those sites.  He's a computer nerd, so he circumvented the entire system and I never knew about it.  For three years. Until he was having heart problems and confessed everything to me.

I recently went out of town for a writers convention and he refused to pick me up from the airport because he "had to go to church". The services he sleeps through. His dad is an elder in the church and after meeting with the elders, they flat out told me to believe I have a right divorce is wrong. I just don't know anymore. There are other things in our marriage... the typical manipulation, twisting of words, double standards, blaming me for our problems, always looking like the good guy when we chat with people.

So my bottom-line question is this: After studying Matthew, Hebrews and all the divorce passages, do I have grounds for divorce? I'm not talking about walking past Victoria's Secret lust, or even a pretty girl lust, but I'm talking about an addiction he admits to, that causes him to actively choose pornography over his wife. Thoughts?

Thanks in advance,

Offline chosenone

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Re: Struggling with marriage, need prayers and guidance
« Reply #1 on: Fri Jun 19, 2015 - 11:40:45 »
Stephanie, a lady I met a few years backs who had a similar issue to you got to the point of despair. She tried everything. Eventually she said OK you have a choice, your family or the porn. She was on the point of leaving. Guess what, he stopped. I think you have to say that and mean it. If he refuses to stop, then you may need to separate until he does(if he ever does).If he agrees to stop, then you need to agree to strict conditions such as keeping any computers in public places in the house,  and giving you all his passwords. I honestly think it will just carry on for good unless you stand up to this evil. Having a dad who does that will also be affecting the children as well spiritually.   

I strongly suspect that he was addicted to porn long long before you married, and it was an enormous deception on his part that he didnt tell you this before you married so that you could have pulled out at that stage is you wanted to.  I feel for you, it must be terrible.

Offline Rella

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Re: Struggling with marriage, need prayers and guidance
« Reply #2 on: Fri Jun 19, 2015 - 15:52:01 »
Does he masturbate to porn? Or at the minimum touch himself.

If that is the case, and he is not directing his sexual energy toward you after
he gets all hot and bothered, IMO that is a form of adultery and divorce is justifiable.