Author Topic: Confidentialality Issues in the church  (Read 828 times)

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Offline sentgrace

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Confidentialality Issues in the church
« on: Wed Jul 26, 2017 - 18:54:41 »
Hello everyone,


We have a senior pastor and an associate pastor at our church.
. I have a minister's license for my church only- I am not an ordained minister
.my husband and I went to the senior pastor to discuss an marriage issue two weeks ago. 
.my husband and I asked the senior pastor to keep our discussion confidential .
.the senior pastor then says I am going to tell the associate pastor, I said no I wanted to keep it confidential.  my husband and I went to you as felt .more .comfortable going to you (senior pastor)
senior pastor says I need to tell the associate pastor so I an begin my healing.  His reason was "that you are a minister of the gospel and I need her to help your healing."  He basically demanded I tell her too.   I am not connected to her ( I like her) but we went to the senior pastor for a reason.  if I wanted to go to a "team" I would have. 

Ok to put the icing on the cake:   my husband and i went to church last week.  when church services were over the senior pastor told me and my husband to come to his office.  Well, surprise, the associate pastor was sitting in the office too.   the senior pastor starts off by saying I need to tell the associate pastor what I told the senior pastor.   I politely refused, adding no disrespect to the associate pastor.     he kept on, trying to get me to talk, again I refused.  He used "the devil does not want you to talk" and "you are a minister of the church and the associate pastor can help you with healing"    the associate pastor also said "you need to let your emotions out".    I already poured out my emotions with me and my husband to the senior pastor . 
I had enough of him trying to force me to talk so I said "then I will leave then"  and gracefully walked out quietly, and quietly shut the office door.  my husband followed suit.    The associate pastor comes running to my car and said you don't have to tell me if you don't want to or when you are ready. 


bottom line:  to me the senior pastor was out of line.    we came to the senior pastor as a choice to discuss our marital issue.  we asked the senior pastor to keep it confidential including the associate pastor.  If I wanted to involve the associate pastor I would have. I like the associate pastor, no disrespect to her, but I don't connect with her like I do the senior pastor and was more comfortable going to him,  UNTIL NOW!!!!!   I do have choices.  but to force me to tell the associate pastor, when our choice was to go to the senior pastor was wrong to me.  I felt bullied and manipulated.  this did not set well with me and I am thinking about finding another church.   if he wants me to surrender my minister license, because I don't want to involve the associate pastor, so be it. 

What are your thoughts on all of this? 

the senior pastor then texts me the next day and says "i was not trying to force you to talk, I only just had your best interest in mind, and I care"   he wanted me to call after after work, I did not call him.

« Last Edit: Wed Jul 26, 2017 - 19:00:21 by sentgrace »

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Confidentialality Issues in the church
« on: Wed Jul 26, 2017 - 18:54:41 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Confidentialality Issues in the church
« Reply #1 on: Thu Jul 27, 2017 - 03:06:30 »
He was very wrong, especially with that mad statement that the devil doesn't want you to talk. How offensive.
I had similar a few years ago when I went to a female leader of a church we were attending about a concern I had with someone in the church. Next thing I know she had told the pastor and 2 other leaders. I said it was said in confidence, and she said, well I had to tell the other leaders. No she didn't, and we left soon after.

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Re: Confidentialality Issues in the church
« Reply #2 on: Thu Jul 27, 2017 - 03:25:31 »
Hello everyone,


We have a senior pastor and an associate pastor at our church.
. I have a minister's license for my church only- I am not an ordained minister
.my husband and I went to the senior pastor to discuss an marriage issue two weeks ago. 
.my husband and I asked the senior pastor to keep our discussion confidential .
.the senior pastor then says I am going to tell the associate pastor, I said no I wanted to keep it confidential.  my husband and I went to you as felt .more .comfortable going to you (senior pastor)
senior pastor says I need to tell the associate pastor so I an begin my healing.  His reason was "that you are a minister of the gospel and I need her to help your healing."  He basically demanded I tell her too.   I am not connected to her ( I like her) but we went to the senior pastor for a reason.  if I wanted to go to a "team" I would have. 

Ok to put the icing on the cake:   my husband and i went to church last week.  when church services were over the senior pastor told me and my husband to come to his office.  Well, surprise, the associate pastor was sitting in the office too.   the senior pastor starts off by saying I need to tell the associate pastor what I told the senior pastor.   I politely refused, adding no disrespect to the associate pastor.     he kept on, trying to get me to talk, again I refused.  He used "the devil does not want you to talk" and "you are a minister of the church and the associate pastor can help you with healing"    the associate pastor also said "you need to let your emotions out".    I already poured out my emotions with me and my husband to the senior pastor . 
I had enough of him trying to force me to talk so I said "then I will leave then"  and gracefully walked out quietly, and quietly shut the office door.  my husband followed suit.    The associate pastor comes running to my car and said you don't have to tell me if you don't want to or when you are ready. 


bottom line:  to me the senior pastor was out of line.    we came to the senior pastor as a choice to discuss our marital issue.  we asked the senior pastor to keep it confidential including the associate pastor.  If I wanted to involve the associate pastor I would have. I like the associate pastor, no disrespect to her, but I don't connect with her like I do the senior pastor and was more comfortable going to him,  UNTIL NOW!!!!!   I do have choices.  but to force me to tell the associate pastor, when our choice was to go to the senior pastor was wrong to me.  I felt bullied and manipulated.  this did not set well with me and I am thinking about finding another church.   if he wants me to surrender my minister license, because I don't want to involve the associate pastor, so be it. 

What are your thoughts on all of this? 

the senior pastor then texts me the next day and says "i was not trying to force you to talk, I only just had your best interest in mind, and I care"   he wanted me to call after after work, I did not call him.

Depends on what your marital issues are. Some issues are more serious than others.
I just wonder why you want to tell one pastor and not the other, what are you afraid off?
Obviously you want help and that's why you involve a pastor. And if that pastor does not feel comfortable to deal with the issue by himself, why would you reject help from someone else who is also a pastor?

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Re: Confidentialality Issues in the church
« Reply #2 on: Thu Jul 27, 2017 - 03:25:31 »

Offline littleoldme

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Re: Confidentialality Issues in the church
« Reply #3 on: Sat Aug 05, 2017 - 11:33:30 »
Hello everyone,


We have a senior pastor and an associate pastor at our church.
. I have a minister's license for my church only- I am not an ordained minister
.my husband and I went to the senior pastor to discuss an marriage issue two weeks ago. 
.my husband and I asked the senior pastor to keep our discussion confidential .
.the senior pastor then says I am going to tell the associate pastor, I said no I wanted to keep it confidential.  my husband and I went to you as felt .more .comfortable going to you (senior pastor)
senior pastor says I need to tell the associate pastor so I an begin my healing.  His reason was "that you are a minister of the gospel and I need her to help your healing."  He basically demanded I tell her too.   I am not connected to her ( I like her) but we went to the senior pastor for a reason.  if I wanted to go to a "team" I would have. 

Ok to put the icing on the cake:   my husband and i went to church last week.  when church services were over the senior pastor told me and my husband to come to his office.  Well, surprise, the associate pastor was sitting in the office too.   the senior pastor starts off by saying I need to tell the associate pastor what I told the senior pastor.   I politely refused, adding no disrespect to the associate pastor.     he kept on, trying to get me to talk, again I refused.  He used "the devil does not want you to talk" and "you are a minister of the church and the associate pastor can help you with healing"    the associate pastor also said "you need to let your emotions out".    I already poured out my emotions with me and my husband to the senior pastor . 
I had enough of him trying to force me to talk so I said "then I will leave then"  and gracefully walked out quietly, and quietly shut the office door.  my husband followed suit.    The associate pastor comes running to my car and said you don't have to tell me if you don't want to or when you are ready. 


bottom line:  to me the senior pastor was out of line.    we came to the senior pastor as a choice to discuss our marital issue.  we asked the senior pastor to keep it confidential including the associate pastor.  If I wanted to involve the associate pastor I would have. I like the associate pastor, no disrespect to her, but I don't connect with her like I do the senior pastor and was more comfortable going to him,  UNTIL NOW!!!!!   I do have choices.  but to force me to tell the associate pastor, when our choice was to go to the senior pastor was wrong to me.  I felt bullied and manipulated.  this did not set well with me and I am thinking about finding another church.   if he wants me to surrender my minister license, because I don't want to involve the associate pastor, so be it. 

What are your thoughts on all of this? 

the senior pastor then texts me the next day and says "i was not trying to force you to talk, I only just had your best interest in mind, and I care"   he wanted me to call after after work, I did not call him.

In some liturgical Churches they practice the seal of the confessional, that is, once having been told something about a parishioner, the priest cannot tell anyone what he has been told, even if the parishioner is a murderer.

If I were you, I would go somewhere else. 

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Re: Confidentialality Issues in the church
« Reply #4 on: Sat Aug 05, 2017 - 19:50:31 »
If I were you, I would go somewhere else.

 ::thumbup:: ::thumbup::

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Re: Confidentialality Issues in the church
« Reply #4 on: Sat Aug 05, 2017 - 19:50:31 »



Online RB

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Re: Confidentialality Issues in the church
« Reply #5 on: Sun Aug 06, 2017 - 04:34:37 »
What are your thoughts on all of this? 
No man or women should know anything that's between a husband and wife.  The scriptures are our answers for any problem that may arise in our life. see 2nd Timothy 3:16

Too many ministers think that they can resolve any marriage problem when most of them have their own at some point in their marriage and most likely worst. Too many men in the pulpit have manipulated their way into the bedroom of too many silly and foolish women void of the fear of God by using the office of a minister to their advantage.

My point~why tell even one person? God's word is our answer.
Quote from: sentgrace
if he wants me to surrender my minister license, because I don't want to involve the associate pastor, so be it. 
What's that? Can I go to the DMV and get that?
Quote from: sentgrace
if he wants me to surrender my minister license
God does not call women to be teachers/ministers over men, so no big deal.
« Last Edit: Sun Aug 06, 2017 - 04:37:15 by RB »

 

     
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