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Offline chosenone

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immodesty in church
« on: November 16, 2008, 09:52:15 PM »
I would like to know how you pastors and church leaders woud deal with immodesty in you church. By this I mean those who show off cleavage, most of their legs, wear very tight and clingy clothes or see thorugh clothes etc etc.
Our pastors way of dealing it is to do nothing, so nothing ever changes.
.

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immodesty in church
« on: November 16, 2008, 09:52:15 PM »

Offline pastordanny

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2008, 06:18:24 AM »
We deal with things like that thru our different ministries.. For example, my wife heads up the Ladies ministry.. If there is an issue, she deals with it there... Fortunately, we don't have much of a problem there... I guess maybe being in the South, there is a little more respect for the church house than in some parts of the country..

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2008, 06:18:24 AM »

Offline TheMommyJezebel

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2008, 06:21:51 AM »
My dad was a pastor for years....his policy was, when they first started coming, say nothing, and give them time to see what the regulars wear, if after they had been coming a while, and still dressed innapropriately, either my mother or any woman in the church could address it in love......I handled it once with a new lady, I went out and bought her an appropriate dress, and gave it as a gift to her, while explaining that now that she was a member, she would need to dress modestly when in church.....


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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2008, 06:21:51 AM »

Offline chosenone

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2008, 06:42:46 AM »
Pastor DannyHow would your wife have dealt with it?
By the way, I am in the Uk. I havent found it to be an issue at churches I have been to in the past, but in the one we go to now it is. Some of the girls and women,(who by the way are all Christians and not new members) dress very badly.
We have mentioned it to the pastor and elders and while they agree that it is an issue they wont have any teaching about it. They have mentioned it to the youth leader for possible teaching, but it isnt just the young people, and the youth leader isnt always dressed modestly anyway!
Our pastor is a widow so he hasnt got a wife to deal with it, but there is a women on the leadrship team.
I think that everyone is far too worried about opening a potential can of worms, especially as the parents of the young women who are the worst at this also go to church and they obviously approve.
I am rather fed up with it, even to the point of wanting to leave now.God has been leading me to be  modest in dress and even before I was a Christian I dressed quite modestly anyway, ie not showing cleavage or wearing very short skirts etc.

 

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2008, 06:42:46 AM »

Offline sopranette

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #4 on: November 17, 2008, 06:46:59 AM »
It's really more appropriate for the senior women in the church to instruct women in this area.  The younger women can learn by example, too. Getting the pastor involved seems like a bad idea somehow.

love,

Sopranette

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #4 on: November 17, 2008, 06:46:59 AM »



Offline chosenone

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #5 on: November 17, 2008, 09:43:53 AM »
It's really more appropriate for the senior women in the church to instruct women in this area.  The younger women can learn by example, too. Getting the pastor involved seems like a bad idea somehow.

love,

Sopranette

The older women dont say anything and I, as a middle aged woman dont feel as if I am allowed to say anything becuase of what I have been told. I dont think the younger ones will learn from the older ones  as some older ones are quite bad also. Also the worst culprits, who are in the mid teen age group have been coming to church for ages and still havent changed. if their parents dont say anything to them, how is anyone else allowed to do so? One of them never ever wears anything modest, she always comes dressed a if she is going to a night club or something.Her parens are Christians but domt seem bothered. I really dont think she possesses anything modest, and that is the truth.
I think it is unfair for the guys there, especially the young ones,who should be able to go to church without having to cope with this temptation.

I think it would be really good if the pastor or another teacher could give a sermon on modesty. After all, it is in the Bible. However I have given up hope of change, and we may have to decide as to whether to leave and go somewhere else.
I do think the church is becoming really worldly, which is sad. in fact, one of my daughters who isnt a christian, dresses much more modestly than some in our church.

Offline Turtle

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2009, 09:48:11 PM »
Chosenone - thanks for bringing this up. We have the same issue at a prospective church we've been visiting. I was relieved when I mentioned it to my husband and he had noticed, too. Like you say, the clothing choices were more appropriate for a club. I do not know how to address it, either, seeing as we are only prospective members. But it definitely makes me think twice about becoming a regular.

Offline chosenone

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2009, 10:12:45 PM »
Chosenone - thanks for bringing this up. We have the same issue at a prospective church we've been visiting. I was relieved when I mentioned it to my husband and he had noticed, too. Like you say, the clothing choices were more appropriate for a club. I do not know how to address it, either, seeing as we are only prospective members. But it definitely makes me think twice about becoming a regular.


 Hi Turtle
Well we decided to leave that church after about 18 months because even though we did bring it up with the leaders, nothing was done and they even had a christmas party shortly after this with the theme 'glamour and glitz dress to impress' which as you can imagine bought out some very immodest clothes. That was the last straw for us and we now go to a New frontiers church where the dress is more modest and do you know the atmosphere is totally different and far more respectful. There are loads of teenagers as well and they all seem to dress really nicely.
Think carefully about going there and just make sure that God wants you there and that you will be able to put up with the constant showing of cleavage, midfiffs and most of legs as we did.

Offline Hot Ice

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #8 on: January 13, 2010, 07:38:39 PM »
I appreciate this topic.  I've seen chruches that have women's ministries that dealt with it, as mentioned above; I've also seen churches that had no women's ministry, in which the Pastor did say something from the pulpit--very risky, bold, and unpopular, in today's age.  Definitely a price to pay for that--during the blessing, that is!

I've had to leave church services in which the women were "going for it".  I've also brought it up to people, who responded as though I were the only one out of line, and as though I were accusing the women of being less than I, evil in purpose, etc.  and I was intimidated out of saying any more--for fear of accusation, and even lawsuit.

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #8 on: January 13, 2010, 07:38:39 PM »

Offline chosenone

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #9 on: January 13, 2010, 08:27:22 PM »
I appreciate this topic.  I've seen chruches that have women's ministries that dealt with it, as mentioned above; I've also seen churches that had no women's ministry, in which the Pastor did say something from the pulpit--very risky, bold, and unpopular, in today's age.  Definitely a price to pay for that--during the blessing, that is!

I've had to leave church services in which the women were "going for it".  I've also brought it up to people, who responded as though I were the only one out of line, and as though I were accusing the women of being less than I, evil in purpose, etc.  and I was intimidated out of saying any more--for fear of accusation, and even lawsuit.
 

I think that is the problem, no one wants to say anything for fear of opening a can of worms. In my experience some leaders are too worried about what people think of them, than of doing what is right. When DH and I mentioned it to one of the leaders, we also felt that we were in the wrong.(even though they were aware of the problem). I am so glad that we left that church, but its sad that a few women can ruin it for others. many of the ladies there were lovely.

Offline Hot Ice

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #10 on: January 13, 2010, 08:33:50 PM »
I appreciate this topic.  I've seen chruches that have women's ministries that dealt with it, as mentioned above; I've also seen churches that had no women's ministry, in which the Pastor did say something from the pulpit--very risky, bold, and unpopular, in today's age.  Definitely a price to pay for that--during the blessing, that is!

I've had to leave church services in which the women were "going for it".  I've also brought it up to people, who responded as though I were the only one out of line, and as though I were accusing the women of being less than I, evil in purpose, etc.  and I was intimidated out of saying any more--for fear of accusation, and even lawsuit.
 

I think that is the problem, no one wants to say anything for fear of opening a can of worms. In my experience some leaders are too worried about what people think of them, than of doing what is right. When DH and I mentioned it to one of the leaders, we also felt that we were in the wrong.(even though they were aware of the problem). I am so glad that we left that church, but its sad that a few women can ruin it for others. many of the ladies there were lovely.
Yyyyyyyyyyes.  I can't say that I still run from a good can of worms, but going down a hole, never to come back is a little much for my level of faith, right now.  I hope to see the day in which I'm willing to go ayead and go to jail (my brother sees it often, as he works in the system) over a woman's accusation or angry retaliation.  i don't see women going to jail over confronting a woman, but it's much different in the U.S. for men that approach women.

I'm getting sick of being intimidated, but am just wanting to still walk wisely, and think--before making what could be a life-altering decision.

Offline Hot Ice

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #11 on: January 13, 2010, 08:48:21 PM »
Chosen,

What do you see as needing to be done at this point, given the state of thinking around the world, regarding immodesty in church?  From Men?  From Women?  From Pastors?

Offline chosenone

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #12 on: January 13, 2010, 09:38:50 PM »
Well in churches where this is an issue I think there needs to be teaching for the front about what Paul says about modesty and not doing anything to draw attention to ourslves. I have never heard a teaching ever on this,and I have been a christian for over 30 odd years.  Also if there are particular women who are dresing immodestly then one of the elders (or maybe their wives) need to quietly say something to them about it.
I know two elders form two different churches, and they both say that they would do this if it became necessary.Generally here in the UK most Christian women are modest  Its just a small number of churches and a few women who really do go to the other extreem.Boy have I seen some sights from a few women. Even I was shocked and I dont shock easily believe me.

The trouble is that the world standards have crept into some churches,and people seem to forget that we are supposed to be different and not just go along with the worlds standards.  All I can say is the more godly the women are who I know, the more modestly they dress.

Offline HRoberson

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #13 on: January 14, 2010, 08:21:01 AM »
I would like to know how you pastors and church leaders woud deal with immodesty in you church. By this I mean those who show off cleavage, most of their legs, wear very tight and clingy clothes or see thorugh clothes etc etc.
Our pastors way of dealing it is to do nothing, so nothing ever changes.
.
It is a matter of maturing and does not require confrontation by congregational leaders. Best approach - let the elders' wives handle it. Assuming of course, they have the skill and demeanor to do so.

Offline chosenone

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Re: immodesty in church
« Reply #14 on: January 14, 2010, 08:26:57 AM »
I would like to know how you pastors and church leaders woud deal with immodesty in you church. By this I mean those who show off cleavage, most of their legs, wear very tight and clingy clothes or see thorugh clothes etc etc.
Our pastors way of dealing it is to do nothing, so nothing ever changes.
.
It is a matter of maturing and does not require confrontation by congregational leaders. Best approach - let the elders' wives handle it. Assuming of course, they have the skill and demeanor to do so.

  yes in many cases the wives will handle it. As for it being a matter of maturing, some of the women who do it have been christians for many many years. Oh well.