It would seem that any time I heard anyone teaching somebody about mutual submission is after the vows have already been vaguely pronounced, but nonetheless have bound the couple to one another.
Are any full-time ministers here teaching mutual submission in pre-marital counseling?
Mutual submission is being taught to my church family in classes, sermons, at every opportunity. It isn't ever something left just for marriage counseling , pre- or post-, but it is a part of both.
We have a distorted understanding of "submission". It is not just a yielding, but a yielding for the benefit of another before self. We ignored half of what submission is about, and chaos has followed.
My 22 year-old son and I had a conversation today re: a couple of his friends getting married in July. The groom is a very laid-back young man, and his bride is an assertive young woman, takes charge, gets things done, and he likes it that way
. I see trouble for them down the road, even though they seem to be a good match otherwise. The joke among their friends is that "she wears the pants", as if that is wrong or bad, and the assumed right and good way is for him
to wear the pants. I explained to my son that neither is correct. The pants have two legs, one for him, and one for her. In a marriage, in the same pair of pants, you learn to walk in the same direction, in sync with each other. Going in different directions or making different actions stresses the fabric of the pants. Too much stress and the pants are ripped apart. For the good of the pants, and the good of the other leg, one learns how to walk together. In the end, everyone
benefits. Submission is doing what is best and right for another, rather than pleasing self first. This works with married couples, with church family (just need more legs), with parents and children. We do what is best for another before we do what is best for ourselves. Sometimes we call them "heroes".
It isn't something to save for marriage counseling.