My girlfriend hid her identity

[nicefin]

Hello All,

I've been seriously dating my girlfriend for a year and a half at college. I am 24 and she is 22. We knew each other at the junior college we both went to before transferring but I wasn't dating her at that time. Only after I started going to the same Christian club did our relationship start to grow. She has already graduated and I will graduate within a few weeks.Her family is from Mexico and from what she told me her family was sponsored by her aunt to come to the US when she was 15 years old( which is partly true).

I found out this weekend from her that she has actually been an illegal alien all this time! She said she kept this from me because she was scared that I would reject her if I had known this (I am very conservative and she knew from the beginning that I am very much against illegal immigration). She says she wanted me to get to know her for her true self without the stigma of being an illegal alien surrounding her. She is very sorry... I cant get her to stop crying over the phone. I never have considered her a selfish person...she always wants to do what is best for me in other situations I have encountered, but this does seem like a selfish act.  I talked with my parents and they are devastated...and want me to immediately break off the relationship( my parents are strong Christians). My parents don't know her very well mainly due to the fact that she is a very private person, but they do hold the fact that her parents are Catholics strongly against her.  I'm trying to find a Godly way to approach this situation and I personally think that God brought her into my life for a reason and cant bear to part with her. Any advice would be appreciated.

[johntwayne]

The introduction of deception into a relationship is always devastating and leaves the offended party in a tough spot. You will have to ask yourself the question, "Is she seeking a relationship with me with a view toward marriage and legalization?" It will not be an easy question to answer.

It is also not easy to go against the advice of parents.

The key thing I noted in your post was this... "(I) cant bear to part with her." You have to ask yourself if this is an emotional response or a rational one. Rationally speaking you have to worry if she is willing to deceive me now will she deceive me in the future should we marry?

I know your post didn't say anything about marriage, but that seems to me to be the critical point. Why reveal this now unless she is thinking of marriage or is in danger of deportation?

I'm sorry I can't provide answers. All I can do is bring issues to your attention and you will have to deal with them.  I can, and have, prayed for you, for her, and for your parents. May God bless you all as you deal with a difficult situation.

[nicefin]

Thanks for praying for me..I certainly need it. I have certainly considered whether or not she is trying to gain legal status through marriage, but doubt it very much. She has never pushed the marriage issue even though i told her i the beginning that I only date with the intention of getting married. But she is very intelligent and if you knew me you would say she had to be crazy to try and gain citizenship though me (considering my political views). I told her that this is an obvious question and she said that if gaining citizenship was so important to her she could have paid $10,000 though a underground marriage network and gotten it that way.

I have had a two less serious relationships before and been able to break those off; however in this case I really feel as if we are soul mates. 

[Charles Sloan]

If you love each other, work it out.

This is coming from a fellow Christian who has been married to my lovely Mexican wife for the last six years. Our anniversary is on the 15^th. She wasn't illegal like a boarder jumper, but her visa did expired and we had plenty of hoops and paperwork to look forward to after we got married to get her residence. Theres is alot in making a relationship like this work, but from my experience it's worth it.

Especially if she can cook...

[charlie]

I have had a two less serious relationships before and been able to break those off; however in this case I really feel as if we are soul mates. 

Learn the laws and do what you need to do to help her obtain a legal status.

Would your parents come to a Catholic wedding?

[nicefin]

She does not want a Catholic wedding, she is certainly not Catholic but a Bible believing Christian.
Although I will admit she is not as knowledgeable as I am since she grew up in the Catholic Church. However her parents do read the Bible with the family pretty often, which gives her a good  background in the scriptures.

[Charles Sloan]

One other thing, I would not want to encourage you to disobey your parents or undermine them in any way. I think that if you are serious about this girl you should find a way for your parents to warm up to her, which bringing her around could be a good start. Since when you marry someone (I know this marriage topic keep coming up), you're not just marrying them; but your also in a way marrying their family as well. So I think it would be a good idea if you were going to pursue this relationship, that you also find agreement with your parents.

[seekr]

Maybe God brought her into your life to learn to be a little more tolerant towards others. This is something that it sounds like you lack. I can understand her hesitance in telling you and which is the greater sin? is it worse to hold views of intolerance or to hide something out of fear of being judged? Love is the law, so ask yourself what would love do? Remember God is love.

[zoonance]

Se casen.

[Brian]

I never have considered her a selfish person...she always wants to do what is best for me in other situations I have encountered, but this does seem like a selfish act.

If she's always been selfless before, I'd cut her some slack on this, especially given your apparent attitude toward illegal immigration.  Her "selfishness" consisted of not wanting to lose you and the fear that came with that.  This caused her to lie (possibly) or to at least not disclose something to you and yes, that was wrong.  No doubt about it.  But based on what little you've given us, I'd say to try and find it in your heart to forgive her and then go about trying to rectify her situation. 

I think its important to keep in mind that since she came here when she was 15, this was not a situation of her own making.  It may be only since she's met you that she has really thought much about the morality of her situation.  I don't know.   She's still only 22, and yes, as a very young adult she could have voluntarily returned to a country she probably barely remembers, but that would be quite an extraordinary thing to do I think.

My parents don't know her very well mainly due to the fact that she is a very private person, but they do hold the fact that her parents are Catholics strongly against her.

So even though she seems to share your religious sensibilities and I'm guessing those of your parents, they are against her because her parents are Catholic?  This is like some sort of original sin that can't be forgiven?  There's got to be something more to it, isn't there?  If not, and its merely that your parents are anti-Catholic, it would seem like they would be pleased with her for leaving the faith of her parents. I don't get it.   

[internationalelf]

a friend of mine in college got married to an international student from taiwan after a short engagement. The whole thing seemed fishy to me. I felt he was being rushed, and I told him he ought to wait. After they got married, he found out she was having an affair and they divorced.  He was a really nice guy and I think this girl totally tricked him. She ended up being deported since she hadn't been married long enough to him to get citizenship (good riddance).

[Mac]

Imagine all those illegal immigrants who are paying taxes but dont get a dime in tax returns and social security, its just free $ for the government to utilize. I dare say if it wasnt for their contribution to our economy we would already be in a depression.

That is the whole problem. They do NOT pay taxes. There may be a few who are using someone else's SS# that pay taxes but as a whole ILLEGAL immigrants do not pay Fed and state taxes. How could they pay? They are here illegally remember? They have no SS# or tax id. Sure they pay local sales taxes on goods and services, but that is it.

Then they send all of the money they make back to there home land...I see a lot of this in the industry I am in.

You also need to check your statistical information on "the free money for the government" thing.

http://frontpagemag.com/Articles/Read.aspx?GUID=908334D0-E4FF-4285-8F7E-5D36672B0183
http://www.immigrationwatchcanada.org/index.php?module=pagemaster&PAGE_user_op=view_page&PAGE_id=145
http://www.diggersrealm.com/mt/archives/000060.html (340 million annually for 1 county)
http://www.fairus.org/site/PageServer?pagename=research_research4d63
This is a little piece from the article
"FAIR's projected annual fiscal costs to California taxpayers for emergency medical care, education and incarceration resulting if an amnesty is adopted for illegal residents."

Current                             2010                                  2020

$10,529,000,000    $17,813,000,000              $30,727,000,000



You need to do a little investigating into the cost of illegal immigration to the American tax payers. The above information is from a simple search of google. I challenge you to do it for yourself...Really look at the issue then tell what you think...This is why people get voted into office sometimes. People are passionate..That is good. But it is better served if you are informed and educated on the matter...People say things with out first investigating..Illegal immigration is a huge problem for this country.

[KingsKid]

Why does everyone see a little tan Mexican everytime someone says "Illegal Alien" ? Is this a christian thing to do? Stereotyping and prejudice?
I think everyone should realize that all of us would not be here if it weren't for someone crossing over on a boat. Well most of us anyway...I actually have descendant origanally from this country.

For me it was the opposite. I was surprised to learn how many of my little tan friends were illegal. I live in New Mexico by the way.

Actually I fit in perfect. I'm full Italian but most people here think I'm Mexican.  And yes, my grandparents came over here on a boat from Italy.

I'm little confused how someone here illegally pays state and federal taxes?

PS  your little baby is the cutest little thing 

[Mac]

My brother-in--law is an illegal alien and he has had the same job in a  company illegally for the last 7 years and he most certainly does pay tax's and no he will never see a dime of it when he retires nor if he ever becomes disabled. My sister and him informed the government of his illegal status when they first married and are still awaiting an appointment with his country's embassy so they can begin a long process of trying to get him a visa which he will probably be denied for though he has been living here and has a wife and child here and working faithfully all these years. I also have heard of a Canadian man who has a fiancee in the US whom he cant marry because since 9/11 they have tightened everything up.

Well,

Your BIL's company should be fined for employing illegal immigrants. It IS unfair for anyone to pay into a system and not be able to use services if they are entitled to them. Unfortunately, your BIL is not entitled because he is here unlawfully and that is the price he pays for being here illegally. Perhaps, that is why so many of them do not pay any taxes...But then again, that is wrong also.

I am not sure how he pays income taxes without a tax id or a SS#..But, you would definitely know more than I do as to wether he does or doesn't. You said they informed the government of his status...What government, the US? I am surprised the did not deport him. My step brother is a federal prosecutor and works closely with the INS. Pretty standard procedure to deport them when they are found...Interesting..

[Mac]

Why does everyone see a little tan Mexican everytime someone says "Illegal Alien" ? Is this a christian thing to do? Stereotyping and prejudice?
I think everyone should realize that all of us would not be here if it weren't for someone crossing over on a boat. Well most of us anyway...I actually have descendant origanally from this country.

First, I never said anything about a "little tan Mexican". Stereotyping? Please...If you haven't noticed, the largest contingent of illegals in this country are of hispanic ethnicity...That is a fact.

Don't be so easily offended..I see nothing "Un-Christian" about saying that. I never said a cross word about illegals, other than to say it is a problem...

As far as "our family" crossing over on a boat, maybe your right. But the difference is, it was legal to do so then. Totally different. And they tried to assimilate to our country. Now, most don't speak English and they never try to learn. They are this type of American, that type of American...What ever happened to just being an American?