I Don't understand

[nicole26]

Hello, yesterday i turned 26 and I am very confused about my life, my son, my future, if i will ever find the one, why people feel the need to talk bad about me when they have no idea who I am or what kinda person i really am. I am pretty lost and confused and I do need to give you a little back ground about my life.

At 17 I tried to kill myself and I truly have never been the same. I still have my days even now that i am not sure i want to be alive. I lost my virginity at 17 to a guy who wasn't my boyfriend and the more i tried to have a relationship with him the more mean and hurtful he became always calling me name and sleeping with my friends. O and the day i tried to kill myself my dad told me if it wasn't for my mom he would have let me die. Also the summer i went to San Diego  my Best friend had sex with the guy i lost my virginity too. It had to be the worst year of my teenage year and also i was looking for someone to take me away from living with my crappy parents that controlled everything i did. That's what sent me on my next road in life. I began doing Drugs, drinking alot, and sleeping around. That what brought me to a point in my life where i was searching for someone to love me in all the wrong places.

A year later I found my ex-husband. I was totally in love with him, well because he was the first real boyfriend i ever had. The first guy that really loved me back. I moved away from my family and i began to feel happier and enjoying the person i was. I was still doing drugs, partying alot and then I got pregnant. At this point my ex-husband and i began fighting alot and having alot of problems so i decided to have an abortion. This is when all the real hitting began. It got so bad that one day he wrap a cord around my neck to kill me. I married this man and had a little boy with him and am now divorced from him. I have full custody of our son and am trying to be a good mother, but i am so confused about me and my life. I don't want to live half the time. I am always sad, i still drink to much. There are no more drugs, but i really have no idea what i am doing with my life at all. People in the town i live in talk bad about me and say horrible hurtful things and they really do not even know me. Wow i am really confused and unsure.

I also started dating someone after my divorce and he wouldn't even take me out in public with him, because i was too fat and he didn't want people to  know we were apart of each others lives. we have seen each other off and on for 2 years since my divorce.  he was so nice to me that i feel in love with him because no one had ever talk to me so nice and kind and cared about me like i thought he did. The most hurtful thing is that one day i found out that he told people i was crazy and obsessed with him and talked bad about me all the time and i still have a hard time beliving it because well i didn't want to believe someone would hurt me again.

But to make matters worse this June i started dating a guy who i thought was different and cared about me, but 4 months into our relationship he started calling me names and telling me i was stupid and that i needed to believe in god, because i was fat, a whore, a loser, always had my head in the clouds and that i had so many problems no one would ever love me.

I do need god in my life. I am so confused about how to become a better person and living is getting harder and harder everyday. I really don't want my friends and family to know because i don't want them to worried, but i am falling apart and this time i am so scared that i may not make it. How to i become worth love, how to i learn to love myself and will god ever forgive me for the hurt i have caused people in my life.......Please I need to know?

[zoonance]

First: I wouldn't date anybody right now if I was you.  You have some issues that need to be dealt with first.  If you deal with those first, the guys you meet won't have to deal with it either.

Second: God will come into your life.  He doesn't judge appearances but He does judge the heart.  No doubt you will hear whispers of the past while trying to hear His still voice.   It will get easier and easier to hear His voice as the past fades off to where it belongs - the past.  Do not give up.  Hang around here and get involved in some of the discussions.  (not the argumentative ones that dredge up the past in any way, until you are ready)  It will do you and us some good!

[Corbley]

Nicole
You found this site because, you are exactly where God wants you to be in your life. You have gone through trials and tribulations in your life, that has finally brought you to a point where you are seeking God.
The  trials in your life have made you a stronger person and given you experience that will help you in your work for him.

If you have not already, decide in your heart if you believe Jesus Christ to be what the bible tells us he is.
John 3:16 tells us
"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life"

DO YOU BELIEVE THAT IS TRUE?

If so, then invite Christ, into your life as your Lord and Savior. And when you are alone, turn down the sound around you and God will comfort you.
Do not do it, just so God will help you out, do it because, you have faith that Christ is the answer to your problems.

Next, find yourself a church near your home. Most have service, Sunday morning, Sunday Evening and Wendsday.  Listen to the Pastors sermon closely..Because God will have a message for you (if you listen)

If you become desperate for any of your basic needs. YOU SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE and go speak with the Pastor or any person you see, that you feel comfortable with.
You tell them your situation and watch the Spirit of God in those people work. God will provide your needs through his servents.

By asking others for help, you may think you are the only one benifiting from their help.
But you would be absolutly wrong, I think I speak for most Christians, when I say that..If you were to come to me and ask for help..It would bring joy to me to do whatever I can to help.

Because YOU are my sister in the Lord and I love you

If you ever need someone to speak with on a more personal level, just write me a message and I will be happy to be your friend.

[Wordman]

The keys to finding true happiness is thus:

First, realize that "life is suffering"; to live is to suffer.

Second, realize that suffering is caused by craving.  We want this, we want that.  If I had this I will be happy.  If they only liked me I will be happy. If I have lots of money I will be happy.  If I have a big house I will be happy.  If I find my soulmate I will be happy.  If I have power I will be happy.  If everyone respected me I will be happy...etc.  

These are all delusions of happiness, caused by our craving.  They do not bring happiness, but only more craving, which in end only causes more suffering.  If you lusted after matierials things, you will only want more and more of it.   If we want everyone to like us, it will only bring us pain because we will live a life trying to please everyone in vain.   If we long for beauty of flesh, it is also a vanity, because it will only cause more pain because age will take it away eventually.  The same with love, because eventually your love ones will leave you in the end causing you more suffering, this to is vanity, a chasing of the wind.

" 16 I thought to myself, "Look, I have grown and increased in wisdom more than anyone who has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge." 17 Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind.
18 For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief. " - Ecclesiastes.


So if we realize that suffering is caused by craving, than we know that once we rid ourselves from all thoughts of craving, than we will find peace of mind and true happiness.

There is nothing in this world that is worthy enough to fret or dispair over.  If you think about it, it is all meaningless, everything in this world is utterling meaningless.

Glory to God should be our ultimate goal, because through God's glory, we will also find grace.  We will find true Joy and Peace.


2 "Meaningless! Meaningless!"
      says the Teacher.
      "Utterly meaningless!
      Everything is meaningless."

3 What does man gain from all his labor
      at which he toils under the sun?

4 Generations come and generations go,
      but the earth remains forever.

5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
      and hurries back to where it rises.

6 The wind blows to the south
      and turns to the north;
      round and round it goes,
      ever returning on its course.

7 All streams flow into the sea,
      yet the sea is never full.
      To the place the streams come from,
      there they return again.

8 All things are wearisome,
      more than one can say.
      The eye never has enough of seeing,
      nor the ear its fill of hearing.

9 What has been will be again,
      what has been done will be done again;
      there is nothing new under the sun.

10 Is there anything of which one can say,
      "Look! This is something new"?
      It was here already, long ago;
      it was here before our time.

11 There is no remembrance of men of old,
      and even those who are yet to come
      will not be remembered
      by those who follow.      


16 For the wise man, like the fool, will not be long remembered;
    in days to come both will be forgotten.
    Like the fool, the wise man too must die! -Ecclesiastes

[Rhodie]

Nicole
You found this site because, you are exactly where God wants you to be in your life. You have gone through trials and tribulations in your life, that has finally brought you to a point where you are seeking God.
The  trials in your life have made you a stronger person and given you experience that will help you in your work for him.

If you have not already, decide in your heart if you believe Jesus Christ to be what the bible tells us he is.
John 3:16 tells us
"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life"

DO YOU BELIEVE THAT IS TRUE?

If so, then invite Christ, into your life as your Lord and Savior. And when you are alone, turn down the sound around you and God will comfort you.
Do not do it, just so God will help you out, do it because, you have faith that Christ is the answer to your problems.

Next, find yourself a church near your home. Most have service, Sunday morning, Sunday Evening and Wendsday.  Listen to the Pastors sermon closely..Because God will have a message for you (if you listen)

If you become desperate for any of your basic needs. YOU SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE and go speak with the Pastor or any person you see, that you feel comfortable with.
You tell them your situation and watch the Spirit of God in those people work. God will provide your needs through his servents.

By asking others for help, you may think you are the only one benifiting from their help.
But you would be absolutly wrong, I think I speak for most Christians, when I say that..If you were to come to me and ask for help..It would bring joy to me to do whatever I can to help.

Because YOU are my sister in the Lord and I love you

If you ever need someone to speak with on a more personal level, just write me a message and I will be happy to be your friend.

This is Godly advice....you are a loving bro.

[kristinaf]

The keys to finding true happiness is thus:

First, realize that "life is suffering"; to live is to suffer.

Second, realize that suffering is caused by craving.  We want this, we want that.  If I had this I will be happy.  If they only liked me I will be happy. If I have lots of money I will be happy.  If I have a big house I will be happy.  If I find my soulmate I will be happy.  If I have power I will be happy.  If everyone respected me I will be happy...etc.

Well put.  I have never heard it said so well (realize that suffering is caused by craving) . Craving is exactly the right word, it is more powerful than wanting or desiring.  This girl is craving love and acceptance.  I know because I crave the same things, as do alot of, if not all, people.  My advice is Be patient and heal yourself first.  I have a somewhat similar past, alot of sleeping around, alot of hurt from past relationships, alot of disappointments.  I had a particularly bad relationship that ended a year ago, when I finally thought God was pulling me away from the relationship, I left it.  I really loved this guy, and it is taking some time for me to heal.  I would not have been ready for another relationship right away.  I realize this now.  Maybe I still need time to heal.  I think you should take a break from relationships, focus on your son and yourself, see what you can do to improve your life, chill out on the drinking  - does it really solve anything?  Doesn't it just make you feel worse and guilty for doing it?  I agree with what someone else said, ask Christ to come into your life and your heart, and find a good church to go to.  That will be a good influence to help change your life around, slowly but surely.  Good luck.  Love ya girl!   

[Corbley]

The keys to finding true happiness is thus:

First, realize that "life is suffering"; to live is to suffer.

Second, realize that suffering is caused by craving.  We want this, we want that.  If I had this I will be happy.  If they only liked me I will be happy. If I have lots of money I will be happy.  If I have a big house I will be happy.  If I find my soulmate I will be happy.  If I have power I will be happy.  If everyone respected me I will be happy...etc.

Well put.  I have never heard it said so well (realize that suffering is caused by craving) . Craving is exactly the right word, it is more powerful than wanting or desiring.  This girl is craving love and acceptance.  I know because I crave the same things, as do alot of, if not all, people.  My advice is Be patient and heal yourself first.  I have a somewhat similar past, alot of sleeping around, alot of hurt from past relationships, alot of disappointments.  I had a particularly bad relationship that ended a year ago, when I finally thought God was pulling me away from the relationship, I left it.  I really loved this guy, and it is taking some time for me to heal.  I would not have been ready for another relationship right away.  I realize this now.  Maybe I still need time to heal.  I think you should take a break from relationships, focus on your son and yourself, see what you can do to improve your life, chill out on the drinking  - does it really solve anything?  Doesn't it just make you feel worse and guilty for doing it?  I agree with what someone else said, ask Christ to come into your life and your heart, and find a good church to go to.  That will be a good influence to help change your life around, slowly but surely.  Good luck.  Love ya girl!  

I am sorry  but I disagree.... To live is to suffer
Where is that in the bible?

There is unspeakable joy  the closer we become to Christ.

The suffering does not come from life...
The suffering is brought on by the enemy and we have overcome.

[johntwayne]

I don't have any advice, but to stay close to God, but I want you know I am praying for you.

[Flying To]

I am sorry  but I disagree.... To live is to suffer
Where is that in the bible?

Is a Bhuddism principle.



Start in steps, read the bible, believe you truly want God, go to church and live for him. And pray A LOT no matter how great or how small a problem is pray anyways.

[chosenone]

The keys to finding true happiness is thus:

First, realize that "life is suffering"; to live is to suffer.

Second, realize that suffering is caused by craving.  We want this, we want that.  If I had this I will be happy.  If they only liked me I will be happy. If I have lots of money I will be happy.  If I have a big house I will be happy.  If I find my soulmate I will be happy.  If I have power I will be happy.  If everyone respected me I will be happy...etc.

Well put.  I have never heard it said so well (realize that suffering is caused by craving) . Craving is exactly the right word, it is more powerful than wanting or desiring.  This girl is craving love and acceptance.  I know because I crave the same things, as do alot of, if not all, people.  My advice is Be patient and heal yourself first.  I have a somewhat similar past, alot of sleeping around, alot of hurt from past relationships, alot of disappointments.  I had a particularly bad relationship that ended a year ago, when I finally thought God was pulling me away from the relationship, I left it.  I really loved this guy, and it is taking some time for me to heal.  I would not have been ready for another relationship right away.  I realize this now.  Maybe I still need time to heal.  I think you should take a break from relationships, focus on your son and yourself, see what you can do to improve your life, chill out on the drinking  - does it really solve anything?  Doesn't it just make you feel worse and guilty for doing it?  I agree with what someone else said, ask Christ to come into your life and your heart, and find a good church to go to.  That will be a good influence to help change your life around, slowly but surely.  Good luck.  Love ya girl!  

I am sorry  but I disagree.... To live is to suffer
Where is that in the bible?

There is unspeakable joy  the closer we become to Christ.

The suffering does not come from life...
The suffering is brought on by the enemy and we have overcome.

I agree. satan comes to steal kill and destroy. Jesus has come that we might have lfe and life in abundance!

[Serenity432001]

nicole,

I'm so glad you shared with us.  I want you to know I have prayed for you, I want you to know there is hope.  I want you to know that I have had so many of the same feelings of despair and hopelessness and lonliness that you have described.  You are not alone.   

One of the saddest things in your story to me was that someone told you that you needed God in your life and then proceeded to call you names and treat you badly.  I want you to know that is not from God.  God is love and merciful.  He loves you right where you are.  You are a precious child of the King. 

I, too, use to drink, do drugs, sleep around, and have been suicidal at times.  I have now been clean since 2-25-1993 and I don't say that to brag in anyway but I say that to give you hope.   I have gone through so many changes since then and continue to grow and learn and trust.   If you'd like more information about my journey, I'd love to share it with you and help you anyway that I can.

Writing this is a very good first step for I see it as you reaching out and that's an awesome place to begin.  I will pray that God will place people in your life that will lead you to Him.

I also had 2 small children at the time and was a single mom so i understand that struggle as well.  May God bless you on your journey and know that He does love you and so do I.

I really do feel your pain.

Lisa P

[Serenity432001]

I also wanted to add that I love what wordman had to say and I certainly believe that life is full of suffering.  It might be a bhuddist principle but I certainly don't think he originated it.  Just look at Jesus life and what He told us.   That being said, it doesn't mean that Jesus can't also bring you complete joy but what I had to do in order to get some of that was to admit, understand and realize that yes, life is hard.   I tried to make reality something it wasn't and it just kept getting harder and harder and once I finally accepted that life is difficult, it became easier.

Wordman,

Excellent, thanks so much, big help to me and manna to you!!

[Wordman]

The keys to finding true happiness is thus:

First, realize that "life is suffering"; to live is to suffer.

Second, realize that suffering is caused by craving.  We want this, we want that.  If I had this I will be happy.  If they only liked me I will be happy. If I have lots of money I will be happy.  If I have a big house I will be happy.  If I find my soulmate I will be happy.  If I have power I will be happy.  If everyone respected me I will be happy...etc.

Well put.  I have never heard it said so well (realize that suffering is caused by craving) . Craving is exactly the right word, it is more powerful than wanting or desiring.  This girl is craving love and acceptance.  I know because I crave the same things, as do alot of, if not all, people.  My advice is Be patient and heal yourself first.  I have a somewhat similar past, alot of sleeping around, alot of hurt from past relationships, alot of disappointments.  I had a particularly bad relationship that ended a year ago, when I finally thought God was pulling me away from the relationship, I left it.  I really loved this guy, and it is taking some time for me to heal.  I would not have been ready for another relationship right away.  I realize this now.  Maybe I still need time to heal.  I think you should take a break from relationships, focus on your son and yourself, see what you can do to improve your life, chill out on the drinking  - does it really solve anything?  Doesn't it just make you feel worse and guilty for doing it?  I agree with what someone else said, ask Christ to come into your life and your heart, and find a good church to go to.  That will be a good influence to help change your life around, slowly but surely.  Good luck.  Love ya girl!  

I am sorry  but I disagree.... To live is to suffer
Where is that in the bible?

There is unspeakable joy  the closer we become to Christ.

The suffering does not come from life...
The suffering is brought on by the enemy and we have overcome.

Hehe...we are all saying the same thing here.   

When I say life is suffering, I guess it should really be "living this world = suffering."   This life is of this world, and not of God's world.  So if we continue to live in this world, and not God's world, we will continue to suffer. 

Because, even though you might be happy now, you will eventually not be happy.  All joy, or happiness from this world is only temporary.  It is unavoidable, if you live this world, you will suffer; if it is not now it will be later.  You suffer at birth, and you will suffer in death.
Examples: If you are healthy now, you will eventually be sick.  If you are beautiful now, age will eventaully take your beauty away.   If you have love now, you will eventually lose it.  Your love ones will die, you will die.  Pain and suffering is unavoidable in this life that we live.  In the end you will lose it all.  For in the end we all die, which is the ultimate suffering. 

To understand more about craving, or this chasing of the wind, please read all of Ecclesiastes, it is probably the most profound book in all of the Bible besides the Gospels.

1 Remember your Creator
       in the days of your youth,
       before the days of trouble come
       and the years approach when you will say,
       "I find no pleasure in them"- Ecclesiastes 12

Now this suffering is cause by the craving (or Satan if you want to call it that, it's one and the same) for this world. We must not crave this world, but the world of God instead.

Think about it, if we loose all craving, than we can have eternal Joy and Peace. 

Don't you see, that is what Jesus is telling us time and time again.  Jesus says , "Follow me" time and time again.  What does Jesus mean?

He is saying to forget this world.  He is saying to not lust, to not crave after it.  He is saying this world is just temporay, that true happiness and peace is through him.   

And what is Jesus?  " I am the bread of life-"As he that believeth in Me hath everlasting life, so I am Myself the everlasting Sustenance of that life." -John 6:35
What does this mean?  It means that if we consume Jesus, if we accept him into our being totally, than we will be free from suffering of this world because we will no longer crave after it.  Instead our being, our total existence would now only be for the Glory of God.   

"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."
So Jesus is saying to not live this world, but live the world of God.  Stop craving after worldly riches.  Stop worrying about finding the right guy or gal.  Stop worrying about your body, about dying.  Don't live for this world any longer.


"The first shall be last and the last shall be first." -Matthew 20:16
Jesus is telling us to humble ourselves, he is instructing us to let go of status, possessions; letting go of our attachments and ego. 
Why?  Because these things causes suffering.



And yes it is a Buddhist teaching...and yes Jesus basically said much of the same as you can read....but in the end, red is red, no matter who says it...thus...
-Life is suffering.  -Suffering is caused by craving.    If we can understand this, we can be free of suffering. How much more simplier can it be?

So for this Christmas, if you are feeling depress, if you are feeling lonely, if you are dispairing...etc.., remember what is causing it, and know that you can overcome it with understanding.

I write this only because I feel the suffering of this world and it is horrible... ; if any of what I write brings a moment of serenity to anyone in dispair, than mission accomplished...

And remember:

"The kingdom of God does not come with observation;  nor will they say, 'See here!' or 'See there!' For indeed, the Kingdom of God is within YOU.

[Serenity432001]

Bless you wordman and I'd say, your mission is accomplished because once again you did bring serenity to me and I thank you.  I agree 100% with what you've said. 

I grew up with awesome parents and pretty much had a fairy tale life for the most part and when I married an abusive man and reality hit me in the face, it took years to realize life is not fair and life is not easy and life is not a fairy tale.  I still struggle from time to time and need to be reminded of that so once again you have my deep gratitude.

[Corbley]

Wow  how depressing being a Christian is......According to you all who believe life = suffering.

Life is not about suffering......Life is about joy    Life is about love and Jesus is life.

Suffering is about death          Suffering is the lack of joy.           Satan is about suffering

And if you are suffering in this world   you are not close enough to Jesus.   If you were close to Christ   there is Joy!