relationship help

[christclem]

I am very much in love with this lady and she cares for me but won't allow herself to open her heart because of past pain.What can I do?Please help!

Part 2:
I did make the mistake of telling her that I love her a little too soon.She's okay with that but it makes her uncomfortable.My new question is should I not mention it again until much later or should I just mention it once in a while so she will feel my love.

part 3:
Thanks for the help guys.It all worked out great! The wedding is 01-23-10!!!

[Elaine]

I am very much in love with this lady and she cares for me but won't allow herself to open her heart because of past pain.What can I do?Please help!

Continue on and honor her wishes -she cares for you - so I hope you two can still spend time together, right? Be patient, kind and never ever whine or pressure her.

Be so much fun and funny and easy to be with and show her how caring you are to others...she won't be able to help herself.  Don't chase her -be irresistible with confidence and she will come to you. Might take a few months - but you said you were very much in love.   Also, it helps to listen ---women love men that pretend to listen.  

Forgot:
PS   And this may sound stupid -but not to us women ---wear a wonderful cologne --I've gone nutty for men shorter than me because they smelled so darned GOOD!!
You'd be surprised what the power of smell has.  She'll hug you longer!  :) Good luck - let us know how it goes after awhile ---and thank you Richard.

[Richard]

I am very much in love with this lady and she cares for me but won't allow herself to open her heart because of past pain.What can I do?Please help!

Continue on and honor her wishes -she cares for you - so I hope you two can still spend time together, right? Be patient, kind and never ever whine or pressure her.

Be so much fun and funny and easy to be with and show her how caring you are to others...she won't be able to help herself.  Don't chase her -be irresistible with confidence and she will come to you. Might take a few months - but you said you were very much in love.   Also, it helps to listen ---women love men that pretend to listen.   

Elaine is right - but that is not surprising.
Make yourself as attractive as possible (and I'm not just talking about grooming and hygiene, although these things are very important)
And pray about it! God will find a way.

[JohnDB]

What the above people have said is true.

BUT

Then there is the other side of the coin.
Women may be attracted to a guy who smells nice and is attractive...but is that the sort that you want?

For some reason this woman doesn't trust you completely. Maybe it is something about your past decisions and result of where you are today in many areas: like your walk with God, your employment history, your current skill set, the way you treat others (even those you don't like)

I ain't saying I know for a fact...we don't know you well enough.

But these are things that women look at. Women like security as well as stability and strength...not just fun and games. I know when I was looking for a wife I was looking for these things in a wife.

[yesult]

When a woman (I guess a man as well) has dealt with a lot of relationship pain in their life, the only way you can show her that she can trust you is by proving it. Once she knows that she can, then love can follow. But without trust, true love is really impossible.

[janine]

Well, are you ready to hang around in her life and be dependable and help her feel your love by actions and not words?  That seems to be what she needs.

Also, do not close yourself off to other possibilities.  She may not be the one for you.  Or she may need many long years of maturing and counseling to get over her past hurts.  Make sure you yourself are a fantastic potential mate while you are waiting.

[LivinLyfe2009]

I'm going to give you some advice from a different perspective:

When people haven't dealt with past emotional baggage, it ends up exposing itself in a negative way during their next relationship. Simply put, she needs to deal with the trust issues she has before she can allow herself to love you freely. You said that you're in love with her so I'm sure that walking away would be difficult at this point, but you should learn how to love her from a distance. Otherwise, I think she'll end up resenting the fact that though you are a good guy (and I'm sure you are!), you came into her life at the wrong time. And you will end up hurt in the end.

So my advice would be to give her some space while she deals with her issues. There is nothing worse than being the rebound person in a relationship.

[chosenone]

God can use another person to help to heal the wounds of the past. Both my husband and I were deeply hurt by our ex spouses, but as we have known each other, we have leant to trust again and open up to each other. Its sport of like the warmth of the sun opening up the flower.
time and patience and loving her will help. Dont rush anything and just let her see that you can be trusted and eventually she will open up, just as we did. be honest with her always.
I cant agree that we all have to deal with all of our past issues before we can be in a  relationship. In most cases that would never happen, and God definately does bring others into our lives to help with the healing process.

[admin]

Don't push. You've already stepped way out and told her you loved her much, much, much too soon. You don't need to step any more in her direction if you want to keep her. She needs to step towards you. Be patient, fun, cool and calm.

[Ramy]

Personally I think that you just mention it once in a while so she will feel your love