why cant i find a spiritual woman who is solvent or not career married

[scullions]

i cant find acareer woman with basic material life who is spiritual for divine love and etgernal love why is this?

[chosenone]

Hard to say unless you tell us more

[JohnDB]

Because Chosen one you are a woman.

That is why you don't understand what it is that he is saying.

Most mature women are looking for a man to assist them instead of the other way around.

We men want a help mate...not another burden to be added to the load that we already carry.

Many single mature women out there are loaded with debt, lack of career or even job skills, and their sole source of income is about to graduate high school.

We men are savy to these sorts of situations and know what is the driving force behind their desire for a relationship with us. They bring nothing to the table of a marriage except a whole bunch of wants and needs and nothing to offer in return except for physical appearance and physical intimacy. There is no amount of lipstick that is going to make us fall in love with that sort of pig.

Emotional and intellectual intimacy aren't in these women's agenda even. They would leave us in a heartbeat for another guy who had more rescources. We ain't standing for it. 

We men have usually been burned and then milked for every rescource we have and then some...only to be belittled and abandoned when there is nothing more we have to give.

That is why some men prefer professional women who simply want to be with us and don't really want us around for our money or talents.

It is about equal with a woman who complains that men only want sex. And that is what the OP is asking about.

And to him I say, : A good woman is hard to find. There ain't many out there at all. Granted there are many pretty ones and plenty of loose ones...but a good one is very very rare indeed.

[chosenone]

Well you certainly read a lot into those few words. I actually wanted him to say a bit more about how old he was, did he go to church, had he had any previous girlfriends, where had he already looked, etc etc. There must be loads of women around that fit his description depending on his age. The problems may be with him of course but we will not know unless he comes back and tells us more.

Wow you certainly know some not very nice women. All the single women that I know have jobs and provide for themsleves including my 2 daughters. My husband likes being the bread winner and is happy that I dont work, and we have only been married for 4 years. I hate working outside the home (as I had to as a single mum for 6 years)and I love being my own boss as a homemaker. After all isnt that what the Bible implies to a large degree? My DH thinks that it is right for the man to be the one who earns the money and I suport him 100% in that. Also I was the one with the house when we married so financially I contributed a lot.

Its sad if women are looking for a man purely for money.Yes I am sure there are a few gold diggers out there, but generally the women that I know just want a good and happy marriage with a man that they love. I dont know any women who have left their husbands because they want a richer man.

[JohnDB]

ChosenOne,

I wasn't trying to insinuate that you had evil motives or that all women are this way.

There are a few, a very vocal and visable few that want to "suck all the air out of the room" any time a single mature man walks into it.

And that is what the OP is talking about.

Since you are not a mature man (and thank God for mature women) you wouldn't see this side as a man can.

It is a reality that you won't know.

At this point many of these women have wonderful sweet words of comfort and joy...but are sponges in the worst way. Getting past them is somewhat of a chore.

I know intimately what he is saying because I have been exactly in his shoes. I personally have given up. It was slim pickins before and the one woman I found that said she would like to join me lied about almost everything...except her desire for a physical relationship inside of marriage. That was the least of my worries but apparently it was her only desire.

So...
Since she didn't cry when old yeller died I won't cry since she is gone.

[chosenone]

Thats very sad that you have had such experiences.

DH and I are older too(early 50's now) and we met on the internet. I was on different sites here in the Uk for some time and met some really nice people, both men and women.
My husband wasnt on the market long enough to meet any other women.(hehe).I snapped him up as soon as he became available.When I contacted him, he had only been on the site for 2 or 3 days.  I knew a good man when I saw one. and wasnt about to let him go. Fortunately he liked me as well. 

HOWEVER I dont think you can assume anything from that small sentence that the OP wrote.

[Hot Ice]

I have much the same hard time that the OP has, with a few tangents, here or there.  I can relate.

[chosenone]

I have much the same hard time that the OP has, with a few tangents, here or there.  I can relate.

So Hotice, how old are you? Do you go out and meet lots of Christian girls? Do you go to a good lively church with lots of single people?Are you involved in things that would bring you into contact with Christian women? You guys are far more fortunate than us women. There are far more women than men in the church and as you get older that gets worse.

I was proactive when I was single again and went onto friendship sites. if I hadnt I would still be alone now 10 years after my first marriage ended.

Who is it so important for some of you men to have a woman who earns quite a lot?A career woman for example?. I have never been a career woman, I love being at home. When I have worked, it was because I had to financially, but when I met my second husband, I was in a job as a career that didnt pay much. He couldnt have cared less. He wasnt interested in how much I earnt.

John, Shame you dont live in the UK, I know lots of available women of your sort of age in my church alone. and no men. so the man here have a large choice. lol

[Hot Ice]

I have much the same hard time that the OP has, with a few tangents, here or there.  I can relate.

So Hotice, how old are you? Do you go out and meet lots of Christian girls? Do you go to a good lively church with lots of single people?Are you involved in things that would bring you into contact with Christian women? You guys are far more fortunate than us women. There are far more women than men in the church and as you get older that gets worse.

I was proactive when I was single again and went onto friendship sites. if I hadnt I would still be alone now 10 years after my first marriage ended.

Who is it so important for some of you men to have a woman who earns quite a lot?A career woman for example?. I have never been a career woman, I love being at home. When I have worked, it was because I had to financially, but when I met my second husband, I was in a job as a career that didnt pay much. He couldnt have cared less. He wasnt interested in how much I earnt.

John, Shame you dont live in the UK, I know lots of available women of your sort of age in my church alone. and no men. so the man here have a large choice. lol

I'm 41, and have, since I've become a Christian, gone out to different church/Christian events, dinners, asked other Christian singles to go out as a group on weekends (bowling, drives, etc.).  Getting in the presence of those women isn't a problem at all.  And it isn't the unmet desire I'm talking about.

i can't speak about the desire for a woman that earns a lot, since I have no desire for that.  I couldn't care less; I don't think it's her job to do that at all, neither do I think that makes a woman more attractive. 

To find a woman that is truly surrendered to the Holy Spirit--now THAT'S been difficult to find!  I look at the pool to choose from regarding that, and it's not nearly as full as it once looked.

I have been nervous about the websites, since it is so easy to present one's self according to what others seem to want.  I really want to observe in person, for quite a bit longer than I did before, to know if I'm dealing with truly godly character and Holy Spirit in a woman, before I even think about ever getting married again.

i come into contact with lots of women that attend church, lots of them that I really believe are born-again, even; but with those that are so committed to God that they are constantly moving further into the state of heart that makes them lay down their own desires/goals/ways/thoughts for His?....................

[Hot Ice]

I think I wrote what I wrote a few days ago because I noticed in the title of this thread, that there was grief over finding a woman that is not career-MARRIED.  So many of the woomen I meet are certainly more married to their careers than they would be to me.......

[chosenone]

I have much the same hard time that the OP has, with a few tangents, here or there.  I can relate.

So Hotice, how old are you? Do you go out and meet lots of Christian girls? Do you go to a good lively church with lots of single people?Are you involved in things that would bring you into contact with Christian women? You guys are far more fortunate than us women. There are far more women than men in the church and as you get older that gets worse.

I was proactive when I was single again and went onto friendship sites. if I hadnt I would still be alone now 10 years after my first marriage ended.

Who is it so important for some of you men to have a woman who earns quite a lot?A career woman for example?. I have never been a career woman, I love being at home. When I have worked, it was because I had to financially, but when I met my second husband, I was in a job as a career that didnt pay much. He couldnt have cared less. He wasnt interested in how much I earnt.

John, Shame you dont live in the UK, I know lots of available women of your sort of age in my church alone. and no men. so the man here have a large choice. lol

I'm 41, and have, since I've become a Christian, gone out to different church/Christian events, dinners, asked other Christian singles to go out as a group on weekends (bowling, drives, etc.).  Getting in the presence of those women isn't a problem at all.  And it isn't the unmet desire I'm talking about.

i can't speak about the desire for a woman that earns a lot, since I have no desire for that.  I couldn't care less; I don't think it's her job to do that at all, neither do I think that makes a woman more attractive. 

To find a woman that is truly surrendered to the Holy Spirit--now THAT'S been difficult to find!  I look at the pool to choose from regarding that, and it's not nearly as full as it once looked.

I have been nervous about the websites, since it is so easy to present one's self according to what others seem to want.  I really want to observe in person, for quite a bit longer than I did before, to know if I'm dealing with truly godly character and Holy Spirit in a woman, before I even think about ever getting married again.

i come into contact with lots of women that attend church, lots of them that I really believe are born-again, even; but with those that are so committed to God that they are constantly moving further into the state of heart that makes them lay down their own desires/goals/ways/thoughts for His?....................

Well my husband and I met only 4 days after first contact on the internt(yeh, pretty quick I know), so we did have plenty of time to get to know each other in person and to find out that we were right for each other. We married 9 months later.

Remember though Hotice, that no one is perfect and we are all on a journey. I have come much closer to God since I met my husband (although I was a strong Christian before)as his good influence had helped me, so dont wait for the perfect spiritual woman to come along, as she may never appear. If you meet the right lady, you will both be able to encourage each other on that spiritual journey, and help each other to draw closer to God.

[Mere Nick]

Because Chosen one you are a woman.

That is why you don't understand what it is that he is saying.

Is that why?  I'm a guy and can't really figure out what he's saying.  If he had put it a "dang oh" or two in there, I'd figure Boomhauer from King of The Hill was posting here.

[chosenone]

Because Chosen one you are a woman.

That is why you don't understand what it is that he is saying.

Is that why?  I'm a guy and can't really figure out what he's saying.  If he had put it a "dang oh" or two in there, I'd figure Boomhauer from King of The Hill was posting here.

Thanks Nick, it wasnt very clear was it.(to say the least)

[Hot Ice]

Well my husband and I met only 4 days after first contact on the internt(yeh, pretty quick I know), so we did have plenty of time to get to know each other in person and to find out that we were right for each other. We married 9 months later.

Remember though Hotice, that no one is perfect and we are all on a journey. I have come much closer to God since I met my husband (although I was a strong Christian before)as his good influence had helped me, so dont wait for the perfect spiritual woman to come along, as she may never appear. If you meet the right lady, you will both be able to encourage each other on that spiritual journey, and help each other to draw closer to God.

Yeah, I see what you mean; I haven't found that all my life, but would like to.

[full4glory]

... because rarities are hard to find.  Do you expect to find valuable pearls on the streets?  No, they are in the depths of the ocean because they are precious and hard to find.  They are there but your gonna have to be dilligent, and in some ways lucky.

[Hot Ice]

... because rarities are hard to find.  Do you expect to find valuable pearls on the streets?  No, they are in the depths of the ocean because they are precious and hard to find.  They are there but your gonna have to be dilligent, and in some ways lucky.

I think I should be able to ask this question without bias now ( I couldn't before):  Do you believe masses of these types of women are being raised in churches today, and the men just aren't being dilligent in seeking them out? 

I believed that the U.S. culture had turned such in the last 5 decades, that a drought had been produced........

[Hot Ice]

I don't mean the "SOLVENT" type!!!   I stand by my belief that no man has any business looking for that, to begin with.......... 

"productive", "smart", even "powerful" is a lot different than looking for self-sufficiency to be brought into a marriage in which oneness is supposed to be there.

[son of God]

A few years ago I had a guy work for me part time, who was raised in a Christian family, but in his thirties, had yet to want anything to do with God.  He complained to me that he couldn't find a good woman.  He was divorced.  I told him to quit bottom fishing.

A few weeks later he complained that he could't find any good Christian gals that were interested in him.  I told him that he needed better bait.

It's kind of a birds of a feather thing: hang out with birds with blue feathers, and if you don't want a bird with blue feathers, well, you're not going to find one of what you want.  The birds with the blue feathers aren't the problem: looking around birds with blue feathers for a bird with white feathers is flat out silly, to state it mildly.

So who's really at fault in this scenario?

[Hot Ice]

A few years ago I had a guy work for me part time, who was raised in a Christian family, but in his thirties, had yet to want anything to do with God.  He complained to me that he couldn't find a good woman.  He was divorced.  I told him to quit bottom fishing.

A few weeks later he complained that he could't find any good Christian gals that were interested in him.  I told him that he needed better bait.

It's kind of a birds of a feather thing: hang out with birds with blue feathers, and if you don't want a bird with blue feathers, well, you're not going to find one of what you want.  The birds with the blue feathers aren't the problem: looking around birds with blue feathers for a bird with white feathers is flat out silly, to state it mildly.

So who's really at fault in this scenario?

Is this a Biblical scenario?

[Hot Ice]

A few years ago I had a guy work for me part time, who was raised in a Christian family, but in his thirties, had yet to want anything to do with God.  He complained to me that he couldn't find a good woman.  He was divorced.  I told him to quit bottom fishing.

A few weeks later he complained that he could't find any good Christian gals that were interested in him.  I told him that he needed better bait.

It's kind of a birds of a feather thing: hang out with birds with blue feathers, and if you don't want a bird with blue feathers, well, you're not going to find one of what you want.  The birds with the blue feathers aren't the problem: looking around birds with blue feathers for a bird with white feathers is flat out silly, to state it mildly.

So who's really at fault in this scenario?

I re-read this, and realize I misunderstood.  The guy who was expecting God's "stuff" while shunning God, Himself, was clearly the one at fault.

Sure--those are much easier to decide about.

[Hot Ice]

I have much the same hard time that the OP has, with a few tangents, here or there.  I can relate.

So Hotice, how old are you? Do you go out and meet lots of Christian girls? Do you go to a good lively church with lots of single people?Are you involved in things that would bring you into contact with Christian women? You guys are far more fortunate than us women. There are far more women than men in the church and as you get older that gets worse.

I was proactive when I was single again and went onto friendship sites. if I hadnt I would still be alone now 10 years after my first marriage ended.

Who is it so important for some of you men to have a woman who earns quite a lot?A career woman for example?. I have never been a career woman, I love being at home. When I have worked, it was because I had to financially, but when I met my second husband, I was in a job as a career that didnt pay much. He couldnt have cared less. He wasnt interested in how much I earnt.

John, Shame you dont live in the UK, I know lots of available women of your sort of age in my church alone. and no men. so the man here have a large choice. lol

I'm 41, and have, since I've become a Christian, gone out to different church/Christian events, dinners, asked other Christian singles to go out as a group on weekends (bowling, drives, etc.).  Getting in the presence of those women isn't a problem at all.  And it isn't the unmet desire I'm talking about.

i can't speak about the desire for a woman that earns a lot, since I have no desire for that.  I couldn't care less; I don't think it's her job to do that at all, neither do I think that makes a woman more attractive. 

To find a woman that is truly surrendered to the Holy Spirit--now THAT'S been difficult to find!  I look at the pool to choose from regarding that, and it's not nearly as full as it once looked.

I have been nervous about the websites, since it is so easy to present one's self according to what others seem to want.  I really want to observe in person, for quite a bit longer than I did before, to know if I'm dealing with truly godly character and Holy Spirit in a woman, before I even think about ever getting married again.

i come into contact with lots of women that attend church, lots of them that I really believe are born-again, even; but with those that are so committed to God that they are constantly moving further into the state of heart that makes them lay down their own desires/goals/ways/thoughts for His?....................

Well my husband and I met only 4 days after first contact on the internt(yeh, pretty quick I know), so we did have plenty of time to get to know each other in person and to find out that we were right for each other. We married 9 months later.

Remember though Hotice, that no one is perfect and we are all on a journey. I have come much closer to God since I met my husband (although I was a strong Christian before)as his good influence had helped me, so dont wait for the perfect spiritual woman to come along, as she may never appear. If you meet the right lady, you will both be able to encourage each other on that spiritual journey, and help each other to draw closer to God.

I just re-read this, and think I wasn't very clear in saying that I desire to be with a woman who constantly WANTS to move further into laying down their own desires/goals/ways, etc.......If THAT is there, I believe the door is open to "encourage each other on that spiritual journey, and help each other to draw closer to God."

I didn't mean to imply that I wanted a perfect woman, or a woman that only has the faults in the areas I want, to the degree I want, etc......make any more sense?

[Louise]

strange question.  so you're saying you want someone who has been born into money? 

because surely career and solvency go hand in hand??

surely money isnt everything?

in fact... we all know it isnt.

nothing wrong with a career woman - as long as you both accept god into your relationship, he will provide you with all the opportunities you will both need.

[4Jesus]

I guess I'm old school.  I am not even sure what solvent means.  Does this refer to her having cash flow and no debt, etc.?

When I was reared...Mom was home taking care of family, Dad was out working, brining in the money...faith was in GOD to supply, not our mate.  

The Bible says a woman is to be a keeper at home.  So, if your wife wants to be home caring for children (and you as well, by cooking for you, etc.), are you saying you won't marry anyone who just wants to do what God says in His Word that she should?

It would seem that you are adapting the standards of the world and not the standards of God.

Much research has shown that if both parents work it is a detriment to children.  So, I think we need to get back to what the Bible teaches.

Men are to be the heads of the homes, under Christ...willing to lay their lives down for their wives.  Women are to be under their husband's headship and are to honor, respect and obey him (yes, I said obey -- because the Bible says this.)

This deal about these awful women you have met saddens me.  Would you think me awful for wanting to stay home while my husband works?  This is what God's Word indicates His plan for marriage/family is.  I knew guys who refused to let their wives work, because of this being taught (from Scriture) in our church (don't attend that church now).

Most family's today have both mates working...but then who is minding the home?

I am not a selfish, etc. woman after some guys money.  I just know the Bible says that I am to be a keeper at home (once married).  This is just such an unfair accusation.  I am only holding these beliefs because God's Word teaches this.  It has nothing to do with being lazy and sitting around while he works and makes all the money.  It has to do with obedience to God and His Word and what's best for families.

This whole thing makes me feel very sad....

[4Jesus]

BTW, I don't even wear make-up, so I couldn't catch a guy with lipstick if I wanted to....

[chosenone]

BTW, I don't even wear make-up, so I couldn't catch a guy with lipstick if I wanted to....

4 jesus no I dont either. Luckily for me, my husband isnt bothered about make up.

[walker starr]

   How about stilleto heels?

[chosenone]

   How about stilleto heels?

hehe no dont wear them either, dont want to totally ruin my feet. lol.

[marie69]

In reply to the OP: Just your basic question is hard to answer. Definitely the questions that Chosenone asked would have to be answered. The generalness of the OP says to me though, that you have set too many "requirements" on a mate. I was always attracted to dark haired men. My husband is blonde! If I would have passed up the opportunity to go out with him because of hair color, I would missed out on a truly wonderful, loving husband.

I know financial woes get to all of us at one time or another. I have a career in the healthcare field. I love my job. But I am definitely not married to it. My kids are in school all day and I work. I still carry them to gymnastics, school functions and church. We still pray together every night and morning. My house stays clean. My animals are fed. And the bills are paid. But its because we do it all together.

But this blessing that is my life only came about because of my faith in God. When I was single mom, I prayed for God to bless me with a Godly man that would love and take care of my kids and I. And that is what happened.  I do understand that you don't want to be taken advantage of. None of us would. But quit looking! Allow God to look for you. He plays cupid for us much better than we can do on our own!

God bless!

[shanny101]

just forget it ok people get it that they dont want you to marry them ok :)