Feeling like the child of two forces.

[TheReboundedChild]

    This has bothered me since i first decided to quit my selfish and centered life.. When i was younger and even now i have felt a weird pressure both from heaven and hell. I'm not saying I'm like a messiah but it felt that some of my sins weren't mine or that i was taking this bad for good. I accepted my fate: i was going to hell and i came to peace with it. I didn't fear Satan or demons nor did i fear the torment that will be afflicted upon me as i still struggle with this disposition. The loss of my grandmother really began my new drive for forgiveness as i truly hope to see her. I don't fear demons or Satan as fear is a choice and God has given us the power to destroy these demons and banish them from our presence. I began reading the Bible but it didn't last long and my family except for my grandmother has long stopped going to church. At the age of 12 they had the choice to continue church and my mother decided to pursue a life devoid of church. We never really went to church only with my grandmother  but i couldn't understand and it seemed more often i was being watched or something bad was following or about to happen. I was jolted into belief when i was forced to watch my grandmother have a stroke in front of my eyes and my selfish cousins and even my aunt were all too worried about their own things mostly sleeping at 1 in the afternoon to get up and do something. Now me being a 13 year old i wasn't exactly sure what to do but i did what i could i tried my best to hold her up or at least lay her on the couch but i couldn't as her body went limp she gained a a large dead-weight now i was barely scraping by when she was able to functions on basic levels but when she went limp the intensity was too much .. refusing to let her fall i held her as my muscles slowly gave out and i lowered her to the floor. She died shortly after..  Ever since it seemd i was open and i kept getting this tense feeling like when im in combat. I began to get the feeling a war was being fought that i had no choice but be apart of.. leading me to belive that this battle will carry well on to the time i died and even continued till judgment day but until then i'd have to ether be hepless in purgatory or face it and accept whatever the outcome was. I have made peace with this rresloution but i still want help if there is anyway that i can atleast get some help if any. In my heart i want to fight the demons on the fronts as one of Jesus soldiers i don't hate demons but i don't think they deserve to continue what they do. What right do they have to tourture anothers soul because yours wasn't worthy? Secretly i understand the devil as there is different reasons preached why he was cast from heaven. Thats another post for later.. Any ideas, help, words of comfort.

[BlackSepulcher]

Feeling like the child of two forces.

That's because you are the child of two forces 

It's both a blessing and a curse. We are cursed in that we are fallen, but blessed in that we can grow in our personal revelation with meaning and know the importance of God and truth.

Satan was envious of God and thought his ways were better, wanting to be Him. The reason you may struggle with your inner demons is because human philosophy and ways are suprisingly like Satan's- we are an adversarial species (Satan literally means 'adversary'), believe that our morals are worthy (morally our own god), want control of everything (princes of the world), and so on.
Heck, we're even partial to music like Satan_

Most people don't want to see just how much alike we are to that fallen angel, but it is true. Therefore, it is easy for a person to feel pulled in two different directions. You literally have angels and demons swooning for you.

The best thing is to keep in mind that Jesus has promised us salvation and the means to overcome those demons. By faith in Christ and the power of his covenant, God will deliver you from evil that threatens.

[notreligus]

2Ti 4:6  For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come.
2Ti 4:7  I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
2Ti 4:8  Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.
2Ti 4:9  Do your best to come to me soon.
2Ti 4:10  For Demas, in love with this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia.
2Ti 4:11  Luke alone is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry.
2Ti 4:12  Tychicus I have sent to Ephesus.
2Ti 4:13  When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, also the books, and above all the parchments.
2Ti 4:14  Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds.
2Ti 4:15  Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message.
2Ti 4:16  At my first defense no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me. May it not be charged against them!
2Ti 4:17  But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion's mouth.
2Ti 4:18  The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.

This life is but a vapor compared to eternity.  Envision Eden and that relationship that God wanted to have with those whom He loved and created.  That time will become reality for all who love Him, despite what the naysayers claim.  Get the vision of this, as did the Apostle Paul.  If the Lord does not come first and we pass on before He comes we will go on to His now earthly kingdom and I believe that we will be reunited with those whom we have known and loved during this life who have gone on before us.  Don't dwell on the negatives.  Satan knows that his time is short and even if he is given another chance to defeat the Lord; he too has read the end of the Book and knows that he is forever doomed.