Concerned parent

[HaveFaith316]

Please, I'm looking for suggestions regarding something my 5 year old daughter told me.  We were at a family picnic and at the end of the night on our way home I asked if she had fun.  It was late and she told me she had fun except when her cousin rubbed her at her private spot.  She said she just doesn't know why he does that. She told me he's done this before and she tells him to stop.  She said he did it at Christmas and didn't tell me because she didn't want him to get in trouble.  I was stunned and in the meantime she quickly fell asleep.  I've always adored him and so does she, so much!  He's 14.  I told my husband and the next day we had a talk with her.  I asked if she remembered what she told me last night and she said no.  So again I asked her if she had fun last night at the picnic.  She said yes, then I asked if there was anytime that wasn't fun and she said yes.  She said she didn't like it when her cousin rubbed her private area.  I asked her to show me exactly where that area was.  She showed me and again told me he's done it before.  We explained to her that this is not okay, that only mommy/daddy or maybe a grandparent or doctor shoud touch her there and that's only if there's a booboo.  She doesn't seem traumatized.  Her behavior is the same and she still wants to spend time with him but "she just doesn't like when he rubs her".  I've spoke to my sister who spoke to him and he denies it.  My sister believes him.  My husband and I believe our daughter.  I asked my daughter again yesterday about it.  She said the same.  I asked if anyone else, specifically another cousin, has done this to her and she said no.  I then said and you know that it's not okay to lie and she said yes.  My husband and I agreed we are keeping her away from him.  Again, we believe our daughter but I never would have expected him to do this.  Not that my daughter or my past is perfect, but my sister has a pretty colorful past and because of some bad decisions her kids are stuck with some bad infuences on her ex's side.  If anyone can provide prayers and some sort of information that you might think can help all parties involved I would really appreciate it.  Thank you for taking the time to read.         

[soterion]

HaveFaith316,

I can't imagine what you are going through right now. I do not have children so I can't directly relate.

I have no doubt that some here can and will offer more expert advice, but my heart feels for you and I want to offer something.

You are absolutely doing the right things so far. Don't allow your daughter to be alone with him ever again...for as long as she is a child anyway. Also, talking to your sister was the right thing to do, I believe. She realizes you have a serious concern and the cousin now realizes he is under scrutiny.

I believe you could find some advice on websites/forums that deal more directly with child abuse. There will be people there who have been abused as well as parents/guardians of abused children. I've no doubt folks there can give comprehensive advice so that your daughter can be kept safe and this cousin can be dealt with. Your daughter may not be the only victim under consideration if the cousin is becoming or is already a full blown pedophile.

I'm sorry that is all I can offer. You have my prayers that God will keep your family safe. 

[DaveW]

This is absolutely not ok.  My wife endured about 4 years of that kind of abuse and almost 50 years later it still has an effect on her.

You need to tell your sister to take these accusations SERIOUSLY and get the boy into some sexual counseling or you will go to the police.  He needs help or he will do this again with someone else.  The relative that repeatedly abused my wife ended up in prison at age 40 for abusing his own daughters.

[MeMyself]

This is absolutely not ok.  My wife endured about 4 years of that kind of abuse and almost 50 years later it still has an effect on her.

You need to tell your sister to take these accusations SERIOUSLY and get the boy into some sexual counseling or you will go to the police.  He needs help or he will do this again with someone else.  The relative that repeatedly abused my wife ended up in prison at age 40 for abusing his own daughters.

I agree 100%! This is a very serious issue and whether his mother can face his issues or not, the boy needs help and the little girls that come across his path need protection!

[chosenone]

This is absolutely not ok.  My wife endured about 4 years of that kind of abuse and almost 50 years later it still has an effect on her.

You need to tell your sister to take these accusations SERIOUSLY and get the boy into some sexual counseling or you will go to the police.  He needs help or he will do this again with someone else.  The relative that repeatedly abused my wife ended up in prison at age 40 for abusing his own daughters.

I agree 100%! This is a very serious issue and whether his mother can face his issues or not, the boy needs help and the little girls that come across his path need protection!

yes I agree with these posters. Given his bad start, he may have been abused himself and needs help. He may well also be looking at lots of porn and that too can lead to youngsters acting out what they see.
I wouldnt make too much of it in front of your daughter, she seems fine at the moment so don't discuss it with her there listening.

[Sarahssmurfy]

I am so glad to hear that you caught this early, and that she seems to okay.  This young man needs help, but your main concern is protecting your daughter, not convincing his parents that he needs help.  If they don't want to believe it, I don't think there is much you can do except keep her away from him.  I will pray that she moves past it without any emotional trauma.

[MeMyself]

I am so glad to hear that you caught this early, and that she seems to okay.  This young man needs help, but your main concern is protecting your daughter, not convincing his parents that he needs help.  If they don't want to believe it, I don't think there is much you can do except keep her away from him.  I will pray that she moves past it without any emotional trauma.

Its kinda important that he get help because if not, every person's daughter that he is able to be around may be in danger.

[Sarahssmurfy]

Yes I agree, but I would think a parents priority is to protect their child first.  We can try to help that poor boy, but if his parents refuse to do anything, how far can we push?

[MeMyself]

Yes I agree, but I would think a parents priority is to protect their child first.  We can try to help that poor boy, but if his parents refuse to do anything, how far can we push?

If they are aware and do nothing, I would think a call to CPS was in order.