This might fare better in the general discussion area, but I feel I might get input from those already serving.
When I was 13-14, I was called upon the serve the church, at the time, I was going to Catholic mass on a regular basis, I wrestled with it during those years and ultimately turned it down. Here I am 26 years later, I found out there is a vacant church building just a few blocks away from me. I have been looking for a new local church to go to, and this was the first one I checked out. There are no signs on or around it anywhere. The evening I was in dialog with God, I tend to talk to him out loud and contemplate things such as this, when my thoughts came about to open the doors to that place, I was hit with his spirit boldly, it almost was painful and it was just like being shocked for an instant.
I look back at the first calling, seeing what a complete mistake I made not accepting it and doing God's will, that doing my own, I still ended up not having a family at all, so my logic was clearly flawed. This time, I still wrestle with the same main element, as in, I absolutely do not feel worthy for this cause at all, I can't believe he would pick me, I consider myself the least of his children, and the more I think that, the stronger he calls me.
I write this, holding back my tears in the process, knowing full well, I have no training at all to do this, that I have alot of things that I should address, other priorities that logic dictates I must address, yet I stand here in complete fear of his wrath if I do not obay him this time. I place myself in his hands and let him do what he needs to, I do so knowing full well, he's in charge now, not I, and I keep thinking with one of the lines from the Lords pray, "Thy will be done". Have any of you experienced something similar to this, how do you prepare, how do you allow him to work through you even though you know it's utterly illogical to do this, that I am clearly not worthy of this task at all, yet I sit here with a heavy heart knowing full well, his will, will be done. Also, this will not be a catholic church, it will be all denominational.
Advice anybody, please, I'm just having a hard time with this, I know it must be done, I just don't know how or why, I just know....