Author Topic: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!  (Read 14009 times)

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Offline david johnson

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yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« on: Mon Jul 10, 2006 - 06:15:45 »
 ::soapbox::  ::onrant::

time for my periodic rant on minister job classifieds i find in various places.
who authors those things?  who in the world would take the jobs?
any position that takes as long to describe as the one i just read (to remain un-named) can not be worth it.

new adjective phrases and descriptors are greatly needed.
why don't they just say, 'we want a new minister.  if you got experience, credentials, a bit of style/class/tact and smarts, give us a call.  hard work and we're the boss.'?  that's really what it all means.

down with verbiage inflation.

dj

HRoberson

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #1 on: Mon Jul 10, 2006 - 12:11:12 »
I personally like the one that says:

Our old preacher (who's been here for forty years and who we just love) is going to stay around and become an advisor to the elders. We expect that the new guy will work with the old guy and let the old guy mentor the new guy to become a great preacher.

Translation: The old guy has the eldership wrapped around his finger, and he is going to be your boss.

Wouldn't touch that one with a ten-foot pole.

HR
« Last Edit: Mon Jul 10, 2006 - 12:43:55 by HRoberson »

Offline david johnson

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #2 on: Mon Jul 10, 2006 - 12:20:02 »
good greif!

dj

Offline Jeff

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #3 on: Sat Aug 19, 2006 - 11:52:42 »
But if all the ministry ads were well-written, david, what would you read for entertainment? 

 ::pondering::


Offline mandalee65

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #4 on: Sat Aug 19, 2006 - 13:41:44 »
Dare you forget that entertainment is a sin in the coc?

Offline Jeff

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #5 on: Sat Aug 19, 2006 - 15:53:25 »
Oh, of course not.  That's why I recognize that we have to sneak around and find in the Ministry Want Ads.

Offline janine

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #6 on: Sat Aug 19, 2006 - 21:36:43 »
Someday I would like to send my resume in to various places looking for a preacher -- but I would model it on Paul's, Peter's, Steven's, Apollos'...

What church in their right mind would say they wanted those fellows, going by a resume?

Offline James Rondon

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #7 on: Sat Aug 19, 2006 - 22:46:44 »
What church, in their right minds, wouldn't?

Offline Weeble

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #8 on: Sun Aug 20, 2006 - 13:52:05 »
James should we list them by size or alphabetically?

Offline kanham

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #9 on: Mon Aug 21, 2006 - 09:34:04 »
I like want ads because the more they write the more the tell you what you need to know by reading between the lines.

If they all sounded the same you wouldn't be able to save some time sifting the good fits from the bad ones.

Offline janine

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #10 on: Sat Aug 26, 2006 - 18:56:02 »
I have heard my current preacher speak of some of the interviews he went thru before getting to us.  One bunch quizzed him about positions re: some brotherhood paper-writers who were stabbing and biting each other in their publications -- and our Maxey had never heard of any of it, knew nothing about the entire matter.  And probably didn't care when they explained it to him. 

He didn't get that job.

Offline Weeble

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #11 on: Sat Aug 26, 2006 - 22:41:29 »
When I was "Trying out" to be a youth guy in the Nashville area one time I was asked to spell Habakkuk.  Thankfully it was the only minor prophet I knew how to spell.

twd

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #12 on: Sun Aug 27, 2006 - 22:42:51 »
You didn't know how to spell Amos or Jonah?

Offline Weeble

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #13 on: Mon Aug 28, 2006 - 07:56:51 »
No I am a horrible speller! As a matter of fact before they put spell check on this board I used to write my responses in word and then cut and paste them into the reply box.  I didn't want you to know that my phonics were atrocious.

Offline jb728b

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #14 on: Tue Sep 05, 2006 - 09:38:25 »
What those ads for a new minister\preacher really mean:
NOTE: While the following may sound like a joke, and is said with tongue in cheek, the conclusions reached are based on personal interviews with X# congregations across the country

What the ad say’s                          
Candidate must be sound   
What it means
Candidate must agree with us at ALL times on All things.  He must do every thing we tell him to do when we tell him to do it and like it no matter how degrading the task may be. Oh, did we mention he must always agree with us?  Even when we're wrong we're not wrong.

What the ad say’s                         
Candidate must be married   
What it means
We want his wife to be an unpaid secretary, janitor and babysitter.  She will also take over the ladies class, the children's class, the nursery and the women's prayer group because OUR wives don't want of do it.

What the ad say’s     
Candidate must be a family man.
What it means
A family portrait will look impressive in our directory and his kids will make our youth group look bigger than the other church's in the community

What the ad say’s     
Candidate must be stable
What it means
He can have no outside interest and must be at our beck and call 24-7  ready to fulfill any request or whim we may have without hesitation or question.  We also want him to mow the lawn every week for free.

What the ad say's
Salary based on experience
What it means
You're gonna need a second job
« Last Edit: Tue Sep 05, 2006 - 10:18:51 by jb728b »

Offline seekr

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #15 on: Tue Sep 05, 2006 - 13:51:05 »
jb, that is hysterical. Love it!

seekr

twd

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #16 on: Tue Sep 05, 2006 - 20:16:27 »
It's funny because it's accurate.

Offline Wycliffes_Shillelagh

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #17 on: Mon Dec 31, 2007 - 17:46:57 »
What the ad say's
Salary based on experience
What it means
You're gonna need a second job
If you got into ministry for the money... rofl

Like the theme song from the old cartoon show says..."you knew the job was dangerous when you took it."

Offline JERRY C

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #18 on: Wed Jan 02, 2008 - 15:43:10 »
and I think about re-enlistment?!
 ::shrug::

Offline janine

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #19 on: Wed Jan 02, 2008 - 22:54:42 »
Soldiers re-enlist quite often.  Despite the hardships they want to serve.

Some get too fed up with the organization to stay in, however.  They find some sort of parallel way to serve -- like, they become contracted security personnel in the war zone for private companies.  Or they stick it out until they hit retirement age, then they take their battle skills and battle scars off to some loosely related field where they can nurture new soldiers.

Does any of that sound familiar to preachers and other church workers?

Offline david johnson

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #20 on: Sun Feb 17, 2008 - 05:53:41 »
http://www.ovc.edu/bible/chlookpg.htm

some of these are unbelievable !!  not picking on ovc, just the guys that submitted the 'what we want' data.

a few are fine and to the point, imo.

dj

Offline JKblessing

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #21 on: Fri Jan 08, 2010 - 21:46:03 »
I haven't read many of them but if you find one that has a good health care plan let me know!!! ::preachit::

Offline 40to600

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Re: yyiiiikkkeeesssss!!!!!!
« Reply #22 on: Sat Jan 09, 2010 - 00:06:31 »
go to www.dalejenkins.com - tab - The Scoop Blog

 

     
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