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Offline grams

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Big Family !
« on: Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 09:55:54 »
My husband and I move in with  our son and wife and there 8 children.

I did not  understand he was thinking of me !  I thought he wanted help  for his  pain in trying to

move around.  But  it was for me , that I would not have problems living alone.

This all  happened   3 years ago......  Well He is gone now ....... and I of course miss him.

But a new problem.  Now   with  8 children...   the 2 older ones  are ok !  But the rest ! ? !

Of course they are children........  They home school, so all day they are here.....

Well,  my son  goes to work early and I am a  light  sleeper, so I hear him and have to get up.

So  I figure  I will take a nap  and most of the time,  its  impossible  because of the noise.

Even in school..........  I  use  ear  plugs , but they are not enough........

I  just  seem to hear all  noise ,  just  walking around  I hear....  wood  floors, cant have carpet

with  so many children  and the mud they bring in........   so  what  can I do  to keep the

sound  down for me.............  with out   causing  problems with the family......  Children of course

will be children  and I cant blame them............  any ideas ? 

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Big Family !
« on: Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 09:55:54 »

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #1 on: Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 10:17:40 »
yep.  ::smile::  If at all possible, I would look into a "granny dwelling".  I am a big ol introvert, but I also love to be around people...they just exhaust me and I need my own space to retreat to so I can rest, nap, recover and recharge.

I have already told the kids that if their daddy goes before me, and I have to live with them, they should get me a moveable dwelling, so that I can have my own space, still be close to them in case I need help, and they can pass me around when one gets sick to death of me. haha (Not saying your son is feeling that way, grams)

I just know my own limitations and what I would need in order to succeed in that season of life.
« Last Edit: Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 10:22:38 by MeMyself »

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #1 on: Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 10:17:40 »

Offline grams

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #2 on: Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 11:20:22 »

I could not move any place now........... Do you have any idea  the  price of food ?

I pay each week  for the grocery's,   I  just go along and my daughter in law  gets what they

need.   and it is   always  over   2  hundred...... most of the time close to 3,  including  buying

gas and stopping at the  dollar store  and the re-sale.......

It  is my idea to do this......  I  just wish  I could do more.......  But   we are  below  average at this time in work  and pay.......

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #2 on: Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 11:20:22 »

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #3 on: Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 11:37:33 »
I could not move any place now........... Do you have any idea  the  price of food ?

A granny dwelling doesn't mean you are moving someplace. it means its your own space near the big house on the property. I needn't even have a kitchen in it...its just a quiet space for you to have and make your own for some quiet and rest. You could still have meals with the family in the big house, but have a place to retreat to when things become overwhelming and your ears get full, as I say.

Quote
I pay each week  for the grocery's,   I  just go along and my daughter in law  gets what they

need.   and it is   always  over   2  hundred...... most of the time close to 3,  including  buying

gas and stopping at the  dollar store  and the re-sale.......

It  is my idea to do this......  I  just wish  I could do more.......  But   we are  below  average at this time in work  and pay.......

How very generous of you! Im sure they appreciate you so much! This arrangement wouldn't need to change if you were able to get a "granny dwelling".

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #3 on: Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 11:37:33 »

Offline mommydi

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #4 on: Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 13:08:03 »
grams, whenever you bring up your living situation, I think of this-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaLLMX5NrPE

I miss both of my grandmothers so much. I'd love to be able to pick up the phone and hear their voices one more time. I get teary thinking about them sometimes. You don't know how much impact you're making on their lives, grams. I know it's hard, though. The older we get, the more the racket of little ones gets on our nerves - and to have no break - is so emotionally tiring.

We've mentioned this before, but is there any way you can buy or borrow a small travel trailer for the back yard? Do you have anything you could sell that could give you some cash to buy one? Surely there's some way to get a travel trailer. Does someone at your church have one you could borrow? You could go out there any time you need a break - and make sure the family knows that when you're out there, no one is to come knocking.  What about your other children? Do they have a camper you could borrow, or could they all pitch in for one?
Please sit down with your son and daughter-in-law and ask them to help you find a small camper for the back yard. I'm sure they want you to be happy.




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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #4 on: Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 13:08:03 »



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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #5 on: Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 15:01:48 »
noise canceling headphones.  fans.  white noise machines.  soundproof your room, etc

On top of that, if you can't change your circumstances, try changing your attitude.  Hard thing to do, I know, but if that is all you can control, it is worth it.

Offline mommydi

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #6 on: Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 16:35:26 »
noise canceling headphones.  fans.  white noise machines.  soundproof your room, etc

On top of that, if you can't change your circumstances, try changing your attitude.  Hard thing to do, I know, but if that is all you can control, it is worth it.

Good advice!

In my bedroom, I run a fan, an air purifier that hums, and when I get into bed, I put in my noise cancelling earbuds attached to my tablet, and listen to ocean sounds, rain forests, or some other type of relaxation youtube clips. Someone has to be banging on the door hard to get through all that. When I wake up in the morning, the earbuds have always fallen out of my ears sometime during the night after I've fallen asleep.

You're also right on the attitude adjustment advice. She needs alone time. We all do! If there's no way she can work that out, then she needs to work on her attitude. This makes me wonder if anyone in the loud, busy household ever gets alone time. Do the parents go out? Do they leave grams there watching the kids? If they do, they need to reciprocate and let grams have a night out.






Offline Alan

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #7 on: Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 20:48:41 »
A granny dwelling doesn't mean you are moving someplace. it means its your own space near the big house on the property. I needn't even have a kitchen in it...its just a quiet space for you to have and make your own for some quiet and rest. You could still have meals with the family in the big house, but have a place to retreat to when things become overwhelming and your ears get full, as I say.

How very generous of you! Im sure they appreciate you so much! This arrangement wouldn't need to change if you were able to get a "granny dwelling".


That would be tough for grams considering her geographical location, we can't all live in California  ::noworries::

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #8 on: Fri Mar 23, 2018 - 10:01:37 »

That would be tough for grams considering her geographical location, we can't all live in California  ::noworries::

Has no one heard of granny dwellings? They aren't shacks with no heating or air...just little homes for the elder generation that might need assistance but it also allows them to keep a measure of their independence.  Even a travel trailer would work.

My great aunt had one and she lived in one of the great lake states. ::shrug::

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #8 on: Fri Mar 23, 2018 - 10:01:37 »

Offline Jaime

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #9 on: Fri Mar 23, 2018 - 10:10:52 »
I can't imagine the burden Grams and her family are under with a mom and dad and 8 kids and a grandmother. It's tough on all parties in our house with my mother-in-law living with just me and my wife. We don't have a big house by any means. The addition of 8 kids would be extremely tough on anyone, unless Grams had a sequestered room within the house or even a separate living quarters outside the house as Mommydi has described. I am praying for some reasonable solution Grams! Hang in there. I commend you son and his family for trying to accommodate you as best they can. Not all families are as gracious to their elderly members.
« Last Edit: Fri Mar 23, 2018 - 10:13:25 by Jaime »

Offline RB

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #10 on: Fri Mar 23, 2018 - 10:21:03 »
any ideas?
You could find a small RV, they have them for cooler climates~You could find a good used one for around fifteen thousand I would think. All you would need to do is hooked into the sewer pipe or septic and have an RV plug install. Other than that MeMyself idea may be best for you.  My father in law has one on my property but it's a large one, maybe the largest one out there, but that's what he wanted to spend the last few years of his life in. He's 84 and traveled to Montana by himself last summer and he's heading to south Texas in about two weeks for three months. If he dies on the highway, he has insurance to bring both him and the RV back to us. He comes back and makes all his doctor appointment and leaves again. I looked out the window the other day and he was on top of the RV installing new air conditions. He got some of my men to lift them for him and he did all work himself.

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #11 on: Fri Mar 23, 2018 - 11:26:19 »
I can't imagine the burden Grams and her family are under with a mom and dad and 8 kids and a grandmother. It's tough on all parties in our house with my mother-in-law living with just me and my wife. We don't have a big house by any means. The addition of 8 kids would be extremely tough on anyone, unless Grams had a sequestered room within the house or even a separate living quarters outside the house as Mommydi has described. I am praying for some reasonable solution Grams! Hang in there. I commend you son and his family for trying to accommodate you as best they can. Not all families are as gracious to their elderly members.
 

From what I remember they built a granny annexe. So she has her own rooms but joined onto the house. So I guess she hears them but has her own space.

It is a choice to have 8 children of course. There is a reason why most of us dont have that many!
« Last Edit: Fri Mar 23, 2018 - 12:26:17 by chosenone »

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #12 on: Fri Mar 23, 2018 - 11:39:26 »
Sometimes, just getting away for a couple of days will help a great deal. Two nights in the nearest Holiday Inn would do you a world of good. I've been known to pack my bag and go to the local Holiday Inn for two nights.  ::blushing:: You'd be surprised how that will refresh your spirit.
Grams, since you have other kids, do you ever go see them? Surely there's someone you can go visit for 2-3 days.

Offline grams

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #13 on: Fri Mar 23, 2018 - 14:10:36 »
This is  how it  started,  my husband  was in pain,  more then I

knew...... and  our son said come live with him and family of
course.....  8 children,   2 are 17 and 18 so not a problem.

But  young  children  are noisy.....

My  husband  paid for the house  to be moved up..........!

So there is a lower floor now like a  basement , but not quite,
So they made a room for there self ...

They gave us  there  bedroom it has a bath.......

and  now  the 4  boys  are down there  because they are
re-doing there  bedroom,  so  they run up stairs to use the
bath room.   and are not quite,  so I get woken up  in the
night time...   a few times.....  and am not able to fall asleep
right  away........  so I want to catch up with a nap.
but most of the time  its to  noisy!   "children "  !!! 

I hope this  makes it  more understandable  what I am saying ? 

And  I  still have  it.   

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #14 on: Fri Mar 23, 2018 - 15:22:51 »
This is  how it  started,  my husband  was in pain,  more then I

knew...... and  our son said come live with him and family of
course.....  8 children,   2 are 17 and 18 so not a problem.

But  young  children  are noisy.....

My  husband  paid for the house  to be moved up..........!

So there is a lower floor now like a  basement , but not quite,
So they made a room for there self ...

They gave us  there  bedroom it has a bath.......

and  now  the 4  boys  are down there  because they are
re-doing there  bedroom,  so  they run up stairs to use the
bath room.   and are not quite,  so I get woken up  in the
night time...   a few times.....  and am not able to fall asleep
right  away........  so I want to catch up with a nap.
but most of the time  its to  noisy!   "children "  !!! 

I hope this  makes it  more understandable  what I am saying ? 

And  I  still have  it.

I think everyone understands, grams

Families are LOUD and BUSY and you are tired.

Its hard. ::hug:: ::hug:: ::hug::

Do you have any ideas about what could be done to make things better for you?

Offline grams

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #15 on: Sat Mar 24, 2018 - 21:02:12 »
I  guess  I  have to get used to it ??????????????

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #16 on: Sun Mar 25, 2018 - 08:45:37 »
I  guess  I  have to get used to it ??????????????

Well, partly, yes...that's how life is..its rife with the need to compromise...but, Grams, you are only human, and its okay to ask them to help you come up with a solution that works for everyone, since the suggestions here don't seem to be doing that for you.

I would need a place that I could have quiet. 

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #17 on: Sun Mar 25, 2018 - 18:45:50 »
 ::idea::
Well,   I am thinking  now  that  winter is  about gone!

So  things will be changing  now.....  out  side  things to be

done  on the farm.....   and of course  playing out side instead of

in  side.........

Offline grams

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #18 on: Thu Apr 26, 2018 - 10:33:54 »
The sun is  out  and  it is supposed to go up to 60*  today !




I sure hope it will continue  to warm up, spring sure  has been cold over here....




Well, its  quiet now !   But  half  a hour ago it was  very loud  , the children  home school




and they were up on a  break , and were  having fun  [but not me ]   they were  fighting and




yelling at each other  "horsing around" ......  they enjoyed it, but I was trying to do some




posting.. on the computer....  so I go up and slammed my door shut, it did not  bother them.




At  all !!!  They kept having there fun.......     




old  age  :(           --------------         children  :)   

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #19 on: Thu Apr 26, 2018 - 10:37:54 »
Yes grams, Spring has been awful in our area. Today is nice and next week we are supposed to see some 70 degree days!  ::clappingoverhead::

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #20 on: Thu Apr 26, 2018 - 10:56:32 »
Well, its  quiet now !   But  half  a hour ago it was  very loud  , the children  home school
and they were up on a  break , and were  having fun  [but not me ]   they were  fighting and
yelling at each other  "horsing around" ......  they enjoyed it, but I was trying to do some
posting.. on the computer....  so I go up and slammed my door shut, it did not  bother them.
At  all !!!  They kept having there fun.......     
old  age  :(           --------------         children  :)   

I think  if you want them to know they were being too loud and you'd like them NOT to be quite so loud, the best route is to be upfront and communicate with them...or join in a bit. ::smile::

Try and remember how it felt to be a kid, cooped up and stuck indoors for days on end and the JOY you felt at a break from school or something unfun.

Children are a blessing from the Lord...and though loud and sticky and noisy and smelly and terrible at picking up after themselves, and rambunctious, and silly and though they REFUSE to act like adults, its sometimes nice to remember that; the blessing thing, I mean. ::smile::

Offline grams

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #21 on: Thu Apr 26, 2018 - 13:04:17 »
I  guess  I have to add some thing to this...... I love my daughter in law,
but  she lets them get away with to much...   I guess  8 children is hard
to keep up with....
In my time with my  children growing up  I was  kind of smart,  I started
them off  right away with what was wrong and wright..  I kept at it..
as my D.I.L.  lets it go....  and I want to keep  her in feeling I am ok , so
I do not want to get into it more then  I all ready have....   it is so hard to
not say any thing, but I do as it is to much...... so  I have to  be careful.
My son all ready caught me in some thing and said he would take care of
it, and he does......but he is  not home all day of course "work"....

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #22 on: Thu Apr 26, 2018 - 13:15:37 »
I  guess  I have to add some thing to this...... I love my daughter in law,
but  she lets them get away with to much...   I guess  8 children is hard
to keep up with....
In my time with my  children growing up  I was  kind of smart,  I started
them off  right away with what was wrong and wright..  I kept at it..
as my D.I.L.  lets it go....  and I want to keep  her in feeling I am ok , so
I do not want to get into it more then  I all ready have....   it is so hard to
not say any thing, but I do as it is to much...... so  I have to  be careful.
My son all ready caught me in some thing and said he would take care of
it, and he does......but he is  not home all day of course "work"....

I know that she is very different from you and how *you* did things, grams.  She is more laid back about her housekeeping and her child-rearing than you were and its hard for you to be ok with.

There is nothing wrong with, "Hey, guys! I'm trying to do something here right now and youre being so loud is making it hard on me to get it done.  Could you play a bit more quietly, or go find a different place to play where you can be as loud as you'd like?"

We don't much hear what you enjoy about your grands.  You say you love your daughter in law, but then...the list of what's hard to love about her comes.

I just feel badly for all involved...not sure this placement is the best for you. Do you have other children that might have their home running more like you did that would be a better fit for you?

Offline grams

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #23 on: Thu Apr 26, 2018 - 19:06:43 »


I do not really mind  living here,  I just feel like they should not have to

baby sit me.......  But  I sure would like more time talking to the family.

Only  thing is  , these days  I have nothing to talk about ! 

I gave up  my driving  when we moved here  gave them our van.

I would get lost all the time trying to go any place.....  that is the only

thing that is  bad for me..... really....  If  I could have done  the driving

I would be able  to  go out and feel more comfortable...

I was really  thinking by now  I would be gone.   But my husband was

first, I realize now that he kept  his pain to him self.  He never was a person

to complain....... so many different things.... I could go on and on. sorry.

to complain and bother you  and who ever  reads this......  ::blushing:: ::cryingtears::

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #24 on: Fri Apr 27, 2018 - 09:41:32 »

I do not really mind  living here,  I just feel like they should not have to

baby sit me.......  But  I sure would like more time talking to the family.

Only  thing is  , these days  I have nothing to talk about ! 

I gave up  my driving  when we moved here  gave them our van.

I would get lost all the time trying to go any place.....  that is the only

thing that is  bad for me..... really....  If  I could have done  the driving

I would be able  to  go out and feel more comfortable...

I was really  thinking by now  I would be gone.   But my husband was

first, I realize now that he kept  his pain to him self.  He never was a person

to complain....... so many different things.... I could go on and on. sorry.

to complain and bother you  and who ever  reads this......  ::blushing:: ::cryingtears::

 ::hug::  Its no bother, grams...

I just know how easy it is to get swept up in all that is uncomfortable and wrong (and your living arrangement would be hard, don't get me wrong) but then it makes it hard to see the blessings around as well.


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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #25 on: Tue May 01, 2018 - 06:47:59 »


Yes  !   Correct.....   

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #26 on: Sun Jun 03, 2018 - 16:12:33 »


   and  I wish  I could have put my picture up on the post,

-<--specially today  I am 83.......... wow  I really did not believe I would still be here.

I thought for sure  by 79  I would have been  up in heaven sleeping with my hubby....

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #27 on: Mon Jun 04, 2018 - 08:50:09 »

   and  I wish  I could have put my picture up on the post,

-<--specially today  I am 83.......... wow  I really did not believe I would still be here.

I thought for sure  by 79  I would have been  up in heaven sleeping with my hubby....

Happy birthday, grams!  What a blessing.  ::smile::

Offline grams

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Re: Big Family !
« Reply #28 on: Tue Jun 12, 2018 - 09:15:07 »
I sure hope by my next birthday,  I am in heaven....

Asleep !     ::smile::

 

     
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