We have a daughter that will be 20 here in May. She has always been a great child, never into any trouble, did well in school and so on. After she finished high school she went on immediatley to medical assisting school. Then half way through she met a guy and then she started going down a different road. Not right away but as they grew closer she focused more on him than schooling and work. She finished school but has yet to find a job and mainly because she isn't trying. They are planning on getting married next summer. That's all she's focused on. She did her first attempt at her certification test because she's out late, working and just not studying and she failed.
From the beginning, since she's been out of school my husband and I have really struggled with what we allow her to do ect. With the advise of some other Christians, we were told that after 18 they shouldn't have a curfew but to be respectful of us by letting us know her plans and times she plans on being home ect. So that's what we've done.
My husband and I are not agreeing on alot of stuff with all of this. After she failed her test he's been on her alot. We discussed giving her a curfew until she passes this test. She tries pushing it every day. He's on her about wasting gas ect. He will discuss something with me and we'll talk about it and whenever I give him my opinion and what I think he just goes on and tells her what HE thinks which then causes arguments with all of us, he gets mad at me because I'm not being supportive of what he's told her (and I don't do this in front of her), but he's not being supportive of mine either. Basically neither of us know what to do.
She sure wants our money to pay for her food, shelter and big thing wedding.
That's another problem, the wedding, we really like her boyfriend but they are not financially set, at all, he doesn't even have $100 to fix his car. We have tried sitting with her going through all the bills they have and will have once they marry and compared it to what they make now and they barely have enough, pretty much if something happens, such as car breaks down, they wouldn't have the means to fix it, that's also going by what my daughter makes now, she works retail and her hours can change from one week to the next.
We feel that until she focuses on passing her test, finding a job (a more stable one at least) that we wont help pay for the wedding until we feel they are ready, but I don't know if that's wrong or not.
Plus this curfew, should we give her one? she will stay out at his house (he lives with his parents and they are Christians, not that that means anything here ) until 12:30, he has to be at work at 8:00 AM, I think it's rude during the week to stay at someones house after 10:00, his parent both work too, she says they don't care. They stay at his house more because that's our rules at our house, during the week no later than 10:30 and weekends midnight.
I'm just so confused and this is causing stress on us too and we don't need this, we have been through enough in the last 5 years.
Please help. thanks