I have three kids now all adults. They got the VERY VERY occasional smack if I really got cross with them but I could NEVER have cold bloodedly hit them when I was calm and 'in control'. The thought makes me cringe inside and makes my blood run cold even thinking about it.
People were always commenting on how well bahaved and lovely they all were, and that was without corporal punishment, or hitting(and certainly not with a stick or belt or suchlike), just the usual tellings off and occasionally being sent to their rooms.
You only have to watch such programmes as super nanny now to see that all you need is consistency, and loving firmness to change even the most difficult child. You dont need physical pnishment, she has proved that time and time again with the most naughty children you could imagine.
My husband was hit with the buckle end of a belt and he was a very sensitive child, and I am sure this has affected him badly and he still has some issues with his mum (who did the hitting) and they have a very poor relationship.
She even told a neighbour that they should shut their daughter in the chicken house for being naughty, when this poor little girl was really really scared of chickens. Well they did as she said.......goodness knows what happened the the little girl or how this affected her.
I guess if you want your children to obey out of fear, then go ahead, hit them with sticks, belts or whatever you want, but that isnt what I wanted for my children. I wanted them to bahave because it was the right thing to do and not because they were so scared and afraid of the punishment.
Should I take the word of the Super Nanny or the Word of God?
Its debatable and many have debated it, whether the word says that we should hit our children, but the point I was trying to make is that you actually dont need to beat/hit your children to get them to beome nice people. If other non violent methods work, then what an earth is the point of using violent ones? I know many people, Christians and otherwise who dont use violent methods and have lovely children. The point that I was making about supernanny is that she is called in to deal with REALLY badly behaved children and the methods she uses, which are widely used today, really work.
I am not saying we dont need to be firm and discipline our children, but why use violent methods if we dont have to?
Some children who are hit a lot can become resentful fearful and angry and this will stay inside until at some pont it may well emerge and cause lots of problems for them and those around them.
Spanking isn't violent, abuse is violent. It is discipline and it is mentioned favorably in God's Word. My children are small. I can't reason with them with words. They understand a good swat. I'll take God's Word over Super Nanny. I don't want to spank my children when I'm cross, I want to do it without being angry, crossing the line happens when one is too angry.
We all have to do what we think it best of course, but God gives us people with childcare experience to give us help and hints along the way, just as he gives us help with all issues in life.
What worries me is that some families us this violent (and I believe any physical hitting beating or whatever is violent) method for every little misdemeanor when surely it should only ever be used for the really bad behaviour.(if at all)
I watched a programme once about three families (two in the USA and one in the UK) who all used swatches, willow tree branches or whatever to hit their chilldren 'in love', but they used it daily, for everythng that their children EVER did wrong, and it made me feel like weeping to see it. As a Christian it totally went against the grain, and I knew that I could never do that to my children.
I was ALWAYS firm and consistant with my kids, but there are so many ways to correct them that I believe that hitting is useless and unnessessary.Maybe some families such as these, who use this so much need to give a bit more thought to using alternative methods far more often, rather than thinking that only thing one thing works and nothing else will do.
My youngest child, a daughter, was smacked no more than 4 or 5 times in her whole life(and I regreted it each time) and she is a lovely young lady.
Where do you draw the line. If someone is hit several times with a belt,as my husband was for his punishment, that is abuse to me. Is one smack allowed? Is two or three? Is hitting with a cane/swat allowed according to others? Where do you stop. If smacking isnt violent, when does it become violent? I cant see the difference.I can only remember one occasion being smacked when I was small and I grew up to be a normal, kind, very honest and decent person (I hope!)
If we hit someone in the street we would quite rightly be arrested and charged with assult, so why is it allowed with children, who are so small compared to us.
I am just very grateful that God doesnt see fit to hit or beat me, as his child. everytime I make a mistake or I, and most peole probably, would be black and blue. His way is to gently lead and encourage and guide and lead by example, not to be violent or demanding.Yes he does discipline us, but not by forcing us or by using fear or punishment, but by drawing us with love and consistantly showing us the right way.