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Offline Mac

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #35 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 11:24:36 »
hmm is there more to this story we dont know about.  Why are you separated?  Why is he looking for someone else?

yes there is more to this story, alot to write about, but i will try to be more clear.it involves my husbands problem with girl watching and pornography and my emotional needs. our marriage of 14 yrs has revolved around my husbands need for constant sex and never being able to touch me without fondling me. i repeatedly told him how this made me feel, and if he could hug me or touch me lovingly and to not do certain things to me sexually and me to him every time we had sex, i always felt dirty and ashamed after sex and violated during the day every time he fondled me. he would say" you know you like it" and continue to do the same things. over time i began to tense up every time he woud touch me and eventually start pushing him off and sex became absent from our marriage. i told him i felt like his personal sex toy not loved or cherished not like a lady or felt beutiful before him, just ashamed and dirty he said i had a problem. he has always had a girl watching problem and always looked at pornography and he says he dosn't do either of those things any more, i've been watching what he has been doing on the computer and he's lying to me as he looks right into my eyes, i have seen him lie to others with ease, he's good at it. he is also very secretive about everything and has always put his family before me ,he moved out because he said he wants to start living, he said he is tired of being a slave to the marriage and our home. i have been through all the emotions of this failed marriage, we went to counciling( made things worse) he just wanted to get away from me.i'm ok now by the grace of God, i have grown closer to the Lord from all this and some of my personal issues have been dealt with and healed  by all the trauma of this lonely diffucult marriage and Gods grace. i praise him! i never thought i woud get divorced because we are christians but it does happen otherwise it would not be mentioned in the bible. i fear God and do not want to commit intentional sin, i am not looking for a free ticket to divorce, i see evidence of his unfaithfulness,  and how do i ever trust and believe him? and our sex life is ruined i believe because of him looking at porn and he won't admit it. we are getting along better as friends since we are apart, but i don't see the marriage to work. i will remain faithful to him though as lonely as i am.

rppearso,

I hope you read what was posted here. These are true words from a wounded wife. This is what I and many others were trying to tell you about insisting on a sex act from your wife she did not want to do anymore. See what it did to this person? She how it affected her and the marriage?

She felt like a used piece of trash. I would suspect not much different from your own wife.

Why should anyone in a loving marriage have to live and feel like this? Does anyone deserve to feel this way?

Thank you Sahg for sharing that.

rppearso

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #36 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 11:45:58 »
I would say you do have issues, im not condoning his woman watching or porn use but when you cut him off like that this is going to be the result, it sounds like he was really into you for alot of years and you turned your back on him under the guise of "feeling used", my ex did the same thing, its the same cycle.  The woman comes up with a story that pulls at the heart strings of people reading about feeling like a prostitute and we are suppost to start man bashing her husband.  I could see going to counseling for the wandering eye and the porn but if you cut him off and started down the path of claiming to feel like a "prostitute" the counseling will be a waste of money and time.  I also agree he should give you hugs and kisses all the time but the bottom line is he is not going to want to if you just baited and switched on him for years.

hmm is there more to this story we dont know about.  Why are you separated?  Why is he looking for someone else?
[/
quote]

yes there is more to this story, alot to write about, but i will try to be more clear.it involves my husbands problem with girl watching and pornography and my emotional needs. our marriage of 14 yrs has revolved around my husbands need for constant sex and never being able to touch me without fondling me. i repeatedly told him how this made me feel, and if he could hug me or touch me lovingly and to not do certain things to me sexually and me to him every time we had sex, i always felt dirty and ashamed after sex and violated during the day every time he fondled me. he would say" you know you like it" and continue to do the same things. over time i began to tense up every time he woud touch me and eventually start pushing him off and sex became absent from our marriage. i told him i felt like his personal sex toy not loved or cherished not like a lady or felt beutiful before him, just ashamed and dirty he said i had a problem. he has always had a girl watching problem and always looked at pornography and he says he dosn't do either of those things any more, i've been watching what he has been doing on the computer and he's lying to me as he looks right into my eyes, i have seen him lie to others with ease, he's good at it. he is also very secretive about everything and has always put his family before me ,he moved out because he said he wants to start living, he said he is tired of being a slave to the marriage and our home. i have been through all the emotions of this failed marriage, we went to counciling( made things worse) he just wanted to get away from me.i'm ok now by the grace of God, i have grown closer to the Lord from all this and some of my personal issues have been dealt with and healed  by all the trauma of this lonely diffucult marriage and Gods grace. i praise him! i never thought i woud get divorced because we are christians but it does happen otherwise it would not be mentioned in the bible. i fear God and do not want to commit intentional sin, i am not looking for a free ticket to divorce, i see evidence of his unfaithfulness,  and how do i ever trust and believe him? and our sex life is ruined i believe because of him looking at porn and he won't admit it. we are getting along better as friends since we are apart, but i don't see the marriage to work. i will remain faithful to him though as lonely as i am.

Offline chosenone

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #37 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 11:56:13 »
sahg
thank you also for sharing that story. It sounds as if you have begun to heal and that is good. Pornography, which it seems your husband was into before you even met, can be incredibly damaging to a relationship and can destroy it as you have proved. People look at porn and of course they want to do things that they see there whether they are things that are good and beneficial to the marriage or not. Some porn is terrible and so gross. The things they do on some porn sites can be so sick and have no place in a Christian marriage.

It seems that he has left and wants no more of the marriage. If he has been unfaithful you definately have grounds for divorce, and even if he hasnt his behaviour is really bad. Once you are divorced, the marriage is ended and you no longer have to be faithful to him. You will be free to remarry a  Christian man if God brings one into your life.
  

Offline chosenone

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #38 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 11:58:57 »
I would say you do have issues, im not condoning his woman watching or porn use but when you cut him off like that this is going to be the result, it sounds like he was really into you for alot of years and you turned your back on him under the guise of "feeling used", my ex did the same thing, its the same cycle.  The woman comes up with a story that pulls at the heart strings of people reading about feeling like a prostitute and we are suppost to start man bashing her husband.  I could see going to counseling for the wandering eye and the porn but if you cut him off and started down the path of claiming to feel like a "prostitute" the counseling will be a waste of money and time.  I also agree he should give you hugs and kisses all the time but the bottom line is he is not going to want to if you just baited and switched on him for years.

hmm is there more to this story we dont know about.  Why are you separated?  Why is he looking for someone else?
[/
quote]

yes there is more to this story, alot to write about, but i will try to be more clear.it involves my husbands problem with girl watching and pornography and my emotional needs. our marriage of 14 yrs has revolved around my husbands need for constant sex and never being able to touch me without fondling me. i repeatedly told him how this made me feel, and if he could hug me or touch me lovingly and to not do certain things to me sexually and me to him every time we had sex, i always felt dirty and ashamed after sex and violated during the day every time he fondled me. he would say" you know you like it" and continue to do the same things. over time i began to tense up every time he woud touch me and eventually start pushing him off and sex became absent from our marriage. i told him i felt like his personal sex toy not loved or cherished not like a lady or felt beutiful before him, just ashamed and dirty he said i had a problem. he has always had a girl watching problem and always looked at pornography and he says he dosn't do either of those things any more, i've been watching what he has been doing on the computer and he's lying to me as he looks right into my eyes, i have seen him lie to others with ease, he's good at it. he is also very secretive about everything and has always put his family before me ,he moved out because he said he wants to start living, he said he is tired of being a slave to the marriage and our home. i have been through all the emotions of this failed marriage, we went to counciling( made things worse) he just wanted to get away from me.i'm ok now by the grace of God, i have grown closer to the Lord from all this and some of my personal issues have been dealt with and healed  by all the trauma of this lonely diffucult marriage and Gods grace. i praise him! i never thought i woud get divorced because we are christians but it does happen otherwise it would not be mentioned in the bible. i fear God and do not want to commit intentional sin, i am not looking for a free ticket to divorce, i see evidence of his unfaithfulness,  and how do i ever trust and believe him? and our sex life is ruined i believe because of him looking at porn and he won't admit it. we are getting along better as friends since we are apart, but i don't see the marriage to work. i will remain faithful to him though as lonely as i am.


 you really dont have a clue do you rppearso.................A usual you see everything through your twisted vision. you have absolutely no respect for women and it shows here like a beacon light.

Offline fanuvmxpx

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #39 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 12:06:43 »
yes there is more to this story, alot to write about, but i will try to be more clear.it involves my husbands problem with girl watching and pornography and my emotional needs. our marriage of 14 yrs has revolved around my husbands need for constant sex and never being able to touch me without fondling me. i repeatedly told him how this made me feel, and if he could hug me or touch me lovingly and to not do certain things to me sexually and me to him every time we had sex, i always felt dirty and ashamed after sex and violated during the day every time he fondled me. he would say" you know you like it" and continue to do the same things. over time i began to tense up every time he woud touch me and eventually start pushing him off and sex became absent from our marriage. i told him i felt like his personal sex toy not loved or cherished not like a lady or felt beutiful before him, just ashamed and dirty he said i had a problem. he has always had a girl watching problem and always looked at pornography and he says he dosn't do either of those things any more, i've been watching what he has been doing on the computer and he's lying to me as he looks right into my eyes, i have seen him lie to others with ease, he's good at it. he is also very secretive about everything and has always put his family before me ,he moved out because he said he wants to start living, he said he is tired of being a slave to the marriage and our home. i have been through all the emotions of this failed marriage, we went to counciling( made things worse) he just wanted to get away from me.i'm ok now by the grace of God, i have grown closer to the Lord from all this and some of my personal issues have been dealt with and healed  by all the trauma of this lonely diffucult marriage and Gods grace. i praise him! i never thought i woud get divorced because we are christians but it does happen otherwise it would not be mentioned in the bible. i fear God and do not want to commit intentional sin, i am not looking for a free ticket to divorce, i see evidence of his unfaithfulness,  and how do i ever trust and believe him? and our sex life is ruined i believe because of him looking at porn and he won't admit it. we are getting along better as friends since we are apart, but i don't see the marriage to work. i will remain faithful to him though as lonely as i am.

Please know that the viewpoint of rppearso does not represent born-again Christian males...nor the heart of Jesus Christ. Its essentially worthless advice, so take what little you can from it.

Pornography is never acceptable, doesn't matter what the circumstances are. Sin is Sin. Your husband refused to meet your 'love language' needs and you refused to meet his. You were both wrong and you are seeing the consequences of both being wrong.

This is why God needs to be the center of the marriage. These situations won't arise if both marriage partners are being servants to each other.

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #39 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 12:06:43 »



rppearso

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #40 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 12:28:37 »
So Mac lets take this through its normal course.  Wife decides 14 yrs into the relationship she feels like a prostitute (whatever) and stops doing whatever sex acts the husband needs to be fullfilled in the marriage and she blames the lack of affection and wandering eye (which you could work out in counseling) but the wondering eye is not really the issue its the performance of these sexual acts thats the bottem line.  Men get married becuase they have a burning passion and when the outlet for that passion has been cut off they will stray and porn is the first outlet, not to say he was not looking at it before but I bet its gotten worse hasent it.  This is the reality of the situation, if she did not like being sexual in every way with her husband she should not have got married.  So what if he grabs your butt when he gives you a hug and a kiss your his wife, you should be happy he is that into you 14 yrs into the marriage.

This being said I agree there are things he needs to work on as well (the wondering eye and the porn), but the stuff he has to work on is irrelevant until the prudishness stops, if your heels are dug in and you are no longer going to do what you have been doing for years in bed you might want to get yourself mentally prepared for a divorce.  This is your reality and what you are doing to your husband is not ok.  you can listen to others on this form man bash your husband but its not going to help your marriage.  The sexual acts he wants you should not stop doing, you should get into counseling and figure out what you need from him to feel fullfilled so you can continue to perform the sex acts he needs.  If you have already decided that you done you should let him know that so you can both move on with your lives so you are not pushing him into a position of commiting adultry on you, and from your thread title it sounds like you are already considering divorce so maybe you are already mentally prepared for what is to come from the decisions you have made.

You are going to get all kinds of blather from the peanut gallery on here but it will likely not help your marraige, some person on an internet forum saying yea your husband is living in sin and should be kicked out of chruch and burnt at the stake is not going to help your situation.  Only you can help your situation.  I am saying this as a man who was in this exact scenario and it ended in a divorce.  Whatever the sex acts are I can tell you right now its not dirty and withholding is not right.

hmm is there more to this story we dont know about.  Why are you separated?  Why is he looking for someone else?

yes there is more to this story, alot to write about, but i will try to be more clear.it involves my husbands problem with girl watching and pornography and my emotional needs. our marriage of 14 yrs has revolved around my husbands need for constant sex and never being able to touch me without fondling me. i repeatedly told him how this made me feel, and if he could hug me or touch me lovingly and to not do certain things to me sexually and me to him every time we had sex, i always felt dirty and ashamed after sex and violated during the day every time he fondled me. he would say" you know you like it" and continue to do the same things. over time i began to tense up every time he woud touch me and eventually start pushing him off and sex became absent from our marriage. i told him i felt like his personal sex toy not loved or cherished not like a lady or felt beutiful before him, just ashamed and dirty he said i had a problem. he has always had a girl watching problem and always looked at pornography and he says he dosn't do either of those things any more, i've been watching what he has been doing on the computer and he's lying to me as he looks right into my eyes, i have seen him lie to others with ease, he's good at it. he is also very secretive about everything and has always put his family before me ,he moved out because he said he wants to start living, he said he is tired of being a slave to the marriage and our home. i have been through all the emotions of this failed marriage, we went to counciling( made things worse) he just wanted to get away from me.i'm ok now by the grace of God, i have grown closer to the Lord from all this and some of my personal issues have been dealt with and healed  by all the trauma of this lonely diffucult marriage and Gods grace. i praise him! i never thought i woud get divorced because we are christians but it does happen otherwise it would not be mentioned in the bible. i fear God and do not want to commit intentional sin, i am not looking for a free ticket to divorce, i see evidence of his unfaithfulness,  and how do i ever trust and believe him? and our sex life is ruined i believe because of him looking at porn and he won't admit it. we are getting along better as friends since we are apart, but i don't see the marriage to work. i will remain faithful to him though as lonely as i am.

rppearso,

I hope you read what was posted here. These are true words from a wounded wife. This is what I and many others were trying to tell you about insisting on a sex act from your wife she did not want to do anymore. See what it did to this person? She how it affected her and the marriage?

She felt like a used piece of trash. I would suspect not much different from your own wife.

Why should anyone in a loving marriage have to live and feel like this? Does anyone deserve to feel this way?

Thank you Sahg for sharing that.

Offline fanuvmxpx

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #41 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 12:33:29 »
Only you can help your situation.

Unfortunately, this is the advise given from a man who has no faith in God. Jesus Christ can save your marriage, but it requires Him as the center of both partner's lives.

Should your husband look at porn? no
Should you withhold all sex from him? no
Should you be offended that your husband still thinks your a catch (heavy petting)? Of course not
Should your husband be willing to work on a love language that you appreciate? yes

Marriage takes effort yes, but its the hearts that need to change here. If you are focused on Christ, the heart of a servant will keep your marriage strong.

rppearso

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #42 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 12:43:01 »
his behavior is actually fairly normal (not right but normal), look at how many forums there are with guys that struggle with porn.  Porn is not gross and nothing is done in porn that should not be done in a marraige unless you are getting some kind of child porn or something way extreme.  I also think some porn for couples educational purposes would be ok as well, how else are you going to learn to do new things in bed, I guess you could read about it in text.  Your opinions chosenone are extremely prudish and stifling and have little to no foundation in scripture, you continually just get on here and post your opinion which has no scriptural backing.

sahg
thank you also for sharing that story. It sounds as if you have begun to heal and that is good. Pornography, which it seems your husband was into before you even met, can be incredibly damaging to a relationship and can destroy it as you have proved. People look at porn and of course they want to do things that they see there whether they are things that are good and beneficial to the marriage or not. Some porn is terrible and so gross. The things they do on some porn sites can be so sick and have no place in a Christian marriage.

It seems that he has left and wants no more of the marriage. If he has been unfaithful you definately have grounds for divorce, and even if he hasnt his behaviour is really bad. Once you are divorced, the marriage is ended and you no longer have to be faithful to him. You will be free to remarry a  Christian man if God brings one into your life.
  

Offline chosenone

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #43 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 12:45:18 »
So Mac lets take this through its normal course.  Wife decides 14 yrs into the relationship she feels like a prostitute (whatever) and stops doing whatever sex acts the husband needs to be fullfilled in the marriage and she blames the lack of affection and wandering eye (which you could work out in counseling) but the wondering eye is not really the issue its the performance of these sexual acts thats the bottem line.  Men get married becuase they have a burning passion and when the outlet for that passion has been cut off they will stray and porn is the first outlet, not to say he was not looking at it before but I bet its gotten worse hasent it.  This is the reality of the situation, if she did not like being sexual in every way with her husband she should not have got married.  So what if he grabs your butt when he gives you a hug and a kiss your his wife, you should be happy he is that into you 14 yrs into the marriage.

This being said I agree there are things he needs to work on as well (the wondering eye and the porn), but the stuff he has to work on is irrelevant until the prudishness stops, if your heels are dug in and you are no longer going to do what you have been doing for years in bed you might want to get yourself mentally prepared for a divorce.  This is your reality and what you are doing to your husband is not ok.  you can listen to others on this form man bash your husband but its not going to help your marriage.  The sexual acts he wants you should not stop doing, you should get into counseling and figure out what you need from him to feel fullfilled so you can continue to perform the sex acts he needs.  If you have already decided that you done you should let him know that so you can both move on with your lives so you are not pushing him into a position of commiting adultry on you, and from your thread title it sounds like you are already considering divorce so maybe you are already mentally prepared for what is to come from the decisions you have made.

You are going to get all kinds of blather from the peanut gallery on here but it will likely not help your marraige, some person on an internet forum saying yea your husband is living in sin and should be kicked out of chruch and burnt at the stake is not going to help your situation.  Only you can help your situation.  I am saying this as a man who was in this exact scenario and it ended in a divorce.  Whatever the sex acts are I can tell you right now its not dirty and withholding is not right.

hmm is there more to this story we dont know about.  Why are you separated?  Why is he looking for someone else?

yes there is more to this story, alot to write about, but i will try to be more clear.it involves my husbands problem with girl watching and pornography and my emotional needs. our marriage of 14 yrs has revolved around my husbands need for constant sex and never being able to touch me without fondling me. i repeatedly told him how this made me feel, and if he could hug me or touch me lovingly and to not do certain things to me sexually and me to him every time we had sex, i always felt dirty and ashamed after sex and violated during the day every time he fondled me. he would say" you know you like it" and continue to do the same things. over time i began to tense up every time he woud touch me and eventually start pushing him off and sex became absent from our marriage. i told him i felt like his personal sex toy not loved or cherished not like a lady or felt beutiful before him, just ashamed and dirty he said i had a problem. he has always had a girl watching problem and always looked at pornography and he says he dosn't do either of those things any more, i've been watching what he has been doing on the computer and he's lying to me as he looks right into my eyes, i have seen him lie to others with ease, he's good at it. he is also very secretive about everything and has always put his family before me ,he moved out because he said he wants to start living, he said he is tired of being a slave to the marriage and our home. i have been through all the emotions of this failed marriage, we went to counciling( made things worse) he just wanted to get away from me.i'm ok now by the grace of God, i have grown closer to the Lord from all this and some of my personal issues have been dealt with and healed  by all the trauma of this lonely diffucult marriage and Gods grace. i praise him! i never thought i woud get divorced because we are christians but it does happen otherwise it would not be mentioned in the bible. i fear God and do not want to commit intentional sin, i am not looking for a free ticket to divorce, i see evidence of his unfaithfulness,  and how do i ever trust and believe him? and our sex life is ruined i believe because of him looking at porn and he won't admit it. we are getting along better as friends since we are apart, but i don't see the marriage to work. i will remain faithful to him though as lonely as i am.

rppearso,

I hope you read what was posted here. These are true words from a wounded wife. This is what I and many others were trying to tell you about insisting on a sex act from your wife she did not want to do anymore. See what it did to this person? She how it affected her and the marriage?

She felt like a used piece of trash. I would suspect not much different from your own wife.

Why should anyone in a loving marriage have to live and feel like this? Does anyone deserve to feel this way?

Thank you Sahg for sharing that.


  you havent got a clue what acts she is talking about so how can you possibly say that they are normal?

rppearso

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #44 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 12:48:19 »
She should not withhold ANY type of sex from him, thats the point you are all missing.  As I said the decisions you make will determine if your marriage succeeds for fails, and I can tell you right now if you think intercourse once a week should be enough to make him happy you will have a rude awakening, I am not sure what the sex acts were you were doing before but to discontinue them will irriversibly damage your marriage.

"Unfortunately, this is the advise given from a man who has no faith in God" - really, that was a purely inflamitory and unfounded remark, although it does not surprise me since I am not affraid to speak truth.

Only you can help your situation.

Unfortunately, this is the advise given from a man who has no faith in God. Jesus Christ can save your marriage, but it requires Him as the center of both partner's lives.

Should your husband look at porn? no
Should you withhold all sex from him? no
Should you be offended that your husband still thinks your a catch (heavy petting)? Of course not
Should your husband be willing to work on a love language that you appreciate? yes

Marriage takes effort yes, but its the hearts that need to change here. If you are focused on Christ, the heart of a servant will keep your marriage strong.

rppearso

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #45 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 12:54:06 »
Ok, I will make you a deal, if she is refering to bringing another woman into the bed room or golden showers or child molestation I will concede and appologize but I can 99.9% gaurentee that is not the case.  It probably has to do with BJ's, rimming, swallowing ejaculate, or anal sex which are all normal sex acts.

So Mac lets take this through its normal course.  Wife decides 14 yrs into the relationship she feels like a prostitute (whatever) and stops doing whatever sex acts the husband needs to be fullfilled in the marriage and she blames the lack of affection and wandering eye (which you could work out in counseling) but the wondering eye is not really the issue its the performance of these sexual acts thats the bottem line.  Men get married becuase they have a burning passion and when the outlet for that passion has been cut off they will stray and porn is the first outlet, not to say he was not looking at it before but I bet its gotten worse hasent it.  This is the reality of the situation, if she did not like being sexual in every way with her husband she should not have got married.  So what if he grabs your butt when he gives you a hug and a kiss your his wife, you should be happy he is that into you 14 yrs into the marriage.

This being said I agree there are things he needs to work on as well (the wondering eye and the porn), but the stuff he has to work on is irrelevant until the prudishness stops, if your heels are dug in and you are no longer going to do what you have been doing for years in bed you might want to get yourself mentally prepared for a divorce.  This is your reality and what you are doing to your husband is not ok.  you can listen to others on this form man bash your husband but its not going to help your marriage.  The sexual acts he wants you should not stop doing, you should get into counseling and figure out what you need from him to feel fullfilled so you can continue to perform the sex acts he needs.  If you have already decided that you done you should let him know that so you can both move on with your lives so you are not pushing him into a position of commiting adultry on you, and from your thread title it sounds like you are already considering divorce so maybe you are already mentally prepared for what is to come from the decisions you have made.

You are going to get all kinds of blather from the peanut gallery on here but it will likely not help your marraige, some person on an internet forum saying yea your husband is living in sin and should be kicked out of chruch and burnt at the stake is not going to help your situation.  Only you can help your situation.  I am saying this as a man who was in this exact scenario and it ended in a divorce.  Whatever the sex acts are I can tell you right now its not dirty and withholding is not right.

hmm is there more to this story we dont know about.  Why are you separated?  Why is he looking for someone else?

yes there is more to this story, alot to write about, but i will try to be more clear.it involves my husbands problem with girl watching and pornography and my emotional needs. our marriage of 14 yrs has revolved around my husbands need for constant sex and never being able to touch me without fondling me. i repeatedly told him how this made me feel, and if he could hug me or touch me lovingly and to not do certain things to me sexually and me to him every time we had sex, i always felt dirty and ashamed after sex and violated during the day every time he fondled me. he would say" you know you like it" and continue to do the same things. over time i began to tense up every time he woud touch me and eventually start pushing him off and sex became absent from our marriage. i told him i felt like his personal sex toy not loved or cherished not like a lady or felt beutiful before him, just ashamed and dirty he said i had a problem. he has always had a girl watching problem and always looked at pornography and he says he dosn't do either of those things any more, i've been watching what he has been doing on the computer and he's lying to me as he looks right into my eyes, i have seen him lie to others with ease, he's good at it. he is also very secretive about everything and has always put his family before me ,he moved out because he said he wants to start living, he said he is tired of being a slave to the marriage and our home. i have been through all the emotions of this failed marriage, we went to counciling( made things worse) he just wanted to get away from me.i'm ok now by the grace of God, i have grown closer to the Lord from all this and some of my personal issues have been dealt with and healed  by all the trauma of this lonely diffucult marriage and Gods grace. i praise him! i never thought i woud get divorced because we are christians but it does happen otherwise it would not be mentioned in the bible. i fear God and do not want to commit intentional sin, i am not looking for a free ticket to divorce, i see evidence of his unfaithfulness,  and how do i ever trust and believe him? and our sex life is ruined i believe because of him looking at porn and he won't admit it. we are getting along better as friends since we are apart, but i don't see the marriage to work. i will remain faithful to him though as lonely as i am.

rppearso,

I hope you read what was posted here. These are true words from a wounded wife. This is what I and many others were trying to tell you about insisting on a sex act from your wife she did not want to do anymore. See what it did to this person? She how it affected her and the marriage?

She felt like a used piece of trash. I would suspect not much different from your own wife.

Why should anyone in a loving marriage have to live and feel like this? Does anyone deserve to feel this way?

Thank you Sahg for sharing that.


  you havent got a clue what acts she is talking about so how can you possibly say that they are normal?

Offline chosenone

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #46 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 12:57:40 »
his behavior is actually fairly normal (not right but normal), look at how many forums there are with guys that struggle with porn.  Porn is not gross and nothing is done in porn that should not be done in a marraige unless you are getting some kind of child porn or something way extreme.  I also think some porn for couples educational purposes would be ok as well, how else are you going to learn to do new things in bed, I guess you could read about it in text.  Your opinions chosenone are extremely prudish and stifling and have little to no foundation in scripture, you continually just get on here and post your opinion which has no scriptural backing.

sahg
thank you also for sharing that story. It sounds as if you have begun to heal and that is good. Pornography, which it seems your husband was into before you even met, can be incredibly damaging to a relationship and can destroy it as you have proved. People look at porn and of course they want to do things that they see there whether they are things that are good and beneficial to the marriage or not. Some porn is terrible and so gross. The things they do on some porn sites can be so sick and have no place in a Christian marriage.

It seems that he has left and wants no more of the marriage. If he has been unfaithful you definately have grounds for divorce, and even if he hasnt his behaviour is really bad. Once you are divorced, the marriage is ended and you no longer have to be faithful to him. You will be free to remarry a  Christian man if God brings one into your life.
  
 

  Oh so it is ok to look at porn as long as it is for 'educational' purposes. Now that is a good one. Also not everything that is on porn sites is acceptable for marriage  there are some truly violent and perverted porn sites aound .

Your personal view is that anything goes as long as YOU want it. Hmmmm not very Biblical is it. Any women who wouldnt do ALL of the things that you want are prudes. hmmm not very Biblical. ALL of your posts are purely YOUR own opinion as to what you want.

So I am prudish and stifling because I disagree with you, hmmmmmm,well at least I am not into serious sexual sin anyway.
I will also say that my husband is definately NOT complaining about our sex life, and we have a brilliant marriage.So maybe not so prudish after all .

Offline chosenone

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #47 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 12:58:39 »
Ok, I will make you a deal, if she is refering to bringing another woman into the bed room or golden showers or child molestation I will concede and appologize but I can 99.9% gaurentee that is not the case.  It probably has to do with BJ's, rimming, swallowing ejaculate, or anal sex which are all normal sex acts.

So Mac lets take this through its normal course.  Wife decides 14 yrs into the relationship she feels like a prostitute (whatever) and stops doing whatever sex acts the husband needs to be fullfilled in the marriage and she blames the lack of affection and wandering eye (which you could work out in counseling) but the wondering eye is not really the issue its the performance of these sexual acts thats the bottem line.  Men get married becuase they have a burning passion and when the outlet for that passion has been cut off they will stray and porn is the first outlet, not to say he was not looking at it before but I bet its gotten worse hasent it.  This is the reality of the situation, if she did not like being sexual in every way with her husband she should not have got married.  So what if he grabs your butt when he gives you a hug and a kiss your his wife, you should be happy he is that into you 14 yrs into the marriage.

This being said I agree there are things he needs to work on as well (the wondering eye and the porn), but the stuff he has to work on is irrelevant until the prudishness stops, if your heels are dug in and you are no longer going to do what you have been doing for years in bed you might want to get yourself mentally prepared for a divorce.  This is your reality and what you are doing to your husband is not ok.  you can listen to others on this form man bash your husband but its not going to help your marriage.  The sexual acts he wants you should not stop doing, you should get into counseling and figure out what you need from him to feel fullfilled so you can continue to perform the sex acts he needs.  If you have already decided that you done you should let him know that so you can both move on with your lives so you are not pushing him into a position of commiting adultry on you, and from your thread title it sounds like you are already considering divorce so maybe you are already mentally prepared for what is to come from the decisions you have made.

You are going to get all kinds of blather from the peanut gallery on here but it will likely not help your marraige, some person on an internet forum saying yea your husband is living in sin and should be kicked out of chruch and burnt at the stake is not going to help your situation.  Only you can help your situation.  I am saying this as a man who was in this exact scenario and it ended in a divorce.  Whatever the sex acts are I can tell you right now its not dirty and withholding is not right.

hmm is there more to this story we dont know about.  Why are you separated?  Why is he looking for someone else?

yes there is more to this story, alot to write about, but i will try to be more clear.it involves my husbands problem with girl watching and pornography and my emotional needs. our marriage of 14 yrs has revolved around my husbands need for constant sex and never being able to touch me without fondling me. i repeatedly told him how this made me feel, and if he could hug me or touch me lovingly and to not do certain things to me sexually and me to him every time we had sex, i always felt dirty and ashamed after sex and violated during the day every time he fondled me. he would say" you know you like it" and continue to do the same things. over time i began to tense up every time he woud touch me and eventually start pushing him off and sex became absent from our marriage. i told him i felt like his personal sex toy not loved or cherished not like a lady or felt beutiful before him, just ashamed and dirty he said i had a problem. he has always had a girl watching problem and always looked at pornography and he says he dosn't do either of those things any more, i've been watching what he has been doing on the computer and he's lying to me as he looks right into my eyes, i have seen him lie to others with ease, he's good at it. he is also very secretive about everything and has always put his family before me ,he moved out because he said he wants to start living, he said he is tired of being a slave to the marriage and our home. i have been through all the emotions of this failed marriage, we went to counciling( made things worse) he just wanted to get away from me.i'm ok now by the grace of God, i have grown closer to the Lord from all this and some of my personal issues have been dealt with and healed  by all the trauma of this lonely diffucult marriage and Gods grace. i praise him! i never thought i woud get divorced because we are christians but it does happen otherwise it would not be mentioned in the bible. i fear God and do not want to commit intentional sin, i am not looking for a free ticket to divorce, i see evidence of his unfaithfulness,  and how do i ever trust and believe him? and our sex life is ruined i believe because of him looking at porn and he won't admit it. we are getting along better as friends since we are apart, but i don't see the marriage to work. i will remain faithful to him though as lonely as i am.

rppearso,

I hope you read what was posted here. These are true words from a wounded wife. This is what I and many others were trying to tell you about insisting on a sex act from your wife she did not want to do anymore. See what it did to this person? She how it affected her and the marriage?

She felt like a used piece of trash. I would suspect not much different from your own wife.

Why should anyone in a loving marriage have to live and feel like this? Does anyone deserve to feel this way?

Thank you Sahg for sharing that.


  you havent got a clue what acts she is talking about so how can you possibly say that they are normal?


 your own opinion with no basis in scripture.

Offline courtgirl72

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #48 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 13:02:00 »
So if a woman doesn't do EXACTLY what a man wants any time he wants it ever she's a prude??
Spoken like a true christian...note the heavy sarcasm..... ::frustrated::

Offline courtgirl72

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #49 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 13:03:00 »
And another thing.....part of the marraige vows means to love and cherish in plenty and in WANT.

Offline chosenone

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #50 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 13:03:22 »
She should not withhold ANY type of sex from him, thats the point you are all missing.  As I said the decisions you make will determine if your marriage succeeds for fails, and I can tell you right now if you think intercourse once a week should be enough to make him happy you will have a rude awakening, I am not sure what the sex acts were you were doing before but to discontinue them will irriversibly damage your marriage.

"Unfortunately, this is the advise given from a man who has no faith in God" - really, that was a purely inflamitory and unfounded remark, although it does not surprise me since I am not affraid to speak truth.

Only you can help your situation.

Unfortunately, this is the advise given from a man who has no faith in God. Jesus Christ can save your marriage, but it requires Him as the center of both partner's lives.

Should your husband look at porn? no
Should you withhold all sex from him? no
Should you be offended that your husband still thinks your a catch (heavy petting)? Of course not
Should your husband be willing to work on a love language that you appreciate? yes

Marriage takes effort yes, but its the hearts that need to change here. If you are focused on Christ, the heart of a servant will keep your marriage strong.


 who is talking about only having sexual intercourse once a week? YOU said that, no one else did. The people who you are talking with her are married people with mostly happy marriages.Also your assumption that all men want what you do is absolutely and totally wrong. You have nothing to base than on whatsoever. You are assuming that ALL men HAVE to have what YOU do, and that simply isnt true. You can ony speak for yourself in this and not all other men.

Offline fanuvmxpx

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #51 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 13:04:02 »
She should not withhold ANY type of sex from him, thats the point you are all missing.  As I said the decisions you make will determine if your marriage succeeds for fails, and I can tell you right now if you think intercourse once a week should be enough to make him happy you will have a rude awakening, I am not sure what the sex acts were you were doing before but to discontinue them will irriversibly damage your marriage.

"Unfortunately, this is the advise given from a man who has no faith in God" - really, that was a purely inflamitory and unfounded remark, although it does not surprise me since I am not affraid to speak truth.

Unfortunately, the truth is not found in you. Show me the verse from the Word of God which states that if a wife withholds any form of sex, she is in sin, or at fault if her husband sins, or at risk of losing her marriage. Don't forget to find the verse that mentions she is willing to provide sexual acts...just not the one the husband specifically wants.

You won't find it. However, I can find you multiple passages where the God of the Universe came to earth and was a servant to man. So whose opinion should be held valid? God of the Universe, or you?

If you have the faith of a mustard seed you can move mountains. What does that say to you, the husband claiming woe is me because my wife won't give me oral? Seems that your faith (if there is any at all) is even tinier than a mustard seed.

rppearso

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #52 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 13:05:45 »
I already have provided that passage you just chose to ignore it, there is nothing I can do about that.  You guys can go around in circles man bashing all you want it will not help the OP's situation.  She has 2 choices, she can keep going down this road that could very likely lead to a divorce and leave her to grow old alone or she can do what makes her husband happy and get into counseling for his wandering eye and the porn use.  It sounds like the OP's husband adores her if he still pays that much attention to her.  But you all are right she can do what ever she wants to do and each decision she makes will have its own unique positive or negitive consequences.

She should not withhold ANY type of sex from him, thats the point you are all missing.  As I said the decisions you make will determine if your marriage succeeds for fails, and I can tell you right now if you think intercourse once a week should be enough to make him happy you will have a rude awakening, I am not sure what the sex acts were you were doing before but to discontinue them will irriversibly damage your marriage.

"Unfortunately, this is the advise given from a man who has no faith in God" - really, that was a purely inflamitory and unfounded remark, although it does not surprise me since I am not affraid to speak truth.

Unfortunately, the truth is not found in you. Show me the verse from the Word of God which states that if a wife withholds any form of sex, she is in sin, or at fault if her husband sins, or at risk of losing her marriage. Don't forget to find the verse that mentions she is willing to provide sexual acts...just not the one the husband specifically wants.

You won't find it. However, I can find you multiple passages where the God of the Universe came to earth and was a servant to man. So whose opinion should be held valid? God of the Universe, or you?

If you have the faith of a mustard seed you can move mountains. What does that say to you, the husband claiming woe is me because my wife won't give me oral? Seems that your faith (if there is any at all) is even tinier than a mustard seed.
« Last Edit: Tue May 05, 2009 - 13:16:36 by rppearso »

Offline fanuvmxpx

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #53 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 13:10:32 »
I already have provided that passage you just chose to ignore it, there is nothing I can do about that.

You have provided no such passage. You have read a verse that addresses sex (as a whole) should not be withheld from a husband. I agree with this verse.

You have said: "That means, if a wife withholds oral from the husband (even if she offers traditional intercourse) than she is disobeying the Word of God".

This is called "adding to the scriptures" and is expressly forbidden by God Almighty. You have provided no passage because it doesn't exist. Only what you would like to believe...exists inside your own head.

You have had several born-again Christians tell you that you are adding to the Word. You don't answer to us, but you will answer to God, so heed the warning and stop attempting to stumble God's children with your lies.

rppearso

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #54 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 13:21:25 »
You see I dont care what you tell me becasue I am a very intellegent individual who can read the scripture for myself, I know what the scripture says and im not adding to it.  It says do not withhold from one and other sexually (so unless you dont believe oral sex is sex, in which case this becomes a very differnet discussion) withholding oral sex is still withholding a type of sex and it is defrauding your spouse out of what is rightfully theres.  The passage then goes on to say that if you do, you cause your spouse to potentially commit adultry (ie stumble).  It is a very simple scripture.

I already have provided that passage you just chose to ignore it, there is nothing I can do about that.

You have provided no such passage. You have read a verse that addresses sex (as a whole) should not be withheld from a husband. I agree with this verse.

You have said: "That means, if a wife withholds oral from the husband (even if she offers traditional intercourse) than she is disobeying the Word of God".

This is called "adding to the scriptures" and is expressly forbidden by God Almighty. You have provided no passage because it doesn't exist. Only what you would like to believe...exists inside your own head.

You have had several born-again Christians tell you that you are adding to the Word. You don't answer to us, but you will answer to God, so heed the warning and stop attempting to stumble God's children with your lies.

Offline fanuvmxpx

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #55 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 13:30:33 »
You see I dont care what you tell me becasue I am a very intellegent individual who can read the scripture for myself, I know what the scripture says and im not adding to it.  It says do not withhold from one and other sexually (so unless you dont believe oral sex is sex, in which case this becomes a very differnet discussion) withholding oral sex is still withholding a type of sex and it is defrauding your spouse out of what is rightfully theres.  The passage then goes on to say that if you do, you cause your spouse to potentially commit adultry (ie stumble).  It is a very simple scripture.

And...if your wife was withholding from you (offering no sex at all) you would have a case. But since she wasn't (just withholding what she was uncomfortable with at the time)...you have no case.

She was available to you anytime you wanted...you chose not to access her because 'boo hoo, that's not the flavor of sex i want. me,me,me who cares about her.'

So you see, it is very clear what the motivation was...selfishness. The Bible addresses this as well. You would argue with God Himself.

Offline chosenone

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #56 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 13:48:10 »
You see I dont care what you tell me becasue I am a very intellegent individual who can read the scripture for myself, I know what the scripture says and im not adding to it.  It says do not withhold from one and other sexually (so unless you dont believe oral sex is sex, in which case this becomes a very differnet discussion) withholding oral sex is still withholding a type of sex and it is defrauding your spouse out of what is rightfully theres.  The passage then goes on to say that if you do, you cause your spouse to potentially commit adultry (ie stumble).  It is a very simple scripture.

I already have provided that passage you just chose to ignore it, there is nothing I can do about that.

You have provided no such passage. You have read a verse that addresses sex (as a whole) should not be withheld from a husband. I agree with this verse.

You have said: "That means, if a wife withholds oral from the husband (even if she offers traditional intercourse) than she is disobeying the Word of God".

This is called "adding to the scriptures" and is expressly forbidden by God Almighty. You have provided no passage because it doesn't exist. Only what you would like to believe...exists inside your own head.

You have had several born-again Christians tell you that you are adding to the Word. You don't answer to us, but you will answer to God, so heed the warning and stop attempting to stumble God's children with your lies.


 I guess you can make a scripture mean anything that you want it to and you win the prize for  doing just that.
 As far as I know the Bible never even mentions either oral or anal sex (both of which you want) as being ok for marriage, but sex outside marriage is spoken about many times and you ignore those ones conveniently. 
If you are so keen on Bible verses look up the ones about no sex before marriage, and no sex while you still are married to another person. Look up the one that tells us not to be uneaqually yoked with unbelievers.
How can you pretend to care at all about what The Bible says when you are knowingly disobeying these things right now and have no intention of stopping.
 Rather hypocritical. dont you think? You accuse the church of being hypocritiical, but in fact it is you that are.

rppearso

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #57 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 13:53:25 »
I dont need to argue with God, because the scripture is very clear to me.  I know I have things to sort out and that im not perfect but these are just warnings from my last relationship, as I said the OP can do whatever she wants.

You see I dont care what you tell me becasue I am a very intellegent individual who can read the scripture for myself, I know what the scripture says and im not adding to it.  It says do not withhold from one and other sexually (so unless you dont believe oral sex is sex, in which case this becomes a very differnet discussion) withholding oral sex is still withholding a type of sex and it is defrauding your spouse out of what is rightfully theres.  The passage then goes on to say that if you do, you cause your spouse to potentially commit adultry (ie stumble).  It is a very simple scripture.

And...if your wife was withholding from you (offering no sex at all) you would have a case. But since she wasn't (just withholding what she was uncomfortable with at the time)...you have no case.

She was available to you anytime you wanted...you chose not to access her because 'boo hoo, that's not the flavor of sex i want. me,me,me who cares about her.'

So you see, it is very clear what the motivation was...selfishness. The Bible addresses this as well. You would argue with God Himself.

rppearso

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #58 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 13:59:37 »
My situation is a consequnce of my sexual needs being neglected, I am working to sort out my situation and I never condoned sex before marriage (I can lagitimatly argue what is considered a divorce and a marriage as outlined by the bible and not society but I still want to comply with the laws of the land which I am currantly working on).  The difference between you and me is you are saying its ok to defraud your spouse which is contrary to the bible and im saying if you do that you will end up in the mess I am in right now.  No matter how you dice it there will be consequences for the OP depending on what she decides to do and no amount of man bashing will make her situation easier.

You see I dont care what you tell me becasue I am a very intellegent individual who can read the scripture for myself, I know what the scripture says and im not adding to it.  It says do not withhold from one and other sexually (so unless you dont believe oral sex is sex, in which case this becomes a very differnet discussion) withholding oral sex is still withholding a type of sex and it is defrauding your spouse out of what is rightfully theres.  The passage then goes on to say that if you do, you cause your spouse to potentially commit adultry (ie stumble).  It is a very simple scripture.

I already have provided that passage you just chose to ignore it, there is nothing I can do about that.

You have provided no such passage. You have read a verse that addresses sex (as a whole) should not be withheld from a husband. I agree with this verse.

You have said: "That means, if a wife withholds oral from the husband (even if she offers traditional intercourse) than she is disobeying the Word of God".

This is called "adding to the scriptures" and is expressly forbidden by God Almighty. You have provided no passage because it doesn't exist. Only what you would like to believe...exists inside your own head.

You have had several born-again Christians tell you that you are adding to the Word. You don't answer to us, but you will answer to God, so heed the warning and stop attempting to stumble God's children with your lies.


 I guess you can make a scripture mean anything that you want it to and you win the prize for  doing just that.
 As far as I know the Bible never even mentions either oral or anal sex (both of which you want) as being ok for marriage, but sex outside marriage is spoken about many times and you ignore those ones conveniently. 
If you are so keen on Bible verses look up the ones about no sex before marriage, and no sex while you still are married to another person. Look up the one that tells us not to be uneaqually yoked with unbelievers.
How can you pretend to care at all about what The Bible says when you are knowingly disobeying these things right now and have no intention of stopping.
 Rather hypocritical. dont you think? You accuse the church of being hypocritiical, but in fact it is you that are.

Offline Mac

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #59 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 14:06:43 »
rppearso,

This is what I see here. SELFISHNESS.

For you to say this:
"It sounds like the OP's husband adores her if he still pays that much attention to her."

My gosh man, do you have no feelings? Any at all? Whether you accept it or not this woman has been wounded because she figured out that her husband cares more about himself than he does her. Much like you and your situation. A man and a woman do not get married because they "burn with passion" as you like to say. They marry because they love each other. What is love? Let me tell you the biblical definition of love.

1 Corinthians 13.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

You may be an intelligent man, but you are ignorant to the true meaning of a husband, love and worse, the Love of Christ. You show NOTHING of Christs' love for others and trying to love your wife as Christ loved the Church. It is all about you. As long as get what you want, it is fine. Sounds to me that you have used scripture as a weapon against your wife when she denied your perverted wants. I can only imagine how you talked to her when you bring your filthy language to this forum.

Well, as far as I could tell, you found NO ONE to see it your way here. So, I guess we are all wrong for loving our spouses more than we love ourselves. We put their needs above our own. For such an intelligent man, you sure don't get much. I'll give you a hint... It's not always about you.

You know, I could get my wife to do things she wouldn't really want to do.. She would do it because she loves me. But she would lose respect for me as a man and my witness would be damaged because I cared more for my desires than I did her feelings. That is not Christ like. But I would NEVER, EVER ask my wife to do something she was not comfortable with anymore. I care for her to much. I would NEVER want my wife to look at me with hurt in her eyes. She trusted you... You don't deserve a loving wife.

And just for the record, I do not see how you can say anal sex is a natural act. I, along with many medical professionals, will certainly tell you that you are wrong. Nothing natural about it.

I need to go now, I am getting angry with you. And that isn't right either.

rppearso

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #60 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 14:22:25 »
Well we will see how it plays out then, I am guessing she will remain in her stance and we will see where that takes her.  What about the hurt in your eyes from her neglect, of course that does not count and the mans feelings are irrelavant right Mac, if that is how you choose to live thats your choise dont try to spin things and bold print buzz words like selfishness.  Selfishness is wanting something without returning the favor, there is only so much one can take of giving and never gettting back before you start to have serious problems in the relationship but of course in the chruch this is only one sided in favor of the woman right Mac.

Selfish - concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.

Did I not say he had issues to work on as well, if only one party is working on there issues and the other is not it will fall apart, if someone is working on there part with an expectation that the other party is working on it as well that is not without regard for others.

rppearso,

This is what I see here. SELFISHNESS.

For you to say this:
"It sounds like the OP's husband adores her if he still pays that much attention to her."

My gosh man, do you have no feelings? Any at all? Whether you accept it or not this woman has been wounded because she figured out that her husband cares more about himself than he does her. Much like you and your situation. A man and a woman do not get married because they "burn with passion" as you like to say. They marry because they love each other. What is love? Let me tell you the biblical definition of love.

1 Corinthians 13.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

You may be an intelligent man, but you are ignorant to the true meaning of a husband, love and worse, the Love of Christ. You show NOTHING of Christs' love for others and trying to love your wife as Christ loved the Church. It is all about you. As long as get what you want, it is fine. Sounds to me that you have used scripture as a weapon against your wife when she denied your perverted wants. I can only imagine how you talked to her when you bring your filthy language to this forum.

Well, as far as I could tell, you found NO ONE to see it your way here. So, I guess we are all wrong for loving our spouses more than we love ourselves. We put their needs above our own. For such an intelligent man, you sure don't get much. I'll give you a hint... It's not always about you.

You know, I could get my wife to do things she wouldn't really want to do.. She would do it because she loves me. But she would lose respect for me as a man and my witness would be damaged because I cared more for my desires than I did her feelings. That is not Christ like. But I would NEVER, EVER ask my wife to do something she was not comfortable with anymore. I care for her to much. I would NEVER want my wife to look at me with hurt in her eyes. She trusted you... You don't deserve a loving wife.

And just for the record, I do not see how you can say anal sex is a natural act. I, along with many medical professionals, will certainly tell you that you are wrong. Nothing natural about it.

I need to go now, I am getting angry with you. And that isn't right either.

Offline fanuvmxpx

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #61 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 14:25:11 »
I dont need to argue with God, because the scripture is very clear to me.  I know I have things to sort out and that im not perfect but these are just warnings from my last relationship, as I said the OP can do whatever she wants.

The scriptures are clear to satan as well. And yet he twists them every chance he gets doesn't he? You are being lied to by the enemy rppearso. You came to this forum, and this is quite possibly God's last attempt to get your attention. His children have revealed His Truth to you. Do you stand with God...or with yourself?

Offline fanuvmxpx

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #62 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 14:28:11 »
Selfishness is wanting something without returning the favor


Incorrect. You can't even properly define a dictionary word much less the Word of God. Selfishness means self-centeredness. You only care about what you want. You don't care about how others feel. Its all about you, you, you.

Selfish is a perfect synonym for your lifestyle. Here's a link for your records: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfish.

Offline chosenone

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #63 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 14:43:16 »
rppearso,

This is what I see here. SELFISHNESS.

For you to say this:
"It sounds like the OP's husband adores her if he still pays that much attention to her."

My gosh man, do you have no feelings? Any at all? Whether you accept it or not this woman has been wounded because she figured out that her husband cares more about himself than he does her. Much like you and your situation. A man and a woman do not get married because they "burn with passion" as you like to say. They marry because they love each other. What is love? Let me tell you the biblical definition of love.

1 Corinthians 13.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

You may be an intelligent man, but you are ignorant to the true meaning of a husband, love and worse, the Love of Christ. You show NOTHING of Christs' love for others and trying to love your wife as Christ loved the Church. It is all about you. As long as get what you want, it is fine. Sounds to me that you have used scripture as a weapon against your wife when she denied your perverted wants. I can only imagine how you talked to her when you bring your filthy language to this forum.

Well, as far as I could tell, you found NO ONE to see it your way here. So, I guess we are all wrong for loving our spouses more than we love ourselves. We put their needs above our own. For such an intelligent man, you sure don't get much. I'll give you a hint... It's not always about you.

You know, I could get my wife to do things she wouldn't really want to do.. She would do it because she loves me. But she would lose respect for me as a man and my witness would be damaged because I cared more for my desires than I did her feelings. That is not Christ like. But I would NEVER, EVER ask my wife to do something she was not comfortable with anymore. I care for her to much. I would NEVER want my wife to look at me with hurt in her eyes. She trusted you... You don't deserve a loving wife.

And just for the record, I do not see how you can say anal sex is a natural act. I, along with many medical professionals, will certainly tell you that you are wrong. Nothing natural about it.

I need to go now, I am getting angry with you. And that isn't right either.

  Totally agree mac, anal sex is an unnatural act if there ever was one. Goodness you only have to look at the womens body and to have basic medical knowledge about what the back passage is and what it does to see that. If anyone claims that is isnt  then I fear for them.
If I am called a prude (as I already have been a few times) for saying that then I am unconcerned, as I know what is and isnt right.
« Last Edit: Tue May 05, 2009 - 14:54:41 by chosenone »

Offline Mac

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #64 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 14:44:31 »
Well we will see how it plays out then, I am guessing she will remain in her stance and we will see where that takes her. 

She has already said she will remain faithful to him even though she is lonely. Oh, my... Can you imagine... She actually intends on suffering for another... Wow. What a foreign concept.

What about the hurt in your eyes from her neglect, of course that does not count and the mans feelings are irrelavant right Mac, if that is how you choose to live thats your choise dont try to spin things and bold print buzz words like selfishness. 

 Our job is not to seek vengeance. Only to live our life as Christ instructed us too. Even if I were married to a bad person, it wouldn't change the fact that I am to continue to live my life for the Lord. You can't reconcile your thoughts or actions with Scripture.

Selfishness is wanting something without returning the favor, there is only so much one can take of giving and never gettting back before you start to have serious problems in the relationship but of course in the chruch this is only one sided in favor of the woman right Mac.

All I can say is, you better be thankful that Jesus didn't feel the way you do. He died on that cross for people who neglect and reject Him daily. Christ is Love. I hope you find it.

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #65 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 15:04:36 »
I cant buy into something that I dont believe to be true no matter how many people tell me it.  I dont care if 100 people told me 1+1 = 3 I would not believe them.

I dont need to argue with God, because the scripture is very clear to me.  I know I have things to sort out and that im not perfect but these are just warnings from my last relationship, as I said the OP can do whatever she wants.

The scriptures are clear to satan as well. And yet he twists them every chance he gets doesn't he? You are being lied to by the enemy rppearso. You came to this forum, and this is quite possibly God's last attempt to get your attention. His children have revealed His Truth to you. Do you stand with God...or with yourself?

rppearso

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #66 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 15:08:53 »
Maybe she would not be lonely if she did not prude out, all things have natural consequences.  You are just talking in circles at this point, God does not call us to foolishness, would you continue to allow someone into your house that continually stole from you?  You can forgive them but that does not mean you let them keep the key, are you really that foolish?

Well we will see how it plays out then, I am guessing she will remain in her stance and we will see where that takes her. 

She has already said she will remain faithful to him even though she is lonely. Oh, my... Can you imagine... She actually intends on suffering for another... Wow. What a foreign concept.

What about the hurt in your eyes from her neglect, of course that does not count and the mans feelings are irrelavant right Mac, if that is how you choose to live thats your choise dont try to spin things and bold print buzz words like selfishness. 

 Our job is not to seek vengeance. Only to live our life as Christ instructed us too. Even if I were married to a bad person, it wouldn't change the fact that I am to continue to live my life for the Lord. You can't reconcile your thoughts or actions with Scripture.

Selfishness is wanting something without returning the favor, there is only so much one can take of giving and never gettting back before you start to have serious problems in the relationship but of course in the chruch this is only one sided in favor of the woman right Mac.

All I can say is, you better be thankful that Jesus didn't feel the way you do. He died on that cross for people who neglect and reject Him daily. Christ is Love. I hope you find it.

Offline Mac

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #67 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 15:23:17 »
Maybe she would not be lonely if she did not prude out, all things have natural consequences. 

So, her feelings just don't matter... As I said, you do not deserve a loving wife. All I can tell you is this, What ever a man reaps, he will surely sow.

You are just talking in circles at this point, God does not call us to foolishness, would you continue to allow someone into your house that continually stole from you?  You can forgive them but that does not mean you let them keep the key, are you really that foolish?

Talking in circles? No, I think it is more to the fact that you are not hearing us. All of us. Read the Word. That is my evidence.

Am I foolish? Maybe. If doing what the Lord has instructed me to do is foolishness, well yes, I am. And I am proud of it. I also love my wife. I am proud of that as well. I don't force my wife (or others for that matter) to do something only for my benefit. Yep.. You guessed.. I am proud of that too.


Offline fanuvmxpx

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #68 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 15:40:52 »
I cant buy into something that I dont believe to be true no matter how many people tell me it.  I dont care if 100 people told me 1+1 = 3 I would not believe them.

You don't have to believe men. Its written down in God's Word, in plain English, no interpretation by yourself is required. You simply don't want to believe God, which is a choice you are free to make.

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Re: is pornography grounds for divorce
« Reply #69 on: Tue May 05, 2009 - 16:41:44 »
"Let him (or her) who is without sin throw the first stone."

I love the stone verse out of context. Especially when a professing Christian tells me I'm not allowed to highlight that they are living in sin. I'm supposed to keep it to myself apparently.

No, I wasn't suggesting that anyone remain silent about his sin or not try to help him overcome it. It's a bad thing and does lots of psychological harm to everyone involved. I was merely suggesting that "divorce him!" was perhaps a bit extreme. It seems that society usually pushes guys to stick it out no matter what their wife has done to them, yet it's common for folks, even here, to encourage a woman to leave her husband for many things which are not Biblical grounds for divorce.

I'm just saying that everyone is imperfect and will do bad things so our first reaction should be to stick with them, work through it and keep our vows even during those times when it is "for worse."
« Last Edit: Tue May 05, 2009 - 16:47:49 by admin »