Author Topic: Help  (Read 1526 times)

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Bee3

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Help
« on: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 16:28:44 »
I don't know what to do. I'm a virgin with a very high sex drive. I'm single. I know sex in marriage is a blessing but I don't want to get married. What do I do with these urges?

Lively Stone

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Re: Help
« Reply #1 on: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 16:38:49 »
If you are a Christian, you ask God to help you deal with them, and you ask God why you do not have the desire to marry. If you have the desire for sex, and you know that the only outlet for it is the marriage bed, then you need to explore the reason for your problem about marriage.

God actually commands marriage for us, unless He has called certain people to a life of abstinence and singlehood, in which case He is ready to assist with desire issues.

Mark 10:6-7
But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,
« Last Edit: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 17:22:02 by Lively Stone »

Bee3

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Re: Help
« Reply #2 on: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 16:44:30 »
I really don't want to fall in love with anyone and I'm at the end of my rope. I'm already suicidal. I just can't go on like this anymore.

Bee3

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Re: Help
« Reply #3 on: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 16:46:25 »
Nevermind. I know no one can help me. Thanks anyway.

Bee3

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Re: Help
« Reply #4 on: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 17:07:57 »
Lively Stone, You'll never know how grateful I am that you responded. I know I sound like a nutbag but you made me realize that marriage is favorable to the Lord. Thank you.

Lively Stone

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Re: Help
« Reply #5 on: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 17:25:32 »
Lively Stone, You'll never know how grateful I am that you responded. I know I sound like a nutbag but you made me realize that marriage is favorable to the Lord. Thank you.

Yes it is very favourable to God! It is favourable for you also! You don't sound like a 'nutbag', but you do sound troubled. Just know that God ahs a fantastic plan for your life and it is for you to enjoy your life, also!

John 10:10
The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).

Offline chosenone

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Re: Help
« Reply #6 on: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 18:24:19 »
bee3. marriage is wonderful, an amazing thing that God Himself ordained. Why do you not want to fall in love? Its great. Pauls says to marry if we cant control our sexual lusts, and sex in marriage is so precious.
In the meantime, if you feel overwhelmed, do you pray in tongues? If you do, then do that and I am sure it will help. Try to do active sports or other physical activities every day.     

 If you are suicidal please get help, either from your church or the doctor(or preferably both).

Bee3

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Re: Help
« Reply #7 on: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 19:28:31 »
I don't want to get close to anyone. I want to be single. I think I should be a eunuch.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Help
« Reply #8 on: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 19:37:08 »
I don't want to get close to anyone. I want to be single. I think I should be a eunuch.
 
Why is that? is it because you have been hurt before?
I was terribly hurt in my life and badly betrayed by some people as well, but I am happily married now.You can learn to trust again.It sounds to me as if you are using self protection strategies and need some prayer ministry for healing. You will miss out on so much of life if you live behind a wall of self protection.
How can you be a eunoch if you are desperate for sex?
« Last Edit: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 19:40:03 by chosenone »

Bee3

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Re: Help
« Reply #9 on: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 19:39:00 »
I think I can control my urges. and no, I just don't want to be loved by anyone.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Help
« Reply #10 on: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 19:57:59 »
I think I can control my urges. and no, I just don't want to be loved by anyone.

Well that not normal human behaviour at all, so I still think that you need prayer and ministry. Do you even let God love you? Do you have any family? Parents? Brothers and sisters? Friends?

Bee3

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Re: Help
« Reply #11 on: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 20:13:21 »
That's just it. I don't want anyone else but God. I just can't get myself to fall in love. I have parents. I'm an only child. I have a few friends. I don't know what my future holds.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Help
« Reply #12 on: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 20:30:34 »
That's just it. I don't want anyone else but God. I just can't get myself to fall in love. I have parents. I'm an only child. I have a few friends. I don't know what my future holds.

You cant make yourself fall in love, it just happens when you meet the right one. I suspect that you are pretty young yet.

Lively Stone

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Re: Help
« Reply #13 on: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 20:32:48 »
I don't want to get close to anyone. I want to be single. I think I should be a eunuch.

You need to seek after what God wants for you. If He wants you to be single, He would have taken care of your libido. It is a natural desire to be intimate with someone in life. You need to do some exploration to determine the cause of what looks very much like dysfunction....not function.

Bee3

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Re: Help
« Reply #14 on: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 20:43:31 »
I do seriously think about it. I think I'm called to be single. Before I was a mess, but I really think I'm ok now. I will be single. I only want to have a relationship with Jesus. And yes I'm young Choosenone, I'll be 21 soon. I'm gonna trust God with my future.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Help
« Reply #15 on: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 21:00:58 »
Well dont make any drastic decisions. Give it a few years and you may be feel VERY diffrerently. You dont have to decide anything now do you. Few people are mature enough for marriage till their mid to late 20's anyway(and often later). My son and elder daughter both got married in the last 2 years, and both were past 30 when they met their other halves. ::smile::

Bee3

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Re: Help
« Reply #16 on: Thu Nov 08, 2012 - 21:06:21 »
Jesus is my other half. =) But I hear you. Thanks for talking to me.

Offline DaveW

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Re: Help
« Reply #17 on: Fri Nov 09, 2012 - 06:23:06 »
Bee - the first command given to men by God (chronologically) was to be fruitful and multiply. Then came "Don't eat from that tree."

You cannot be fruitful and multiply if you do not get close to someone.

I would submit that your desire to not be close to anyone is itself sinful. (it misses the mark of God's design) That mentality coupled with your high sex drive (normal for someone of your age) is an opportunity for the devil to set you up for a big fail.

In fact the progress of your posts tells me that a bad cycle is already in progress.  At first your libido is driving you nuts and you are contemplating suicide, and then a short time later you think you are OK and can make it.

That back-and-forth is inherently unstable and often degrades into either a porn habit with lots of masturbation or you start having sex with someone. (or both)  The results of that could be devastating.

Lively and Chosen have both given good advice.  Find a good counselor and explore WHY you are so set against falling in love and marrying.

I was in your place when I was in college and it took an audible voice from God to move me away from rejecting marriage.   When HE resorts to something that drastic it means you are not listening to Him as you should be. (I certainly was not, at least in that area)

My reasons were logical: I was a product of a divorce and there were divorces and multiple marriages 3 generations back on ALL sides of the family tree. Too much hurt.

But God prevailed and my wife and I celebrated 35 years together as husband and wife this last September. We have 4 kids and 3 grand-kids.  And that is a TRUE blessing!

Offline chosenone

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Re: Help
« Reply #18 on: Fri Nov 09, 2012 - 06:34:46 »
Jesus is my other half. =) But I hear you. Thanks for talking to me.
 
yes but you can have God and a husband or wife. Unless you have or get a clear calling to remain celebate, then keep your options open.

Offline DaveW

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Re: Help
« Reply #19 on: Fri Nov 09, 2012 - 06:41:47 »
Jesus is my other half. =) But I hear you. Thanks for talking to me.
 
yes but you can have God and a husband or wife. Unless you have or get a clear calling to remain celibate, then keep your options open.

Adam in the garden had complete open access to God.  And yet God said it was not good for man to be alone.

IOW, God himself will NOT be your "other half."

Bee3

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Re: Help
« Reply #20 on: Fri Nov 09, 2012 - 08:31:26 »
It's ok. I know no one would really understand. The church is married to Christ. I had a revelation of what that means, how He loves me more than any husband could love a wife. I really don't know how to divide my heart for God and a husband and both love them 100 percent. I'm gonna go with 1 Corinthians 7:34.

Offline DaveW

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Re: Help
« Reply #21 on: Fri Nov 09, 2012 - 11:19:38 »
It's ok. I know no one would really understand. The church is married to Christ. I had a revelation of what that means, how He loves me more than any husband could love a wife. I really don't know how to divide my heart for God and a husband and both love them 100 percent. I'm gonna go with 1 Corinthians 7:34.
1 Corinthians 7:34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.

But remember the words of our Lord:

Matt 19.10 The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”
11 But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given."

i.e., the ability to remain celibate is a spiritual gift from God.  But like all His gifts, we cannot chose it.  Unless you think you can CHOOSE to have the gift of healing. (1 Cor 12)

Of course HE loves you more than any spouse can.  Do you not think HE loved Adam more than Eve did?   That is not the point. The point is unless you have that gift (and since your sex drive has been problematic that is most likely NOT the case) then God has a gift of a spouse for you at some point. And to love your spouse 100% is PART of Loving God 100%  It is not an either-or situation but more of a both-and one.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Help
« Reply #22 on: Fri Nov 09, 2012 - 11:36:47 »
It's ok. I know no one would really understand. The church is married to Christ. I had a revelation of what that means, how He loves me more than any husband could love a wife. I really don't know how to divide my heart for God and a husband and both love them 100 percent. I'm gonna go with 1 Corinthians 7:34.
If you are sure that you have that calling to be celibate and never marry then thats fine. If you want that, and are at peace about it, then maybe that is what will happen, but at 20 I would give it another 10 years before you know for sure. God can and does change people all the time.
 I love God with all my heart, and I love my husband and 3 adult children with all my heart. Love expands according to how many you need to love.
When I was expecting my second child, I didnt know how I could love any other child like I loved the first one. Of course I didnt love the first one any less after that, I just had more love in me to give to the second, and after that, the third child. They are all different types of love, our love for God and our spouse and our child. ::smile::