It's ok. I know no one would really understand. The church is married to Christ. I had a revelation of what that means, how He loves me more than any husband could love a wife. I really don't know how to divide my heart for God and a husband and both love them 100 percent. I'm gonna go with 1 Corinthians 7:34.
1 Corinthians 7:34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.
But remember the words of our Lord:
Matt 19.10 The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”
11 But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given."
i.e., the ability to remain celibate is a spiritual gift from God. But like all His gifts, we cannot chose it. Unless you think you can CHOOSE to have the gift of healing. (1 Cor 12)
Of course HE loves you more than any spouse can. Do you not think HE loved Adam more than Eve did? That is not the point. The point is unless you have that gift (and since your sex drive has been problematic that is most likely NOT the case) then God has a gift of a spouse for you at some point. And to love your spouse 100% is PART of Loving God 100% It is not an either-or situation but more of a both-and one.