Author Topic: Is God Allowing Premarital Sex?  (Read 9697 times)

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Offline Rachel

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Is God Allowing Premarital Sex?
« on: March 03, 2010, 01:45:18 PM »
My fiance and I moved in together before I had accepted Jesus Christ as my savior.  He was already saved.  I am planning to get baptized on Sunday.  We have spoken to our pastor.  It's not feasible for either of us to move out and so we decided we would abstain.  That has not gone so well.  We have decided that we will get married next week or the week thereafter.  We just want to remove this inevitable sin from our lives so that we can continue on with our Christian lives.  We had already discussed marriage and were going to wait a couple of months but since we are having this problem we have decided to move this forward.  We are both ready and prepared to do the work so that we can have a good Christian marriage.  I'm 39 and he's 38 so we aren't young!

We are in disagreement with this passage...

1 Corinthians 7:36

My fiance says it means that because I am not a young woman then we can have sex as we are going to be married.  Can anyone else see this in there?


Offline ForgivenDaughter

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Re: Is God Allowing Premarital Sex?
« Reply #1 on: March 03, 2010, 01:59:46 PM »
Wow - let's use the Bible to justify pre-marrital sex just because you aren't a virgin....

Let me get this straight....he is telling you a man, single or divorced, can have sex with any woman that is not married if she has been deflowered by someone else?

Sorry for the sarcasm, but really?!?!

What about:
7:1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote to me: it is good for a man not to touch a woman.
7:9 But if they don't have self-control, let them marry. For it's better to marry than to burn.
7:34 There is also a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world--how she may please her husband.
7:36 But if any man thinks that he is behaving inappropriately toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of her age, and if need so requires, let him do what he desires. He doesn't sin. Let them marry.

As for 7:9 - if you can't control it - get married!

As for 7:34 - how can an unmarried woman care about the things of the lord and be holy in both body and in spirit if the man she is engaged to is having his way with her?

As for 7:36 - is he completely dismissing the end of the verse?  Where it says "Let them marry."?

You cannot take a portion of a verse out of context and use it to justify your sin.  Period.



Offline Rachel

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Re: Is God Allowing Premarital Sex?
« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2010, 03:34:01 PM »
Wow - let's use the Bible to justify pre-marrital sex just because you aren't a virgin....

Let me get this straight....he is telling you a man, single or divorced, can have sex with any woman that is not married if she has been deflowered by someone else?

Sorry for the sarcasm, but really?!?!


No apology necessary.  It was more a tongue in cheek 'debate' we had this morning before he went to work.  We toyed with the idea that maybe it meant that since we are older, and I'm not a virgin, then we could have sex as long as we were going to get married.  Oh gosh, that sounds beyond ridiculous now!  ::blushing::
Quote
What about:
7:1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote to me: it is good for a man not to touch a woman.
7:9 But if they don't have self-control, let them marry. For it's better to marry than to burn.
7:34 There is also a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world--how she may please her husband.
7:36 But if any man thinks that he is behaving inappropriately toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of her age, and if need so requires, let him do what he desires. He doesn't sin. Let them marry.

As for 7:9 - if you can't control it - get married!

As for 7:34 - how can an unmarried woman care about the things of the lord and be holy in both body and in spirit if the man she is engaged to is having his way with her?

As for 7:36 - is he completely dismissing the end of the verse?  Where it says "Let them marry."?

You cannot take a portion of a verse out of context and use it to justify your sin.  Period.




You're right.  Not being pedantic but what does it mean when it says 'let him do what he desires.  He doesn't sin.'  That's the bit we were debating.

Btw, we are trying to see if we can get everything together so that we can get married on Sunday.  That's a tall order but I just want to put all this behind us and enter into a good Christian marriage.  We have tried abstinence and that hasn't worked and we both want to do the right thing in God's eyes.  We are marrying because it is what God wants from us and because we want it too. 

Offline ForgivenDaughter

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Re: Is God Allowing Premarital Sex?
« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2010, 04:01:43 PM »
LOL - well try telling him to sleep on the couch the rest of the week - maybe that'll help  ::smile::

As for the bit about 'let him do what he desires.  He doesn't sin.'  I will have to wait another hour or so to reply - after I am home from work and can really look at the word (in NIV which I prefer) instead of this one on line and see what I can find....or someone else may have a point of view.


Offline Eagle

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Re: Is God Allowing Premarital Sex?
« Reply #4 on: March 03, 2010, 04:20:24 PM »
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He was already saved.

Guess a warm woman put Gods Word on the back burner..... The scriptures do not justify sex outside of marriage.  In our culture that does not mean engaged.

IF this guy is the right one GET MARRIED

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Re: Is God Allowing Premarital Sex?
« Reply #4 on: March 03, 2010, 04:20:24 PM »



Offline Wycliffes_Shillelagh

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Re: Is God Allowing Premarital Sex?
« Reply #5 on: March 03, 2010, 05:12:54 PM »
At the time the Bible was written, engagement was a binding oath along the lines of a marriage.  To break an engagement, you had to give a certificate of divorce.  In fact, the vows were part of the engagement, not the marriage.  The marriage ceremony was mainly a time of celebration and a time for others to bless the couple.

But even then engagement didn't give you the right to steal the nookie.

First, you had to fulfill your obligations to the agreement, and provide a house of your own to live in.  Then you could take the gal home.

Offline ForgivenDaughter

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Re: Is God Allowing Premarital Sex?
« Reply #6 on: March 03, 2010, 05:57:53 PM »
R~

Ok, I am home now and looking at my NIV Study Bible.

The verse in question reads:
"If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants.  He is not sinning. They should get married."

The notes say "In the light of hostility toward believers in Corinth, a man might refrain from marrying his fiancee. But if he then realizes that his fiancee is getting beyond her prime marriageable age and the situation thus seems unfair to her, it is perfectly proper for them to get married."

Almost sounds like - don't worry about a long engagement....

Offline Rachel

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Re: Is God Allowing Premarital Sex?
« Reply #7 on: March 04, 2010, 07:04:07 AM »
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He was already saved.

Guess a warm woman put Gods Word on the back burner.....

Cheeky..lol

Quote
The scriptures do not justify sex outside of marriage.  In our culture that does not mean engaged.

IF this guy is the right one GET MARRIED

That does raise the question, to me, as to what God defines as marriage.  Does his definition of marriage change depending on what our culture says is marriage?


Offline Rachel

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Re: Is God Allowing Premarital Sex?
« Reply #8 on: March 04, 2010, 07:09:22 AM »
At the time the Bible was written, engagement was a binding oath along the lines of a marriage.  To break an engagement, you had to give a certificate of divorce.  In fact, the vows were part of the engagement, not the marriage.  The marriage ceremony was mainly a time of celebration and a time for others to bless the couple.

But even then engagement didn't give you the right to steal the nookie.

First, you had to fulfill your obligations to the agreement, and provide a house of your own to live in.  Then you could take the gal home.

LOL@steal the nookie.

We have a house and we are engaged.  Our congregation all know we are getting married.  Do we qualify?

I have a question though.  Does it matter whether the engagement were a legal agreement?  Is God concerned with the laws of man?  And if you could break the terms of an engagement by divorce doesn't that further the argument that the engagement wasn't a commitment to God?

Note to posters:  Thank you all for your input.  Please don't think I am being argumentative.  I'm just throwing questions out there and am genuinely interested in the responses.

Offline Victor08

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Re: Is God Allowing Premarital Sex?
« Reply #9 on: March 04, 2010, 10:30:40 AM »
http://www.gotquestions.org/sex-before-marriage.html

Question: "What does the Bible say about sex before marriage / premarital sex?"

Answer: There is no Hebrew or Greek word used in the Bible that precisely refers to sex before marriage. The Bible undeniably condemns adultery and sexual immorality, but is sex before marriage considered sexually immoral? According to 1 Corinthians 7:2, “yes

Offline Rachel

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Re: Is God Allowing Premarital Sex?
« Reply #10 on: March 04, 2010, 11:31:11 AM »
Thank you Victor.  I really appreciate your response and your referencing the chapter and verse.  Can I ask you what God considers to be a marriage?  (again, just asking)


Offline Wycliffes_Shillelagh

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Re: Is God Allowing Premarital Sex?
« Reply #11 on: March 04, 2010, 01:08:47 PM »
LOL@steal the nookie.

We have a house and we are engaged.  Our congregation all know we are getting married.  Do we qualify?
The situations are so radically different that I don't know how you can really apply the one to the other.  That was the point of my previous post, which kind of got lost in the middle of a bunch of history stuff.

Quote
I have a question though.  Does it matter whether the engagement were a legal agreement?  Is God concerned with the laws of man?  And if you could break the terms of an engagement by divorce doesn't that further the argument that the engagement wasn't a commitment to God?
I don't think marriage has ever been a commitment TO God.  It's (usually) a commitment BEFORE God, which is to say that "God is your witness."

It's a commitment to each other, AND to each others' families.  The latter part used to be a much bigger deal than it is now. 

Actually, that was the point of the engagement.  The father of the bride would set down a list of requirements for the groom-to-be (stuff like, have a house, be able to support my daughter, live close enough that I can see my grandkids sometimes), and the engagement would last for as-long-as-it-took to fulfill those requirements.

That mostly doesn't apply now, so it's kind of tough to correspond what's written then with what happens now.

Offline Victor08

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Re: Is God Allowing Premarital Sex?
« Reply #12 on: March 04, 2010, 05:56:28 PM »
Thank you Victor.  I really appreciate your response and your referencing the chapter and verse.  Can I ask you what God considers to be a marriage?  (again, just asking)

You don't know the answer?

"We have decided that we will get married next week or the week thereafter.  We just want to remove this inevitable sin from our lives so that we can continue on with our Christian lives.  We had already discussed marriage and were going to wait a couple of months but since we are having this problem we have decided to move this forward.  We are both ready and prepared to do the work so that we can have a good Christian marriage."

Offline IamStefanie

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Re: Is God Allowing Premarital Sex?
« Reply #13 on: March 26, 2010, 02:20:45 PM »
Hi Rachel,
 I have not read all of the responses yet, but I'm sure from your post alone, you  have received a lot of well answers, but I just wanted to answer anyway (smile).

The scripture from 1 Corinthians 7:36 does not justify pre-marital sex. What it says is, if a man has strong passion for a woman and he cannot control it (and some versions say 'and she is getting up in years) then marry her, it's not a sin. So, if a man is attracted to a woman but he feels his 'passions' are overcoming him (where he could sin if outside of God's will), then marry her. Marrying her will not be a sin. Paul said all of this AFTER he said that is good for man not to marry in this day and time b/c of all of the immorality occuring. But if a man has a sex with a woman outside of marriage, 2000 years ago or today, it is a sin.

Offline Rachel

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Re: Is God Allowing Premarital Sex?
« Reply #14 on: March 26, 2010, 03:28:45 PM »
Thanks for your response.  I appreciate you taking the time to interpret the text for me.  It's all water under the bridge now though.  Check out my signature  ::smile:: ::smile:: ::smile:: ::smile::