Author Topic: Masturbation:Is it okay?  (Read 1229 times)

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Offline MyFathersGirl

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Masturbation:Is it okay?
« on: Thu Jan 31, 2013 - 10:56:10 »
What do you guys think?  Is masturbation okay for a single person?  I thought so up until just last night.  I had the conviction yesterday that by masturbating and fantasizing that the person in the recording was right there doing the things to me I was committing adultery.  I also realized that since God has a husband for me that I was cheating on him in my mind.  I also "randomly" opened my His Princess Warrior and His Princess books and they both were talking about the blessings of following God's way for ways for our lives.  It was like God was telling me that even though this isn't going to be easy He will give me the strength to do it and it will be worth it in the end.

I have been dealing with some type of masturbation since I was five which was 30 years ago so it had become an addiction for me.  I was shaking when I deleted the stories from my phone last night.  I took the step to get rid of my toy and the rest of the condoms in the bathroom garbage can of the grocery store I was at this morning.  I also remembered last night about a prophet that came to the church I went to prior to the current one.  He said that he saw that I did something almost every night and I kind of held my breath because I didn't want the whole church to know.  You see, I masturbated in class between the 1st and 5th grades and the kids at school kind of teased me about it so I was afraid that would happen again.  He said that I knew what he was talking about and wouldn't embarrass me by saying it out loud but that he saw me free from it.  Just because somebody messed me up sexually at a young age that doesn't mean I have to be bound by those chains the rest of my life. I don't remember what happened but when I was trying to make the memories come back my pastor's wife said that God had told her that when I am in a safe place.

I've given you all this background to say that if God hasn't convicted you about the same issue, I'm not judging you.  I am interested to see what others think including the male perspective on it.

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Re: Masturbation:Is it okay?
« Reply #1 on: Thu Jan 31, 2013 - 11:13:28 »
I am positive you have been communicating about this subject matter out of spiritual conviction and I am pleased that you have relented to the understanding that it has been a bondage in your life. Praise Jesus that you have heeded His voice! when I posted previously, I so wanted to ask you if you had been sexually interfered with as a child and I can see that it was indeed the case---and the reason behind that bondage.

I know that with Holy Spirit's strong help, you WILL overcome this! Heeding His voice will gain you great joy.

2 Corinthians 12:10
That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Hebrews 12:13
Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong.

Isaiah 30:21
Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying,
“This is the way, walk in it,”
Whenever you turn to the right hand
Or whenever you turn to the left.

Online DaveW

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Re: Masturbation:Is it okay?
« Reply #2 on: Thu Jan 31, 2013 - 11:58:07 »
Hi MyFathersGirl!

This is a bold step 'fessing up to this.  It normally goes unspoken and the person (if they think it is wrong) lives with a ton of guilt and condemnation.

The bible is relatively (not completely) silent on the subject which in one sense is kind of amazing since in the Law of Moses every kind of aberrant sexual behavior is denounced but no mention of "M." And couple that with the fact that male M played a big part in the religious celebrations of at least one of the Egyptian "gods" and it is depicted in numerous hieroglyphs. It was clearly known and understood well.

There is the whole "unclean until sundown" for wet dreams and regular sex, but Tamay (unclean) is NOT sin, or else normal marital relations would be sinful and so would be a women's monthly cycle and childbirth.

The one place I believe scripture mentions it  (and in a positive way) is in the Song of Solomon chapter 5 starting in verse 2. And it is Shulamite who is doing it.

[brief hint to get you thru the symbolism:
garden/flowers/lilies = female genitals
frankincense/myrrh = aroused female wetness]

SoS 5.2a I was asleep but my heart was awake.
A dream or fantasy

SoS 5.4 My beloved extended his hand through the opening, [literally "by the hole"]
And my feelings were aroused for him.
Many translations add "door" to the text which is not in there at all.

SoS 5.5 I arose to open to my beloved;
And my hands dripped with myrrh,
And my fingers with liquid myrrh,
On the handles of the bolt.

"liquid" = flowing out or passing.  all over her hands.

I think you get the picture.  I have probably gotten too graphic already.

For these reasons I do not believe M in and of itself is inherently sinful.  (my opinion based on the above)

That said, if it is coupled with porn or excessive or specific fantasizing CAN be sinful. I would consider that to be like coveting or idolizing someone for personal gratification. To avoid the sinful part one could concentrate only on the physical feelings. (again - my opinion)

I take it from what you said about deleting "stories" etc that you have decided to stop?  If you are convinced God is calling you to quit; absolutely go for it. But make sure it is God and NOT the devil's condemnation (he tries to fake God's voice) or a personal sense of guilt.

Go slow. Don't beat yourself up if you slip up. 

If you are giving up cigarettes, you start increasing the time between smokes.  If you smoke every hour, stretch it out to every 2 hours for several days.  When you are starting to get used to that frequency then cut it to every 4 hours for a few more days. (at that point you have already decreased your smokes by 75%) 

I would suggest a similar strategy.  Going "cold turkey" with smokes, narcotics, alcohol etc. usually ends in failure.  It will with this as well.

Be sure to pray a LOT, read the bible a LOT, keep close to christian friends a LOT; and having an accountability partner to be able to call at 3 am when it feels like you are dying is good as well.

Our Lord's Peace to you my sister!
« Last Edit: Thu Jan 31, 2013 - 12:00:21 by DaveW »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Masturbation:Is it okay?
« Reply #3 on: Thu Jan 31, 2013 - 12:19:32 »
I am so glad that you got rid of those things on your phone. They weren't helping you at all, and fantasising about having sex with someone who you aren't married to isn't right. Also for you it was an addiction wasn't it, and God wants you free of any addictions.

If you are sexually abused at a young age it does mess you up, and makes you sexually aware before you should be. God can heal those things in you.

Just a thought, have you ever forgiven the person who abused you? It will make a huge difference to do that if you haven't already.

Offline WILDJC

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Re: Masturbation:Is it okay?
« Reply #4 on: Thu Jan 31, 2013 - 12:21:35 »
Masturbation. When you have matured in Christ, you will then know that masturbation becomes a sin in your season. In your season is a maturity that goes beyond curiosity as a child or teenager, where masturbation is a pleasurable self awareness. With prayer, masturbation can be overcome. Deny yourself masturbation in your season for the glory of God and He will be well pleased with you.


Peace.


John

Offline Godbeatsantichrist

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Re: Masturbation:Is it okay?
« Reply #5 on: Fri Feb 01, 2013 - 02:03:46 »
It is a sin. But you'll overcome it.

Offline MyFathersGirl

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Re: Masturbation:Is it okay?
« Reply #6 on: Fri Feb 01, 2013 - 09:31:23 »
Thanks everybody.  Chosenone, yes I have forgiven whatever has happened.  I know by what I've learned about abuse  that odds are whoever did whatever had also been abused themselves and wasn't able to get help.  A generation ago, they didn't have shows like Loveline where you could call and talk to somebody like Dr. Drew and Mike. 

They helped me so much when I was beating myself up about having thoughts of giving oral to kids.  I knew in my heart that it was wrong but another part of me was saying that that isn't really abuse because you aren't making them do anything and instead are just making the feel good.  I wonder if I was told that same lie as a child so I wouldn't tell anybody and that's why that thought was in my head because it definitely isn't normal.  Dr. Drew asked what had happened to me because the only thing that would explain that is if I had been abused myself as a child and he said that with just my voice being a little childlike he had a suspicion about something even before I asked the question.  He rec comended that I see a counselor who specialized in the effects of trauma and I was able to find one that worked on a sliding scale so I was able to talk through the guilt, shame, etc.

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Re: Masturbation:Is it okay?
« Reply #7 on: Fri Feb 01, 2013 - 10:58:43 »
Wow.  As we used to say back in the day "that's HEAVY man!"

I can understand why this has come up as an issue.  God wants you to heal from that abuse. I know how difficult that can be.  My wife endured about 4 years of abuse from a teen aged relative as a grade schooler.

Was your therapist a Christian counselor?


Oh - Please promise me (and yourself) something: when you do get married, talk this all out with your future husband well before the "I Dos."   Being blindsided by something like that a month or 2 AFTER the wedding is not nice .....

Offline MyFathersGirl

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Re: Masturbation:Is it okay?
« Reply #8 on: Fri Feb 01, 2013 - 12:06:43 »
She doesn't advertise as a Christian counselor but yes she was.  I will be sure to tell my future husband.  I could so that at the same time I confess to him that I didn't wait for him and can't give him that gift he so deserves and was meant for him.  Of course that could be mistaken for an excuse so it will probably be another conversation.  It will definitely be before the wedding though.

Offline Stucky

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Re: Masturbation:Is it okay?
« Reply #9 on: Fri Feb 01, 2013 - 17:14:42 »
What do you guys think?  Is masturbation okay for a single person?  I thought so up until just last night.  I had the conviction yesterday that by masturbating and fantasizing that the person in the recording was right there doing the things to me I was committing adultery.  I also realized that since God has a husband for me that I was cheating on him in my mind.  I also "randomly" opened my His Princess Warrior and His Princess books and they both were talking about the blessings of following God's way for ways for our lives.  It was like God was telling me that even though this isn't going to be easy He will give me the strength to do it and it will be worth it in the end.

I have been dealing with some type of masturbation since I was five which was 30 years ago so it had become an addiction for me.  I was shaking when I deleted the stories from my phone last night.  I took the step to get rid of my toy and the rest of the condoms in the bathroom garbage can of the grocery store I was at this morning.  I also remembered last night about a prophet that came to the church I went to prior to the current one.  He said that he saw that I did something almost every night and I kind of held my breath because I didn't want the whole church to know.  You see, I masturbated in class between the 1st and 5th grades and the kids at school kind of teased me about it so I was afraid that would happen again.  He said that I knew what he was talking about and wouldn't embarrass me by saying it out loud but that he saw me free from it.  Just because somebody messed me up sexually at a young age that doesn't mean I have to be bound by those chains the rest of my life. I don't remember what happened but when I was trying to make the memories come back my pastor's wife said that God had told her that when I am in a safe place.

I've given you all this background to say that if God hasn't convicted you about the same issue, I'm not judging you.  I am interested to see what others think including the male perspective on it.

Masturbation is not specifically mentioned as being a sin, but looking upon someone with lust in one’s heart is equated with adultery and is a sin (Matt. 5:28).  Therefore I would say that if someone uses a mental or physical image of someone as a stimulus in the act of masturbation, that person is committing adultery in his or her heart and is sinning. Where sin is concerned,  the intention of our heart is just as important as our actual behavior.