Author Topic: Sex before marriage  (Read 1905 times)

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Offline Catomatay

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Sex before marriage
« on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 12:27:55 »
If someone who is backsliden has a relationship with a non Christian and is sleeping with them can they return to their faith by marrying the non Christian or are they still sinning or will God accept that relationship .

Offline MeMyself

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #1 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 12:30:38 »
If someone who is backsliden has a relationship with a non Christian and is sleeping with them can they return to their faith by marrying the non Christian or are they still sinning or will God accept that relationship .

Its not a good idea to be unequally yoked...
being restored to a right relationship with God only requires repentance...

STOP, break off the relationship and press on, forgetting what was.

God knows the plans He has for you, plans for a future and a hope... ::smile::

Lively Stone

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #2 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 12:36:54 »
If someone who is backsliden has a relationship with a non Christian and is sleeping with them can they return to their faith by marrying the non Christian or are they still sinning or will God accept that relationship .

The person would be compounding the sin of fornication with becoming unequally yoked with an unbeliever. A disaster in the making. Only by obeying God can a person find satisfaction and true blessing in life---because he pleases God.

Offline Catomatay

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #3 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 12:54:58 »
Thanks for your replies deep in my heart I know this is true and I feel I am being convicted of the situation the problem I'm having is a really love this man and he loves me and we want to marry and he says he respects my faith and will come to church with me or am I just kidding myself that there is a chance he could become a Christian

Offline MeMyself

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #4 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 13:03:13 »
Thanks for your replies deep in my heart I know this is true and I feel I am being convicted of the situation the problem I'm having is a really love this man and he loves me and we want to marry and he says he respects my faith and will come to church with me or am I just kidding myself that there is a chance he could become a Christian

I fell for that more than once  ::mopingaround::...I don't mean to be unkind. ::hug::

Its best to cut the tie physically...and PRAY like mad. ::prayinghard::

God needs to wrestle with him without you in the way (said in the kindest way possible)  ::hug::

If he comes to Christ away from you, you know his intentions were pure and God can allow you to be together...if not..if you separating from him makes him run to the world and away from God; you know God has protected you from a lifetime of disaster.

Offline Willie T

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #5 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 13:08:19 »
If someone who is backsliden has a relationship with a non Christian and is sleeping with them can they return to their faith by marrying the non Christian or are they still sinning or will God accept that relationship .
You going to keep on sleeping with him up until the time you get married.... or are you going to quit right now, July 30th, at 2:00 pm?

God doesn't play games like that.  You either mean it NOW, or you don't really mean it.
« Last Edit: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 13:19:26 by Willie T »

Lively Stone

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #6 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 13:17:03 »
Part of the carnage that comes from sinning is that people fall in love. That is what makes it hard to do the right thing, which is why God bothers to tell us how to do it the right way to begin with....for our good and for the joy it brings.

Offline DaveW

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #7 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 13:25:50 »
Thanks for your replies deep in my heart I know this is true and I feel I am being convicted of the situation the problem I'm having is a really love this man and he loves me and we want to marry and he says he respects my faith and will come to church with me or am I just kidding myself that there is a chance he could become a Christian
Yes there is a chance, 2 in fact.  Slim and remote.  While it does occasionally happen, it is quite rare.

I would first break off the sexual relationship. Get yourself into a good bible believing church and meet with the pastor and/or his wife on a regular basis to keep you on track with your salvation and away from that guy's bed.

Once you have become established and stable in your own walk with the Lord, only then should you try to pursue a romantic relationship.  That will take a long while, possibly a few years.

ETA:

I will not lie to you.  You have been in a sexual relationship and having certain hormonal and emotional needs met.  It may be very difficult both emotionally and physically to break this off.  That is WHY God reserved that level of intimacy for the marriage covenant. 

Part of this process will include figuring out what to do with all those unmet desires, and dealing with them in a redemptive way.
« Last Edit: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 13:40:25 by DaveW »

Offline Catomatay

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #8 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 14:34:43 »
In response to Willie T i told him yesterday I could not carry on with the physical side of the relationship which didn't go down to well and he told me I was in the wrong for allowing him to fall in love with me that I should have told him my views on sex before marriage early on in the relationship which I have to agree I feel so guilty where we stand now is we are taking time out to reflect and see whether we can carry on this is why I am on here to see whether there was a solution where we could both be happy together but reading your comments it is pretty obvious that the relationship has to end even though it will be hearbreaking for both of us all I can do is pray the lord will give me the strength to stand up for what I believe Thankyou for your great advice

Offline Willie T

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #9 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 14:43:33 »
In response to Willie T i told him yesterday I could not carry on with the physical side of the relationship which didn't go down to well and he told me I was in the wrong for allowing him to fall in love with me that I should have told him my views on sex before marriage early on in the relationship which I have to agree I feel so guilty where we stand now is we are taking time out to reflect and see whether we can carry on this is why I am on here to see whether there was a solution where we could both be happy together but reading your comments it is pretty obvious that the relationship has to end even though it will be hearbreaking for both of us all I can do is pray the lord will give me the strength to stand up for what I believe Thankyou for your great advice
End the relationship?  Why?  You don't love each other enough to stay dressed for maybe a year or so?

Offline fassopony

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #10 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 14:52:33 »

End the relationship?  Why?  You don't love each other enough to stay dressed for maybe a year or so?
[/quote]

Obviously the man does not think he should buy the cow when the milk was so easily free and available and is now trying to use guilt to manipulate her into continuing to let him get laid.  Nice.  What a loser, she should dump him.

OP, I hope you get your priorities straight and everything comes out okay.  I know it isn't easy being a single Christian gal (I am one) but persevere and watch out for men who love you only when you spread your legs ;)  Those pesky lovey dovey angst ridden hormones will wear off soon and you will be thankful you got rid of him.  His relationship with God is between him and God anyway.

Offline Bitter Sweet

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #11 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 15:37:41 »
Thank God my husband was practically a virgin when we got married, I don't count that 1 prostitute he met with behind a building in Italy.

Offline Catomatay

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #12 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 16:36:02 »
Well I love him enough to wait as long as it takes but clearly by his reaction he doesn't love me enough or is it the fact that he is not a Christian that he just doesnt understand that way of thinking he wants to get married so I don't think he has a problem with buying the cow he just doesn't want the sex to stop I understand it warns you about being unequally yoked in the bible but could someone tell me is it a sin I know it doesn't work I just want to know

Offline Man_Of_Honor

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #13 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 16:41:31 »

End the relationship?  Why?  You don't love each other enough to stay dressed for maybe a year or so?

Obviously the man does not think he should buy the cow when the milk was so easily free and available and is now trying to use guilt to manipulate her into continuing to let him get laid.  Nice.  What a loser, she should dump him.

OP, I hope you get your priorities straight and everything comes out okay.  I know it isn't easy being a single Christian gal (I am one) but persevere and watch out for men who love you only when you spread your legs ;)  Those pesky lovey dovey angst ridden hormones will wear off soon and you will be thankful you got rid of him.  His relationship with God is between him and God anyway.
[/quote]

Takes the two to create a sexual relationship. The ownership responsibility lies with both.

Offline Man_Of_Honor

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #14 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 16:42:25 »
Thanks for your replies deep in my heart I know this is true and I feel I am being convicted of the situation the problem I'm having is a really love this man and he loves me and we want to marry and he says he respects my faith and will come to church with me or am I just kidding myself that there is a chance he could become a Christian
Yes there is a chance, 2 in fact.  Slim and remote.  While it does occasionally happen, it is quite rare.

I would first break off the sexual relationship. Get yourself into a good bible believing church and meet with the pastor and/or his wife on a regular basis to keep you on track with your salvation and away from that guy's bed.

Once you have become established and stable in your own walk with the Lord, only then should you try to pursue a romantic relationship.  That will take a long while, possibly a few years.

ETA:

I will not lie to you.  You have been in a sexual relationship and having certain hormonal and emotional needs met.  It may be very difficult both emotionally and physically to break this off.  That is WHY God reserved that level of intimacy for the marriage covenant. 

Part of this process will include figuring out what to do with all those unmet desires, and dealing with them in a redemptive way.

+1.

Offline fassopony

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #15 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 17:27:12 »
Man, the OP has taken ownership of her part by informing him that she no longer wishes to continue in the sin of fornication.  She is indeed trying to repent (turn away) from that sin which is the ultimate in taking ownership and accountability.  The other part of this equation is trying to guilt her into letting him get laid, it is that simple. 

So, while the two tangoed, one has asked forgiveness through repentance (or is on process of) and the other is being a horndog just looking for a hole to stick something in (sorry for the crude language but that is exactly what this guy wants, I'm sure he'll find something else to do easily enough).

Offline Catomatay

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #16 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 17:55:43 »
Pains me to say it but on reflection I think you are right fassopony the guy doesn't really love me and will quite easily move on to his next conquest although he was very tearful I think we may be confusing love with lust .

Offline Man_Of_Honor

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #17 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 18:12:20 »
Man, the OP has taken ownership of her part by informing him that she no longer wishes to continue in the sin of fornication.  She is indeed trying to repent (turn away) from that sin which is the ultimate in taking ownership and accountability.  The other part of this equation is trying to guilt her into letting him get laid, it is that simple. 

So, while the two tangoed, one has asked forgiveness through repentance (or is on process of) and the other is being a horndog just looking for a hole to stick something in (sorry for the crude language but that is exactly what this guy wants, I'm sure he'll find something else to do easily enough).

Of course he would since this encounter have been going on for a while (in which they both agreed upon).

Yes, she shall ask for forgiveness via repentance. It is the relationship with God  that she needs to built upon from this moment and beyond.

Offline Catomatay

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #18 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 18:44:25 »
I don't blame him for the situation we are in he is just doing what he sees is right in a relationship between two adults he has not been brought up in the faith so he doesn't really understand the things of God . Me on the other hand should have known better I feel my actions have been a bad witness to him how can expect him to accept the sudden change of heart I take full responsibility for my actions and feel that God will be more greived with me than him

Lively Stone

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #19 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 19:34:46 »
Well I love him enough to wait as long as it takes but clearly by his reaction he doesn't love me enough or is it the fact that he is not a Christian that he just doesnt understand that way of thinking he wants to get married so I don't think he has a problem with buying the cow he just doesn't want the sex to stop I understand it warns you about being unequally yoked in the bible but could someone tell me is it a sin I know it doesn't work I just want to know

It is a command for us to not be unequally yoked to unbelievers. If we go ahead and do it, expect to have trouble in your life. Why should you expect God to bless something He has never allowed for you?

Lively Stone

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #20 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 19:36:46 »
Pains me to say it but on reflection I think you are right fassopony the guy doesn't really love me and will quite easily move on to his next conquest although he was very tearful I think we may be confusing love with lust .

I very much appreciate this honesty, as I believe lust is the problem for many, many couples. Loving a person is a decision we make apart from our desire.

Offline fassopony

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Re: Sex before marriage
« Reply #21 on: Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 20:45:10 »
OP, I sincerely wish you have so much joy and happiness once rid of the pressure of sin in your life.  Ya aint the first nor will you be the last to fall into some guys "I love you, if you love me we should have sex" dishonesty ;)  No matter how the whole thing started!

You hit it Lively, chemistry is so easy....true love and commitment is not.