Author Topic: Best Church Story Of The New Year!  (Read 237 times)

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Offline Reformer

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Best Church Story Of The New Year!
« on: Mon Jan 11, 2021 - 14:23:01 »
REFORMATION RUMBLINGS

BUFF SCOTT, JR.
_____________________________
 
Best Church Story Of The
New Year!

    The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

    At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

    The Lutheran church decided they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

    The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

    Squirrels enjoy mating when instrumental music is playing. A bunch of them camped out behind the pulpit of an a cappella Church of Christ but defected when they discovered there was oral music only.

    But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

    Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.—Selected.
« Last Edit: Mon Jan 11, 2021 - 14:27:30 by Reformer »

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Best Church Story Of The New Year!
« on: Mon Jan 11, 2021 - 14:23:01 »

Offline RB

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Re: Best Church Story Of The New Year!
« Reply #1 on: Mon Jan 11, 2021 - 14:38:52 »
Why not just sat a bowl of kool-aid out as Jim Jones did, that would have solved the problem~any grape variety, laced with the cyanide and mix with nuts would do the job. 

Offline Reformer

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Re: Best Church Story Of The New Year!
« Reply #2 on: Mon Jan 11, 2021 - 15:43:05 »

RB:

    You're funny. Almost as funny as Bob Hope. Thirty years ago, I was invited to Hollywood to play Bob Hope's brother, No Hope.

Buff

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Re: Best Church Story Of The New Year!
« Reply #2 on: Mon Jan 11, 2021 - 15:43:05 »

Offline RB

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Re: Best Church Story Of The New Year!
« Reply #3 on: Tue Jan 12, 2021 - 03:49:13 »
Thirty years ago, I was invited to Hollywood to play Bob Hope's brother, No Hope. Buff
Most likely for most people that would be hope against hope! Not funny, just stating a fact~UNLESS,  one were predestined to be there~in that case, that's what is referred to as.... "who were before of old ordained to this condemnation, ungodly men and women."   

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Re: Best Church Story Of The New Year!
« Reply #3 on: Tue Jan 12, 2021 - 03:49:13 »
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Offline 4WD

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Re: Best Church Story Of The New Year!
« Reply #4 on: Tue Jan 12, 2021 - 05:39:15 »
That was funny, Buff. 

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« Reply #4 on: Tue Jan 12, 2021 - 05:39:15 »



Offline DaveW

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Re: Best Church Story Of The New Year!
« Reply #5 on: Tue Jan 12, 2021 - 05:47:16 »
LOL!!!!

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Re: Best Church Story Of The New Year!
« Reply #5 on: Tue Jan 12, 2021 - 05:47:16 »

 

     
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