Author Topic: Bad Advice Only  (Read 166549 times)

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marc

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #105 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 17:20:35 »
Home surgery.  It's cheap and easy, and without anesthesia, you can perform it yourself.  ---------------------------------

I was conned into babysitting today, and my almost-three-year-old neice threw up five minutes in.  How do I keep this from happening again?


And some bonus advice, previously written, for JB:

Get a hand-held drill and make a small hole at the base of your skull.  Then, when you regain consciousness, drill another on top of your head.  Pour scalding water with ajax and bleach mixed in in the top hole, and it will wash the song right out, through the bottom one.

Offline Bon Voyage

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #106 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 17:22:32 »
Two words.  Medicinal Marijuana, and its now for toddlers!

I see Alexander Campbell on almost every thread now, what do I do?

Offline Follower the Heaven Bound

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #107 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 17:24:18 »
Try not to committ suicide? Ok, real answer now. Report posts and/or delete them (involves moderatuion)

Offline Jimbob

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #108 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 17:24:51 »
Start a bunch of threads about Joel Osteen or Pope Benedict.


I've got relatives coming for the next three weeks (in two installments).  How should I make them feel at home?

Offline tidbit

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #109 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 17:26:43 »
Walk around in your underwear.


Speaking of which, I need new underwear.  What kind should I buy?

Christian Forums and Message Board

Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #109 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 17:26:43 »



Offline Follower the Heaven Bound

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #110 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 17:28:15 »
I feel uncomfortable about answering this, so...... try Fruit of the Loom?



Need new ideas for my next short story. Anybody got some?

Offline tidbit

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #111 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 17:39:41 »
If this is a school project, give the main character the same name as your teacher, and portray the character as extremely lazy and stupid.  (Remember, this is bad advice.)


I think I'll order pizza for dinner.  What kind should I order?

Offline Follower the Heaven Bound

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #112 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 17:50:04 »
The way we make it here in PA, with lots of meat!

Offline James Rondon

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #113 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 17:50:58 »
If this is a school project, give the main character the same name as your teacher, and portray the character as extremely lazy and stupid.  (Remember, this is bad advice.)


I think I'll order pizza for dinner.  What kind should I order?

It doesn't really matter. Just make sure you charge it to Underhill...

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I have a ton of stuff to do tonight, and probably won't have time to eat dinner... Any suggestions?

Offline Jimbob

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #114 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 17:53:23 »
Drink lots of Coca-Cola Blak.


I've got to trim the hedges quickly.  Any shortcuts?

Offline James Rondon

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #115 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 18:00:56 »
Run them over with the lawnmower.

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My wireless connection is not working in my home office, in my basement... Any advice?





Drink lots of Coca-Cola Blak.

By the way, I like Coca-Cola Blak... It's just so expensive!

marc

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #116 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 18:04:15 »
Move your home office to your rooftop. 

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Other people keep typing replies while I'm trying to post.  What should I do?

Offline tidbit

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #117 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 18:15:50 »
Start a new thread.


Should I mow the grass tonight?

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #118 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 18:18:23 »
YES!

I can't think of a question, and im fine with other people posting answers! ::smile::


Offline Jimbob

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #119 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 18:19:59 »
I have to disagree with Follower, nope, wait till your wife gets back + one week.


I might want to retire in 30+ years.  How should I prepare?

twd

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #120 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 18:27:07 »
Fill a large mayonnaise jar with quarters, and bury it in the back yard.

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My grill is kind of skanky.  How should I clean it?

Offline spurly

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #121 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 18:27:47 »
With a blow torch.

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I have to preach on Sunday, the text is Acts 1:1-8.  Any good ideas on how to approach that passage?

marc

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #122 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 18:29:32 »
just interrupting to say that I originally read "grill" in twd's post as "girl".   ::eek::

Now back to your regularly scheduled thread.

marc

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #123 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 18:32:31 »
With a blow torch.

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I have to preach on Sunday, the text is Acts 1:1-8.  Any good ideas on how to approach that passage?

I'd mention how that, if your congregation has read or seen The DaVinci Code, they surely realize that all of this stuff about a resurrection and assencion was just a later addition to the text in an attempt to prove Jesus' Divinity.

Then, throw 'em a curve by saying you've figured out the exact date of Christ's return.

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I keep losing fantasy baseball games in spite of having a solid team.  What should I do?

twd

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #124 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 18:34:01 »
(That's just weird, marc.  ::noworries:: )

Do like Steinbrenner, and talk bad about them to the media.

======================

I ate too many burritos.  Ideas?

Offline spurly

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #125 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 18:35:55 »
Go to a crowded room just at the moment when the gas is the worst.

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The paint is peeling off my house, how should I fix it?

Offline tidbit

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #126 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 18:37:46 »
Paper Mache'.


How can I save on my electric bill?

twd

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #127 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 18:40:04 »
Run a series of extension cords over to your neighbor's house when he isn't looking.

------------------------------------

What's the best way to get my dress shoes shiny again?

Offline Jimbob

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #128 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 18:40:58 »
Olive Oil


My car is out of gas.  What do I do?

marc

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #129 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 18:42:38 »
Siphon.  You can get those pesky covers off of people's gas tanks with a screwdriver.

------------------------------

I want to be a millionaire.  Any idea how?


(and my previously typed advice to Tidbit:  There may be a place near you where the electric company stores transformers.  Steal a couple, put them on your back porch, and create an arc of electricity between them.  When you walk through this arc, it will allow you to travel in time (a guy in Missouri was in the process of trying this when his neighbors, whom he was blacking out, turned him in.  Serously.)  Travel back a week and play the lottery.  Then you won't have to worry about paying your electric bill ever again.)

Offline spurly

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #130 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 18:43:54 »

(and my previously typed advice to Tidbit:  There may be a place near you where the electric company stores transformers.  Steal a couple, put them on your back porch, and create an arc of electricity between them.  When you walk through this arc, it will allow you to travel in time.  Travel back a week and play the lottery.  Then you won't have to worry about paying your electric bill ever again.)

I'm going to try that!

Offline spurly

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #131 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 18:44:50 »
To be a millionaire, borrow lots of money at 25% interest and invest it in savings bonds.  Each time your savings bonds mature, spend the money on things like CDs and DVDs.

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I would like to be a great dancer, any clue how to do it?

Offline Weeble

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #132 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 21:31:34 »
Get on that TV show !!!

I am out of condiments what do I do?

marc

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #133 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 22:02:23 »
So you have any paint in your house?  Just use the color paint most similar to the condiment you prefer.

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I'm currently stressed out because I've entered a period where I can only wait.  Any suggestions for stress relief?

Offline Bon Voyage

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #134 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 22:04:27 »
Two words.  Medicinal Marijuana.  And now its for Marc.   ::crackup::

I am having trouble staying awake, what should I do?

Offline Trinity

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #135 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 22:06:06 »
Medicininal cocaine...   ::eek::



My daughter has a fever, what should I do?

Offline Bon Voyage

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #136 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 22:07:50 »
Two words.  Medicinal Marijuana.  And now its for daughters!   ::crackup::

I am having trouble watching movies that my wife picks out because they are so boring, what should I do?

Offline Trinity

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #137 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 22:18:36 »
Two words.  Medicinal Marijuana.  And now its for daughters!   ::crackup::
Lol!   rofl




Get comfy and take a nap.

Offline DCR

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #138 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 23:15:23 »
Tell your wife that the girls you used to date picked out much more interesting movies... or better yet, tell your wife that your mother had great taste in movies... she should become more like her.

......

My original autographed copies of Campbell's Millennial Harbinger are getting old and fragile.  What would be the best way to preserve them?

Offline spurly

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Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #139 on: Tue Jun 06, 2006 - 23:18:48 »
Varnish works well.  So does elbalming fluid.

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My skin is starting to develop white splotches that look like leprosy.  What is the best course of action?

 

     
anything