Author Topic: Bad Advice Only (Read 167021 times)

Nevertheless · « **Reply #35 on:** Sat Jun 03, 2006 - 23:01:41 »

Buy a sheep.

My MIL is coming to visit. What do I do?

Dennis · « **Reply #36 on:** Sat Jun 03, 2006 - 23:04:29 »

Move and leave no forwarding address

I need to come up with an appropriate 30th anniversary present for my wife. What do I do?

Bon Voyage · « **Reply #37 on:** Sat Jun 03, 2006 - 23:34:44 »

Get her a new vacuum. Women absolutely love anniversery vacuums.

I'm having a problem going poo poo poo, how do I stay regular?

James Rondon · « **Reply #38 on:** Sat Jun 03, 2006 - 23:36:41 »

Eat more cheese.

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I am wondering whether I should sell my house or not... Any advice?

Bon Voyage · « **Reply #39 on:** Sat Jun 03, 2006 - 23:42:43 »

Burn it and collect the insurance.

The little old lady that sits behind me during corporate worship is really off key when she sings (I do thank God we use instruments). What should I do?

James Rondon · « **Reply #40 on:** Sat Jun 03, 2006 - 23:47:06 »

Sit behind her next week, and try to throw her off. Keep changing pitch, mix up the words, and let your voice crack a few times. Do this until she moves... It probably won't be long.

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A few of the older ladies that I meet with for corporate worship have a really hard time hearing, and constantly ask for things to be repeated... Any ideas?

Follower the Heaven Bound · « **Reply #41 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 07:17:18 »

Get them hearing aids.

James Rondon · « **Reply #42 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 13:16:01 »

You're supposed to answer, then ask for advice, Follower.

admin · « **Reply #43 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 13:43:43 »

Quote from: James Rondon on Sat Jun 03, 2006 - 23:47:06

A few of the older ladies that I meet with for corporate worship have a really hard time hearing, and constantly ask for things to be repeated... Any ideas?

Tell the ladies before you start worship that today's message is living quite lives. So we are going to be playing a religious version of quite mouse. If they can't hear you, that's why, and if they ask for something to be repeated, they'll lose the game.

My 1 and 1/2 year old keeps taking up the air conditioner vents in our floor. Suggestions?

James Rondon · « **Reply #44 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 13:48:37 »

Wire them to the electrical outlets... Every time your little one touches one of them, they'll get a nice little jolt.

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My wife has a lot of work that she is trying to get done at the house, and needs help with it... What should I do?

admin · « **Reply #45 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 14:14:32 »

James,

Quick! Drive to your local golf course. You'll get out of the work and you'll help your local economy.

James Rondon · « **Reply #46 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 14:22:02 »

twd · « **Reply #47 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 17:15:16 »

Explain to her that it is her wifely duty, and, if she isn't getting it all done, she's falling short of what God expects of her.

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The trim around the roof of my two story house needs repainting. What should I do?

James Rondon · « **Reply #48 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 17:50:25 »

Explain to your wife that it is her wifely duty, and, if she isn't getting it all done, she's falling short of what God expects of her.

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A friend of mine is in jail, and asked me to come visit him twice a week... Any advice?

marc · « **Reply #49 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 19:15:45 »

Explain to your wife that it is....no, never mind that.

Wouldn't it be much better if you were able to see him even more than he's asked? I would suggest armed robbery of a police station. Then you'll be able to spend quality time with your friend.

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The church I'm teaching at tomorrow night is more conservative than I am, and I want to be careful not to offend them. Any suggestions?

twd · « **Reply #50 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 19:33:24 »

Start out by explaining that you realize that they aren't as spiritually mature as you are, and don't grasp the weightier matters, but that you will condescend to teach them anyway, as long as they promise not to question any of it.

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Now, about my trim that needs painting?

James Rondon · « **Reply #51 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 20:07:24 »

Quote from: twd on Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 19:33:24

Start out by explaining that you realize that they aren't as spiritually mature as you are, and don't grasp the weightier matters, but that you will condescend to teach them anyway, as long as they promise not to question any of it.

I thought that this was the bad advice thread...

Jimbob · « **Reply #52 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 20:48:12 »

Quote from: twd on Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 19:33:24

Start out by explaining that you realize that they aren't as spiritually mature as you are, and don't grasp the weightier matters, but that you will condescend to teach them anyway, as long as they promise not to question any of it.

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Now, about my trim that needs painting?

Use one of those high pressure washers filled with paint instead of water and do it from the ground.

I've got too many weeds in the yard. How should I get rid of them?

James Rondon · « **Reply #53 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 21:02:50 »

Smoke em!

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It looks like another bad hurricane season this year... Any thoughts?

marc · « **Reply #54 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 21:07:13 »

Invest all of your money in Acme Weather Control, inc. pm me, and I'll give you the address to send the check.

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I have so much on my mind I can't think clearly about any one thing.

Jimbob · « **Reply #55 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 21:11:32 »

Sounds like a good time to do some multitasking.

I'm teaching a class at camp in a few weeks. What should I teach?

James Rondon · « **Reply #56 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 21:14:39 »

A twenty-five part lesson series on "Modesty".

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I'm behind on most, if not all of my bills... What should I do?

Bon Voyage · « **Reply #57 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 21:32:44 »

Become a Jehovah's Witness vacuum salesman. You can sell vacuums and tell folks about being a Witness. 2 birds with one stone!

I have a problem with figuring out what question I should ask. What should I do?

marc · « **Reply #58 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 21:54:01 »

(jmg, your suggestion is, unfortunately, being followed.)

JB, just copy someone else's question. No one will notice.

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I have a problem with figuring out what question I should ask. What should I do?

twd · « **Reply #59 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 22:06:31 »

Quote from: James Rondon on Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 21:14:39

A twenty-five part lesson series on "Modesty".

Hey, did you go to the same camp I went to as a kid?

yogi bear · « **Reply #60 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 22:21:49 »

Quote from: marc on Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 21:54:01

(jmg, your suggestion is, unfortunately, being followed.)

JB, just copy someone else's question. No one will notice.

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I have a problem with figuring out what question I should ask. What should I do?

just copy someone else's question. No one will notice.

I have a problem with figuring out what question I should ask. What should I do?

James Rondon · « **Reply #61 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 22:36:53 »

Ask Marc and JerryBrooke.

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I don't get any Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormons knocking on my door anymore... What should I do?

yogi bear · « **Reply #62 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 22:42:34 »

Join your local Mormon congergation and desperse the witness to your house

I dont want to work any more what shall I do

James Rondon · « **Reply #63 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 22:48:22 »

Open up a lawnmower repair business... I heard there's big money there.

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There's a big fly buzzing around my living room... Any recommendations?

Nevertheless · « **Reply #64 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 23:18:17 »

12 gauge shotgun should do the trick.

Hubby wants to buy a new car. What should I do?

James Rondon · « **Reply #65 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 23:19:49 »

Get a new hubby.

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I'm really hungry for cake, but I already had a piece... What should I do?

Nevertheless · « **Reply #66 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 23:38:39 »

Eat three pieces.

Bugs are coming through my screens, Help!

James Rondon · « **Reply #67 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 23:40:39 »

Light the house on fire... That should get rid of 'em.

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I've got a bad bug bite on my arm, that I really want to scratch... Any advice?

Nevertheless · « **Reply #68 on:** Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 23:46:41 »

Use a wood rasp.

My lampshade is old and ugly. What should I do?

Jimbob · « **Reply #69 on:** Mon Jun 05, 2006 - 07:07:52 »

Convert into your "Sunday goin' to church" hat.

My basement has two feet of water standing in it. How do I fix it?

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Author Topic: Bad Advice Only (Read 167021 times)

twd

marc

twd

marc

marc

twd