Author Topic: Bad Advice Only  (Read 166537 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Nevertheless

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 13259
  • Manna: 427
  • Gender: Female
  • Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord!
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #35 on: Sat Jun 03, 2006 - 23:01:41 »
Buy a sheep.

My MIL is coming to visit.  What do I do?

Offline Dennis

  • Hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 3869
  • Manna: 116
  • Gender: Male
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #36 on: Sat Jun 03, 2006 - 23:04:29 »
Move and leave no forwarding address

I need to come up with an appropriate 30th anniversary present for my wife.  What do I do?

Offline Bon Voyage

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 16049
  • Manna: 408
  • Gender: Male
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #37 on: Sat Jun 03, 2006 - 23:34:44 »
Get her a new vacuum.  Women absolutely love anniversery vacuums.

I'm having a problem going poo poo poo, how do I stay regular?   ::walkingdog::

Offline James Rondon

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 19760
  • Manna: 1746
  • Gender: Male
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #38 on: Sat Jun 03, 2006 - 23:36:41 »
Eat more cheese.

----------

I am wondering whether I should sell my house or not... Any advice?

Offline Bon Voyage

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 16049
  • Manna: 408
  • Gender: Male
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #39 on: Sat Jun 03, 2006 - 23:42:43 »
Burn it and collect the insurance.

The little old lady that sits behind me during corporate worship is really off key when she sings (I do thank God we use instruments).  What should I do?

Christian Forums and Message Board

Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #39 on: Sat Jun 03, 2006 - 23:42:43 »



Offline James Rondon

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 19760
  • Manna: 1746
  • Gender: Male
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #40 on: Sat Jun 03, 2006 - 23:47:06 »
Sit behind her next week, and try to throw her off. Keep changing pitch, mix up the words, and let your voice crack a few times. Do this until she moves... It probably won't be long.

----------

A few of the older ladies that I meet with for corporate worship have a really hard time hearing, and constantly ask for things to be repeated... Any ideas?

Offline Follower the Heaven Bound

  • My posts are wittier than this title.
  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 1249
  • Manna: 33
  • Gender: Male
  • The best thought ever is one you thought about.
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #41 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 07:17:18 »
Get them hearing aids.

Offline James Rondon

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 19760
  • Manna: 1746
  • Gender: Male
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #42 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 13:16:01 »
You're supposed to answer, then ask for advice, Follower.

Offline admin

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 6961
  • Manna: 224
  • Gender: Male
  • Sheriff of these parts
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #43 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 13:43:43 »

A few of the older ladies that I meet with for corporate worship have a really hard time hearing, and constantly ask for things to be repeated... Any ideas?

Tell the ladies before you start worship that today's message is living quite lives. So we are going to be playing a religious version of quite mouse. If they can't hear you, that's why, and if they ask for something to be repeated, they'll lose the game.

My 1 and 1/2 year old keeps taking up the air conditioner vents in our floor. Suggestions?

Offline James Rondon

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 19760
  • Manna: 1746
  • Gender: Male
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #44 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 13:48:37 »
Wire them to the electrical outlets... Every time your little one touches one of them, they'll get a nice little jolt.

----------

My wife has a lot of work that she is trying to get done at the house, and needs help with it... What should I do?

Offline admin

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 6961
  • Manna: 224
  • Gender: Male
  • Sheriff of these parts
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #45 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 14:14:32 »
James,

Quick! Drive to your local golf course. You'll get out of the work and you'll help your local economy.

Offline James Rondon

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 19760
  • Manna: 1746
  • Gender: Male
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #46 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 14:22:02 »

twd

  • Guest
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #47 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 17:15:16 »
Explain to her that it is her wifely duty, and, if she isn't getting it all done, she's falling short of what God expects of her.

------------------

The trim around the roof of my two story house needs repainting.  What should I do?

Offline James Rondon

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 19760
  • Manna: 1746
  • Gender: Male
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #48 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 17:50:25 »
Explain to your wife that it is her wifely duty, and, if she isn't getting it all done, she's falling short of what God expects of her.

----------

A friend of mine is in jail, and asked me to come visit him twice a week... Any advice?

marc

  • Guest
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #49 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 19:15:45 »
Explain to your wife that it is....no, never mind that.

Wouldn't it be much better if you were able to see him even more than he's asked?  I would suggest armed robbery of a police station.  Then you'll be able to spend quality time with your friend.

____________________________________

The church I'm teaching at tomorrow night is more conservative than I am, and I want to be careful not to offend them.  Any suggestions?

twd

  • Guest
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #50 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 19:33:24 »
Start out by explaining that you realize that they aren't as spiritually mature as you are, and don't grasp the weightier matters, but that you will condescend to teach them anyway, as long as they promise not to question any of it.

-----------------

Now, about my trim that needs painting?

Offline James Rondon

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 19760
  • Manna: 1746
  • Gender: Male
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #51 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 20:07:24 »
Start out by explaining that you realize that they aren't as spiritually mature as you are, and don't grasp the weightier matters, but that you will condescend to teach them anyway, as long as they promise not to question any of it.

I thought that this was the bad advice thread...

Offline Jimbob

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 21536
  • Manna: 439
  • Gender: Male
  • Me fail English? That's unpossible.
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #52 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 20:48:12 »
Start out by explaining that you realize that they aren't as spiritually mature as you are, and don't grasp the weightier matters, but that you will condescend to teach them anyway, as long as they promise not to question any of it.

-----------------

Now, about my trim that needs painting?
Use one of those high pressure washers filled with paint instead of water and do it from the ground.


I've got too many weeds in the yard.  How should I get rid of them?

Offline James Rondon

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 19760
  • Manna: 1746
  • Gender: Male
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #53 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 21:02:50 »
Smoke em!

----------

It looks like another bad hurricane season this year... Any thoughts?

marc

  • Guest
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #54 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 21:07:13 »
Invest all of your money in Acme Weather Control, inc.  pm me, and I'll give you the address to send the check.

------------------------------------

I have so much on my mind I can't think clearly about any one thing.

Offline Jimbob

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 21536
  • Manna: 439
  • Gender: Male
  • Me fail English? That's unpossible.
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #55 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 21:11:32 »
Sounds like a good time to do some multitasking.


I'm teaching a class at camp in a few weeks.  What should I teach?

Offline James Rondon

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 19760
  • Manna: 1746
  • Gender: Male
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #56 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 21:14:39 »
A twenty-five part lesson series on "Modesty".

----------

I'm behind on most, if not all of my bills... What should I do?

Offline Bon Voyage

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 16049
  • Manna: 408
  • Gender: Male
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #57 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 21:32:44 »
Become a Jehovah's Witness vacuum salesman.  You can sell vacuums and tell folks about being a Witness.  2 birds with one stone!

I have a problem with figuring out what question I should ask.  What should I do?

marc

  • Guest
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #58 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 21:54:01 »
(jmg, your suggestion is, unfortunately, being followed.)

JB, just copy someone else's question.  No one will notice.

------------------------------------------------

I have a problem with figuring out what question I should ask.  What should I do?

twd

  • Guest
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #59 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 22:06:31 »
A twenty-five part lesson series on "Modesty".
Hey, did you go to the same camp I went to as a kid?

Offline yogi bear

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 12432
  • Manna: 746
  • Gender: Male
  • I TOO AM A DEPLORABLE
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #60 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 22:21:49 »
(jmg, your suggestion is, unfortunately, being followed.)

JB, just copy someone else's question.  No one will notice.

------------------------------------------------

I have a problem with figuring out what question I should ask.  What should I do?

just copy someone else's question.  No one will notice.

I have a problem with figuring out what question I should ask.  What should I do?



Offline James Rondon

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 19760
  • Manna: 1746
  • Gender: Male
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #61 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 22:36:53 »
Ask Marc and JerryBrooke.

----------

I don't get any Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormons knocking on my door anymore... What should I do?

Offline yogi bear

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 12432
  • Manna: 746
  • Gender: Male
  • I TOO AM A DEPLORABLE
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #62 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 22:42:34 »
Join your local Mormon congergation and desperse the witness to your house

I dont want to work any more what shall I do

Offline James Rondon

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 19760
  • Manna: 1746
  • Gender: Male
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #63 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 22:48:22 »
Open up a lawnmower repair business... I heard there's big money there.

----------

There's a big fly buzzing around my living room... Any recommendations?

Offline Nevertheless

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 13259
  • Manna: 427
  • Gender: Female
  • Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord!
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #64 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 23:18:17 »
12 gauge shotgun should do the trick.

Hubby wants to buy a new car.  What should I do?

Offline James Rondon

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 19760
  • Manna: 1746
  • Gender: Male
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #65 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 23:19:49 »
Get a new hubby.

----------

I'm really hungry for cake, but I already had a piece... What should I do?

Offline Nevertheless

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 13259
  • Manna: 427
  • Gender: Female
  • Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord!
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #66 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 23:38:39 »
Eat three pieces.


Bugs are coming through my screens, Help!

Offline James Rondon

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 19760
  • Manna: 1746
  • Gender: Male
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #67 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 23:40:39 »
Light the house on fire... That should get rid of 'em.

----------

I've got a bad bug bite on my arm, that I really want to scratch... Any advice?

Offline Nevertheless

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 13259
  • Manna: 427
  • Gender: Female
  • Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord!
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #68 on: Sun Jun 04, 2006 - 23:46:41 »
Use a wood rasp.

My lampshade is old and ugly.  What should I do?

Offline Jimbob

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 21536
  • Manna: 439
  • Gender: Male
  • Me fail English? That's unpossible.
Re: Bad Advice Only
« Reply #69 on: Mon Jun 05, 2006 - 07:07:52 »
Convert into your "Sunday goin' to church" hat.


My basement has two feet of water standing in it.  How do I fix it?

 

     
anything