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Now, at the age of 44, looking back I can see how both God and Satan were at work
in my life. I am now free from my addiction by the Grace of God, and through my
faith in Christ Jesus. However, It took many years of Spiritual Battle to get
here. The fact
is that in Spiritual Warfare there really aren’t any rules. Satan is ruthless,
and he will use any and all means at his disposal to attack and destroy us. The
only rules that Satan has to follow are those dictated by God. Consider
the case of Job, during his first test. Satan came with the angels as they presented
themselves before the Lord. God and Satan had a conversation over Job’s faithfulness.
Satan indicated that Job had good reasons for fearing God. Satan said, “But
stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you
to your face (Job 1:11).” The Lord said to Satan, “Very well,
then, everything he has is in your hands, but on the man himself do not lay a
finger (Job 1:12).” So,
you may be asking, “What is the point in bringing this up?” The point
is that when I was thirteen years old, it seems that Satan was using my own family
against me to lead me into temptation, and what he hoped would be my eternal destruction.
Think about it.
That’s pretty ruthless! Examine the situation with me.
The stage had been set. My cousin, fifteen years old at the time, had already
known about “the stash” of magazines. Our parents were going out for
the evening, and my cousin and I would be staying alone together at his house
for many hours. So,
now I ask you, “Do you see Satan at work here at all?” I attribute the
events of the evening to Satan because of the affect they had on me for the next
three decades. Yes, three decades. I have to believe that something so powerful
and so damaging could not result from the mischief of a couple of teenage boys.
Furthermore, if I don’t attribute it to Satan, that means the responsibility
for this evildoing must fall to other people in my family. It would have to fall
to my cousin for showing me the magazines. It would have to fall to my uncle who
brought these magazines home and left them in a place where they could be easily
detected by us. It would have to fall to my parents, for allowing me to remain
in an unsupervised situation for too long a time period, and for not equipping
me with the knowledge of how to handle a situation such as this if it ever presented
itself. It's not that I am trying to shift the blame to Satan, it's just that
I can't imagine anyone in my family wanting to harm me by purposefully contributing
to my addiction. That
evening, so many years ago, I saw images of women that created a craving inside
of me that I will never forget. I believe that my cousin loves me, as we have
been more like brothers than cousins. I do not believe he would have shown me
those magazines if he knew what would happen to me as a result. I also believe
that my parents love me, and therefore, would not have let this situation occur
if they knew what would happen. So,
I’m left with the burning (no pun intended) question, “Who or what was
behind this?” My answer, the only answer as I see it, is Satan. By the way,
I have never asked my cousin if his Dad (my uncle) showed him the magazines, or
if he found them on his own. I might ask him someday, but it would have to be
done very carefully. You see, my cousin is still Jewish. I was born and raised
in the Jewish faith, but I put my trust in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior
when I was thirty-three. But as you might imagine, my conversion to Christianity
has caused a great deal of tension in my family. Now more than ever, my family
is struggling to understand what I do, and why I do it! Hello,
my name is Ian J. Drucker. I am writing a continuing column for this publication
on the subject of Internet Porn. I am the President of IMD Ministries, which I
founded with my wife (Marti). I will be sharing a lot about my life, my personal
struggles with this addiction, how my addiction impacted my marriage, and most
importantly how this addiction drove me to my knees in prayer begging God for
deliverance. -Ian
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