|
Furthermore, I had the nerve to try and convince her that my viewing porn would
actually enhance our relationship. I really believed that my viewing porn would
increase the level of physical intimacy between us. She, of course,
took exception to this. She indicated that the last thing she wanted, if she knew
that I was indulging my sinful cravings, was to be intimate with me. She felt
that my sexual drive and desire was inspired by my lust for other women, not by
her. I, of course, argued against this. Our totally opposing viewpoints caused
many lengthy and loud discussions pertaining to what were, and were not, acceptable
behaviors by a husband in a “Marriage Covenant.” I
praise and thank God for giving me a patient wife. I believe, from a Biblical
perspective, that she would have been on solid ground if she wanted to divorce
me. It took some time, but after a great amount of prayer and studying of the
Word; the Holy Spirit convicted me of my sinful thoughts and actions. I believe
the most significant passage of scripture that helped me, which my wife pointed
out, is from the Gospel of Matthew. In it Jesus addresses the subject of Adultery.
Jesus
said; “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery’.
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed
adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it
out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than
for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you
to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of
your body than for your whole body to go into hell” (Matthew 5:27-30).
Well,
by the grace of God, I was not too far deluded at this point. I would be a liar
if I tried to say that I was not lusting for the women that I was viewing on the
screen before me. I agreed that committing adultery was a sin. I acknowledged
that I was, according to Jesus, committing adultery. My previous thoughts were
absurd. I also understand, from my experience and from my study on Spiritual Warfare,
that the ability to significantly influence (not control) this type of twisted
thinking is one of the best weapons that Satan has in his arsenal. That is why
Jesus takes the position on this issue that He does. Jesus knows the power of
this sin, and he understands the affect that it has on us. He is indicating that
victory over this sin requires a radical change; and that we must be willing to
make whatever change is necessary to prevent us from committing the sin. It
is so obvious to me now why it took so many years in order for me to master this
sin. Most of the time I was dealing with it, I was not a Christian. I lived the
majority of my life (33 years) on my own, without Christ as my Lord and Savior.
Drawing from my own abilities during this time, without the power of the Holy
Spirit, left me totally defenseless against an enemy (Satan) that I failed to
acknowledge even existed.
After I became a Christian, it took more time for me to be completely free from
my addiction. Sure, there were periods of being clean; but they were followed
by periods of indulgence. I chose to keep enjoying the pleasure of the sin. I
ignored the pain that I was causing God and my wife every time I committed the
sin. It took time for me to learn how to lay my will down, and to be led by the
Holy Spirit. It took time for me to despise the sin, to the point that I no longer
wanted anything to do with it. I know that it is only because I cried out to God
with a sincere heart, asking for deliverance from this sin that I received it.
I now choose and I am able, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to deny my sinful
desires one day at a time. I choose to please God and my wife. That’s the
bottom line. The
choice is ours! We can either glorify God in our thoughts, words and actions;
or we can please the enemy. What do you want to do? This issue and the dynamics
that were put into play both before and after my deliverance provide an abundance
of material for me to share with others. It is my intent, in accordance with God’s
will, to share what I have learned and experienced in hope that I may be able
to help others avoid causing damage to relationships that they value. I will be
sharing this information with you as I continue to write for this publication.
-Ian Drucker
Discuss this
article on our Christian
message forum.
You
can learn more about Ian's story and learn about IMD Ministries by visiting www.imdministries.org
| 
