This is the very first time in my 26 years that I have posted on a message board, so this mus be a bad situation.... I'm feeling so terrible and guilty because I am having such trouble with my current boyfriend and at the same time am having feelings for someone else.
I want to keep this short. My boyfriend and I have been together now for two years this August. I met him while living in Europe on missions and we dated for 5 months before I moved back to the US. We had such trouble during those 5 months. After three months I wanted to break up with him so much but I stuck it out because I thought it was the right thing to do and because I'd never had a relationship longer than three months.
Then I moved away and things got a lot better while we were long distance. I went back to see him after 4 months and we had a great time but then upon my returning home we fought to the point that we broke up for 10 weeks. He saw then that he had terrible emotional issues and he sought counseling. After 10 weeks I saw that the counseling had helped and he wanted so much to be back together so I gave him another chance.
That led to 9 months of a generally good relationship, albeit at a 3000 mile distance. He came to visit once and things went well with only a few fights.
Four weeks ago I moved back to Europe for grad school and school happens to be in his country. We thought that things were falling into place for us to get married and we talked often of marriage.
Things have been pretty bad since my coming here though.
I know a lot of it must have to do with me and my adjusting to living here and the transition of being in closer proximity. It's only been four weeks but I've talked to him already about how I want a break.
He's really angry about this and refuses to let me have a break but insists that I or we seek counseling and fight harder for "us."
Part of the problem is that we still live an hour and a half apart and I'm busy with school and I've found a WONDERFUL church that I just love and I want to spend all of my extra time an energy with it. He says I choose too much for this church and I should make more time for him. He's right. But I get so much out of this church.
Here's the one of the kickers... he's really a wonderful person. He's kind, generous, loving, a man of God and he's sacrificed a lot finanacially for me to be here. He gave me a not-small-amount of money to start my life here.
But I feel trapped and I don't love him. But that's my problem maybe?
The other kicker, the reason for such guilt.... is that there's a man in this new church that I have such feelings for. He returns my feelings and knows about the boyfriend and wants to just build a friendship for now.
I can't help but think that part of the reason I want to break up is because of him.... not that I expect that we'll have a relationship or that he's perfect or something. Maybe by the time that the timing is right it wont even be an option for some reason. But still I feel it's a motivating factor. And maybe it shouldn't be?
Maybe I'm ready to give up something that could be so great, that I've put SO much time and energy into and would really regret it.
I don't want to marry guy 1. I've told him this and he agrees we talked about it too soon and that we shouldn't talk about it anymore. But I want to talk about how it's a warning flag that I don't want to marry him.
It's only been 4 weeks.... maybe it's too soon?
Please tell me if I am horrible and if I should change my ways or something. I can promise that the ONLY thing I want is to do what is right, no matter how hard it may be. I'll do ANYthing to do the right thing... but i don't know what that thing is...
You really need to let go of this man. Yes he may have his good points, but it should be blatantly obvious to you that you and he are not suited to each other.
He may have helped you with money, but that doesn't mean he owns you.
You've met someone new, so move on.
Never marry anyone you feel trapped into marrying. I think you need to break up and stay single for a while.
Yep, just you and no-one else.
But that's just my own opinion.
Well I think it says a lot if your best times were when you were in a long distance relationship. Unless you intend on living miles apart during marriage, I think this should be a HUGE indicator.
As far as relationship counseling, I think that's a waste of time unless you're married. If the relationship outside of marriage is that bad, that you need counseling, it's probably a sign it shouldn't be happening in the first place!
Counseling is for people who are married and have committed to death do us part. It's not for two people who are testing out the waters. It's obvious the waters are troubled between you two, get out while you can.