My husband and i are married for 15 years and for 15 years we are still living with my in laws. his parents are generally nice individuals but controlling almost too often. this has taken its toll in our relationship and three kids and i resent this so much that subconsciously my love for him started slipping away through the years. i have cried a lot and asked him to correct the situation, always quoting the verse on genesis 2:24 ( leaving and cleaving ) but my pleas always fell on deaf ears.
i have no problems with my spouse, he's a wonderful person, intelligent, pleasant to be with and above all a GOD fearing individual. he even holds a key position in our church. problem is, he fails to see the importance of leaving and cleaving.
now here's where the real major issue comes in. thru the years, my emotions for him has fallen short because of our present situation. i got engaged in a relationship outside of our marriage. he happens to be our church mate, a family friend and married with kids. this has been going on for about half a year now and we manage to keep the relationship discreet. i have invested most of my emotions to this person and i am at the stage, if asked to choose between him and my spouse, without batting my lashes, i'd choose him. we are both aware that this relationship is forbidden and has to end. but right now i'm in so much pain and couldn't let him go just like that. i constantly pray that GOD will restore both our marriages and help us live the lives HE has intended for us. i am so confused right now, full of hurt and resentment. we both tried to cut off our communication but it will only last for a few days then back to each other's arms once again. what do i do? please help me pray. thank you...
you just do it- everything in life is a choice and nowhere does God ever say things will be easy 'Narrow is the path to life, wide is the road to destruction', you either choose what is right and stick to it or continue on the wrong path to destruction- adultery is a sin and a very big betrayal to your spouse that cuts right to the heart and difficult in-laws are no excuse for it believe me I know difficult in-laws (picture 'Everyone Loves Raymond' show parents times about a hundred and evil to boot). I left my husband due to years of abuse but I was never unfaithful to him and I am still not, nor will I choose to be in the future as we are still married. If your husband is so wonderful and it is your in-laws you have a problem with (whether he wants to leave and cleave or not) then you have placed the wedge in your heart toward him by your own hand and there is never never never any excuse or reason good enough for being unfaithful!
Sorry to be blunt, but those are the facts!
your reply really hit home. don't be sorry for being blunt, i guess i need somebody to say that to me right on my face. it's a struggle wether to make the right choice or not and you are right, it's a choice!
goodness! i have to take a deep breath now...just glad i came across this website
What cristals mama said.
What Don Williams sang. "Sneaking around, sneaking around, midnight romancing, on the wrong side of town. You build it all up and you tear it all down, ain't no good can come from sneaking around".
And what St. Bernard of Mayberry taught us, "nip it in the bud".
: pinkScorpion Tue Dec 09, 2008 - 20:10:47
My husband and i are married for 15 years and for 15 years we are still living with my in laws. his parents are generally nice individuals but controlling almost too often. this has taken its toll in our relationship and three kids and i resent this so much that subconsciously my love for him started slipping away through the years. i have cried a lot and asked him to correct the situation, always quoting the verse on genesis 2:24 ( leaving and cleaving ) but my pleas always fell on deaf ears.
i have no problems with my spouse, he's a wonderful person, intelligent, pleasant to be with and above all a GOD fearing individual. he even holds a key position in our church. problem is, he fails to see the importance of leaving and cleaving.
now here's where the real major issue comes in. thru the years, my emotions for him has fallen short because of our present situation. i got engaged in a relationship outside of our marriage. he happens to be our church mate, a family friend and married with kids. this has been going on for about half a year now and we manage to keep the relationship discreet. i have invested most of my emotions to this person and i am at the stage, if asked to choose between him and my spouse, without batting my lashes, i'd choose him. we are both aware that this relationship is forbidden and has to end. but right now i'm in so much pain and couldn't let him go just like that. i constantly pray that GOD will restore both our marriages and help us live the lives HE has intended for us. i am so confused right now, full of hurt and resentment. we both tried to cut off our communication but it will only last for a few days then back to each other's arms once again. what do i do? please help me pray. thank you...
You didn't see
what coming?
I have to say... I noticed you said if you were asked to choose between your lover or your spouse, you would pick your lover. Has anyone asked you? That silence is deafening, if no one has asked you, it's due to the fact that he has no intentions of asking you to leave your husband, he is quite content with the two of you using each other. That is my opinion.
Half a year... is six months... that is a long time. You have betrayed your vows, your husband and your God. To repent of sin is to forsake sin... walk the other way. If you are repentant, you will turn away from this affair. Living with your inlaws is silly, but it wasn't sin. It was sad. But, now the affair compounds the situation, because I see no way in ending this that the truth won't come out.
You have betrayed another woman. You have slept with your sister's husband. She did what to you to deserve this? Did she have anything to do with your living situation? Or the fact that your husband has no back bone? I doubt that, and yet, her life and the happiness of her children now hangs in the balance due to your not being able to fix your life. That is really sad. You think you are discreet? How discreet are you? Do you think GOD does not know? And do you think that GOD cannot reveal to someone what you are doing? There is no such thing as a discreet affair... it has nothing discreet about it. It's selfish. When she finds out, she will have to leave her church, or you will. She may have to give up her home or move away to save her marriage from the damage you and he have inflicted on her.
Who are you that your feelings are more important than she? Are you and your life more important than her children before God? Having this affair may have helped you to live with your inlaws longer... but the price someone else will pay in the long run is beyond comprehension. If your living situation was unbearable, then you should have left... not taken another woman's husband. How can you attend the same church as she does? Discretion has nothing to do with hiding sin.
You also said that while you know this is wrong, and you need to stop, you cannot give him up. But, he does not belong to you, he never did, he was given in marriage to someone else by God, he belongs to her. This is not about you, or your husband, or him (your lover)... this is about God and you thinking that your "NEED" somehow exempts you from His WORD being true. It does not. If she is a God fearing believer, then you will give him up, one way or another... by choice or by pain... but God won't allow her to be ashamed. You may as well get on the gospel train before it hits you.
: kensington Tue Dec 09, 2008 - 23:03:14
I have to say... I noticed you said if you were asked to choose between your lover or your spouse, you would pick your lover. Has anyone asked you? That silence is deafening, if no one has asked you, it's due to the fact that he has no intentions of asking you to leave your husband, he is quite content with the two of you using each other. That is my opinion.
Half a year... is six months... that is a long time. You have betrayed your vows, your husband and your God. To repent of sin is to forsake sin... walk the other way. If you are repentant, you will turn away from this affair. Living with your inlaws is silly, but it wasn't sin. It was sad. But, now the affair compounds the situation, because I see no way in ending this that the truth won't come out.
You have betrayed another woman. You have slept with your sister's husband. She did what to you to deserve this? Did she have anything to do with your living situation? Or the fact that your husband has no back bone? I doubt that, and yet, her life and the happiness of her children now hangs in the balance due to your not being able to fix your life. That is really sad. You think you are discreet? How discreet are you? Do you think GOD does not know? And do you think that GOD cannot reveal to someone what you are doing? There is no such thing as a discreet affair... it has nothing discreet about it. It's selfish. When she finds out, she will have to leave her church, or you will. She may have to give up her home or move away to save her marriage from the damage you and he have inflicted on her.
Who are you that your feelings are more important than she? Are you and your life more important than her children before God? Having this affair may have helped you to live with your inlaws longer... but the price someone else will pay in the long run is beyond comprehension. If your living situation was unbearable, then you should have left... not taken another woman's husband. How can you attend the same church as she does? Discretion has nothing to do with hiding sin.
You also said that while you know this is wrong, and you need to stop, you cannot give him up. But, he does not belong to you, he never did, he was given in marriage to someone else by God, he belongs to her. This is not about you, or your husband, or him (your lover)... this is about God and you thinking that your "NEED" somehow exempts you from His WORD being true. It does not. If she is a God fearing believer, then you will give him up, one way or another... by choice or by pain... but God won't allow her to be ashamed. You may as well get on the gospel train before it hits you.
thank you..i humbly accept my selfishness before my GOD. i have spoken this issue to some friends hoping to find comfort or rebuke but no one has said it the way you did. i haven't seen the situation the way you did, all because of sin and selfishness covering my eyes and heart.
right now, i'm still allowing your words to sink into my heart and soul...i suddenly feel shame...thank you, thank you
: kensington Tue Dec 09, 2008 - 23:03:14
I have to say... I noticed you said if you were asked to choose between your lover or your spouse, you would pick your lover. Has anyone asked you? That silence is deafening, if no one has asked you, it's due to the fact that he has no intentions of asking you to leave your husband, he is quite content with the two of you using each other. That is my opinion.
Half a year... is six months... that is a long time. You have betrayed your vows, your husband and your God. To repent of sin is to forsake sin... walk the other way. If you are repentant, you will turn away from this affair. Living with your inlaws is silly, but it wasn't sin. It was sad. But, now the affair compounds the situation, because I see no way in ending this that the truth won't come out.
You have betrayed another woman. You have slept with your sister's husband. She did what to you to deserve this? Did she have anything to do with your living situation? Or the fact that your husband has no back bone? I doubt that, and yet, her life and the happiness of her children now hangs in the balance due to your not being able to fix your life. That is really sad. You think you are discreet? How discreet are you? Do you think GOD does not know? And do you think that GOD cannot reveal to someone what you are doing? There is no such thing as a discreet affair... it has nothing discreet about it. It's selfish. When she finds out, she will have to leave her church, or you will. She may have to give up her home or move away to save her marriage from the damage you and he have inflicted on her.
Who are you that your feelings are more important than she? Are you and your life more important than her children before God? Having this affair may have helped you to live with your inlaws longer... but the price someone else will pay in the long run is beyond comprehension. If your living situation was unbearable, then you should have left... not taken another woman's husband. How can you attend the same church as she does? Discretion has nothing to do with hiding sin.
You also said that while you know this is wrong, and you need to stop, you cannot give him up. But, he does not belong to you, he never did, he was given in marriage to someone else by God, he belongs to her. This is not about you, or your husband, or him (your lover)... this is about God and you thinking that your "NEED" somehow exempts you from His WORD being true. It does not. If she is a God fearing believer, then you will give him up, one way or another... by choice or by pain... but God won't allow her to be ashamed. You may as well get on the gospel train before it hits you.
And grow a spine. Find some pride in yourself & commit to your husband if it is still possible. The first thing you should do is inform him, so he has the chance to make a decision on whether or not he wants to stay with you. Accept the consequences of your actions, and inform your spouse about the lie you have been living.
Frankly, as a woman, and a sister in the LORD, I was going to tell her to go to the woman she has sinned against, and confess this to her.
Ask for forgiveness, and then move on to her husband. Confessing to him... and not hiding or protecting the man either. Not running to him and asking him what to do. Confess to your sister in the LORD that you have betrayed her. Take an example from David as to what happens when you try to hide your sin and more sin, and then, more sin. You end up with Nathan standing in your throne room.
Sure, go to the other woman and tell her you've been sneaking around with her husband. I don't think so!!! Children are involved here, not just consenting adults and oblivious spouses. Repent and confess to God alone, ask for His help to get past this, ask Him to rekindle love for your husband, and from now on please do the right thing and try to make your marriage work. Get counseling from someone who does not know you or your husband, if necessary, to help you through the pain and guilt. At this point in time, the fewer people that know about your sin, the better. If you decide to divorce your husband, then if God leads, confess to him, but be aware that this whole situation can cause a split in the church, two marriages dissolved, children suffering hardship and sadness due to parents splitting up, and more. Sin doesn't just affect you, but it affects everyone around you.
That's my two cents, FWIW.
"At this point in time, the fewer people that know about your sin, the better."
Why is that, can you explain that to me? Are we supposed to be covering up our sins? David tried that. And he got Nathan.
So, your advice is to say a little prayer, and hide it all under the rug, not giving the woman the honor of knowing the truth for herself, and being able to make her choices for her marriage based on that. She has said friends know, so this woman is already in the place that others know she is being cheated on. And now, we compound that by contriving to deceive her on and on in her life?
What did this woman do, that NO ONE seems to care enough to give her the truth in her life? But, we cover our backsides and keep going on like nothing happened? That is not biblical.
God says leave your gift on the altar and go and make things right with the person you have sinned against. Sometimes cleanliness comes at the price of a broken heart. The wife... is the ONE who deserves the truth. I didn't need to know it, you didn't need to know it, certainly the lover does not need to know it. His wife is the one who should have the truth.
I am not suggesting she "say a little prayer" and be done with it. True repentance needs to be made, definitely. If it was just the wife she sinned against, then it would be different, but many people are involved here, the most important being the children. You have to look at the whole picture, and not just one aspect of it. It is not time to grab stones and start casting them at this woman. She came here because she knows what she's doing is wrong, and is trying to find out how to make things better. Right now, it does not appear she has the strength to walk away from the illicit relationship. It's going to be extremely difficult to break the emotional ties she has with the other man, and she needs spiritual support, not condemnation. We are not in her shoes, and cannot know exactly what she is feeling or why she broke her marriage vows. It is up to God to judge her and the man with whom she is involved, not us.
: Petals Wed Dec 10, 2008 - 15:00:01
I am not suggesting she "say a little prayer" and be done with it. True repentance needs to be made, definitely. If it was just the wife she sinned against, then it would be different, but many people are involved here, the most important being the children. You have to look at the whole picture, and not just one aspect of it. It is not time to grab stones and start casting them at this woman. She came here because she knows what she's doing is wrong, and is trying to find out how to make things better. Right now, it does not appear she has the strength to walk away from the illicit relationship. It's going to be extremely difficult to break the emotional ties she has with the other man, and she needs spiritual support, not condemnation. We are not in her shoes, and cannot know exactly what she is feeling or why she broke her marriage vows. It is up to God to judge her and the man with whom she is involved, not us.
Don't accuse me of condemnation for her. I never spoke one word of condemnation. I spoke truth and asked her some hard questions. Yes, I brought up the wife... because as a woman, I can see this from her side. Yes, she is going to have a hard time, and she is going to need support, I'm strong and willing to support the truth and repentance, I am not going to sit and patty cake with an ongoing affair, someone can't give up or thinks is all about them. I did look at the whole picture... I have seen it from the inside out. I've walked it. And she needs to do the right thing by that woman and set her free to make her own choices. Choices she and her lover took from her when they started this whole thing. I can help her through the hard days and the nights, I can speak healing to her, I can pray for her and guide her in the word, but I will only do that in TRUTH.
Call me Nathan... I confront sin. Cut it off, and put everyone in a place where it can't happen again. Just repenting won't change her life, she has to know she can't go back again. She has already said, that she has tried, and they have discussed it and not gone more than a day or two before being together again. I say... BULL... it's time for the big guns... get on your knees and ask this woman to forgive you. That should deliver you from wanting him again. Have some guts... Do the right thing for once. You've done the wrong thing enough! You will be surprised what God will give you the strength to do when you start trying to walk a true walk and not one just in words. He will HEAL you, so that you NEVER need crutches again.
Yes, there is more people involved and she is called "his wife"... she deserves to be able to know that her marriage is sin free and that her husband won't do this again, she needs to be able to protect her children BEFORE they find out through gossip in church.
Read my byline... "Wimpy Christians won't survive spiritual warfare"... The body of Christ needs to get tough and start laying down their lives for Christ. Tell someone a painful truth and save their soul. Help them to break their own hearts so that God does not have to do it for them. Show them what it's like to have God create in them a new heart, not just drape a cloth over the one you have and go on.
: Petals Wed Dec 10, 2008 - 15:00:01
I am not suggesting she "say a little prayer" and be done with it. True repentance needs to be made, definitely. If it was just the wife she sinned against, then it would be different, but many people are involved here, the most important being the children. You have to look at the whole picture, and not just one aspect of it. It is not time to grab stones and start casting them at this woman. She came here because she knows what she's doing is wrong, and is trying to find out how to make things better. Right now, it does not appear she has the strength to walk away from the illicit relationship. It's going to be extremely difficult to break the emotional ties she has with the other man, and she needs spiritual support, not condemnation. We are not in her shoes, and cannot know exactly what she is feeling or why she broke her marriage vows. It is up to God to judge her and the man with whom she is involved, not us.
Of course, and when people are stupid, other people get hurt besides themselves. It is selfish to keep it a secret...to the husband and even more so to the affected wife. It is cowardice & self-assurance that 'everything will be ok' that is wrong. Life is hard, not following God makes it harder. Better to be courageous and accept responsibility for one's actions than cower in a corner because "the kids might be affected". Maybe the kids will learn what 'not to do' when they grow up to marry.
This extremism of "protect the children" that the United States has cast over EVERYTHING is not Godly. Children aren't being allowed to grow up to make and learn from mistakes, truths are hidden from them for their protection. Soon God will be hidden from them for their protection. Adults need to stop hiding behind their children and need to start leading their families.
I totally agree with what most have said and that is that you need to stop this NOW. You cant undo the damage that has already been done but you can stop it from getting any worse.
To have an affair with another man who is also married, is something that unfortunately sems to be happening more and more in the church and this is why all married couples need to have strict boundaries as to if and when they spend time alone with someone of the opposite sex. Make sure that you are never alone with this man ever again so the temptation isnt there.
The longer you leave it the more difficult it will be, so now is a VERY good time to stop, and stop completely.You say that you both know that it has to end so do it. No phone calls, no texts, no meetings,no e-mails and it may even be an idea if you and you husband changed churches (if he still wants to stay with you).I cant see that both couples will be able to stay in the same church anyway if it all comes out. If I were the other woman, I certainly could never go somewhere where the 'other woman' was and I would actually want to move right away if my marriage was to work.
I think that your husband needs to know, as otherwise this will be betwen you for the rest of your lives, and if he is able to forgive then it may take a very long time for any trust to come back but if can happen if you both want it.
Is there any chance that you could have your own place to live?, I would hate to live with in laws for 15 days let alone 15 years. You really need to have a place of you own. its rarely a good idea to live this way.
Counselling for the marriage would also be good, if your husband feels that he can still make a go of it. I am not sure if I could trust again if my husband was ever unfaithful, but everyone is different.
Well, there will be a bg fallout but has it be faced and you have to cope with the consequenses, so my advice is to do the right thing now and accept whatever happens.
Not sure what your friends are doing if none of them has told you how wrong this is, but that is another matter. Obviously this means that others know as well which may make it harder if it all comes out.(especially for your husband and the other woman.)
You'll get no sympathy from me. If I were your husband I'd kick you to the curb never to cast eyes on you again. No one has the right to destroy other people's lives the way you have. Through repentance and prayer I'm sure God will forgive you and give you a new start.
By the way, that poop about the inlaws is just that.......POOP! And you know it too.
Good luck to you,
Avenger
: avenger Wed Dec 10, 2008 - 23:43:03
You'll get no sympathy from me. If I were your husband I'd kick you to the curb never to cast eyes on you again. No one has the right to destroy other people's lives the way you have. Through repentance and prayer I'm sure God will forgive you and give you a new start.
By the way, that poop about the inlaws is just that.......POOP! And you know it too.
Good luck to you,
Avenger
i'm glad you are not my husband....
thank you guys for your response. i didn't come to this forum to seek sympathy but to see light from the sins that i'm in right now. i'm in the midst of a struggle, i have asked GOD for forgiveness over and over and asked for HIS strength to carry me thru.
i know most of you are condemning me, i hope i can still find a place in GOD's heart.
thank you for your time
: pinkScorpion Thu Dec 11, 2008 - 05:01:15
: avenger Wed Dec 10, 2008 - 23:43:03
You'll get no sympathy from me. If I were your husband I'd kick you to the curb never to cast eyes on you again. No one has the right to destroy other people's lives the way you have. Through repentance and prayer I'm sure God will forgive you and give you a new start.
By the way, that poop about the inlaws is just that.......POOP! And you know it too.
Good luck to you,
Avenger
i'm glad you are not my husband....
thank you guys for your response. i didn't come to this forum to seek sympathy but to see light from the sins that i'm in right now. i'm in the midst of a struggle, i have asked GOD for forgiveness over and over and asked for HIS strength to carry me thru.
i know most of you are condemning me, i hope i can still find a place in GOD's heart.
thank you for your time
He can and will forgive you, if you stop it now. He cant forgive you if you carry on with this affair. I will pray for both your family and the other persons family. I do think that you will need to leave the church and also the home that you have been living in. if your inlaws find out also then they will not be very friendly towards you understandably I wouldnt think . if your husband wants to make a go of it then you may need a fresh start away, also with counselling and very strict boundaries set for you both of what is and isnt allowed to avoid this happening again..
: pinkScorpion Thu Dec 11, 2008 - 05:01:15
: avenger Wed Dec 10, 2008 - 23:43:03
You'll get no sympathy from me. If I were your husband I'd kick you to the curb never to cast eyes on you again. No one has the right to destroy other people's lives the way you have. Through repentance and prayer I'm sure God will forgive you and give you a new start.
By the way, that poop about the inlaws is just that.......POOP! And you know it too.
Good luck to you,
Avenger
i'm glad you are not my husband....
thank you guys for your response. i didn't come to this forum to seek sympathy but to see light from the sins that i'm in right now. i'm in the midst of a struggle, i have asked GOD for forgiveness over and over and asked for HIS strength to carry me thru.
i know most of you are condemning me, i hope i can still find a place in GOD's heart.
thank you for your time
What does that mean? Do you say that your husband won't care if you have cheated? Or are you saying that you are glad he is the kind of man who would put up with this and let you get over on him?
This kind of attitude does not reflect a repentant heart, but selfishness.... What is your husband does say just what avenger did? Are you really that confident that he would not, and you are worth so much that he shouldn't say that?
Because if you deem that you are such to him that he will not be angry or cast you out, precious to him, then stop and see how precious the wife of the other man is to God. She is so precious that he will in no way cast her out. But, Read Hebrews 10:26-31 and see how he deals with those like her husband and yourself. Please think about that. Peace
Reality is...
Your husband should leave you. The affected wife needs to be informed so she can make her own decision. Hopefully your kids will grow up and learn from mommy's mistakes.
Without trust, a relationship does not exist, I would be floored if your husband remained with you. God will forgive you if you stop, but you should not be allowed to escape the consequences. I'm not saying you shouldn't be forgiven by your spouse, but he should forgive you and forget you.
Now that is not really true. Many marriages have survived affairs. People can find healing, and forgiven one another. That is not to say that we won't reap what we sow. That happens also.
But, when you think of the Prodigal... and how he went off in sin. He had the life he was supposed to have, and he had blessings and the means to bless others and to go farther into a better future. We have that in our lives with Christ. All of us do. Yet, he chose to take those blessings and that place in life with his father and waste it, to use it up as nothing to him, he spent his future.
His life, like this situation is as a pigpen. That is the truth, this wife has wasted her place in life, and spent her future to be with another man... her situation is a pigpen, to be blunt.
But... when and the BIBLE says... "He came to his right mind"... seeing what he had done, and knowing where he was, he "got up and went"... to his father. That is what needs to be done here. She needs to go to those she has sinned against... regardless of what the man does, and confess and repent before them, as the prodigal did.
The word does not say that the son just came to his mind, and decided to quit and be good. No... He got up and went... He confessed and asked forgiveness of the one he had sinned against. In his case it was his earthly father, in this case it is her husband and another wife. They may or may not be able to forgive at this time, but still, it's steps she needs to take to go back to where she should be with God. No one can say that her husband should not forgive her or keep the marriage, that is for him to decide. He may, he may not, I would not take it for granted.
The only way EVER that this would not eventually come out is if she NEVER told anyone, and her lover was a vibrator... but humans are involved, and this is going to come out. It should be due to her repentance and sorrow over her actions and her doing the right thing now.
: kensington Thu Dec 11, 2008 - 16:04:35
Now that is not really true. Many marriages have survived affairs. People can find healing, and forgiven one another. That is not to say that we won't reap what we sow. That happens also.
But, when you think of the Prodigal... and how he went off in sin. He had the life he was supposed to have, and he had blessings and the means to bless others and to go farther into a better future. We have that in our lives with Christ. All of us do. Yet, he chose to take those blessings and that place in life with his father and waste it, to use it up as nothing to him, he spent his future.
His life, like this situation is as a pigpen. That is the truth, this wife has wasted her place in life, and spent her future to be with another man... her situation is a pigpen, to be blunt.
But... when and the BIBLE says... "He came to his right mind"... seeing what he had done, and knowing where he was, he "got up and went"... to his father. That is what needs to be done here. She needs to go to those she has sinned against... regardless of what the man does, and confess and repent before them, as the prodigal did.
The word does not say that the son just came to his mind, and decided to quit and be good. No... He got up and went... He confessed and asked forgiveness of the one he had sinned against. In his case it was his earthly father, in this case it is her husband and another wife. They may or may not be able to forgive at this time, but still, it's steps she needs to take to go back to where she should be with God. No one can say that her husband should not forgive her or keep the marriage, that is for him to decide. He may, he may not, I would not take it for granted.
The only way EVER that this would not eventually come out is if she NEVER told anyone, and her lover was a vibrator... but humans are involved, and this is going to come out. It should be due to her repentance and sorrow over her actions and her doing the right thing now.
I fully see where you are coming from. I simply could never trust someone again who did this to my family. And if I couldn't trust them, I wouldn't see the point in staying married to them. I personally don't believe marriages should survive affairs, they should be ended, as the vows were broken.
I only need God. If my wife cannot honor the covenant she made before me and God, then she doesn't deserve to be my wife. There are plenty of God fearing, trustworthy christian ladies seeking a husband.
It's a shame as Christians how we are quick to conclude or cast judgment on this issue. I'm not in her defense neither am I condoning her sins. Adultery is a sin and so is lying, pornography, drug addiction, lust, etc, etc. We are no different from her and that's the reason why we are still here on earth cuz GOD is not finished with us yet.
WWJD? What Would Jesus Do in this situation? GOD's love is so compelling that even in our hatred HE will still teach us to love and forgive. Her repentance, if ever there is, is between her and GOD. Only GOD sees and knows her heart. She is still accountable to GOD for what actions she did.
Let's pray for her that she will do what is right before GOD's eyes and that she will put a stop to this illicit affair immediately, pronto! Pray for the people directly affected by this sin and pray for ourselves that we may learn something from this situation and from every problem posted in this forum. After all, this is probably one of the reasons why she and all of us come to this site.
GOD bless us all!
It is totally up to her husband as to whether he can carry on with this marriage. Some marriages do survive an affair and with Gods help there can be forgiveness and healing, but some can not.
I am not sure that I could ever trust again if my husband were to do this, so for me I think it would have to end as much as I adore him, but some do amazingly survive and some even end up better that before.
As for who tells the other lady, if I were her, I would want to be told, but not from the 'other women'. It would need to be my husband. If the other man involved knows that Pink scorpion is telling her husband then hopefully he will do the right thing and tell her. He probably wont want anyone to know at all, so he can just pretend that it never happened., but he will have to live with the consequenses.
Pink scorpions husband may well want to see the other guy and HE may feel he should tell the mans wife anyway. She does need to know as otherwise her marriage is a lie and with this all hidden, how can any marriage be blessed?
I do feel so much for everyone involved as there is going to be a major explosion.
I wonder, in the light of this story and so many others we hear about these days with Christians having affairs with other Christians, should there be more strict boundaries in place as to those in church working with or spending time alone with someone of the opposite sex?. All marriages need some boundaries, and it is a good idea to have these boundaries also with those we work with, but the church is no different and so are we being naive to think that it cant happen there, becuase of course it does.
I always think about Billy Graham and how he made a vow that he would never spend time alone with another women apart from his wife, and he was a very wise man in my opinion, with so many Christian leaders falling by the wayside.
: chosenone Thu Dec 11, 2008 - 21:31:14
I wonder, in the light of this story and so many others we hear about these days with Christians having affairs with other Christians, should there be more strict boundaries in place as to those in church working with or spending time alone with someone of the opposite sex?. All marriages need some boundaries, and it is a good idea to have these boundaries also with those we work with, but the church is no different and so are we being naive to think that it cant happen there, becuase of course it does.
I always think about Billy Graham and how he made a vow that he would never spend time alone with another women apart from his wife, and he was a very wise man in my opinion, with so many Christian leaders falling by the wayside.
This is reality. So many marriages fall apart even in Christian churches. The enemy is working hard to separate GOD's people from HIM. I heard of a local pastor near our area who also fell due to an illicit affair and i'm sure there are more out there. It's sad that these things happen. Let's continue to pray that GOD will always guard our hearts also for our leaders at home, in our church and in our country.
: HisLove Thu Dec 11, 2008 - 19:00:37
It's a shame as Christians how we are quick to conclude or cast judgment on this issue. I'm not in her defense neither am I condoning her sins. Adultery is a sin and so is lying, pornography, drug addiction, lust, etc, etc. We are no different from her and that's the reason why we are still here on earth cuz GOD is not finished with us yet.
WWJD? What Would Jesus Do in this situation? GOD's love is so compelling that even in our hatred HE will still teach us to love and forgive. Her repentance, if ever there is, is between her and GOD. Only GOD sees and knows her heart. She is still accountable to GOD for what actions she did.
Let's pray for her that she will do what is right before GOD's eyes and that she will put a stop to this illicit affair immediately, pronto! Pray for the people directly affected by this sin and pray for ourselves that we may learn something from this situation and from every problem posted in this forum. After all, this is probably one of the reasons why she and all of us come to this site.
GOD bless us all!
I'm sorry... you have me confused with someone else. I do not lie and I do not cheat, I don't look at porn, I don't drink and I don't do drugs. I do not like being told we are all alike when I know and I am convinced that is NOT true. I gave her sound advice. Her repentance is between she and God, but she brought this here, we did not go looking for her. It seems that she is trying to hear truth... so I gave her truth. WWJD... READ THE WORD... That is what Jesus would do... there is more to serving Him and walking with Him than a private repentance and hiding your sin or ignoring the hurt people you left in your path.
: kensington Thu Dec 11, 2008 - 22:34:49
I'm sorry... you have me confused with someone else. I do not lie and I do not cheat, I don't look at porn, I don't drink and I don't do drugs. I do not like being told we are all alike when I know and I am convinced that is NOT true. I gave her sound advice. Her repentance is between she and God, but she brought this here, we did not go looking for her. It seems that she is trying to hear truth... so I gave her truth. WWJD... READ THE WORD... That is what Jesus would do... there is more to serving Him and walking with Him than a private repentance and hiding your sin or ignoring the hurt people you left in your path.
Amen. Take responsibilities for your actions Christians, myself included.
Well, I was going to add... before anyone gets too riled up about my comments... I am not implying that I am better than anyone. But, I have learned many many lessons in my walk, and running my race, and I know that I am not that person. I may have been once, I could have fallen to any sin and had many in my life, ,but that person no longer exists in me, and hasn't for a long long time. Once delivered and healed, you are not a cripple any longer. Some Christians don't get that, they seem to walk or limp in the "I needed crutches once, so I will consider that I could need them again"... No, this is not so for those whom Christ heals. I don't believe that the woman with the issue of blood ever had continued bleeding again. I do not think for a moment that the blind man who was given sight with the spit of the LORD ever even needed glasses. I am convinced that when Jesus told a demon to get out, it left for good.
So, based on that, and what I am sure of that the LORD Himself visited upon my life, I am not going to cheat, do drugs, or anything like this. I run my race carefully as to not allow myself to fall back. That is why I believe, we must go out of our way to do the right thing, and even take on our broken heart for others, keeping ourselves on the track where the race is won. I am not Paul, but I am not less than he. We do not need to sit around telling ourselves when someone needs to be corrected that "Whoas me, that could happen to me too"... Not in the least. I have picked up my blanket and I walk. God Bless.
In reading through this I didn't see anyone saying that the husband probably got what he deserved. If he had been a man and not some momma's boy who couldn't leave home, none of this might have happened. That of course is no excuse for the behavior here but it certainly seems to be the reason.
Personally, I think she should read the riot act to the husband for not being a husband, father, and head of the household. She should have laid down an ultimatim years ago. His choice -- parents or wife and family.
: Jimmy Fri Dec 12, 2008 - 07:30:46
In reading through this I didn't see anyone saying that the husband probably got what he deserved. If he had been a man and not some momma's boy who couldn't leave home, none of this might have happened. That of course is no excuse for the behavior here but it certainly seems to be the reason.
Personally, I think she should read the riot act to the husband for not being a husband, father, and head of the household. She should have laid down an ultimatim years ago. His choice -- parents or wife and family.
I agree... she should have done something about her living situation... long ago. She didn't. She took another woman's man instead, so that is what we are dealing with.
Hey Vindicator... We all know that you are mad because I stood up to you when you came in her to slander and stalk another poster a few days ago. The mods locked and took down the thread. So, now here you are. You are not going to like anything I said here, but when you add it all up compared to the VERY unCHRIST like thing you did here for all to see... I'm good.
I was concerned about this situation before you even came here in your revenge game. Have fun... But don't think anyone doesn't know what that game is. We've been here a while, we are not asleep either. ROTFLOL!!
"Hmmmm................tha t puts a whole new slant on godismyvindicator's comments................ ...!"
And you ain't just whistling Dixie either.
I think I went to the wrong forum, all the more I feel messed up after reading some of your posts. I'm not sure now if God will still forgive me even if I have asked for his forgiveness and repented. I feel so small, unworthy to the point of suicidal ...I'm so depressed but I deserve all these, not sure now if He will still accept me, a filthy sinner, a loser. It's my fault, I don't deny that
Thanks to all who took time to answer, some were helpful though. I'm unsubscribing from this forum. Sorry, I'm so sorry
: pinkScorpion Fri Dec 12, 2008 - 10:18:14
I think I went to the wrong forum, all the more I feel messed up after reading some of your posts. Im not sure now if God will still forgive me even if I have asked for his forgiveness and repented. I feel so small, unworthy to the point of suicidal
Im so depressed but I deserve all these, not sure now if He will still accept me, a filthy sinner, a loser. Its my fault, I dont deny that
Thanks to all who took time to answer, some were helpful though. Im unsubscribing from this forum. Sorry, Im so sorry
I feel the same way frequently. But, feelings aren't reality - only a response to reality. Getting personal advise by an impersonal method will likely give less than realistic and perfect responses. Don't give up. We ain't so bad...... It takes longer to know each other from sound bite posts than it does face to face.
: pinkScorpion Fri Dec 12, 2008 - 10:18:14
I think I went to the wrong forum, all the more I feel messed up after reading some of your posts. I'm not sure now if God will still forgive me even if I have asked for his forgiveness and repented. I feel so small, unworthy to the point of suicidal ...I'm so depressed but I deserve all these, not sure now if He will still accept me, a filthy sinner, a loser. It's my fault, I don't deny that
Thanks to all who took time to answer, some were helpful though. I'm unsubscribing from this forum. Sorry, I'm so sorry
I don't think it is all your fault. There were other issues at play that contributed to your situation. The other man who was willing to forsake his vows is just as much to blame. He took advantage and used two women... you and his wife.
The point you are at, is a point to start from. To walk from. If you consider all of your options, including suicide... repentance and confession is so much better than continuing in the affair or taking your life and robbing your kids of someone who could turn out to be the best mom ever. God can do so much more with our lives than we can, especially when we know we have blown it so badly, if we do the right thing and let Him take care of the rest, then He can deliver and heal. We have to get completely out of his way in all areas, and let Him do what only He can do... and that is to redeem us.
I mentioned the prodigal to you, now I mention the woman with the issue of blood. She did all she could do to fix things... spent her money, sought out medicines and treatments, trying to secure her own healing. Trying to find a way in herself to stop what could be a life threatening situation. And then she heard about the Messiah, who was healing people. She had nothing to lose, she was at the bottom, she knew her life was worthless without healing.... and she pushed in and touched Him. He turned and after years and years of seeking answers on her own, He healed her instantly.
You need to touch the Savior... you need to do what it takes to draw into Him, to let go of the things you have sought out to heal your life, your emotions and to fill your heart on your own. You need to let go of all of that, and press in to touch Him. Once you do... it only takes an instant for your healing to come. But... It is Jesus who does the healing, not you. Go to Him, cry out to Him. She didn't care who saw her, or who knew what was wrong with her... she openly pressed in to touch the hem of Jesus for her life. And she lived.
: Godismyvindicator Fri Dec 12, 2008 - 02:30:18
: fanuvmxpx Thu Dec 11, 2008 - 14:29:18
Reality is...
Your husband should leave you. The affected wife needs to be informed so she can make her own decision. Hopefully your kids will grow up and learn from mommy's mistakes.
Without trust, a relationship does not exist, I would be floored if your husband remained with you. God will forgive you if you stop, but you should not be allowed to escape the consequences. I'm not saying you shouldn't be forgiven by your spouse, but he should forgive you and forget you.
Jabs, jabs, jabs. Very unkind, very unforgiving...no help whatsoever. ::headscratch::
Your interpretation. I would forgive my wife, and by doing that I would leave her and take care of her and the children. With no trust, no relationship. Forgiveness does not mean, consequences go *poof* all better now. Real men should be treated with respect by their wives and vise versa. I would respect my wife enough to let her go and live how she wants.
: pinkScorpion Fri Dec 12, 2008 - 10:18:14
I think I went to the wrong forum, all the more I feel messed up after reading some of your posts. Im not sure now if God will still forgive me even if I have asked for his forgiveness and repented. I feel so small, unworthy to the point of suicidal
Im so depressed but I deserve all these, not sure now if He will still accept me, a filthy sinner, a loser. Its my fault, I dont deny that
Thanks to all who took time to answer, some were helpful though. Im unsubscribing from this forum. Sorry, Im so sorry
I dont think that anyone has suggested that you cannot be forgiven. I think the problems is that YOU dont think that you can be forgiven. The advice to tell your husband and immediatly stop the affair and any contact with the other man is the only way I think. Someone said not to tell him but how could you live with that lie for the rest of your life?I know that I couldnt.
It would be like a cancer growing and growing inside. You have to tell him, but I would leave what happens with the other man and his wife to them and God. It will probably come out anyway.I think that part of the repentance is telling your husband and saying sorry and asking for his forgiveness. it is then up to him as to the next step.
: Godismyvindicator Fri Dec 12, 2008 - 02:47:15
: avenger Wed Dec 10, 2008 - 23:43:03
You'll get no sympathy from me. If I were your husband I'd kick you to the curb never to cast eyes on you again. No one has the right to destroy other people's lives the way you have. Through repentance and prayer I'm sure God will forgive you and give you a new start.
By the way, that poop about the inlaws is just that.......POOP! And you know it too.
Good luck to you,
Avenger
I don't think she came here looking for sympathy. It appears she came looking for strength from fellowship to stop the sinning. Too bad you did not care to be a part encouraging righteousness.
BTW, Christian, I am so glad God did not kick us to the curb when Adam fell.
I'm sorry you don't agree with my response to her post, but I didn't buy her excuse about the "in-laws". If her husband were truly the "saint" in every other way (as she made him out to be) then there is no way she would have started screwing another man because she had "suffered" by living with the in-laws! It was nothing more than the sin of wanting the forbidden...one set of glands calling another....that's it! She answered the call and in-so-doing she has destroyed the lives of numerous people including her own children! No, she will get no pat on the head from me!
As far as me not being able to forgive the way God does.......well I'll have to apologize for that too because I'm an imperfect follower of Christ, a work in progress if you will, there are some things that my sinful nature just won't allow me to do, and forgiving someone who destroys innocent life is but one of them.
I'm sorry,
Avenger
She didn't lie when she said you came here to stalk her. You did come here to stalk her, Chosenone... there was a WHOLE thread on this "she said, she said" junk locked and deleted by the mods... Trust me. I have no reason to lie to you. Go back to the first post vindicator made in this thread and see that she came in here SPECIFICALLY to taunt Yellowrose. And now it's this game one snitching on the other for past sins... Vindicator started it.
But, vindicator... this thread is not about you or she, it's about someone else, and you're turning into the battle that insued here with the two of you, and your other friend is just ridiculous... leave people alone. Let this thread alone... If you can't do that, you don't belong here.
All this tattle tale about someone's past sins is what got the other thread locked... I'm reporting this, and you in hopes that the Mods will take what you are doing again and again into their hands and deal with it.
: Godismyvindicator Fri Dec 12, 2008 - 14:54:38
As for me, after reading what PinkScorpion wrote last, how sad and dejected she became after coming here looking for strength and then getting chewed to pieces instead....I don't like this place. Good-bye.
If you two are going to fight like alley cats, then you need to do it via email and not involve others who aren't fully aware of the situation.
: kensington Fri Dec 12, 2008 - 09:15:04
: Jimmy Fri Dec 12, 2008 - 07:30:46
In reading through this I didn't see anyone saying that the husband probably got what he deserved. If he had been a man and not some momma's boy who couldn't leave home, none of this might have happened. That of course is no excuse for the behavior here but it certainly seems to be the reason.
Personally, I think she should read the riot act to the husband for not being a husband, father, and head of the household. She should have laid down an ultimatim years ago. His choice -- parents or wife and family.
I agree... she should have done something about her living situation... long ago. She didn't. She took another woman's man instead, so that is what we are dealing with.
Yes but perhaps she needs to get to the root of the problem. It is clear, at least from the OP, that more that just a "don't do that any more" condemnation is needed.
But God is love so any admonishment to a believer who asks for advise is from the father of hate and lies.
: zoonance Fri Dec 12, 2008 - 17:28:39
But God is love so any admonishment to a believer who asks for advise is from the father of hate and lies.
Humor or no, that one goes over my head.
: zoonance Fri Dec 12, 2008 - 17:28:39
But God is love so any admonishment to a believer who asks for advise is from the father of hate and lies.
What are you talking about? Admonishment comes from the LORD, it is correction, and we are to give it. Those whom He loves, He corrects... He used Paul, John, James, John the Baptists and even He corrected and rebuked sin. Your comment makes no sense at all. Did you fall asleep in the middle of typing it and perhaps drop some words that would have brought it together?
: zoonance Fri Dec 12, 2008 - 17:28:39
But God is love so any admonishment to a believer who asks for advise is from the father of hate and lies.
Then I am in a lot of trouble when I witness to people, don't want to offend anyone with the Truth after all
Wait, be patient, we are trying to figure out what he was really saying... LOL.
How about you move out of your in-laws house and tell your husband to follow if he wants you?
I know...bad advice.