Christian Forums

What makes a good guy or girl in a relationship?

Of course I'm only interested in guys but guys give your opinions on girls too! If you wish :)

Examples: Christian :P

Being a true Christian covers a lot of the bases in terms of character and principles. I think an ability to listen to others and  to empathise would be important. I guess I would want someone who was educated and informed, who was drawn to the arts, and who had a lively sense of humour.  I think a healthy self-esteem without arrogance is very attractive.My parents would also have to like him.

She has to be a completely "sold out" / hard core Christian...farther than just speaking about it all the time or in using funky little expressions all the time or even farther than wishing to be in Heaven all the time.

Then...she has to be self supportive...meaning no debts, not living off of child support checks and not having a job. I actually want her to have a career. Some kind of education to support her career...a whole group of skills is best. I want her to want me...not financially need me to pay all of her debts and bills.

Self sufficient.
Meaning she doesn't need me to raise her kids. Make her happy. build her self confidence Keep her out of the doldrums. or any other number of mental health issues she might want a man to do for her.

She must be intelligent. Granted...I love to come across on a level of a dumb teenager or dumb country hick at times...but in truth it is an act...I am no where near that dumb or ignorant. Gentle as doves but with the wisdom of a serpent. At home the mask is off and I like to relax and just be normal...and sometimes that means that I am gonna discuss things that require someone to actually have a brain to be able to follow along and engage as well as challenge me in conversation above the level of the weather.  (It isn't as easy as it sounds)

Social Graces are a must.
I may be an extrovert...she being one isn't necessary but...she needs to have some kind of social graces for getting around in social circles. Having only friends that all have major social interaction issues and mental health problems is going to put you in that "friend" column in a heartbeat.

Other than that...no: Lawyers, Doctors, Nurses, Schoolteachers, Police Women, Accountants or professional Musicians. (It isn't that we can't be friends...Just don't want to date any of them)

Pretty good list John.  I wholeheartedly second your sentiment about a gal who wants me, but doesn't necessarily need me.

I wonder what you have against schoolteachers and accountants?  Those aren't "married to your job" careers...

Jarrod

A Christian
High moral standards.
Heaps of integrity and honesty.
Patience
Kindness
Contentment
Low maintainance
Easy to please. 

Actually this sounds just like my husband ::smile::

: chosenone  Wed Aug 04, 2010 - 19:26:26
A Christian
High moral standards.
Heaps of integrity and honesty.
Patience
Kindness
Contentment
Low maintainance
Easy to please. 

Actually this sounds just like my husband ::smile::

I'm sure he'd say the same about you !

: celine  Thu Aug 05, 2010 - 07:26:00

: chosenone  Wed Aug 04, 2010 - 19:26:26
A Christian
High moral standards.
Heaps of integrity and honesty.
Patience
Kindness
Contentment
Low maintainance
Easy to please. 

Actually this sounds just like my husband ::smile::

I'm sure he'd say the same about you !

Thank you celine, I hope so but I'm not as laid back as him (remember he is Australian and they do tend to be very relaxed and laid back. as in "she'll be right mate"lol)
I also get more passionate about things and feel very strongly about things(which sometimes gets me into trouble here. lol,) so that can cause a few sparks ::giggle::   

Look for someone you can respect. And will still love even if they get old and fat.

(A good test I've always given myself is to picture the person in 30 years. If you don't get turned off, it's a good sign.)

In otherwords who are they? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with that?

If not, don't even begin.

A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction.  ::nodding::

: Cally  Fri Aug 06, 2010 - 18:12:13
A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction.  ::nodding::

What, do you mean like the negative reaction I get when I read about the proverbs 31 woman? ::giggle::

: chosenone  Fri Aug 06, 2010 - 19:14:26

: Cally  Fri Aug 06, 2010 - 18:12:13
A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction.  ::nodding::

What, do you mean like the negative reaction I get when I read about the proverbs 31 woman? ::giggle::

Yer killin' me, C1!

As for Proverbs 31: search your feelings, you KNOW it to be true!  ::IAMYOURFATHER::

: chosenone  Fri Aug 06, 2010 - 19:14:26

: Cally  Fri Aug 06, 2010 - 18:12:13
A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction.  ::nodding::

What, do you mean like the negative reaction I get when I read about the proverbs 31 woman? ::giggle::

Now THAT shocks me!!!

: Hot Ice  Sat Aug 07, 2010 - 02:44:57

: chosenone  Fri Aug 06, 2010 - 19:14:26

: Cally  Fri Aug 06, 2010 - 18:12:13
A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction.  ::nodding::

What, do you mean like the negative reaction I get when I read about the proverbs 31 woman? ::giggle::

Now THAT shocks me!!!

  hehe. Well I guess if I had all of her servants and wealth, I would have more time to work on being perfect...... No, I like people in the Bible who have imperfections.....like........like..... well like everyone in the Bible actually,  except for Jesus of course.
The proverbs woman isnt real after all.   

: chosenone  Sat Aug 07, 2010 - 03:48:02

: Hot Ice  Sat Aug 07, 2010 - 02:44:57

: chosenone  Fri Aug 06, 2010 - 19:14:26

: Cally  Fri Aug 06, 2010 - 18:12:13
A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction.  ::nodding::

What, do you mean like the negative reaction I get when I read about the proverbs 31 woman? ::giggle::

Now THAT shocks me!!!

  hehe. Well I guess if I had all of her servants and wealth, I would have more time to work on being perfect...... No, I like people in the Bible who have imperfections.....like........like..... well like everyone in the Bible actually,  except for Jesus of course.
The proverbs woman isnt real after all.   

I think the imagery of that passage mostly sums up a really, really hard-working woman who takes care of home base (the husband was out).

: Cally  Sat Aug 07, 2010 - 00:31:33

: chosenone  Fri Aug 06, 2010 - 19:14:26

: Cally  Fri Aug 06, 2010 - 18:12:13
A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction.  ::nodding::

What, do you mean like the negative reaction I get when I read about the proverbs 31 woman? ::giggle::

Yer killin' me, C1!

As for Proverbs 31: search your feelings, you KNOW it to be true!  ::IAMYOURFATHER::

Thanks for sharing your cynicism about wives and marriage with us again, cally.  You never cease to brighten our days, lift our spirits, and encourage us to be better Christ-followers.

It will be a great day, a day worth celebrating, when you see that Scripture is not a rule book for women.

Actually I love the proverbs 31 woman, unlike the way she's often portrayed, she was a woman who her husband allowed to have a life and run what was most important, the business and home front.

How many men will happily give a woman that much power?

The proverbs 31 woman has too often been modelled as someone who should work hard to serve her husband, but if you look at it more closely, it isn't that at all. It's a woman who's allowed to run everything (including trade to make the family wealthy) while her husband sits at the gate.

Now why is her husband sitting at the gate? Because he's lazy? No. Because the gate was like the town centre, the place where the elders sat and watched who went in and out of the city. That's where business was transacted (read Ruth) and important matters discussed. To be able to sit in the gate put your finger on the pulse.

So if the family is rich (because the woman is running the show well) and the man is sitting in the gate with the elders and business transactions - what does that do for the couple at large? Make them influential.

Not a bad combination.

But for a woman to have that much freedom in the first place - the man has to be willing to get behind her and support her in it and release her to do it.

It's actually a scripture of liberty, not oppression, but unfortunatly some men have tried to twist it into what it's not and too often the church has suffered as a result.

PS. And in case, Cally, you or someone else are now going to quote the end of the chapter -
'such a woman, who can find' -


please keep in mind that this was in the days when men sometimes had several wives and even concubines.

Now if you were a woman, married to a man who was just going to trade you in for a younger model when you had a few children, or was getting rich so he could buy a couple of concubines to add to the happy family home, would you work that hard?

You'd be an idiot.

I wouldn't.

I might also add that this proverb was written by king solomon himself. You know, the man who had 1000 wives and concubines. The one who died a heathen from worshipping his wives gods.

You know. The one who was such an expert on matrimonial happiness.  ::nodding::


It's best to really look at the scriptures sometimes. All of them.

First of all, I perceived Chosenone was poking fun at my first comment, so I just intended to poke a little fun back. I really hope it didn't come across to her as anything more than that.

Otherwise, it's clear that the woman in that passage is not meant to be applied in superficial ways--being rich with servant girls is not a prerequisite for being a good wife. There are stand-alone statements in that passage apart from the imagery which I believe are more important.

: Cally  Sat Aug 07, 2010 - 14:49:07
First of all, I perceived Chosenone was poking fun at my first comment, so I just intended to poke a little fun back. I really hope it didn't come across to her as anything more than that.

Otherwise, it's clear that the woman in that passage is not meant to be applied in superficial ways--being rich with servant girls is not a prerequisite for being a good wife. There are stand-alone statements in that passage apart from the imagery which I believe are more important.

Cally I realised that you were poking fun and thats how I took it, and thats how I replied to it. ::smile::

The reason that I dont see her in a  positive way,is that she is portrayed as perfect and the implication is that we all have to be like her. I wish I was as wealthy as her, but I HATE dress making lol. (and I definetly dont get up before anyone else in the house,especially now My kids are grown up).I dont try to be like her but I like the way God made ME.

: Cally  Sat Aug 07, 2010 - 00:31:33

: chosenone  Fri Aug 06, 2010 - 19:14:26

: Cally  Fri Aug 06, 2010 - 18:12:13
A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction.  ::nodding::

What, do you mean like the negative reaction I get when I read about the proverbs 31 woman? ::giggle::

Yer killin' me, C1!

As for Proverbs 31: search your feelings, you KNOW it to be true!  ::IAMYOURFATHER::

::smile::

: phoebe  Sat Aug 07, 2010 - 09:14:22

: Cally  Sat Aug 07, 2010 - 00:31:33

: chosenone  Fri Aug 06, 2010 - 19:14:26

: Cally  Fri Aug 06, 2010 - 18:12:13
A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction.  ::nodding::

What, do you mean like the negative reaction I get when I read about the proverbs 31 woman? ::giggle::

Yer killin' me, C1!

As for Proverbs 31: search your feelings, you KNOW it to be true!  ::IAMYOURFATHER::

Thanks for sharing your cynicism about wives and marriage with us again, cally.  You never cease to brighten our days, lift our spirits, and encourage us to be better Christ-followers.

It will be a great day, a day worth celebrating, when you see that Scripture is not a rule book for women.

Phoebe, Cally and I were jesting. It wasnt meant to be serious.

: callyA good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction.

I didn't find anything funny about his statement, particularly in the way that cally has used them in the past.

And my point, cally, was that the whole chapter needs to be taken in context. Not certain parts picked out and used to make women feel like they arn't succeeding or doing their job properly.

The perfect example of why chosenone commented the way she did.

: yesult  Sun Aug 08, 2010 - 06:19:48

: callyA good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction.

I didn't find anything funny about his statement, particularly in the way that cally has used them in the past.

And my point, cally, was that the whole chapter needs to be taken in context. Not certain parts picked out and used to make women feel like they arn't succeeding or doing their job properly.

The perfect example of why chosenone commented the way she did.

The OP was just about what makes a good man/woman. My comment is extremely sensible in that light. In either case, someone would want a "Christian" and generally agreeable to scripture regardless. But the question of what makes "a good guy or girl in a relationship" (and others had no trouble coming up with their own lists), noting the scriptures pertaining to the matter is extremely logical.

Scripture is meant to be applied, is it not? If a man is trying to find a good woman, I would think that would be a really good time (for a man) to apply them.

Furthermore, there's a difference between someone who aspires to doing something written and someone who sticks his/her nose up at it. Even if the former isn't entirely succeeding, in my mind there's something to work with. Again, I simply answered the OP here the way others did.

: Cally  Sun Aug 08, 2010 - 13:22:05
...

Scripture is meant to be applied, is it not?

...

Nope.  Not all of it.  Much of it is simply an historical accounting.  When Judas hanged himself, you don't apply that to yourself, do you?  I know I don't!

: yesult  Sat Aug 07, 2010 - 09:31:55
Actually I love the proverbs 31 woman, unlike the way she's often portrayed, she was a woman who her husband allowed to have a life and run what was most important, the business and home front.

How many men will happily give a woman that much power?

The proverbs 31 woman has too often been modelled as someone who should work hard to serve her husband, but if you look at it more closely, it isn't that at all. It's a woman who's allowed to run everything (including trade to make the family wealthy) while her husband sits at the gate.

Now why is her husband sitting at the gate? Because he's lazy? No. Because the gate was like the town centre, the place where the elders sat and watched who went in and out of the city. That's where business was transacted (read Ruth) and important matters discussed. To be able to sit in the gate put your finger on the pulse.

So if the family is rich (because the woman is running the show well) and the man is sitting in the gate with the elders and business transactions - what does that do for the couple at large? Make them influential.

Not a bad combination.

But for a woman to have that much freedom in the first place - the man has to be willing to get behind her and support her in it and release her to do it.

It's actually a scripture of liberty, not oppression, but unfortunatly some men have tried to twist it into what it's not and too often the church has suffered as a result.

Really good.  Manna.

: phoebe  Sun Aug 08, 2010 - 14:09:47

: Cally  Sun Aug 08, 2010 - 13:22:05
...

Scripture is meant to be applied, is it not?

...

Nope.  Not all of it.  Much of it is simply an historical accounting.  When Judas hanged himself, you don't apply that to yourself, do you?  I know I don't!

God gives specific instructions to men and women, to husbands and to wives. Its up to us if we ignore Him or not.

   Proverbs 31 is a praise and a tribute to WOMEN.  (ALSO AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT MAKES A GOOD WIFE.)
   I was blessed with such.  Thank you JESUS,amen.

: phoebe  Sun Aug 08, 2010 - 14:09:47

: Cally  Sun Aug 08, 2010 - 13:22:05
...

Scripture is meant to be applied, is it not?

...

Nope.  Not all of it.  Much of it is simply an historical accounting.  When Judas hanged himself, you don't apply that to yourself, do you?  I know I don't!

Historical accounting is applicable by examples. Judas passed judgment on himself rather than repent. Don't do it.

If a man is looking for a good woman, he is well-advised to FIND a woman fitting what Proverbs describes as good ("woman of noble character"), avoiding the bad (the "contentious woman" referenced four separate times). Everything outside of Proverbs also.

By the way, yesult, Solomon did not "die a heathen." He wrote Proverbs firstly, apparently he knew what he was doing in "Song of Songs," and then he wrote Ecclesiastes which chronicled his hit or miss lifetime and concluded: obey God and keep his commands, for this is the entire duty of man. He married crazy women who got him to build shrines to foreign gods--he gave in to the women, though there's no reason to believe he actually worshiped those gods.

Moreover, I have heard plenty of "rules" and judgments and criticisms for men from Phoebe and yesult, only you don't have any scripture to back yourselves up.

WOW Cally,
Now that is phariseeical.

I'm with them in that a "proverbs 31" woman is more of an explanation of the Bride of Christ than a real person.

But in the meantime can you tone it down a notch?  I know nothing is more irritating than family but there is nothing better (aside from God) either. K?

: JohnDB  Sun Aug 08, 2010 - 17:50:20
WOW Cally,
Now that is phariseeical.

I'm with them in that a "proverbs 31" woman is more of an explanation of the Bride of Christ than a real person.

But in the meantime can you tone it down a notch?  I know nothing is more irritating than family but there is nothing better (aside from God) either. K?

What? It's "phariseeical" (interesting term) to say a good woman agrees with the sort of good woman described in scripture? I already provided that the situational aspects are examples, like how she's married to a rich husband with servant girls and such? Proverbs 31 is written not for being used?

Jesus never once told someone who was a regular person that they "didn't measure up". The one ones He ever said anything like that to were the ones(pharisees) who told the common person that they "didn't measure up".
I thought you didn't want to go down that path.
Edifying is much better than destroying & degrading; especially when it involves someone else's servant/wife.

: JohnDB  Sun Aug 08, 2010 - 18:08:10
Jesus never once told someone who was a regular person that they "didn't measure up". The one ones He ever said anything like that to were the ones(pharisees) who told the common person that they "didn't measure up".
I thought you didn't want to go down that path.
Edifying is much better than destroying & degrading; especially when it involves someone else's servant/wife.

The OP was: "what makes a good" (man or woman)

You can see lists and descriptions for men and women here. You gave one for women yourself.

But there's something terribly wrong with me saying that the answer is what the Bible says? What's more, I already said (and provided) that my comment was not about someone being absolutely perfect but at least being en route, as it were, just as everyone is in all other areas of life.

The Pharisees used a lot of scripture too. They also were there at the Temple on the Day of Atonement too.

How is your behavior being any different than theirs?   

: JohnDB  Sun Aug 08, 2010 - 18:23:48
The Pharisees used a lot of scripture too. They also were there at the Temple on the Day of Atonement too.

How is your behavior being any different than theirs?   

I don't follow at all, John. I think you are imagining things. Do you have an example of a time a Pharisee said something similar that you'd like to use for comparison?

You made a list of qualities that you think constitute a good woman. If I were to make my own personal description, it may bear a striking resemblance to what's found in scripture. Or, a "good start" would be agreeableness to said list: i.e. I have qualities that I think make a "good woman" in mind, but a "good start" would be "yeah that sounds good."

Would you have preferred that I just listed qualities like you did, rather than say for brevity's sake "it's in scripture"?

There are many ways to "skin a cat". (To borrow an expression)

What we are talking about is the method you used today to get your desires across. 

: JohnDB  Sun Aug 08, 2010 - 18:36:35
There are many ways to "skin a cat". (To borrow an expression)

What we are talking about is the method you used today to get your desires across.  

What "method"? You expressed your opinion regarding the OP and so did I. Mine was just two sentences long until this little debate ensued, but you sound like you're seeing ten others that aren't even there.

: cally

By the way, yesult, Solomon did not "die a heathen."

He did actually, look it up. Solomon turned from God to idol worship because of his marriage to so many heathen wives, the bible clearly records it. The bible never records his repentence from that sin and any turning back to God afterwards. If he had of it would be there.

: callyHe wrote Proverbs firstly, apparently he knew what he was doing in "Song of Songs,"

yes, he wasn't always a idol worshipper. He turned. Because of his greed for women and the results that brought on his head.

: callyand then he wrote Ecclesiastes which chronicled his hit or miss lifetime and concluded: obey God and keep his commands, for this is the entire duty of man.

Not hit and miss. Obedience and disobedience. Solomon had more wisdom then any man who had ever lived. God gave him that gift. God tells us that his gifts are irrevocable. Solomon knew that God was God. But he chose to sin and turn from him anyway.

I might also add, that in in the book of ecclesiaties (which scholars tells us was written when he was an idolator, he also writes -

Ecc 2:13
Then I saw that wisdom excels folly as light excels darkness. The wise have eyes in their head but fools walk in darkness. Yet I perceived that the same fate befalls all of them. Then I said to myself, 'What happens to the fool will happen to me also; why then have I been so very wise?" And I said to myself that this also is vanity. For there is no enduring remembrance of the wise or of fools, seeing that in the days to come all will have been long forgotten. How can the wise die just like fools? So I hated life, because what is done under the sun was grievous to me, for all is vanity and chasing after the wind.

: callyHe married crazy women

No he married heathen women. Clearly and deliberatly.

: callywho got him to build shrines to foreign gods

He could have said no.

: cally--he gave in to the women,

Because he chose to.

: callythough there's no reason to believe he actually worshiped those gods.

1 Kings 11
As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been. He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molech  the detestable god of the Ammonites. So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord; he did not follow the Lord completely, as David his father had done. On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molech the detestable god of the Ammonites. He did the same for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and offered sacrifices to their gods. The Lord became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. Although he had forbidden Solomon to follow other gods, Solomon did not keep the Lord's command.

: callyMoreover, I have heard plenty of "rules" and judgments and criticisms for men from Phoebe and yesult, only you don't have any scripture to back yourselves up.

lol. Prove it. I'm pretty careful about my scripture use, and so is Phoebe from my observations. But an unprovable accusation is easy to throw about isn't it.

What makes a good person an asset to a relationship? First, being a lover of Jesus.
Next, being a loving person. Loving someone outside of yourself but with the love of God.
And the rest usually falls in line (for me, anway)...

I've spent years over this subject ,it is almost a countrodiction in terms.
Both Jesus, and Paul recomend being single. A person is not a complete person getting married . Getting married Just made it twice a complicated, to immature people spiritually, trying to find God's perfect will ?
   Truth be told, what people want, is a person not too dedicated to the Lord, so that they can share some devotion to one another as well. split loyalties. boy is that complicated.
  Ideally,
a person trusting and obeying God, will have what He needs when he needs it .Running ahead of God always produces a snag. every time there are no exceptions, of course no one listens , "But I'm the exception" don't fool your self.
  Has God instructed you to get a mate ?
or is it social pressure.
If the thing we are pursuing is not directed of the Lord why do it?
We are not comissioned to blend with the world, but live on an eternal plane under Jesus Lordship, His direction . Get that part right in our life ,then if a tiime comes some one equally obedient arrives , you will know God's will.

: AshleighNA  Wed Aug 04, 2010 - 06:40:04
What makes a good guy or girl in a relationship?

Of course I'm only interested in guys but guys give your opinions on girls too! If you wish :)

Examples: Christian :P

Well, here's my "list" but I gotta say, I think I'm typical "guy" in that I don't "micro manage" this - just as I can't tell you what my s/o wore last night, I can't give you the exact list - in order - of why she is my s/o.  But...  Except for the first, these are in no specific order (it's a package deal).


* Christian.   It's such a BIG part of who I am that I just find it hard to "connect" and truely relate to one who does not share this.  And, IMHO, it suggests a lot in terms of humility, forgiveness, service.


* Positive.  Attitude and focus is very compelling, very sexy.  I'm turned off by someone who is always "down" or who just seems too critical.  On the other hand, I'm attracted to one who smiles, who just seems cheerful and positive, to one who speaks well of others, who sees the glass "half full."  One of the first girls I was attracted too was actually pretty "average" in looks and a bit over weight, but I so liked her heart, her attitude, her smile, how she was so supportive and helpful to others.  It matters more than most girls think it does.


*  Interesting.  A pretty dumb blonde is great for about 10 minutes.  I like a good conversationalist, someone who is interesting, who can talk about many things.  Lots of different interests and likes.


* Physically attractive.  I KNOW this gets me in trouble with the girls, and it's NOT #1 on my list - but it IS on my list. When other guys say it's not on their list, I kinda think they're lying.  I'm attacted to a very cute girl.  I have my own "tastes" - I tend to like the athletic types and smaller girls, and yeah, I'm a sucker for the blonde/blue's.   Think Hilary Duff, Kristin Dunst or Kate Hudson.  My favorite spectator sport is women's beach volleyball, lol.   Okay, start trowing tomatoes.  


*  Good manners and hygiene.  Honestly, this matters!!!  I like girls that are polite, know how to handle social situations, can eat at a nice restaurant.  And there's no substitute for baths, mouthwash.   Oh, and related to this:  one of the biggest "turn offs" of all - smoking.  


*  Not controlling.  Some girls just seem to be very into the game.  They have huge agendas - and they are very skilled at getting what they want.  This scrares the _________ out of me and causes me to run (not walk).  I'm actually okay with agendas, but be open and honest about such - and discuss it.  I don't like to feel used, conned.   No one does.


*  Respectful.  I'm weird.  I admit it.  I have some pretty strong core values.  I don't always ask others to share them, but I want them to respect them.  Trying to get me to violate my own values is related to the issue above.  Again, I'm actually very open to discussions - but that's different than disrespecting me or trying to controll me.  Related to this is Truthful.  It's just an aspect of respect.  I don't need to know everything (and I don't WANT to know about your 'ex') but don't hide or mislead.   I had a pretty long term relationship SUDDENLY - out of the blue - go VERY south when, after all that time, she chose to "tell me" something.  I"m now super sensitive to this.  To mislead is to disrespect - and it fundamentally destroys the relationship (and people).  



That's my GUY list.  BTW, if you were to ask my s/o, I sincerely doubt it would be any different.  Fundamentally, guys and girls aren't THAT different in what we seek.




That's MY $0.01


Pax


- Josiah




.

Well, I would say a lady needs to not be about control and independence.

A Christian guy obeys how the Bible says to relate, "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3) So, if he is not controlling, but living by example, then she needs to become undominating and uncontrolling in order to be able to connect with a guy who is humble and able to share personally instead of being independent.

And a lady needs to be committed to being all-loving. And God's love makes us deeply strong and sound enough so we can be closely involved with people, in loving them, not just keeping them at a distance and giving them handouts of attention and affection. So, I'd offer that a man who is all-loving and secure expects his lady to be loving with any and all people: she is his helpmate to help him to reach and love all different people; and because he loves all people, he wants to share his lady with others so she can be good for them like she is for him; he loves others as himself, by encouraging and welcoming her to share with any and all people however God leads. I know wives like this, and they seem to do very well with their own husbands. And this "love of God" (Romans 5:5) is the most beautifully intimate love there is; so while we are being all-loving in this love, we have such sweet and tender intimacy with each other - - better than superficial intimacy, and with nicer pleasure (Psalm 63:3).

So, a woman needs to get into this so she can connect with a man who is like this. But I am seeing how ones appear to be judgmental lovers, picking and choosing who they decide is good enough for them and who they can use for what they want. And so, if I start off with how I intend to first be a Jesus brother with a lady and really get to know her, I can get dumped pretty quick, and not even be told why. Now, I would say that a woman can not be rude and judgmental and be able to connect with a real man in God's love while she is capable of behaving like this. Selfish love is where loneliness dwells and yells.

I know a number of women who are like Proverbs 31 describes, and each one is unique, not all just clones of how certain people would expect this to be. Love makes it work the way God means what He says; it's better than what a lot of people are thinking and then stinking about it LOLOL

The scriptures mean how love makes it work while God's love is perfectly satisfying us. And God's grace gives us balance so we are not tearing ourselves apart and stressing out, etc. Our Apostle Paul, because he was laboring in grace, did all his ministering plus he worked enough to support not only himself but others who were with him (Acts 20:33-35). And all this was while, at times, he was tortured and put in prison, and shipwrecked, etc.

Christian.

Hot. Gorgeous. Beautiful ( I don't care what people say...it matters).

Knows when to not talk and how to submit (no man-haters).

A hard worker at home and on the job, but no 'career'. I want one who's career is her home and family.


That's all...I'm not picky! ::cool::