So I was married for a long time and now that I'm single again I found out that texting is an essential part of dating these days. It's very fun and I think I'm pretty good at it, thank you very much. But I've noticed the phenomenon of the "last text". I haven't discussed it with my current gf but I think she is aware of it too. I feel much better if she texts me last but I often try to be nice and make sure she gets the last text. Anyone else aware of this phenomenon?
Unfortunately, yes. There are times when I'll send an extra message to my girlfriend to tell her good night, or that I love her after the conversation has ended, but more than not, I just leave the last message as the last message no matter who has sent it.
Remember, there is no rule that says that you have to respond to every text that someone sends you. There is no rule that says you always either have to have the last word, or give it to the other person. More often than not, saying less is the better choice.
Ahhhh...you guys don't understand what goes on in women's heads and the HUGE drama we attach to the reply or non reply of texts. Say you're my bf and I send you a text and one week, you reply within minutes....and the next week, it takes you 4 hours, owwwee....I will have been on the phone to my ma and my best girlfriend to say, 'it took FOUR hours....what did that mean....'
It's a minefield and I hate it! I would say to all guy out there, be the last to text. You say goodnight, and she says goodnight in return, you be the one to send a line of kisses. Most of us ladies like a man to be in control and have the last word.
Well ok, I speak for myself here! I will let the other girls have their say! :)
That is very interesting. I want to hear from more women if they feel the same way as you.
I just don't remember it being that much of a concern between John and I, we texted all day long, no games, we like each other and both looked forward to a text from the other one and we responded when we were able. We wernt concerned about looking too needy to each other or anything like that. We were and always have been ourselves and have not manipulated our relationship for one of us to try to maintain the upper hand or control. And I'm quite relieved that because we played no games and were emotionally honest from the beginning, we now have a solid marriage based on loving and accepting one another for who we are 100 percent. We accept our pluses and our faults and instead of trying to change the things in one another that we don't like, we grow together as one and mold and change and teach one anothe through love. When you play games you are being dishonest emotionally and that. Promotes deception and manipulation, not a good foundation for a relationship. There is nothing wrong with liking/loving another person and to win them with love and honesty will secure a relationship that can last. If someone can't return the same love and honesty then they aren't the right one anyway. John and I still text incessantly after two years and we still have never had drama over it. It is a tool we use to maintain the closeness we like to have and encourage one another throughout the day to stay uplifted during tough days at work, etc.
Well I loved that response. I think I need to have a talk with her about this stuff. But I still want to hear more input and different perspectives.
I am happily married in my 20's and since you asked to hear more input I will tell you that there is no way you should be dating any woman unless you first become friends with her, get to know her and see that she is walking with the Lord. THEN you move the friendship to a new level.
Are you yourself a committed christian?
As for the text thing...I think you are playing an immature teenage game.
Well we've only known each other for 6 weeks. We went on our first date one week after we met. I kissed her first on the third date and we decided to become exclusive 10 days after the first date. I guess we are friends. We laugh a lot and have fun. It feels pretty friendly.
On the other hand you seem pretty dogmatic about it and I'm not sure I agree that you need to be friends first. On the face of it it sounds good but don't a lot of marriages work pretty well without it? Arranged marriages come to mind.
I am a protestant Christian and she is Catholic. I would say she is more worldy than me in general but she is pretty conservative in some ways. I agree the texting is a game. I want a healthier perspective on it. I want to worry about it less and be a blessing to her more.
Is she a Christian though? Does she follow Jesus and hold to His teachings? Does she have good moral values and integrity?
Must say, I hear many people say they are catholics, but it seems more about the family/country they were bought up in than anything, and they aren't always believers or go to church.
Also there are many BIG differences between Catholic teaching and the rest. Things you do need to consider.
Also do you actually HAVE to text? I met my husband 7 years ago, married 6 years ago, and we never once texted each other. I think its far simpler to either phone(yes that's a dying art it seems) or maybe email. We used to speak on the phone every evening when I wasn't seeing him. I don't often hear of cases where texting seems to be beneficial in a relationship, and it can sometimes cause a lot of problems with misunderstanding's and miss typing.
For some, texting is a better tool that calling. Ever get on a call with someone who just wouldn't stop talking? That's not a problem with texts... You don't have to listen to them. Or if someone works in a loud environment, texting may be far superior than calling since you don't have to scream over other noises.
I personally communicate with my girlfriend almost entirely through texts. I communicate with most everyone this way actually. As a result of military service (and poor aiming on the behalf of a terrorist) I was left with a brain injury that affects my hearing. While I can hear just fine, I don't always immediately understand what people are saying unless I am face to face and can read their lips. (think of it like dislexya of the ears) People on the phone constantly have to repeat themselves to me, or wait for me to think through what they said and piece together the parts my brain didn't get. Texting doesn't have that limitation for me. So there, you've heard a case where texting was beneficial.
To be fair, you do have to be more careful when you text or email than when you speak. There is no way of showing sarcasm in texts (unless you're a nerd and use the </sarcasm> tag at the end) and you can easily offend someone with what would be understood as a joke if speaking.
Texting is here to stay. I'm 40 and text frequently, my dearest cousin is 60 and finally is now texting. She actually loves the quick/immediate pic sending!
I'm sure some sat back in their rockers and bemoaned the growing use of the tellephone, all those young whipper snappers dialing up the operator at all hours out a'callin' up decent folk at all hours why a real person should want to talk face to face right?? LOL!!!! ::noworries::
This, the OP, is just normal "oohh I think I like this person" hormonal feeling rush. Text when you want. The bigger picture is the actuality of God in your relationship.
: Carwhisperer Fri Dec 23, 2011 - 23:25:36
Well we've only known each other for 6 weeks. We went on our first date one week after we met. I kissed her first on the third date and we decided to become exclusive 10 days after the first date. I guess we are friends. We laugh a lot and have fun. It feels pretty friendly.
On the other hand you seem pretty dogmatic about it and I'm not sure I agree that you need to be friends first. On the face of it it sounds good but don't a lot of marriages work pretty well without it? Arranged marriages come to mind.
I am a protestant Christian and she is Catholic. I would say she is more worldy than me in general but she is pretty conservative in some ways. I agree the texting is a game. I want a healthier perspective on it. I want to worry about it less and be a blessing to her more.
A relationship is like an oak tree. You have to build very strong roots first before the tree becomes a strong tree.
It doesn't make sense to me to go straight into a romantic relationship with someone you aren't even friends with first.
My husband and I are best friends as well as husband and wife. I wouldn't want another best friend apart from him.
However you choose to conduct your life is up to you of course, this is just my advice.
: fcadcock Sat Dec 24, 2011 - 01:20:18
For some, texting is a better tool that calling. Ever get on a call with someone who just wouldn't stop talking? That's not a problem with texts... You don't have to listen to them. Or if someone works in a loud environment, texting may be far superior than calling since you don't have to scream over other noises.
I personally communicate with my girlfriend almost entirely through texts. I communicate with most everyone this way actually. As a result of military service (and poor aiming on the behalf of a terrorist) I was left with a brain injury that affects my hearing. While I can hear just fine, I don't always immediately understand what people are saying unless I am face to face and can read their lips. (think of it like dislexya of the ears) People on the phone constantly have to repeat themselves to me, or wait for me to think through what they said and piece together the parts my brain didn't get. Texting doesn't have that limitation for me. So there, you've heard a case where texting was beneficial.
To be fair, you do have to be more careful when you text or email than when you speak. There is no way of showing sarcasm in texts (unless you're a nerd and use the </sarcasm> tag at the end) and you can easily offend someone with what would be understood as a joke if speaking.
I'm sorry to hear about your injury, Fcadcock.
My friend brought it to my attention I leave the discussion without some indicator the exchange has ended. He said he understands I have other priorities, and that he isn't one of them. I apologized for making him think that way.
Then I recalled a few exchanges where he didn't respond until hours and told him I took it as he was busy and would check in when he got a chance. My thinking is like this; if he does not answer a text right away, I'm not about to do an interrogation to get evasive answers or lies, even if there is a possibility I may get a straight answer and the truth.
As a conscientious person, I know the conduct of someone who is of like mind. So, I refuse to let whether he gives what I consider a timely response, or no response, get me bent out of shape. If he is seeing someone time will tell what he will not tell. If he is just not that into me, then time will tell that too. What can I do about it, but accept it and move on?
Interesting.
My two cents: Apply the same common courtesy you would if speaking on the phone. Expect sometimes that there may be a delay in response just like with the phone.
Texting has its place, but I take issue with those who solely rely on texting to communicate.
Personally, I really like receiving phone calls. It's nice to know someone values me enough to take a little time out of their day to say hello. ::amen!::