Hi.
First let me introduce myself and a little bit of my background. I have been a Christian for 6 years. I was raised Catholic and fell away from religion while in college. After college I began my family and found Christ. Most recently my marriage of 9 years has fell apart but I am closer to God that ever before.
That being said, my marriage of dissolved over 8 months ago. I have recently found myself attracted to a man that I meet at my church. My feelings are strong for him but I am trying hard to not let them overcome me. Mainly, I feel like I want to spend a lot of time with him. The way I see going about this and hopefully seeing him more at church and possibly going out together in a group of friends. Part of my wants him to know that I am interested. I guess the best way to show interest is to talk and show interest! It seems like I am answering myself as I type. What I am trying to say is that I have been in love with one man for 10 years and now that I am single again I am having a hard time understanding my emotions let alone knowing how to express them appropriately. I would really appreciate advice and encouragement! Thank you. <3
Hi i_heart_jesus
Your marriage has very very recently ended, and the divorce must be even more recent(are you actually divorced yet?) Its very tempting after a marriage break up to look for comfort and reassurance and happiness in another person before we have had time to recover and sort out all the baggage that we have accumulated as a result of the marriage ending.
I recommend that you seek out a divorce recovery workshop(www.drw.org) in your area. A man called Jim Smoke started these many many years ago, and he has had massive amounts of experience counselling divorcing and divorced people for many years. His recomendation is to wait 2-5 years after a divorce before starting a new relationship, and he has seen countless second marriages fail because people rushed in too soon.
Just my thoughts.
: chosenone Sun Jul 08, 2012 - 13:08:05
Hi i_heart_jesus
Your marriage has very very recently ended, and the divorce must be even more recent(are you actually divorced yet?) Its very tempting after a marriage break up to look for comfort and reassurance and happiness in another person before we have had time to recover and sort out all the baggage that we have accumulated as a result of the marriage ending.
I recommend that you seek out a divorce recovery workshop(www.drw.org) in your area. A man called Jim Smoke started these many many years ago, and he has had massive amounts of experience counselling divorcing and divorced people for many years. His recomendation is to wait 2-5 years after a divorce before starting a new relationship, and he has seen countless second marriages fail because people rushed in too soon.
Just my thoughts.
The divorce is not yet final.
I have thought about what you said many times that I may be looking for comfort and reassurance. I often turn myself towards God in those times but it is hard to overcome the feelings I have for this guy.
I did go to a DivorceCare workshop and it has been very helpful. I believe it has supplied me with a lot of wisdom.
As you are still married, dont even think of getting to know anyone else is my advise. You are not free to be with another person at this time. Its highly unlikely that a Christian guy will be interested in a lady who is still married.
Is there anyway that your marriage can be saved? There is still time. You say it fell apart, but unless there was unfaithfullness there is hope.
If you have feelings for another man, dont dwell on them in anyway. You are a married lady and he is single. Unless your husband totally refuses to work on the marriage, and is divorcing you, pray and ask God for another chance for you both? Unless there is cheating or serious abuse, marriages can be saved, and God wont want you divorcing for other reasons. If you are doing the divorcing then stop it is my advice. Stop it and pray and wait on Gods clear direction. You may just see a miracle happening!
Have you seen your pastor about the divorce?What does he say?
I understand completely. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt and broken heart to go with it.
Divorce messes with your emotions & your logical thinking.
Essentially half of your identity was derived from your ex husband. Restoring that what you have lost (or thought you had) is foremost on your mind. Maybe you want better. But divorce is like the whole universe telling you that you are a failure. A romantic relationship seems to counter that.
Both are ficticious though.
You need time to become your own individual person again. Find out who you are all by yourself. Make friends and go on trips. Grow and heal and then you won't be on such an emotional roller coaster.
How much time?
Minimum is two years according to stats. 90% of remarriages inside of 2 years of the finalization of the first FAIL. After that your chances increase to a whopping 35% success rate instead of 10%.
I hate to tell you these facts. But they are true.
Listen,
Here is a forecast you won't want to hear either. If you date this guy the chances of you and he engaging in sexual misconduct are through the roof. Yep, you will be bringing down one of the few single Christian men to immorality.
BUT
There is life after divorce, there is a really good life too.
AND MAYBE,
If in a few years if you become a fine independant and self reliant woman of God you will meet someone with whom you not only can be friends with but want to join your two ministries together in a covenant relationship.