hi everyone,im new here and this is my first post. Alright here goes my story
I was on a christian site some time back and i met this girl, at the time i was on a backslide in my faith. so we spoke about it i opened up to her about my problems, she listened and found interest in the conversation because she had a difficult time herself recently where she broje up with her ex because he wasnt a "good christian"
Time went by and we got closer and got to a point where we are now, where we hardly have 2 consecutive hours when we dont write each other. Now, the problem is this, we live in different countries (about $1000 apart) and we tried to just be friends or even forget each other as i never believed in the online dating thing, i think she has her doubts too, but it didnt work we kept coming back with- i miss you, i kept thinking about you etc. Dont get me wrong fellas i did miss her pretty much.
Another thing here is,she parted ways with her ex cos he wasnt a believer, he was her friend and was there for her when she had a rough time. Come to think of it, its like describing our current situation. I have fully recovered my faith im still really battlling here,why would she then want me? why would she really want almost the very same thing that made her life muserable?
So i dont know what to do here. I pretty much like this girl, very very much. And she says she likes me too, and i believe her, but can this be just emotions? maybe im just a guy whom she likes and feels great to be with,in conversation and just a good company shes quite emotional, maybe her emotions just got the better of her; and maybe i just got a bit emotional too cos i havent been in a relationshio before and i got to hear some nice words from her and i feel shes the one.
Need help guys, a lot depends on the decision we come up with.
And if you are reading this too little meanie ::nodding:: lets see what they have to say
Well I guess if you want to find out...you will have to spend $1000 and fly her in
The ONLY way you can get to know someone properly is by spending LOTS of time with them in person. I met my husband on line, and before I met him I communicated with 3 other men. We got on very well on line, but when we met there was nothing there, no connection and no spark. I met my husband 5 days after we first communicated.
I think the internet is a great way to meet someone, but I also think you need to meet up very quickly in person. If you are in another country you cant do that, and for that reason I don't recommend communicating with people from another country it unless you can afford to spend a lot of time in each others countries, or unless one of you is prepared to move to be near the other person.
Have you watched catfish ::eek::
Also you need to think of her divorce, and the reasons for that. Many would say that the only allowable reason for divorce is that the other spouse has committed sexual immorality, or if there were an unbeliever who left and abandoned the believer(not the other way round).Leaving someone because they are not believers is not permitted for Christians.
So you need to either stop this relationship, or meet up lots of times in person, and you need to also pray and ask God for clear guidance as to whether this relationship is what HE wants. If you both decide to stop, you will need to do it cold turkey, there is no other way. You would need to concentrate on people in your own life, church, work etc etc.
I would also recommend that you go and speak to your pastor about this. Tell him everything.
I understand he ex to be her ex boyfriend?
: AVZ Sat Aug 31, 2013 - 03:09:06
I understand he ex to be her ex boyfriend?
OH OK you are right I think.
well we actually decided we meet, but that would be in a years time, at best. well she left him cos his lifestyle started changing and he said his old way of life. she couldnt cope with that.
A year is such a long time. What if you meet and you know immediately that there is no spark or connection there? All that time wasted. I would suggest that you concentrate on your life where you life and getting to know people there, rather than someone so far away, who you may or may not want to have a relationship with when you meet. Is one of you prepared to move to be with the other if it came to that?
well i do have plans to relocate somewhere. She is also considering moving there
I would suggest that you meet asap to just see if you even click. Then you will know if this relationship is even worth persusing. I wouldnt recommend ever getting to know a person so far away and concentrate on getting to know friends from where you life. Apart from the expense and difficulties of trying to get to know someone who lives so far away, you have the differences in culture to deal with as well.
Make more time for local friends and get to know people where you live. Get involved in things at your church, go to men's groups, speak to your pastor about this, do volunteer work. Your opportunities are endless. I would recommend the same for the young lady.
: mcjeremiah1 Sat Aug 31, 2013 - 12:34:23
well i do have plans to relocate somewhere. She is also considering moving there
Have you both looked into whether you could move to the new country? Most countries have many restrictions as to who they will let in.
I am assuming that you are pretty young? Do you have a good lively church with lots of young people? Are you involved with that church?
well yes, we are young. As for country restrictions, we'll work on that.
you think its a bad idea dont you?
: mcjeremiah1 Sun Sep 01, 2013 - 17:07:35
well yes, we are young. As for country restrictions, we'll work on that.
you think its a bad idea dont you?
Personally yes, but its your life and your decision. Can I ask how old you are and if both sets of parents know what is happening ?Also can I ask where you both live? I am assuming that you are American?
well im 25 and shes 22. Actualky my parents have no idea of all these, hers too. Neither of us is american. The point is, at first glance it seems like a clear mistake, to date soneone i havent even met, i would probably say the same if any of my friends had a similar situation. But maybe this is different. i mean i do call her on phone, we text a lot, and recently we talk on skype. But i still fear that if we meet, we might just discover that we dont really match. Im a very choosy person when it comes to relationships, probably why i havent had any. Its all complicated
: mcjeremiah1 Mon Sep 02, 2013 - 01:25:56
well im 25 and shes 22. Actualky my parents have no idea of all these, hers too. Neither of us is american. The point is, at first glance it seems like a clear mistake, to date soneone i havent even met, i would probably say the same if any of my friends had a similar situation. But maybe this is different. i mean i do call her on phone, we text a lot, and recently we talk on skype. But i still fear that if we meet, we might just discover that we dont really match. Im a very choosy person when it comes to relationships, probably why i havent had any. Its all complicated
All the more reason to meet asap if you want to carry on contact. If she is still living at home, it may be a good idea if she tells her parents. Is one of you British? I am British by the way. Not sure why you are reluctant to say where you both live, or where you want to go and live eventually. If it is Australia or NZ they have very strict criteria for moving there, my husband is Australian and my step son lives there at the moment. You can only get a visa to live/work there if you have one of the job skills that they need. That will apply to both of you.
Do you have a good friendly church where you go and are involved? Are you getting to know young people, of your age there? Do you have lots of friends?
: mcjeremiah1 Mon Sep 02, 2013 - 01:25:56
well im 25 and shes 22. Actualky my parents have no idea of all these, hers too. Neither of us is american. The point is, at first glance it seems like a clear mistake, to date soneone i havent even met, i would probably say the same if any of my friends had a similar situation. But maybe this is different. i mean i do call her on phone, we text a lot, and recently we talk on skype. But i still fear that if we meet, we might just discover that we dont really match. Im a very choosy person when it comes to relationships, probably why i havent had any. Its all complicated
I would suggest you be careful and definitely don't run off chasing a dream.
You would be wise to have her come over for a holiday. The fact that you have to be so secretive about the whole situation makes it quite fishy if you ask me.
spend a 1000 and go meet her so you can stop thinking about it. girls from christian sites like christian cupid are good catches. Go and read what other people think at http://www.freedatinghelper.com/reviews/christian-cupid/ (http://www.freedatinghelper.com/reviews/christian-cupid/) if you want.