My husband and I move in with our son and wife and there 8 children.
I did not understand he was thinking of me ! I thought he wanted help for his pain in trying to
move around. But it was for me , that I would not have problems living alone.
This all happened 3 years ago...... Well He is gone now ....... and I of course miss him.
But a new problem. Now with 8 children... the 2 older ones are ok ! But the rest ! ? !
Of course they are children........ They home school, so all day they are here.....
Well, my son goes to work early and I am a light sleeper, so I hear him and have to get up.
So I figure I will take a nap and most of the time, its impossible because of the noise.
Even in school.......... I use ear plugs , but they are not enough........
I just seem to hear all noise , just walking around I hear.... wood floors, cant have carpet
with so many children and the mud they bring in........ so what can I do to keep the
sound down for me............. with out causing problems with the family...... Children of course
will be children and I cant blame them............ any ideas ?
yep. ::smile:: If at all possible, I would look into a "granny dwelling". I am a big ol introvert, but I also love to be around people...they just exhaust me and I need my own space to retreat to so I can rest, nap, recover and recharge.
I have already told the kids that if their daddy goes before me, and I have to live with them, they should get me a moveable dwelling, so that I can have my own space, still be close to them in case I need help, and they can pass me around when one gets sick to death of me. haha (Not saying your son is feeling that way, grams)
I just know my own limitations and what I would need in order to succeed in that season of life.
I could not move any place now........... Do you have any idea the price of food ?
I pay each week for the grocery's, I just go along and my daughter in law gets what they
need. and it is always over 2 hundred...... most of the time close to 3, including buying
gas and stopping at the dollar store and the re-sale.......
It is my idea to do this...... I just wish I could do more....... But we are below average at this time in work and pay.......
: grams Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 11:20:22
I could not move any place now........... Do you have any idea the price of food ?
A granny dwelling doesn't mean you are moving someplace. it means its your own space near the big house on the property. I needn't even have a kitchen in it...its just a quiet space for you to have and make your own for some quiet and rest. You could still have meals with the family in the big house, but have a place to retreat to when things become overwhelming and your ears get full, as I say.
I pay each week for the grocery's, I just go along and my daughter in law gets what they
need. and it is always over 2 hundred...... most of the time close to 3, including buying
gas and stopping at the dollar store and the re-sale.......
It is my idea to do this...... I just wish I could do more....... But we are below average at this time in work and pay.......
How very generous of you! Im sure they appreciate you so much! This arrangement wouldn't need to change if you were able to get a "granny dwelling".
grams, whenever you bring up your living situation, I think of this-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaLLMX5NrPE
I miss both of my grandmothers so much. I'd love to be able to pick up the phone and hear their voices one more time. I get teary thinking about them sometimes. You don't know how much impact you're making on their lives, grams. I know it's hard, though. The older we get, the more the racket of little ones gets on our nerves - and to have no break - is so emotionally tiring.
We've mentioned this before, but is there any way you can buy or borrow a small travel trailer for the back yard? Do you have anything you could sell that could give you some cash to buy one? Surely there's some way to get a travel trailer. Does someone at your church have one you could borrow? You could go out there any time you need a break - and make sure the family knows that when you're out there, no one is to come knocking. What about your other children? Do they have a camper you could borrow, or could they all pitch in for one?
Please sit down with your son and daughter-in-law and ask them to help you find a small camper for the back yard. I'm sure they want you to be happy.
noise canceling headphones. fans. white noise machines. soundproof your room, etc
On top of that, if you can't change your circumstances, try changing your attitude. Hard thing to do, I know, but if that is all you can control, it is worth it.
: Texas Conservative Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 15:01:48
noise canceling headphones. fans. white noise machines. soundproof your room, etc
On top of that, if you can't change your circumstances, try changing your attitude. Hard thing to do, I know, but if that is all you can control, it is worth it.
Good advice!
In my bedroom, I run a fan, an air purifier that hums, and when I get into bed, I put in my noise cancelling earbuds attached to my tablet, and listen to ocean sounds, rain forests, or some other type of relaxation youtube clips. Someone has to be banging on the door hard to get through all that. When I wake up in the morning, the earbuds have always fallen out of my ears sometime during the night after I've fallen asleep.
You're also right on the attitude adjustment advice. She needs alone time.
We all do! If there's no way she can work that out, then she needs to work on her attitude. This makes me wonder if anyone in the loud, busy household ever gets alone time. Do the parents go out? Do they leave grams there watching the kids? If they do, they need to reciprocate and let grams have a night out.
: MeMyself Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 11:37:33
A granny dwelling doesn't mean you are moving someplace. it means its your own space near the big house on the property. I needn't even have a kitchen in it...its just a quiet space for you to have and make your own for some quiet and rest. You could still have meals with the family in the big house, but have a place to retreat to when things become overwhelming and your ears get full, as I say.
How very generous of you! Im sure they appreciate you so much! This arrangement wouldn't need to change if you were able to get a "granny dwelling".
That would be tough for grams considering her geographical location, we can't all live in California ::noworries::
: Alan Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 20:48:41
That would be tough for grams considering her geographical location, we can't all live in California ::noworries::
Has no one heard of granny dwellings? They aren't shacks with no heating or air...just little homes for the elder generation that might need assistance but it also allows them to keep a measure of their independence. Even a travel trailer would work.
My great aunt had one and she lived in one of the great lake states. ::shrug::
I can't imagine the burden Grams and her family are under with a mom and dad and 8 kids and a grandmother. It's tough on all parties in our house with my mother-in-law living with just me and my wife. We don't have a big house by any means. The addition of 8 kids would be extremely tough on anyone, unless Grams had a sequestered room within the house or even a separate living quarters outside the house as Mommydi has described. I am praying for some reasonable solution Grams! Hang in there. I commend you son and his family for trying to accommodate you as best they can. Not all families are as gracious to their elderly members.
: grams Thu Mar 22, 2018 - 09:55:54 any ideas?
You could find a small RV, they have them for cooler climates~You could find a good used one for around fifteen thousand I would think. All you would need to do is hooked into the sewer pipe or septic and have an RV plug install. Other than that MeMyself idea may be best for you. My father in law has one on my property but it's a large one, maybe the largest one out there, but that's what he wanted to spend the last few years of his life in. He's 84 and traveled to Montana by himself last summer and he's heading to south Texas in about two weeks for three months. If he dies on the highway, he has insurance to bring both him and the RV back to us. He comes back and makes all his doctor appointment and leaves again. I looked out the window the other day and he was on top of the RV installing new air conditions. He got some of my men to lift them for him and he did all work himself.
: Jaime Fri Mar 23, 2018 - 10:10:52
I can't imagine the burden Grams and her family are under with a mom and dad and 8 kids and a grandmother. It's tough on all parties in our house with my mother-in-law living with just me and my wife. We don't have a big house by any means. The addition of 8 kids would be extremely tough on anyone, unless Grams had a sequestered room within the house or even a separate living quarters outside the house as Mommydi has described. I am praying for some reasonable solution Grams! Hang in there. I commend you son and his family for trying to accommodate you as best they can. Not all families are as gracious to their elderly members.
From what I remember they built a granny annexe. So she has her own rooms but joined onto the house. So I guess she hears them but has her own space.
It is a choice to have 8 children of course. There is a reason why most of us dont have that many!
Sometimes, just getting away for a couple of days will help a great deal. Two nights in the nearest Holiday Inn would do you a world of good. I've been known to pack my bag and go to the local Holiday Inn for two nights. ::blushing:: You'd be surprised how that will refresh your spirit.
Grams, since you have other kids, do you ever go see them? Surely there's someone you can go visit for 2-3 days.
This is how it started, my husband was in pain, more then I
knew...... and our son said come live with him and family of
course..... 8 children, 2 are 17 and 18 so not a problem.
But young children are noisy.....
My husband paid for the house to be moved up..........!
So there is a lower floor now like a basement , but not quite,
So they made a room for there self ...
They gave us there bedroom it has a bath.......
and now the 4 boys are down there because they are
re-doing there bedroom, so they run up stairs to use the
bath room. and are not quite, so I get woken up in the
night time... a few times..... and am not able to fall asleep
right away........ so I want to catch up with a nap.
but most of the time its to noisy! "children " !!!
I hope this makes it more understandable what I am saying ?
And I still have it.
: grams Fri Mar 23, 2018 - 14:10:36
This is how it started, my husband was in pain, more then I
knew...... and our son said come live with him and family of
course..... 8 children, 2 are 17 and 18 so not a problem.
But young children are noisy.....
My husband paid for the house to be moved up..........!
So there is a lower floor now like a basement , but not quite,
So they made a room for there self ...
They gave us there bedroom it has a bath.......
and now the 4 boys are down there because they are
re-doing there bedroom, so they run up stairs to use the
bath room. and are not quite, so I get woken up in the
night time... a few times..... and am not able to fall asleep
right away........ so I want to catch up with a nap.
but most of the time its to noisy! "children " !!!
I hope this makes it more understandable what I am saying ?
And I still have it.
I think everyone understands, grams
Families are LOUD and BUSY and you are tired.
Its hard. ::hug:: ::hug:: ::hug::
Do you have any ideas about what could be done to make things better for you?
I guess I have to get used to it ??????????????
: grams Sat Mar 24, 2018 - 21:02:12
I guess I have to get used to it ??????????????
Well, partly, yes...that's how life is..its rife with the need to compromise...but, Grams, you are only human, and its okay to ask them to help you come up with a solution that works for everyone, since the suggestions here don't seem to be doing that for you.
I would need a place that I could have quiet.
::idea::
Well, I am thinking now that winter is about gone!
So things will be changing now..... out side things to be
done on the farm..... and of course playing out side instead of
in side.........
The sun is out and it is supposed to go up to 60* today !
I sure hope it will continue to warm up, spring sure has been cold over here....
Well, its quiet now ! But half a hour ago it was very loud , the children home school
and they were up on a break , and were having fun [but not me ] they were fighting and
yelling at each other "horsing around" ...... they enjoyed it, but I was trying to do some
posting.. on the computer.... so I go up and slammed my door shut, it did not bother them.
At all !!! They kept having there fun.......
old age :( -------------- children :)
Yes grams, Spring has been awful in our area. Today is nice and next week we are supposed to see some 70 degree days! ::clappingoverhead::
: grams Thu Apr 26, 2018 - 10:33:54
Well, its quiet now ! But half a hour ago it was very loud , the children home school
and they were up on a break , and were having fun [but not me ] they were fighting and
yelling at each other "horsing around" ...... they enjoyed it, but I was trying to do some
posting.. on the computer.... so I go up and slammed my door shut, it did not bother them.
At all !!! They kept having there fun.......
old age :( -------------- children :)
I think if you want them to know they were being too loud and you'd like them NOT to be quite so loud, the best route is to be upfront and communicate with them...or join in a bit. ::smile::
Try and remember how it felt to be a kid, cooped up and stuck indoors for days on end and the JOY you felt at a break from school or something unfun.
Children are a blessing from the Lord...and though loud and sticky and noisy and smelly and terrible at picking up after themselves, and rambunctious, and silly and though they REFUSE to act like adults, its sometimes nice to remember that; the blessing thing, I mean. ::smile::
I guess I have to add some thing to this...... I love my daughter in law,
but she lets them get away with to much... I guess 8 children is hard
to keep up with....
In my time with my children growing up I was kind of smart, I started
them off right away with what was wrong and wright.. I kept at it..
as my D.I.L. lets it go.... and I want to keep her in feeling I am ok , so
I do not want to get into it more then I all ready have.... it is so hard to
not say any thing, but I do as it is to much...... so I have to be careful.
My son all ready caught me in some thing and said he would take care of
it, and he does......but he is not home all day of course "work"....
: grams Thu Apr 26, 2018 - 13:04:17
I guess I have to add some thing to this...... I love my daughter in law,
but she lets them get away with to much... I guess 8 children is hard
to keep up with....
In my time with my children growing up I was kind of smart, I started
them off right away with what was wrong and wright.. I kept at it..
as my D.I.L. lets it go.... and I want to keep her in feeling I am ok , so
I do not want to get into it more then I all ready have.... it is so hard to
not say any thing, but I do as it is to much...... so I have to be careful.
My son all ready caught me in some thing and said he would take care of
it, and he does......but he is not home all day of course "work"....
I know that she is very different from you and how *you* did things, grams. She is more laid back about her housekeeping and her child-rearing than you were and its hard for you to be ok with.
There is nothing wrong with, "Hey, guys! I'm trying to do something here right now and youre being so loud is making it hard on me to get it done. Could you play a bit more quietly, or go find a different place to play where you can be as loud as you'd like?"
We don't much hear what you enjoy about your grands. You say you love your daughter in law, but then...the list of what's hard to love about her comes.
I just feel badly for all involved...not sure this placement is the best for you. Do you have other children that might have their home running more like you did that would be a better fit for you?
I do not really mind living here, I just feel like they should not have to
baby sit me....... But I sure would like more time talking to the family.
Only thing is , these days I have nothing to talk about !
I gave up my driving when we moved here gave them our van.
I would get lost all the time trying to go any place..... that is the only
thing that is bad for me..... really.... If I could have done the driving
I would be able to go out and feel more comfortable...
I was really thinking by now I would be gone. But my husband was
first, I realize now that he kept his pain to him self. He never was a person
to complain....... so many different things.... I could go on and on. sorry.
to complain and bother you and who ever reads this...... ::blushing:: ::cryingtears::
: grams Thu Apr 26, 2018 - 19:06:43
I do not really mind living here, I just feel like they should not have to
baby sit me....... But I sure would like more time talking to the family.
Only thing is , these days I have nothing to talk about !
I gave up my driving when we moved here gave them our van.
I would get lost all the time trying to go any place..... that is the only
thing that is bad for me..... really.... If I could have done the driving
I would be able to go out and feel more comfortable...
I was really thinking by now I would be gone. But my husband was
first, I realize now that he kept his pain to him self. He never was a person
to complain....... so many different things.... I could go on and on. sorry.
to complain and bother you and who ever reads this...... ::blushing:: ::cryingtears::
::hug:: Its no bother, grams...
I just know how easy it is to get swept up in all that is uncomfortable and wrong (and your living arrangement would be hard, don't get me wrong) but then it makes it hard to see the blessings around as well.
Yes ! Correct.....
and I wish I could have put my picture up on the post,
-<--specially today I am 83.......... wow I really did not believe I would still be here.
I thought for sure by 79 I would have been up in heaven sleeping with my hubby....
: grams Sun Jun 03, 2018 - 16:12:33
and I wish I could have put my picture up on the post,
-<--specially today I am 83.......... wow I really did not believe I would still be here.
I thought for sure by 79 I would have been up in heaven sleeping with my hubby....
Happy birthday, grams! What a blessing. ::smile::
I sure hope by my next birthday, I am in heaven....
Asleep ! ::smile::