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I don't really know where to begin. I met my wife nine years ago, and our 6th anniversary of marriage is on October 29th. We have a four year old daughter whom is the world to both of us. I am a commercial fisherman, so I am gone for long periods of time. Usually just the summer months though. She has had a couple part time jobs, but mainly stayed at home with our daughter. She recently finished her associate's degree to be a Paralegal though.

Things haven't always been bad, but they have gotten progressively worse over the years. We would both blame the other for our problems. I wasn't spending enough time with her, which I admit, but she would always say negative things about me causing me to withdraw. I don't want to play the blame game, but I will gladly take it. I would rather move on and fix things.

This past winter she went home to Alaska, and I tried to play it cool, but it hurt me beyond belief. I came home to an empty house and cried for hours in our bed. I got angry and did some incredibly stupid things, including cheating on her. The thing was I didn't enjoy it, I did it out of anger, and I felt tremendous guilt after. I couldn't even really "perform". Still, I did it and yes I told her out of anger. I had myself believing I wanted to move on I guess. She desperately wanted to work on us, and had a horrible winter. I know it must have hurt, because I am going through the same thing now.

When she arrived home in the spring, I knew I had made a mistake. I felt so ashamed and I was withdrawn. She gave me a few opportunities to try and make it work, but then she went on a date with a guy. After that she was more cold and distant, but still not too bad. I did tell her I was sorry and wanted to reconcile with counseling. After I left to fish for the summer, now she is saying she wants to move on, and that she can never love me again. I am devastated. She was always saved and had her faith but I always harbored anger and never turned to the Lord. However I have been leaning on him heavily over the last 6 weeks. I have had a few solo sessions with a counselor and so has she.

Still she seems determine to end our marriage with a dissolution. We aren't legally separated and she seems to want to be civil. I have been in contact with her, but she gets angry when I try to talk about reconciliation. It's weird because not too long ago she was wanting to work it out. I don't think she has a real relationship with the guy she dated. I think she does like the idea of him though. Her mom and sister told her to forget about him because he is a distraction.

I know I have to change, and I want to. I want to be a better husband and a better father to our daughter. I want to deal with my issues from childhood (parents were drug addicts, and I was molested by an older cousin and later by her boyfriend.). I know my actions and withdrawing from ,y wife are still my responsibility and I am accountable.

I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to believe she is just going through a phase of anger like I did this winter. I want to believe that if she sees real sustained change from me, that our family can remain intact. I was real desperate early June, and I did pressure her a lot. Lately I have been trying to get her to open up to me and just asking her general things like how her day was etc. She did call me a few times to vent and cry about frustrations, but I really haven't made much progress in general. I have promised change before while fishing, but mostly because I missed her. I would be better for a few weeks upon getting home and go back to the same routines.

Should I just not contact her for the next two months until I get home? how should I proceed in showing her that I can be a good husband? I definitely want to continue to build my relationship with the Lord, and I want to spend more time with my daughter. We never really practiced faith in our marriage, and I know it was part of the problem. When I get back should I just let her come to me after showing her I can be a better father? Should I just invite her to come along to church or spend time with our daughter? Regardless of what happens, I can't go back to how I was. I can't be depressed and withdrawn for my daughter's sake and I know it isn't what God wants for me. I just hope that somehow we can reconcile.

Any advice or encouragement would be really appreciated.

Unfortunately, much of this is out of your hands. You can make your interests and intentions clear, but she must make the decision on her own. Your story make take a long time to figure out. She may need months or a year to decide.

I went through a marriage crisis and two separations. I know it hurts. Do what is right and good now. It won't be fixed in the short run no matter the outcome. Get in the habit of church, reading your bible, reading self help or marriage bookd, listening to sermons, or whatever else brings you closer to God and gives improvement.

There is really no way to know if the anger is a phase, the new reality, or what will bring her to faith. Spouses have free will, and can use that for good, bad, and everything in between. Don't beat yourself up over what happens next find a good and Godly path now and stay on it.

Reconize that her finding her faith again isn't something simple since you are finding yours again. It's not an easy topic at this point. I'm not sure I would talk about with her much unless she brings it up.

I really wish you the best and blessings. There are no gaurentees or words or actions that will gaurentees results at this point. Just do best as you can do what is good, right, and Godly from this point on.

Thanks for the advice. I know I have to be patient, and it will take a lot of healing. I just hope it all works out.

Quote from: Jhail83 on Sun Jul 08, 2012 - 19:32:59
I don't want to play the blame game, but I will gladly take it.

Isn't it great to be in Christ?  The world fears judgment more than anything (not so much the "Last Judgment," which they don't believe in, but in a general sense), but as Christians we are freed from that fear!

Quote from: Jhail83 on Sun Jul 08, 2012 - 19:32:59
I had myself believing I wanted to move on I guess. She desperately wanted to work on us, and had a horrible winter.  I know it must have hurt, because I am going through the same thing now.

It's great that you understand this--just don't lose sight of it.

Quote from: Jhail83 on Sun Jul 08, 2012 - 19:32:59
When she arrived home in the spring, I knew I had made a mistake. I felt so ashamed and I was withdrawn. She gave me a few opportunities to try and make it work, but then she went on a date with a guy.

Not good at all, but understandable.  People often feel compelled to "even the score."

Quote from: Jhail83 on Sun Jul 08, 2012 - 19:32:59
...  I always harbored anger and never turned to the Lord.  However I have been leaning on him heavily over the last 6 weeks.

Sometimes, that's all you can do.

Quote from: Jhail83 on Sun Jul 08, 2012 - 19:32:59
Still she seems determine to end our marriage ... she gets angry when I try to talk about reconciliation. It's weird because not too long ago she was wanting to work it out.

You're doing the right thing, though, by going for counseling and leaning on the Lord.  No matter how things turn out, you'll be a better person for that!

Quote from: Jhail83 on Sun Jul 08, 2012 - 19:32:59
I was real desperate early June, and I did pressure her a lot ... I have promised change before while fishing, but mostly because I missed her. I would be better for a few weeks upon getting home and go back to the same routines.

So, you can see the challenge that lies before you.  All these actions have weakened her trust still further, and you can't change that now.  For now, the most important thing for you is to accept the reality of her pain, and then pray that God will take it away.

Quote from: Jhail83 on Sun Jul 08, 2012 - 19:32:59
When I get back should I just let her come to me after showing her I can be a better father? Should I just invite her to come along to church or spend time with our daughter? Regardless of what happens, I can't go back to how I was. I can't be depressed and withdrawn for my daughter's sake and I know it isn't what God wants for me. I just hope that somehow we can reconcile.

Just remember that change takes time, and that for someone else to realize a change has truly taken place takes even longer--especially if they've been hurt.  You truly desire to be a better father and husband, and that's a good thing, but don't forget that you (like all of us) are a weak creature, and can't do it without God's help.

I'm saying this because I know you'll probably have a lot of expectations when you get home, and it's likely you'll run into some disappointments--but don't give up!

Quote from: Galatians 6:9-10
Let us not be weary in doing good, for we will reap in due season, if we don't give up.
So then, as we have opportunity, let's do what is good toward all men, and especially toward those who are of the household of the faith.

Let me also repeat our brother Anx's advice here:

Quote from: anx on Sun Jul 08, 2012 - 21:40:01
... Just do best as you can do what is good, right, and Godly from this point on.

I hope it works out for you too.  The best advice has been given, you can do nothing more than this.

I believe, looking back, that my W and I could have reconciled following her affairs if she had been willing to take anx's advice and had become repentant.

As it was, our marriage remained "together" in the sense that we stayed living in the same house but the "true" marriage was quite over.  I never "left" the marriage in body but my spirit was quite gone.

Epiphanius is quite correct about "even the score".  Adultery cuts the cheated-on spouse to the core, and I don't think there's any cheated-on spouse who doesn't feel "if only I were different", "if only I was attractive enough", "if only my ______ wer bigger", etc.  It feels sooooooooo good when someone of the opposite sex pays attention to you, and it seems like, to me, that all the "vultures"
were standing by while I was in my period of being hurt.

Last night she texted me out of nowhere saying "What a waste of a free Saturday." as my daughter was at my mothers. Then I said "Sorry to hear that. I hope you at least got to relax." Which she replied "I need a back rub. I am sore from my work out today. She always loved me giving her back rubs...

Anyway I tried being nice and made a joke, then it went downhill from there. I told her I was lonely, and she said she was too and didn't feel bad for me. After a few "I hate you!" remarks from her and me asking to try to see if we can work for us and our daughter, it pretty much ended on that bad note. I didn't say anything mean to her myself, but I wish I hadn't brought up our marriage and daughter... I guess at least she got upset and angry. It is better than no reaction right?

She mentioned how she is going to act on her feelings, and hinted that the counselor we have both seen solo suggested she move on. That a woman's heart cannot love once it's moved on.

This is tough.. I did handle it better than I would have in the past. I still wish I would have not said anything though. I can't wait to get home.

Then today she was staying with my mom at my grandmothers, and she woke up and said "Grandma, I had a dream I was a baby and my mommy and daddy were married and we were happy... I want a little sister so I can name her Princess Ariel."

Anyway my wife called me not long ago and didn't mention last night and asked if I would be willing to help watch Verona after I move out so she can take evening classes. I think this is a definite good sign. It certainly gives me a chance to prove I can be more reliable and attentive, and a better father than I have been.

Quote from: Jhail83 on Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 00:19:29
... I tried being nice and made a joke, then it went downhill from there ...

Making a joke is one of those things that can backfire real easy 

Quote from: Jhail83 on Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 00:19:29
She mentioned how she is going to act on her feelings, and hinted that the counselor we have both seen solo suggested she move on. That a woman's heart cannot love once it's moved on.

Where'd the counselor get that from?  It's certainly not biblical!

Quote from: Jhail83 on Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 00:19:29
Anyway my wife called me not long ago and didn't mention last night and asked if I would be willing to help watch Verona after I move out so she can take evening classes. I think this is a definite good sign. It certainly gives me a chance to prove I can be more reliable and attentive, and a better father than I have been.

Sorry for not replying sooner. I agree that "a woman's heart cannot love once it's moved on" is garbage. However, she still can leave you and your marriage. Whatever happens, it will take her a long time to heal. If it does work out, it will be after a lot of time. Also, there will be anger, good times, coldness, etc.

Keep up the good work.

I don't know for sure if the counselor said that, but she said she did.

Well the latest development is, my grandmother passed away last night. She basically raised me so we were close. Not as close as I would have liked to have been recently... I was mad at her and haven't seen her since thanksgiving two years ago. She said she didn't know why I married my wife and it upset and hurt me greatly. I now know it was probably her dementia talking...

Anyway I was feeling emotional and debating on whether or not I should even tell my wife.  I did, and she of course felt bad but she was being really mechanical and restrained with her emotion. Here is a sample of our texts...

Me - "You and our daughter are more important right now. (then me spending money coming home for the funeral and missing out on making another 4k halibut fishing.). I can deal with death (as I realize she is at peace), but I can't deal with losing my family. I'm sorry that's just how I feel. I'm not saying I won't consider coming, but I'm scared. I need my wife right now..." (I regret sounding so vulnerable and weak to her... I shouldn't have said most of this.)

Her - "I don't know where the lines are, but I think you're overstepping them. I'm very sorry I can't be here for you, but I don't think that's appropriate."

Me - "I feel like I was such a bad grandson... I was a bad person. I hope Jesus helps me really change for good. I'm sorry I shouldn't have told you."

Her - "If you came for the funeral I wouldn't attend."

Me - "That really hurts."

Her - "No, I'm upset no one told me earlier! Me keeping things clear isn't me not caring! I'm crying too, ok?"

Her - "I wasn't trying to hurt you. I'm struggling to find what is appropriate here. None of my actions are from spite"

Me - " I know"

I just talked to my mom a little bit ago, and she said she talked to my wife and she was crying and thought I should come home. I got hopeful, but she just called me while I was typing this, and said I should come home, but so I wouldn't regret it. She said it with almost no emotion. I am so confused now. I think I am going to stay and make more money. It is the best for my family.

Hi jhail,
My condolences for a dying marriage. It is so sad when we lose sight of what we have or had in God.
The thing you have to realize is that YOU can't save your marriage, neither can your wife. You have to both give it to God and rely on Him to do what He is good at...Healing.
If you both don't go the Him with all your pain and hurt and ask for His foregiveness and mercy, I'm afraid your marriage will end.
Do me a favour...

   
• draw a triangle on a piece of paper.
• put a G at the top
• put a H in the bottom left
• put a W in the bottom right

Now looking at this diagram you see the distance between you and your wife. Now if you both worked at it equally to try and fix you marriage, you can put on X on the bottom line to see where you would end up.
Then imagine another scenario...both of you put control of the marriage in God's hands and do what He says, not just for the marriage but for your own lives. As you walk and work towards God, where do you end up? Well if you do it properly, you end up at the top of the triangel with God and with each other.
Trust me brother, that's the ONLY way marriage works.
God Bless and I'll pray for you.
Stan

QuoteI regret sounding so vulnerable and weak to her...

If you want to save your marriage, you have to understand that "needy" is the WORST thing you can display to her.
You cannot save your marriage alone.  Your wife has to WANT to come back, and "needy" will make her want to RUN AWAY.

It's an old book now, but it's still one of the best.  "Love Must be Tough" by Dr. Dobson.  Although not all of it applies to your particular situation, the "winning back" areas of it certainly do.

Although I believe that God can heal any marriage, no matter what has transpired, it is dependent upon the people BOTH wanting that.

QuoteI want to deal with my issues from childhood (parents were drug addicts, and I was molested by an older cousin and later by her boyfriend.).

So what?  You are neither living with your parents, nor being molested now..... so why does this have any relevance?

Very sorry for your marriage problems and your grandma passing away. I would just want to support the advice you have got so far by the guys here. And from my own bitter experience I would strongly recommend that you...

1. Be very careful in all communication, do not push or plead at all. Be kind, gentle, patient, thoughtful. Continue to seek after God, irrespective of how things go for the marriage.

2. Write a short final letter saying that you are deeply sorry for the part your actions have played in the damage to your marriage and affirming your unreserved willingness to change for the better and your desire for reconciliation. Write that you will not bring the matter up any more, but that you are there to talk whenever she is ready to.

3. Make sure you abide by what you have written! It will be very hard, but with God you can do it. Get strong Christian men who can relate to your situation around you, seek them out at church.

4. Do not think in terms of weeks and months, but years. It could be a very long haul, with you just being a reliable father, waiting and praying.

5. If she proceeds with divorce, remain loving and co-operative as possible. Bitterness will seperate you from God's healing.

God bless you, and may He fill you with His love and power!

Jhail,

Nathanael has given a very good program to follow.  I would just like to emphasize the part where he says:

Quote from: Nathanael on Mon Aug 13, 2012 - 03:16:40
... affirming your unreserved willingness to change for the better ...

I think you know this already, but I also know how hard it is to avoid saying anything like "I've already changed."  Keep in mind that any such statement will have a negative effect.

Hi J
I am really sorry for the pain you are going through.  As a woman, I can tell you that it's simply not true that a woman 'moves on'.  Fact is, we're just like you, we mull over the past, the good times, the way you made us feel....and we torture ourselves with what might have been.  If you wife is texting you, then that means she is thinking of you....and that is a good thing.  I'm sorry that it turned into a bit of an argument.....but I guess that can happen when two, emotionally-charged people get together.   If it helps, I suspect your wife doesn't know what to do, any more than you do. She will be feeling hurt, damaged, unsure and so many other emotions....and the ONLY thing you can do, is to stop trying to convince her, stop trying to make her think about you in a certain way....and basically, get alone with you and the Lord, and work it out with Him.

I'm going through something similiar and I honestly cannot do anything that will change the situation....but wow, oh wow, I can focus on Jesus, on His plan for my life, on what He wants....and in time, He will show me and guide me.  When we determine to focus on God, rather than on the spouses who are doing things which break our hearts, God steps in, in a spectacular way.   Even if you don't see an immediate change, you will feel closer to God and that will give you the strength to keep on going!  And that is all that God requires of us....He askes us to commit our ways to Him, and He will work out the details....and that's it. That is ALL you have to do.

Hang in there...

Sometimes ya just gotta move on. 

Okay, It has been a crazy ride. I got home at the end of August, and it was hard. I let my emotions control me and I was angry, sad, felt guilty because of our daughter, and I did alienate my wife further.

About a month ago I found out my wife slept with the guy she had been seeing. (Which she has feelings for still, they just didn't work out because of circumstances on his end. I don't know the reason, other than he told her that "she deserves someone who can make more time for her" Yeah basically BS after he got what he wanted). Like I said, They aren't together, but it sort of slapped some sense into me. Wife and I have been getting a long well enough and I have even moved back into the house to help with bills for now (Or longer, I really am not sure. It is her call. She says I need to go, I leave.).

I am struggling with being emotional though. Just crying. Like the other day we watched a movie and I gave her a back and foot rub like I usually do. Which is really the only physical contact we have... I know I shouldn't, I just yearn to be close to her.

Anyway after the movie I got emotional and sentimental which led to a few tears, and the next day (1 year anniversary of our separation) she was really in a bad mood. We are a bit behind on bills, but both recently started new jobs, which pay well and we will be caught up in a month or two. Anyway she said "It is too late" and hinted at me leaving, and her needing space.

Today and yesterday has been better though.

I have gotten positive signs. The other day, before the movie incident, when cuddling with our Daughter, My wife put her head on me. Later she said she wanted to see if she felt something and that she didn't like it. But the urge was there, right?

I know I have to cease all tears and talk of love etc.

Oh and she also asked if I would consider Commercial fishing once more if we worked it out, but then backtracked and said she wouldn't stay together just for finances. I know it has not even been a whole month, I need to manage my expectations better. I just have almost no one to talk to in real life about this.

Basically she fluctuates from being fine around me to saying "I don't like being around you and my life is easier alone". I know I can do this.. I just am scared.

Any advice is appreciated. I really want to be hopeful. She did put an end to her "Deadline" for trying to win her back. She was going to file in Feb.

I am scared. I know its wrong to think this way, but I feel like her just hanging out with no effort other than hanging out won't lead us to falling back in love. Yes I know my methods of pleading or making a case for our marriage don't work either.

I have been better. Now I just need to turn them off completely and let her come around to the idea of reconciliation. I know I can't expect one good month to fix everything. Why do I get so stupid in the moment though? I have been praying and it has helped, but I know I am struggling with patience.

Oh and one last thing, I asked her to go speak to a pastor with me and she refuses! She said she believes in God, accepts Jesus, but isn't overtly spiritual. She has an "understanding of what God is about", and "He wants her to be happy and she is fine with Him".

I know she has free will, but I keep on praying that she will have a change of heart. Not just for me, but for our daughter (probably the only reason I have the chance I do... Even if she says that all children want their parents together, as if that makes it okay. I firmly believe all children deserve to have both parents together, as long as they are good parents.).

With that said, I did mention some positives, that I do thank the Lord for!

Thanks for reading.

Talking about God or meeting with a pastor with your wife while in a separation probably isn't a path you want to go. There is so much guilt, anger, and hurt that its probably not going to be productive. She would need to find that for herself.

It is probably a good idea to meet with a licensed marriage counselor if possible, but she may not be interested in that right now. Your only good path may be continuing a path towards reconciliation. You also have to let her lead in some of this. Its not healthy for you to peruse her and her to push you away and always be stopping movement forward. You probably do need to give her space and have her find her own reasons to reconcile.

It very much sounds like you have made progress, but there is still a ways to go. The saying "if you love it let it free" is true. She needs to feel freedom and then chose you out of it.

I went through 2 years of counseling and 2 separations with my wife. Much of your post is similar to my story. After a year now of being together, everything seems so very much improved. Keep walking the good path and keep hope for a better future.

Talking about God or meeting with a pastor with your wife while in a separation probably isn't a path you want to go. There is so much guilt, anger, and hurt that its probably not going to be productive. She would need to find that for herself.

It is probably a good idea to meet with a licensed marriage counselor if possible, but she may not be interested in that right now. Your only good path may be continuing a path towards reconciliation. You also have to let her lead in some of this. Its not healthy for you to peruse her and her to push you away and always be stopping movement forward. You probably do need to give her space and have her find her own reasons to reconcile.

It very much sounds like you have made progress, but there is still a ways to go. The saying "if you love it let it free" is true. She needs to feel freedom and then chose you out of it.

I went through 2 years of counseling and 2 separations with my wife. Much of your post is similar to my story. After a year now of being together, everything seems so very much improved. Keep walking the good path and keep hope for a better future.

I am going to counseling alone. Right now her "100%" of trying is just being around me at all. Which is a little disheartening to hear, but I will respect that and try and be patient. I plan on keeping up my spiritual journey and taking our daughter along with me to church. I hope my wife does decide to start attending with us, as I know my daughter would love us both being there. I also think it is important for us both to show her a good example of having a relationship with Christ.

Both of your actions are unbiblical,  Jesus mentions the permenent nature of marriage in the bible four times.  The first Christian to divorce was Henry the 8th. 

What saved my marriage is making this clear to my wife and flowing through by being free from sin and making Jesus the complete center of my and now our families life

One thing that helped me was I found a list of mortal sins on a catholic website and never commit a mortal sin and if I do I confess to god rigt away in prayer

Find a good orthodox pastor

Quote from: Jhail83 on Thu Jan 03, 2013 - 13:32:11
Okay, It has been a crazy ride ... I let my emotions control me and I was angry, sad, felt guilty because of our daughter, and I did alienate my wife further.

Not surprising.  For some reason, God doesn't seem to give us the graces we need as soon as we need them, but lets us fall on our faces a few times first--maybe this is so that we'll really have a chance to learn first hand how "it's all God."  The important thing is not to worry, because He really does have matters well in hand (something I need to remind myself right now, too).

Quote from: Jhail83 on Thu Jan 03, 2013 - 13:32:11
Wife and I have been getting a long well enough and I have even moved back into the house to help with bills for now (Or longer, I really am not sure. It is her call. She says I need to go, I leave).

Definitely a good step.

Quote from: Jhail83 on Thu Jan 03, 2013 - 13:32:11
Anyway after the movie I got emotional and sentimental which led to a few tears, and the next day (1 year anniversary of our separation) she was really in a bad mood ... she said "It is too late" and hinted at me leaving, and her needing space.

In some cases, tears can be a very good thing, but I think in your case she sees them as an attempt to coerce her, which drives her farther away.

Quote from: Jhail83 on Thu Jan 03, 2013 - 13:32:11
Today and yesterday has been better though.

I have gotten positive signs. The other day, before the movie incident, when cuddling with our Daughter, My wife put her head on me. Later she said she wanted to see if she felt something and that she didn't like it. But the urge was there, right?

Obviously, she is still struggling with her own feelings, but she's also looking to see if you'll respect her boundaries.  By seeming to be affectionate, she can test your willingness to observe the distance you've agreed to keep with her, and from what I'm reading here, that's *very* important to her.

Quote from: Jhail83 on Thu Jan 03, 2013 - 13:32:11
I know I have to cease all tears and talk of love etc. ... I need to manage my expectations better.

Exactly.

Quote from: Jhail83 on Thu Jan 03, 2013 - 13:32:11
Basically she fluctuates from being fine around me to saying "I don't like being around you and my life is easier alone". I know I can do this, I just am scared.

I don't envy you in this, brother.  This kind of emotional vacillation is hard for us men to take!  We want to know where we stand, and she seems to be doing her best to keep you guessing.

Just keep in mind, though, that she is very fragile right now.  Pray that you don't lose sight of the fact that she needs you to love her "from a distance," even though you're right next to her, and then focus all your effort on that.

Quote from: Jhail83 on Thu Jan 03, 2013 - 13:32:11
I know its wrong to think this way, but I feel like her just hanging out with no effort other than hanging out won't lead us to falling back in love.  (Yes I know my methods of pleading or making a case for our marriage don't work either.)

Don't be so sure about that!  Remember that while you're "just hanging out," she's watching your every move.  Also (as you mentioned before), you have your daughter to show affection to--just be careful not to overdo this, though, as she'll surely see it as an attempt to show this affection to her vicariously.

Quote from: Jhail83 on Thu Jan 03, 2013 - 13:32:11
Now I just need to turn them off completely and let her come around to the idea of reconciliation. I know I can't expect one good month to fix everything. Why do I get so stupid in the moment though? I have been praying and it has helped, but I know I am struggling with patience.

You are exactly right that patience is the most important thing for you right now.  Always keep in mind that it takes a L--O--N--G time for someone to come around to the idea that someone who hurt her has really changed.  The paradox is that the sooner you accept the idea (not just in principle, but deep down) that the status quo isn't going to change any time soon, the sooner it will change.

Let us pray for each other! 

Quote from: Adamski on Mon Jan 14, 2013 - 14:35:14
Both of your actions are unbiblical,  Jesus mentions the permenent nature of marriage in the bible four times.  The first Christian to divorce was Henry the 8th. 

What saved my marriage is making this clear to my wife and flowing through by being free from sin and making Jesus the complete center of my and now our families life

One thing that helped me was I found a list of mortal sins on a catholic website and never commit a mortal sin and if I do I confess to god right away in prayer

Find a good orthodox pastor

What exactly are these so called 'mortal' sins? You do realise there is only one unforgivable sin don't you, and that all other sins are forgivable though Jesus?

By the way, I very much doubt that Henry 8th was a Christian.