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Hello!  So my husband and I are both Christians (non-denominational) and we have been married just under 5 years.  We had our first daughter together a few months ago.  My husband and I have pretty tight boundaries in our marriage.  We are careful about any relationships we have with the opposite sex.  Probably more careful than most, because we have seen the negative effects of those types of relationships.  However, recently, twice since Christmas, my husband has mentioned in a lustful way, an actress.  Not anything super racy, but enough that it has bothered me. For instance, he doesn't like British accents, and we watched a British movie.  He said, in front of some of our friends, that the only British person he would want around is Elizabeth Hurly.  I know that's not overly bad, but it insinuates to me, him having a desire to be with someone else.  Tonight he made a similar comment about the same actress while we were at dinner with friends. I feel embarrassed when he says things like that in front of other people.  It hurts.  I know obviously she's a celebrity and it would never happen, but it still hurts me.  Anytime I try to communicate these things to him, it never goes well. He thinks I'm overly critical and blames it on my insecurity.  I may be slightly insecure, but his comments like that certainly don't help.  I am so careful to always make my husband know that there's no one else is rather be with in the whole world.  Any yet things like this just are a constant reminder that I fall short, and that I'm just not good enough.  What do I do? Do I just pray for him? Do I try to community it to him?  Is he even wrong for that? I know in the worlds eyes it's normal, but I expected more from my Christian husband.

I have to agree with you here, its being disrespectful and unloving to say that, especially in front of others. Its also worrying that he does it even though you have said that it upsets you.
You need to try and tell him again that it hurts you when he does that, and ask him not to do it again. If he still does it then, maybe you need to go to an older mature couple in your church and talk it though with them. 

Please forgive me for saying so, but you need to be blunt with your husband.  You need to be very blunt.  Tell him flat out to knock it off.  Tell him that he is being extremely disrespectful to you for making those comments, and then tell him he is being even more disrespectful to you by claiming you are too insecure. 

If he persists, then follow chosenone's advice and find a mature Christian couple at church to help.

Slightly Insecure is like slightly pregnanant
   



You either are or arent.


Since you admit you are then view his behavior without that filter.


Sounds like he has to walk on eggshells around you so much and so often he cant help his behavior.


He loves you.  He is married to you.  You are the mother of his child.  HELLO?


You cannot be replaced in his life....by anyone. Even if she has an amazing figure and accent.  He may feel physical attraction but that isnt love.  Denying any physical attractiveness by anyone but you is psychotic behavior. 

Quote from: JohnDB on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 06:35:37
Slightly Insecure is like slightly pregnanant
   



You either are or arent.


Since you admit you are then view his behavior without that filter.


Sounds like he has to walk on eggshells around you so much and so often he cant help his behavior.


He loves you.  He is married to you.  You are the mother of his child.  HELLO?


You cannot be replaced in his life....by anyone. Even if she has an amazing figure and accent.  He may feel physical attraction but that isnt love.  Denying any physical attractiveness by anyone but you is psychotic behavior.

So if he is attracted to this actress he should make sure his wife knows? Even if she has told him that it hurts her? VERY wise and loving behaviour in his part.  He may lust after her, but he surely doesn't have to voice it, especially in public.
You have a strange idea of psychotic behaviour. 

Quote from: BondServant on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 06:14:16
Please forgive me for saying so, but you need to be blunt with your husband.  You need to be very blunt.  Tell him flat out to knock it off.  Tell him that he is being extremely disrespectful to you for making those comments, and then tell him he is being even more disrespectful to you by claiming you are too insecure. 

YUP.  When someone pulls out the "too insecure" or "too sensitive" card it is to absolve themselves from any responsibility of wrong doing.

I would do just like BondServant says and add to it, "So, I guess I can start howling, huffing and puffing about some hot male actor in front of our friends and you then? How would you feel if I did that?"

Try to help him have some empathy...feel what its like to be in your shoes. 

OK, a couple of things here.  Not necessarily asking for an answer, but might be something to ask yourself.  Now I'm just a guy so please remember that.  You mentioned that you had a daughter a few months ago.  Have things returned to normal from a "marital" perspective?  I am not saying that it would excuse bad behavior, I am simply saying that it might be a consideration.  Another consideration, you said "I expected more from my Christian husband." Why? He is still a human being, and while I understand that the behavior bothers you and that you have voiced it, people fail and when you put a person up on a pedestal it's hard not to disappoint.  I'm glad that you are trying to work through it, and because it is troublesome to you he should work to address it, but maybe there's some room for understanding on your part?

I'm not one to tell you how to run your marriage, but I will say that I hope as your marriage matures and you gain trust in each other that you'll be able to loosen some of those "tight boundaries" some just for your own sake. And by that I mean that when you are around each other, you are able to just be yourselves. Congratulations on the birth of your daughter!

Quote from: chosenone on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 07:00:10

Quote from: JohnDB on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 06:35:37
Slightly Insecure is like slightly pregnanant
   



You either are or arent.


Since you admit you are then view his behavior without that filter.


Sounds like he has to walk on eggshells around you so much and so often he cant help his behavior.


He loves you.  He is married to you.  You are the mother of his child.  HELLO?


You cannot be replaced in his life....by anyone. Even if she has an amazing figure and accent.  He may feel physical attraction but that isnt love.  Denying any physical attractiveness by anyone but you is psychotic behavior.

So if he is attracted to this actress he should make sure his wife knows? Even if she has told him that it hurts her? VERY wise and loving behaviour in his part.  He may lust after her, but he surely doesn't have to voice it, especially in public.
You have a strange idea of psychotic behaviour. 

To point or gawk at every skirt is one thing...to notice ONE is entirely different.
to remark about every woman that walks by is bad behavior.  To mention one woman who catches your attention over and above your wife isnt horrible...its normal.


To make a huge deal about a man's normal behavior is to isolate and distance yourself from him...aka create a lack of REAL INTIMACY.

Quote from: JohnDB on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 11:25:44
To mention one woman who catches your attention over and above your wife isnt horrible...its normal.

I'm so glad that in my marriage this is not true.  I'm not stupid, I know he notices, but he is thoughtful and respectful enough NOT to mention it to me alone, or in the company of others.

Quote from: JohnDB on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 11:25:44

Quote from: chosenone on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 07:00:10

Quote from: JohnDB on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 06:35:37
Slightly Insecure is like slightly pregnanant
   



You either are or arent.


Since you admit you are then view his behavior without that filter.


Sounds like he has to walk on eggshells around you so much and so often he cant help his behavior.


He loves you.  He is married to you.  You are the mother of his child.  HELLO?


You cannot be replaced in his life....by anyone. Even if she has an amazing figure and accent.  He may feel physical attraction but that isnt love.  Denying any physical attractiveness by anyone but you is psychotic behavior.

So if he is attracted to this actress he should make sure his wife knows? Even if she has told him that it hurts her? VERY wise and loving behaviour in his part.  He may lust after her, but he surely doesn't have to voice it, especially in public.
You have a strange idea of psychotic behaviour. 

To point or gawk at every skirt is one thing...to notice ONE is entirely different.
to remark about every woman that walks by is bad behavior.  To mention one woman who catches your attention over and above your wife isnt horrible...its normal.


To make a huge deal about a man's normal behavior is to isolate and distance yourself from him...aka create a lack of REAL INTIMACY.

  It may be normal for you John, but its not for many marriages. I would never tell my husband that I fancied another man famous or not, especially in company. We may notice other attractive people, but thats as far as it needs to go. To mention another lady, twice now, shows that he probably thinks about her more than he should.
Mind you my husband wouldn't have a clue who any actresses or pop stars were anyway. 

Its nothing to do with the op's insecurity, its wanting to be be treated with love and respect.

So you prefer isolation to intimacy?


Interesting

Quote from: JohnDB on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 12:30:33
So you prefer isolation to intimacy?


Interesting

Treating each other with love and respect creates deep intimacy.

How can you have intimacy if you don't want to know what he is thinking?
or belittle him for thinking it?


Can't have one without the other.   But instead you wish for a cheerleader?

Quote from: JohnDB on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 12:41:15
How can you have intimacy if you don't want to know what he is thinking?
or belittle him for thinking it?


Can't have one without the other.   But instead you wish for a cheerleader?

Believe me, we do.

Quote from: JohnDB on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 12:30:33
So you prefer isolation to intimacy?


Interesting

Just because we think something, doesn't mean we have the right to trod on the feelings of others.

All things are permissible for me, but not all things edify.

Quote from: JohnDB on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 12:41:15
How can you have intimacy if you don't want to know what he is thinking?

Goodness! Knowing what my dh is thinking is a *far* different beast than knowing who else he finds attractive!

Quoteor belittle him for thinking it?

No one said anything even close to this.

QuoteCan't have one without the other.   But instead you wish for a cheerleader?

Whats wrong with being each others cheerleaders?  A marriage that is full of encouraging and uplifting words and action is a healthy marriage.

Quote from: MeMyself on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 13:57:10

Quote from: JohnDB on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 12:41:15
How can you have intimacy if you don't want to know what he is thinking?

Goodness! Knowing what my dh is thinking is a *far* different beast than knowing who else he finds attractive!

Quoteor belittle him for thinking it?

No one said anything even close to this.

QuoteCan't have one without the other.   But instead you wish for a cheerleader?

Whats wrong with being each others cheerleaders?  A marriage that is full of encouraging and uplifting words and action is a healthy marriage.

I always tell my husband that I am his no 1 fan. 

Quote from: JohnDB on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 11:25:44

Quote from: chosenone on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 07:00:10

Quote from: JohnDB on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 06:35:37
Slightly Insecure is like slightly pregnanant
   



You either are or arent.


Since you admit you are then view his behavior without that filter.


Sounds like he has to walk on eggshells around you so much and so often he cant help his behavior.


He loves you.  He is married to you.  You are the mother of his child.  HELLO?


You cannot be replaced in his life....by anyone. Even if she has an amazing figure and accent.  He may feel physical attraction but that isnt love.  Denying any physical attractiveness by anyone but you is psychotic behavior.

So if he is attracted to this actress he should make sure his wife knows? Even if she has told him that it hurts her? VERY wise and loving behaviour in his part.  He may lust after her, but he surely doesn't have to voice it, especially in public.
You have a strange idea of psychotic behaviour. 

To point or gawk at every skirt is one thing...to notice ONE is entirely different.
to remark about every woman that walks by is bad behavior.  To mention one woman who catches your attention over and above your wife isnt horrible...its normal.


To make a huge deal about a man's normal behavior is to isolate and distance yourself from him...aka create a lack of REAL INTIMACY.

Granted, the OP may be making a mountain out of a mole hill but  regardless, there is no excuse for the husbands lack of respect and the wife deserves a sincere apology... Especially her just having a baby-- he should know better but if not,  that can only happen if she clearly communicates her issues with him.

Clear communication is the key.

OK...NO ONE said anything at all about him desiring to be physically intimate or wanting anything to do with the actress. Only that he found her to be attractive and why (her accent and appearance).


How you two (Chosenone and MeMyself) come up with some kind of scenario where he wishes to have some kind of relationship with the woman is beyond me.


The guy simply says that he finds her attractive....big deal. So what? It isn't like he is going to meet her in his lifetime and have some kind of tawdry affair with her or that he even would wish to. He loves his wife...she is the mother of his children. He knows her and shares his thoughts with her. And now you two are suggesting that he wants some kind of affair with someone he doesn't know anything about based upon some superficial knowledge of this woman. If she thinks so little of her husband that what is it that stops him from having an affair with the checkout girl at the local supermarket?


get real...so he thinks someone attractive.


Beauty is only skin deep.
UGLY GOES TO THE BONE.

Quote from: JohnDB on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 15:58:18
OK...NO ONE said anything at all about him desiring to be physically intimate or wanting anything to do with the actress. Only that he found her to be attractive and why (her accent and appearance).


How you two (Chosenone and MeMyself) come up with some kind of scenario where he wishes to have some kind of relationship with the woman is beyond me.

ME TOO!  'Specially since I said *nothing* of the sort!     

QuoteAnd now you two are suggesting that he wants some kind of affair with someone he doesn't know anything about based upon some superficial knowledge of this woman.

Am I in some sort of alternate universe?  I NEVER said anything that even implied this!

Quote
get real...so he thinks someone attractive.

What I actually said was that I KNOW my dh will find others attractive, but that he is kind and thoughtful enough NOT to gloat about it.

Husbands are called to live with their wives in an understanding way...even IF *he* thinks this is stupid, and no big deal, to her, it is.  It hurts her.  He should understand and refrain from announcing.

Quote from: JohnDB on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 15:58:18
OK...NO ONE said anything at all about him desiring to be physically intimate or wanting anything to do with the actress. Only that he found her to be attractive and why (her accent and appearance).


How you two (Chosenone and MeMyself) come up with some kind of scenario where he wishes to have some kind of relationship with the woman is beyond me.


The guy simply says that he finds her attractive....big deal. So what? It isn't like he is going to meet her in his lifetime and have some kind of tawdry affair with her or that he even would wish to. He loves his wife...she is the mother of his children. He knows her and shares his thoughts with her. And now you two are suggesting that he wants some kind of affair with someone he doesn't know anything about based upon some superficial knowledge of this woman. If she thinks so little of her husband that what is it that stops him from having an affair with the checkout girl at the local supermarket?


get real...so he thinks someone attractive.


Beauty is only skin deep.
UGLY GOES TO THE BONE.

Eh   Please please show us where you got that weird idea from that either of us said or thought anything of the sort. Your accusation is entirely without any foundation as usual and completely wrong. You are the only one who has mentioned anything about him wanting to have an affair with her, it never entered my head. 
 
We just seem to both have marriages where neither we nor our husbands would act that way.  Thats just basic respect. It would never occur to me to mention another man in that way to him, especially in front of other people, and I can understand why the op is hurt especially when her concerns werent taken seriously.       

Its not rude for him to mention the actress.

What is rude is to make a mountain out of a molehill.

You didn't like it and I'm sure that neither does her husband by his wife and her load of insecurities. (Demanding proof)

This member has been here many times with enough issues that I get a sense of her. How is it that you so easily forget her?   

She is the perpetrator in this instance and not the victim.   

Quote from: JohnDB on Sun Jan 11, 2015 - 05:53:11
Its not rude for him to mention the actress.

What is rude is to make a mountain out of a molehill.

You didn't like it and I'm sure that neither does her husband by his wife and her load of insecurities. (Demanding proof)

This member has been here many times with enough issues that I get a sense of her. How is it that you so easily forget her?   

She is the perpetrator in this instance and not the victim.

Whether YOU find legitimacy in her feelings or not, she has them...and her dh stepped on them enough that she is here for advice.  That does not make her a perpetrator, nor her husband a monster...there is no need to continue to use huge over the top wordings and personal attacks of her to make your point

Also, for the record JohnDB, the OP has ONE post to her count...

Quote from: MeMyself on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 13:52:23

Quote from: JohnDB on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 12:30:33
So you prefer isolation to intimacy?


Interesting

Just because we think something, doesn't mean we have the right to trod on the feelings of others.

All things are permissible for me, but not all things edify.

Her name is very reminiscent of another member we have had here. Excuse me if I get confused with all the sock puppets and other members going and coming back. I thought she was one of them...


BUT


I am going by exactly what this member did post. Like admitting to false feelings of inadequacy. And also finger pointing (like you and Chosenone insist upon doing) is very counterproductive to intimacy.


Also the inability to ever admit fault...that one also is very counterproductive to intimacy...There are a lot of things that are counterproductive to intimacy that women love to perpetrate...such as nagging and etc. It isn't that anyone is looking to create distance in their marriage...but accidents happen especially when "perceived" hurts happen. A "victim" can become a "perpetrator" in a heartbeat...especially when there was no real hurt or insult. For an insult to be real...real evil intent must be intended. I seriously doubt that her husband desires to injure his wife's feelings. OBVIOUSLY YOU TWO DISAGREE.


Why I can only imagine.

Quote from: JohnDB on Sun Jan 11, 2015 - 05:53:11
Its not rude for him to mention the actress.

What is rude is to make a mountain out of a molehill.

You didn't like it and I'm sure that neither does her husband by his wife and her load of insecurities. (Demanding proof)

This member has been here many times with enough issues that I get a sense of her. How is it that you so easily forget her?   

She is the perpetrator in this instance and not the victim.

My husband is the most laid back secure man ever, and wouldn't bother in the least if I were to mention another man in that way, BUT I would NEVER do that  because it would be disrespectful and unloving to him, and neither would he do it to me. I can fully understand the ops hurt, but sadly I would be very surprised if she were to ever come here for help again after the terrible things you have said about her and the awful way you have treated her.
Hopefully she will ask any future questions she has in the womens forum so that she will get understanding, patience and help, instead of condemnation rudeness and attacks. Fortunately most of the guys who answered were very helpful, so well done to them. 

Quote from: JohnDB on Sun Jan 11, 2015 - 13:01:50

Quote from: MeMyself on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 13:52:23

Quote from: JohnDB on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 12:30:33
So you prefer isolation to intimacy?


Interesting

Just because we think something, doesn't mean we have the right to trod on the feelings of others.

All things are permissible for me, but not all things edify.

Her name is very reminiscent of another member we have had here. Excuse me if I get confused with all the sock puppets and other members going and coming back. I thought she was one of them...


BUT


I am going by exactly what this member did post. Like admitting to false feelings of inadequacy. And also finger pointing (like you and Chosenone insist upon doing) is very counterproductive to intimacy.


Also the inability to ever admit fault...that one also is very counterproductive to intimacy...There are a lot of things that are counterproductive to intimacy that women love to perpetrate...such as nagging and etc. It isn't that anyone is looking to create distance in their marriage...but accidents happen especially when "perceived" hurts happen. A "victim" can become a "perpetrator" in a heartbeat...especially when there was no real hurt or insult. For an insult to be real...real evil intent must be intended. I seriously doubt that her husband desires to injure his wife's feelings. OBVIOUSLY YOU TWO DISAGREE.


Why I can only imagine.

If she has spoken to him about it and yet he did it again, then he is at fault. If  my husband said that something I did or said hurt him, and asked me to please not to do it again, what should I do?  Carry on anyway despite his hurt? Ride over his feelings? Tell him that because I don't agree then I don't have to stop? That the fault is with him and not me? Thats hardly loving or caring is it. 

Just because you think its appropriate for you to mention a lady to your wife, that doesnt mean its right or helpful for most marriages. 

Quote from: JohnDB on Sun Jan 11, 2015 - 13:01:50
Her name is very reminiscent of another member we have had here. Excuse me if I get confused with all the sock puppets and other members going and coming back. I thought she was one of them...

Is this admitting fault? That you accused her without reason or warrent?

QuoteI am going by exactly what this member did post. Like admitting to false feelings of inadequacy. And also finger pointing (like you and Chosenone insist upon doing) is very counterproductive to intimacy.

Nope.  Not one finger pointed.  Advice given is all.

QuoteAlso the inability to ever admit fault...that one also is very counterproductive to intimacy...There are a lot of things that are counterproductive to intimacy that women love to perpetrate...such as nagging and etc. It isn't that anyone is looking to create distance in their marriage...but accidents happen especially when "perceived" hurts happen. A "victim" can become a "perpetrator" in a heartbeat...especially when there was no real hurt or insult.

If your spouse tells you they were hurt by something you did, its not your job to determine if there was no real hurt or insult.  For crying out loud.     I joke around A LOT at my house and sometimes, my dh feels hurt by something I say with no ill intent on my part at.all.  How FOOLISH it would be for me to say to him 'well there was no real hurt or intent...so yeah..suck it up, buttercup. "  A response like that would be the epitome of pride and refusing to love another as yourself.

QuoteFor an insult to be real...real evil intent must be intended.

Wrong.

QuoteI seriously doubt that her husband desires to injure his wife's feelings. OBVIOUSLY YOU TWO DISAGREE.

Nope. Wrong again.  Just because one doesn't mean to, doesn't change the fact that feelings can be trod upon. 

QuoteWhy I can only imagine.

Well, by all means, continue to let your imagination run away with you...you seem to be having LOTS of fun with it.

Quote from: Diamond88 on Sat Jan 10, 2015 - 01:36:39However, recently, twice since Christmas, my husband has mentioned in a lustful way, an actress. 

He is wrong in doing this.  I have three daughters and I would not like for my sons-in-laws to do that to my girls (46,43 and 40~but still my girls) and would say something to them if they did.  I would never dream of doing that to my wife, for I know it would hurt her~even after almost fifty years.  Now, I might say that a woman is attractive, or even a man is nice looking, only to acknowledge such and no more than that.  But no man (specially Christians) should ever say such things concerning any woman. 

Bring it to your husband's attention that it does really bothers you, and desire him to rule his spirit better, specially before friends.  Sometimes men send messages to other women that they around, by speaking of such women in a sexual way.  It just another form of flirting that is unacceptable as a Christian, and in society, or at least it should be~that is, in society, without question among godly people.     

Thank you all for your responses.  I try to think about anything like this for a few days before having a serious discussion, which usually leads to an argument. I love my husband so much and I know he certainly doesn't do these things to hurt me, it's his lack of consideration for my feints that really does hurt.  I know he can't be perfect all the time, I get that.  And I really do try to give him grace, which is why I let it fly the first time and said nothing.  But after the second time in two weeks it just really hurt. 
My husband's father was/ is not a great example to him in this area.  He's a Christian and had affairs while my husband was growing up and still today always talks sexually about women on tv. He evens try's to engage his boys in the same behavior by asking their thoughts about other women.  It's sick.  For that, I really do try to give him a ton of Grace because I know how much a generational issue this is for him.  His younger brother really struggles and recently did have an affair on his wife.  We were the couple they turned to for help and guidance.  So now me dealing with my husbands list issues is pretty difficult.  Our pastor adore my husband and really respects him, so I didn't  want to take this issue to anyone we know.
I am going to bring it up to him in the most respectful way possible. I don't want our daughter to ever hear him say things like that.  Not for my sake but because I don't want her settling in life for a man that doesn't respect her completely.  I just want her to be able to compare men in the future to how her dad treated her mom.  Hopefully that makes sense.

Quote from: Diamond88 on Sun Jan 11, 2015 - 19:00:30
Thank you all for your responses.  I try to think about anything like this for a few days before having a serious discussion, which usually leads to an argument. I love my husband so much and I know he certainly doesn't do these things to hurt me, it's his lack of consideration for my feints that really does hurt.  I know he can't be perfect all the time, I get that.  And I really do try to give him grace, which is why I let it fly the first time and said nothing.  But after the second time in two weeks it just really hurt. 
My husband's father was/ is not a great example to him in this area.  He's a Christian and had affairs while my husband was growing up and still today always talks sexually about women on tv. He evens try's to engage his boys in the same behavior by asking their thoughts about other women.  It's sick.  For that, I really do try to give him a ton of Grace because I know how much a generational issue this is for him.  His younger brother really struggles and recently did have an affair on his wife.  We were the couple they turned to for help and guidance.  So now me dealing with my husbands list issues is pretty difficult.  Our pastor adore my husband and really respects him, so I didn't  want to take this issue to anyone we know.
I am going to bring it up to him in the most respectful way possible. I don't want our daughter to ever hear him say things like that.  Not for my sake but because I don't want her settling in life for a man that doesn't respect her completely.  I just want her to be able to compare men in the future to how her dad treated her mom.  Hopefully that makes sense.

  It makes absolute, perfect, 100% sense.  Pray a hedge of protection around your marriage and for God to speak through you. Pray that your dh would have a soft heart to hear your hurt, not misunderstand that its an attack.  Explain to him that this has the potential to be a wedge between you, but that you don't want that because you adore, respect and love him so much, you want to be able to be honest and transparent when BOTH of your feelings are hurt.
When I know there is a potential difference in how we view things because of how mens and womens minds are wired differently with something I have to bring up and talk about, I usually say "This may sound totally irrational, and it may be, but that really hurt my feelings (made me feel disrespected etc) and I would like to ask you not to do that again."
That seems to make it easier for my dh to hear me and not get defensive.

God bless you!

Quote from: Diamond88 on Sun Jan 11, 2015 - 19:00:30
Thank you all for your responses.  I try to think about anything like this for a few days before having a serious discussion, which usually leads to an argument. I love my husband so much and I know he certainly doesn't do these things to hurt me, it's his lack of consideration for my feints that really does hurt.  I know he can't be perfect all the time, I get that.  And I really do try to give him grace, which is why I let it fly the first time and said nothing.  But after the second time in two weeks it just really hurt. 
My husband's father was/ is not a great example to him in this area.  He's a Christian and had affairs while my husband was growing up and still today always talks sexually about women on tv. He evens try's to engage his boys in the same behavior by asking their thoughts about other women.  It's sick.  For that, I really do try to give him a ton of Grace because I know how much a generational issue this is for him.  His younger brother really struggles and recently did have an affair on his wife.  We were the couple they turned to for help and guidance.  So now me dealing with my husbands list issues is pretty difficult.  Our pastor adore my husband and really respects him, so I didn't  want to take this issue to anyone we know.
I am going to bring it up to him in the most respectful way possible. I don't want our daughter to ever hear him say things like that.  Not for my sake but because I don't want her settling in life for a man that doesn't respect her completely.  I just want her to be able to compare men in the future to how her dad treated her mom.  Hopefully that makes sense.

I am glad you didnt get put off coming back, and yes it does make sense.
ITs clear that your husband didnt have a godly role model in his father, and the fact that his brother has already gone that way says a lot, so its good that you feel able to respectfully tell him how you feel and hopefully nip it in the bud. Coming from that background, he should be even more aware than most men of the dangers of thinking too much about other women, having seen his dad and brother go down that route and even cheat on their wives. Our thoughts can lead to actions, so thats why its in the mind that most of our battles are fought and either won or lost.  Maybe because of the bad example that he has had, he thinks that its a 'manly' thing to do and will hopefully learn that its not at all.   

Makes all the sense in the world to me as well. You always have God and prayer but also let your husband know that even though the whole ordeal may be insignificant to him it's not to you and tell him EXACTLY why it is not insignificant to you.

When my wife gets " mad" at me or I detect an issue of some sort,  I usually have know idea why- even if she has told me why - because alot of times its so "stuipid" in my eyes that it goes in one ear and out the other.

This is way way off subject but your husband needs a good dose of this!!  ( language warning!!!)
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R7AXBOT8KzU

Because your husband is being a butt!!

Quote from: Diamond88 on Sun Jan 11, 2015 - 19:00:30I am going to bring it up to him in the most respectful way possible.

God bless you for using such wisdom!  This is the very best way to confront people, with the spirit in which you are here using.  My wife, has always pick her time to confront me over something that I offended her over, and it always paid dividends!   Oh yes, us men are great of offending our wives, even when we think that we do not, we still do, if we are honest. I have said:  "I am sorry" many times in forty eight years.....and, I am sure I will yet again do it, but not as often as when I was younger and more selfish~but I still have it in me, to be selfish, sad to say.

Sorry for your husband's bad example that he has lived under, how sad! But, it is no excuse for him to do the same.   

chosenone,

I appreciate you for not getting too upset when he said "that the only British person he would want around is Elizabeth Hurly".



My wife knows I think Sandra Bullock is a major babe.  I know she thinks it about Richard Gere.  I guess Sandra was in the same state as us at least since our preacher at the time had a bit part in the movie 28 days that was filmed in our county, but we both know there ain't nothing happening so it is really just for laughs.