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First off I want to introduce myself and say hello. February 11th my wife discovered that I had an affair. When she discovered it I said some things that hurt her pretty deep. It was a defense mechanism and I had no excuse. My heart was so hard that I considered the divorce. But God got hold of me pretty good on Thursday while at work. I had to hold it all in until afterwards. Once out the building and in my car I wept. I had never wept that hard in my entire life. When I got home I got on me knees in front of my wife and asked for her forgiveness. I have never been so sorry and so broken in my entire life. God broke me so hard that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was the guilty party and that I was the one who failed. Not my wife. I spilled everything to my wife and I am an open book now. She has forgiven me but the incident is still fresh.

Since yesterday the lines of communication have been opened. We sat and talked for awhile. It was so wonderful knowing my wife had forgiven me and was starting to at least touch me and she even kissed me. l didn't deserve that. What I deserved was my wife leaving me. But she said she couldn't be she loved me too much to break our vows that we made. My wife loves and and adores me and I threw it in her face. Its a difficult thing knowing what I did and trying to break free from the power it has.

Currently we are sleeping in separate rooms. My wife is not ready to sleep in the same bed. I told her I understand and that she needs to make that move not me. It is so painful and it hurts so bad not to have her bed with me. Its empty and void. I wept the whole night. I could sleep. I am also suffering from affair withdrawal and the whole night I could not sleep. But I was also trying to stay in prayer. What a difficult thing to do. I think I slept a total of 1 hours all night.

Well this morning I couldn't wait to see my wife just to say good morning. I kissed her and told her that I missed her but still reassured her that I am respecting her space and boundaries. I also told her that I am not going to stop pursuing her. We are starting to pray together and tonight will be having a quiet time with God this evening. This is something she has always desired but I was too blind to see it. Everything is about her not about me and what I want.

Tonight we are having a date night. I asked her out on a date out loud and in the front the kids. I actually felt like I was meeting her for the first time. She had the biggest smile I had seen on her for a long time. So we are going to her favorite restaurant then we are going to take the first step in restoration. See I had brought the woman home and we defiled our bed. Now since the woman and I just stayed on the bedspread my wife said that if she could change all the bedding with new bedding she would be more comfortable. I wholeheartedly agreed. Now as I was sleeping last night I started thinking about it and I myself began to be disgusted with the bed linens. The bedspread on the bed I was sleeping on was very similar and I couldn't wait to get rid of it. I told my wife we are buying linens for both beds.

God has been working wonders in our hearts. I am destroying my phone because it has been the bane of my existing and a tool with which Satan used as a stronghold. I am getting a new phone. The phone will never be locked so she can get on it any time. As with the phones that was another wonderful thing. My wife has my phone and the woman I was will tried to contact me. My wife told her to leave us alone and that she was getting in the way of our marriage. Man I love my wife!

I have contacted my good friends at church and they are praying for me and holding me accountable. I have contacted several marriage counselors but waiting for responses. I am very excited to see where God takes us. I have forgiven myself as well and am trying to dwell more on the present than the past. I got rid of all contacts and deleted the secret email I had.

I am free and that is because of God's grace and love he has for me. It will be hard work I know and we will have ups and downs but I am not going to fail this marriage. I am going to pursue my wife with a passion and love her unconditionally as I promised. Currently as I type this we are texting and talking about what we are doing at the moment. I feel like a high school guy wooing his sweetheart.

Sorry this was long winded but I need to introduce myself and share what God has done and show that He is powerful and that I can't do anything without Him. Thanks.

Jaydog0303

Its good to see that you seem truly repentant now, even though you didnt actually come clean until she found out.
Some people simply cant stay with someone who betrayed them in this way, some cannot trust again, and some can never have sex with that person again. This is why God allows divorce for adultery, it destroys the marriage covenant.

I would recommend that you get tested for STD's, they are rampant today, and if a woman is immoral enough to sleep with a married man, you don't know who else she has slept with.
IF she is from your work place, I would also recommend that you look for another job.

Thanks for the advice. As far as the STD thing goes she has never slept with anyone but her husband and I hadn't slept with anyone else but my wife. Enough said.

As for you other comment chosenone you are a harsh and cruel person. You have no idea what your Bible says and what you forget is that there is forgiveness and building each other up. We all make mistakes but that does not mean that we give up on each other in our marriages.

Sure she could leave because she has that right and I have told her that it is her right. But you know what chosenone she chose me anyway. So you can take your misguided and mean comments and go somewhere else with them. 

As far as the coming clean sin, pride and fear played in not confessing. No excuse and I will never have one.

As for the job that is a difficult thing to do. Its not like I can just get up and leave. I will stay put for now and just trust in God that he will protect me from the evil one. You have no trust in the Lord based upon your response.

Chosenone I am so glad that you are not God and that you have no reign over me. So what I am going to do is I am going to leave this forum and never return to it because you my friend are not someone I want to waste me time on. Let me get back to do what I know to be right and love my wife with all my heart and try to heal and mend from my sin. Yes I have a lot ahead of me and I do know that my wife will trust me once again.

I will not respond anymore. I have confessed and I have been forgiven by God and by my spouse. I am thankful for that and will not take that for granted and people like you will not destroy what I have tried to slowly rebuild. Bye.

Quote from: jaydog0303 on Fri Feb 13, 2015 - 14:32:31
Thanks for the advice. As far as the STD thing goes she has never slept with anyone but her husband and I hadn't slept with anyone else but my wife. Enough said.

As for you other comment chosenone you are a harsh and cruel person. You have no idea what your Bible says and what you forget is that there is forgiveness and building each other up. We all make mistakes but that does not mean that we give up on each other in our marriages.

Sure she could leave because she has that right and I have told her that it is her right. But you know what chosenone she chose me anyway. So you can take your misguided and mean comments and go somewhere else with them. 

As far as the coming clean sin, pride and fear played in not confessing. No excuse and I will never have one.

As for the job that is a difficult thing to do. Its not like I can just get up and leave. I will stay put for now and just trust in God that he will protect me from the evil one. You have no trust in the Lord based upon your response.

Chosenone I am so glad that you are not God and that you have no reign over me. So what I am going to do is I am going to leave this forum and never return to it because you my friend are not someone I want to waste me time on. Let me get back to do what I know to be right and love my wife with all my heart and try to heal and mend from my sin. Yes I have a lot ahead of me and I do know that my wife will trust me once again.

I will not respond anymore. I have confessed and I have been forgiven by God and by my spouse. I am thankful for that and will not take that for granted and people like you will not destroy what I have tried to slowly rebuild. Bye.

Eh 

I am sorry if I dont come across as all gooey and lovey towards you, but my sympathies are all with the cheated on spouses and the children of these marriages. If you had seen sense yourself before this after the many times you slept with the OW, given ANY thought to what you may loose by your affair, and ANY thought to you wife, and admitted what you had done to your wife earlier, then thats a bit different, but you only stopped and felt sorrow when she found out, and when you suddenly thought you may loose your wife and marriage. You feel sorrow and regret at being found out, and sorrow at having to stop sleeping with the the OW. Thats very different. What did you think was going to happen? I expect you hoped that she would never find out and live in ignorance of what was happening in her own bed Its easy to say you are sorry after you have been found out.
Sometimes plain speaking is needed and not sympathies.

I have seen so many times the devastation adultery does to a marriage, and thank God you were discovered by your wife so the affair stopped. Your wife is able to remain with you at this time, albeit sleeping in another room, many cant because the wound is just too deep and traumatic. Your wife hasnt even begun to grasp or feel what has happened after only 3 days, and I have known women who were just too scared to face life alone to even think of leaving their errant spouses, and others who stayed just for the children's sakes, even if they didn't want to.
God knows the trauma it causes, and thats why divorce is an option if this happens.  I know a few who have remained in such a marriage and they have got through it(albeit with terrible struggles for many years), and I know many who havent, neither are right or wrong, each person and each situation is different. The marriage will never be the same, but it can still work in a
different way.

Advising a check on STD's is pure common sense, how can you possibly know she hasn't slept with others? She has lied to her own husband and cheated on him, so how can you possibly know she isnt lying to you?

Staying right away from the lover, if she is at your job, is also something that is advised by those in the know. Its amazing how many people I have come across who try to end an affair, but carry on working with the person, which is asking for trouble and must be very hard for the cheated on spouse to deal with.  No you cant just leave immediately, BUT you can get on line and search and search for a new post until you find one. This is another thing you can do to prove to your wife that you are serious.

Yes I trust God, completely and without reservation, but I don't trust 2 people who have cheated and lied to their spouses and committed adultery together(in their own marital bed!!!) to carry on working in the same place. To do so is foolhardy and leaving the door open to further temptation, as well as causing problems for the rest of the work force. ITs possible that her husband will want her to be right away from you anyway. 

You say that you are rebuilding? You are sitting in the shattered ruins of the marriage at this time, the real rebuilding comes later after all the ruins are cleared away. That God has forgiven you? Well yes, of course He has if you have truly repented, but you havent even begun yet to see the consequences of this adultery, and God will not/cannot protect you from that, nor your wife or children if you have them.  Its only been 3 days. She is still in deep shock. She will need a long time to even begin to grasp what has happened. Its like a grief. If you died would you expect her to accept that and be ok after 3 days? She will need to go through a grief process for her marriage as it was, and to begin the whole process of beginning to somehow trust you again. Trust take such a long time to build up, but is so quickly destroyed.   

I feel for the other man also, and I hope that the OW has done the right thing and confessed to him by now. Poor guy.

Not seeing much humility here, since this just happened it's far too soon to believe that your wife will not suffer trauma over this incident in the months and years to come. Right now she is hurting and as chosenone stated, some will stay and others will leave, it all depends how that pain is affecting emotions; anger, jealousy, fear, etc.


I encourage you to continue on the path of repentance that you are on, and believe for healing, but do not put the cart before the horse, this will take a great deal of time to work through.


On a side note, anyone that instantly claims they forgive their spouse for such actions is suppressing the wounds, and thus the truth.

Good book about setting godly boundaries with the opposite sex.
'Hedges' by Jerry B Jenkins.

I agree that you seem to be in a good place. Your situation can take a long time to fix, and it can be hard to keep up the drive to fix your marriage when things are hard for a long time.

Keep it up and continue to do the hard work to fix this.

Blessings.