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My girlfriend and I have a very interesting relationship, and I love it.
We were really good friends in college.  We went our separate ways for a while, than I met up with her again during her graduation week.  We went for a walk and everything changed.  Now we are in a long distance relationship.

Now for asking if, 'is this normal'?
On our first date I told her that I didn't date just for fun.  I always believed I would find the right one and court her.
Four days in we were talking about our future together, and I told her that when the time was right I would ask her to marry me.
Two weeks later I'm visiting her family in Colorado (I live in Nebraska).
Following weeks we talk endlessly about our life together.  That we want to get married, have 3 kids... all that.
Month and a half: We commit our selves to each other, jewelry involved (not a full proposal).
Three months: We are desperately trying to hold to our Christian values.  We just want each other so bad.  Lot of talking and praying.
Four months:  We have just set the date, 05-29-2010.  There's a list of very good reasons for this date, so it's pretty set in stone.  I'm planing on moving near her in March 2009, than we can have about a year official engagement.  She is making wedding plans already.
Notice that I haven't actually proposed yet.  I just am not sure about having an engagement while in a long distance relationship.  I suppose the only difference at this point though is that she would be wearing the ring now instead of later.

We are both strong Christians.  From very early on, as you might be able to tell, we knew that we would be getting married.  The only way to describe her is a blessing from God.  She would say the same of me. (our love story is truly one written by God himself)  Our relationship is spiritual, strong in trust, honest, overflowing with love, and we are really working on keeping the physical side in check (until we get married of course ).
I'm always wondering if I'm doing everything right.  I just want to do this right, but everything seems to be happening so fast.  I think it would be better to wait until I move near her to propose, but now it seems more like a formality.  I don't know when to tell my parents about the date.  They do know that we are planning on being married, but not that we have set the date.
Are we normal?

Maybe you're moving too fast?  I don't know if I would have been ready to talk about kids before I knew for certain I wanted to marry, certainly not after just four days together. Could be? I know for some young women, it's all about the wedding ceremony.  They really don't want to put too much thought into whatever comes after.  That part sort of just happens.

love,

Sopranette

If you feel you might be moving too fast, you may want to consider some type of pre-marital counseling.  Also, remember, just because you get engaged doesn't mean you HAVE to get married.  If something comes up that makes you uncomfortable or makes you want to postpone until you get everything worked out, then so be it.  Just make as sure as you possibly can, this is definately who you want to spend the rest of your life with.  When you get engaged and she starts wearing the ring is really of no signifigance so why not now??  You two seem like you're on a great track...jitters can be normal too.  Just pray about it.   

"Normal?"

Interesting question.

The question you might want to ask yourself is, "what if she says "no?""

If you have decided on a date, if you have [presumably] made plans for your future, if the two of you are making life decisions based on being married.......

How is it that you think you haven't proposed? Or do you think she thinks that the two of you are playing a game?

Dodging reality by playing with technical terms is somewhat questionable and I wonder why you are doing so.

I am not feeling jitters, or anything like that.  I really want to marry her.  She really wants to marry me.  As I said, we are very honest with each other.  She is really looking forward to the wedding, but it really is all about us spending the rest of our lives together.

Quote from: HRoberson on Wed Sep 24, 2008 - 14:09:43

If you have decided on a date, if you have [presumably] made plans for your future, if the two of you are making life decisions based on being married.......

How is it that you think you haven't proposed? Or do you think she thinks that the two of you are playing a game?

Dodging reality by playing with technical terms is somewhat questionable and I wonder why you are doing so.

How is it that I haven't proposed?  I haven't said the words "Will you marry me?"  I get what you're saying though.  I know that the proposal is really important to her though (and from what she has told me, I know it's going to be a yes)  I want to wait until it's the right moment.

The problem is that I still have close to 6 months before I can move to the city where she lives.  About the only time that I will get to see her until than is Thanksgiving with my parents and Christmas with her family.  I feel odd about proposing and than not seeing her for several months.  Then again, I feel odd about setting the date than waiting 8 months like I'm currently planning.
I guess to refine my question.  What do any of you think about engagement during a long distance relationship.

2010 seems like a long time to me, but I had a short engagement.
You wrote:

QuoteThree months: We are desperately trying to hold to our Christian values.  We just want each other so bad.  Lot of talking and praying.

Do you have a plan in place on how you are going to do this during your engagement? 
It's easier to do this long distance...
Something to keep in mind. :)

Quote from: jayjester on Thu Sep 25, 2008 - 00:20:06
I am not feeling jitters, or anything like that.  I really want to marry her.  She really wants to marry me.  As I said, we are very honest with each other.  She is really looking forward to the wedding, but it really is all about us spending the rest of our lives together.

Quote from: HRoberson on Wed Sep 24, 2008 - 14:09:43

If you have decided on a date, if you have [presumably] made plans for your future, if the two of you are making life decisions based on being married.......

How is it that you think you haven't proposed? Or do you think she thinks that the two of you are playing a game?

Dodging reality by playing with technical terms is somewhat questionable and I wonder why you are doing so.

How is it that I haven't proposed?  I haven't said the words "Will you marry me?"  I get what you're saying though.  I know that the proposal is really important to her though (and from what she has told me, I know it's going to be a yes)  I want to wait until it's the right moment.

The problem is that I still have close to 6 months before I can move to the city where she lives.  About the only time that I will get to see her until than is Thanksgiving with my parents and Christmas with her family.  I feel odd about proposing and than not seeing her for several months.  Then again, I feel odd about setting the date than waiting 8 months like I'm currently planning.
I guess to refine my question.  What do any of you think about engagement during a long distance relationship.

Engagements during long distance relationships, the efficacy of, depends quite a bit on your particular situation. If you've only known each other over the internet, then any engagement seems a bit "off."

However, that is not how I understand your question. You know each other, you have been around each other, you have spoken in detail about marriage, children, finances, and what not. You even have a date selected.

In your case, I don't see the point in not being [officially] engaged. It seems to me in fact, that you are, but without the technical formula having been uttered. Since it appears that you are, and the two of you essentially agree that you are, why would you not simply acknowledge that fact [and complete the formal aspects of the arrangement]?

Quote from: jayjester on Wed Sep 24, 2008 - 02:37:59
Four months:  We have just set the date, 05-29-2010.

...

Notice that I haven't actually proposed yet.

Yes you did, when you made a date.  Granted you might want to do it again in a more romantic way, but be honest with yourself, you're already engaged.

QuoteAre we normal?

Yep.

if you are SURE that she is the one then just ask her!!!
Dont worry about the long seperation, as long as you have both spent lots of time getting to know each other in person, it shouldnt matter.
Couldnt you see each other more than twice in 6 months though ?

I have a lot on my mind lately, and I've tried typing a reply post a couple times, just couldn't get the words right.  Thank you for the replies.  Sorry if this is a long post, again, a lot on my mind.
I'm not going to bother quoting every question, just going to answer and clarify a few things.

Update: I have the ring picked out, and a date planed for the proposal.  I will be waiting until a little after I move near her (moving in march if everything goes as planed).  There are good reasons for waiting.  First is both our families have urged us to heed there advice, to get engaged after we have had time to have a close relationship (one where we can see each other as often as we want).  We want to honor our parents by following their wisdom.  Second is that I feel uneasy about a long distance engagement.  I'm not getting jitters about marriage, believe I want to start my life with here as soon as possible.  Third is time and money issues.  This isn't an excuse, but it is a huge factor for us.  I'm not stringing her along.  I know it is asking for a tremendous amount of trust.  I'm saving every penny I can so that we have the resources it takes to make this work.  She knows what this is going to cost me, but it's not about the money, it's about us.

The physical side:  We are both very strong, mature Christians.  We hold our faith in God as the most important thing in life.  This doesn't make it any easier in regards to our physical intimacy.  We both know the very good reasons not to have sex until marriage.  We are doing our best.  Again, no excuses.  We are praying, talking honestly with each other, and will be seeking premarital counseling when I get out there.

Am I engaged yet?  I know it's a technicality that I'm not engaged.  For nearly all intents and purposes we are.  I want to clarify a little.  She and I are best friends, and with Gods help, we discovered our love for each other.  It's weird saying 'since we started seeing each other'.  From the first week dating it was understood that I was courting her.  We knew that this would lead to us living our lives together, and that would of course include marriage.  We have a habit of planning things far in advance.  Its a way of us sharing our desires for the future.  Planning the wedding date was more of a discussion over when the soonest it could possible happen would be.

Is she going to say NO?  No... and I really can't explain that in words.  Our connection is very real.  I can't describe to you the honesty and earnestness she has when she confesses her love for me.  I'll just say, she's waiting to say yes.  Again, I wish things were simpler, but there are many reasons we have to wait.  So we are trying to do the responsible thing, the rational thing, for the good of our relationship.  She wants to have a distinct moment, a special memorable event that marks our engagement.  I agree with that too.

About telling my parents the set date:  I don't know why.  Maybe I'm worried that they will think we are taking thing to fast.  It's odd though, when I told my mom that we had plans for getting married (before we figured out the date) she was completely unsurprised.  My parents has this intuition about how our relationship is going.  I bet that it will come as no surprise to them.  BTW, date is now changed to 05-22-2010, but really, it's easier to say it will be one of the last two weekends in May 2010.

I don't know if I'm getting everything out clearly.  I don't really know why I'm posting all this, I just have to get this off my chest though.

  Rather than doing anything wrong, I think you are doing everything RIGHT!!!  I know I read part of, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," where the author discusses the futility of "dating," and how people should return to courtship.
  I think you are using your head and being mature, sounds like you are really doing well here, and I hope you have a great life together.
  Congratulations.