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After separating from my husband and staying with my mom, we have had some rough goings and dealings these past couple months that have made it difficult to adjust and be comfortable.  Now I have been accepted into the transitional housing program by the local women's center- I have the keys to a 2 bedroom apartment and a big decision to make but I am not totally sure what to do for my daughter and I.

Again we have had problems with mom starting fight/arguments over anything and everything, although she has chilled out some in the past couple weeks.   The house is old, falling apart (leaks, unreliable electric etc..)  The apartment on the other hand is fully furnished and would be all ours, no sharing space, making anyone else feel like we are intruding etc...

I have just entered the FS's program and I applied for social services assistance so that I can hopefully get a school program (for me) and child care paid for so that I can get skills to get back into the work force, but the only money I will continue to get is my $375.00 a month in child support until I get back to work. 

So here at mom's we have no bills other then buying food and necessities for ourselves which I do with my husbands child support, which leaves me money to put a bit of gas in the car etc.. if we live frugally.   Should I enter the housing program I will have to pay a minimum of $100 per month (based on 30% of the women's income) to them to remain in the program, plus all of my utilities (gas, electric, phone, cable etc.) and have money to put gas in the car and anything else I will need to use cash for - all on the same $375.00 per month which as far as I can calculate would be next to impossible and I have anxiety inside when I think about that.

I talked to mom and she doesn't want us to go, said she was just not used to living with anyone else but things have gotten and are getting much better.  She has come up with many reasons why she feels we should stay.

Not sure what is best, any input would be appreciated.

Edit to add:  forgot to mention that if I go into the housing program I will not be able to take my daughters cats (which will be the 2nd time she has lost her pets- her father insisted on keeping the 1st cat he gave to her 2 years ago) and she is very upset about this.

Based on the information you have given, there's no way you are in any financial position to venture out on your own with a child. Stay with your mom until you are and be thankful she is there for you.

Best of luck in the future.

Quote from: OneLung on Sat Dec 13, 2008 - 10:17:33
Based on the information you have given, there's no way you are in any financial position to venture out on your own with a child. Stay with your mom until you are and be thankful she is there for you.

Best of luck in the future.

Thank you, that is what I felt and I even with the difficulties I am thankful!

God Bless you,
Kim

I tried, it didn't last long- mom said she wanted me to stay and things would be ok from here out- that was 3 days ago when I had a final talk with her.  I took the keys to the apt. back to the women's center late Tuesday afternoon and stayed to myself most of yesterday.  Today I went out with my daughter and as we were walking in the door upon returning she heard us and came quickly down the stairs screaming at the top of her lungs at me.  What was the reason- the channel on the TV upstairs was on a different channel and she couldn't figure out how to change it.

It turned into a screaming match again right in front of my daughter- which progressed to her saying how she never has done this before and never does that it is just me who is the problem and I (meaning me) am so perfect and never do anything wrong etc.... as she attempted to find anything and everything she could from my past to throw in my face.

I don't know how I will do it on $375. per month (minus $100. housing fees and utilities) but I called and left a message for the program coordinator although it may be too late now.  I am crying terribly and am at my wits end- I cannot take this anymore, what do i have to do to find peace and love, I drive all the way from FL (1250 mi.) away from my husband and into the same atmosphere with someone else.  I just don't know what to do anymore, I was hoping to recapture some joy for Christmas but I am sooo sad and here I am as my little 4 year old daughter is going out of her way to try to make mommy feel better and stop crying.................

Just remember, your #1 priority and your foremost responsibility in life is always the health and welfare of a 4 year old girl. If you find yourself in a situation where you cannot ensure that, find someone who can while you get your life together.

It wont do your daughter any good to live in that atmosphere with your mum at all, and she may well be better off alone with you in the appartment.
If God wants you to have this appartment, he will provide for you to afford it. 
I was a single mum for 6 years after my marriage broke up and it is was very hard financially and I coudnt afford to run a car but I managed without one. Is there a way that you could earn more or even that your husband could pay more for your daughter?
It would be good if you could have a fresh start on your own with her where she could be away from any more unpleaseantness.
That is what I would be praying for if it was me, but you need to ask God what you should do for yourself which I am sure you have been anyway.

Quote from: chosenone on Thu Dec 18, 2008 - 20:27:07
It wont do your daughter any good to live in that atmosphere with your mum at all, and she may well be better off alone with you in the appartment.
If God wants you to have this appartment, he will provide for you to afford it. 
I was a single mum for 6 years after my marriage broke up and it is was very hard financially and I coudnt afford to run a car but I managed without one. Is there a way that you could earn more or even that your husband could pay more for your daughter?
It would be good if you could have a fresh start on your own with her where she could be away from any more unpleaseantness.
That is what I would be praying for if it was me, but you need to ask God what you should do for yourself which I am sure you have been anyway.

Hi Chosenone,
that is what I have prayed for, I know that God will provide whatever we need and help us like you say and you are right it isn't doing either of us any good to be here with mom- my self esteem was already as low as it could be before coming here and it is just plunging even farther with each incident.  The program is specifically for women with children (without both together there is no participation) and they provide any items they have such as household etc. through the donations of things they get- they have already given me more Christmas gifts for my daughter then I could even imagine giving her...

When I entered the program I was going to enroll in a school training program which I pray to be payed for by social services so that I can get skills to get a job- the program is full time for 12 weeks long and is supposed to provide an externship and job placement so it will be difficult to work as well during this time.  I am going to try to ask my  husband for extra money but he was already angry that his child support has to be handled by the state in order for me to get help with child care and school from SS's.

My big hesitation and part of my main reason that I wanted to originally try to stay with mom is because I have 2 cats (my daughters pets) and they are not allowed in the apartment, when I told my daughter we couldn't bring them she started crying and I felt terrible.  I am praying that the apartment is still available, I only turned the keys in on Tuesday afternoon- if it is God's will then they will be!

I am afraid about everything right now but I will hold to the truth that God has a plan and purpose for me and it is good!  As for finding a place for my daughter with someone else as a previous post suggested, that isn't going to happen as that would be devastating for both of us, we have come through much together already and God would not let us fall now.

Thank you for your encouragement Chosenone and for sharing of your own experiences- much love and appreciation to you, as for me whatever prayer is offered on my and my daughters behalf will be cherished!

Kim

Quote from: cristals mama on Fri Dec 19, 2008 - 08:07:42

Quote from: chosenone on Thu Dec 18, 2008 - 20:27:07
It wont do your daughter any good to live in that atmosphere with your mum at all, and she may well be better off alone with you in the appartment.
If God wants you to have this appartment, he will provide for you to afford it. 
I was a single mum for 6 years after my marriage broke up and it is was very hard financially and I coudnt afford to run a car but I managed without one. Is there a way that you could earn more or even that your husband could pay more for your daughter?
It would be good if you could have a fresh start on your own with her where she could be away from any more unpleaseantness.
That is what I would be praying for if it was me, but you need to ask God what you should do for yourself which I am sure you have been anyway.

Hi Chosenone,
that is what I have prayed for, I know that God will provide whatever we need and help us like you say and you are right it isn't doing either of us any good to be here with mom- my self esteem was already as low as it could be before coming here and it is just plunging even farther with each incident.  The program is specifically for women with children (without both together there is no participation) and they provide any items they have such as household etc. through the donations of things they get- they have already given me more Christmas gifts for my daughter then I could even imagine giving her...

When I entered the program I was going to enroll in a school training program which I pray to be payed for by social services so that I can get skills to get a job- the program is full time for 12 weeks long and is supposed to provide an externship and job placement so it will be difficult to work as well during this time.  I am going to try to ask my  husband for extra money but he was already angry that his child support has to be handled by the state in order for me to get help with child care and school from SS's.

My big hesitation and part of my main reason that I wanted to originally try to stay with mom is because I have 2 cats (my daughters pets) and they are not allowed in the apartment, when I told my daughter we couldn't bring them she started crying and I felt terrible.  I am praying that the apartment is still available, I only turned the keys in on Tuesday afternoon- if it is God's will then they will be!

I am afraid about everything right now but I will hold to the truth that God has a plan and purpose for me and it is good!  As for finding a place for my daughter with someone else as a previous post suggested, that isn't going to happen as that would be devastating for both of us, we have come through much together already and God would not let us fall now.

Thank you for your encouragement Chosenone and for sharing of your own experiences- much love and appreciation to you, as for me whatever prayer is offered on my and my daughters behalf will be cherished!

Kim

Hi Kim
That is shame about the cats. maybe your mum would agree to look after them so that your daughter can see them sometimes?I hope that the appartment is still available for you, it sounds like a really good scheme with the help they offer as well.
As you say you definatetly dont want to be somehwere where your self esteem is being worn down even more.

Of course you couldnt give your daughter up, her place is with you and you are the one who is the rock in her life so look after yourself. I really hope and pray that it works out for you, let us know what happens with the appartment, it sounds just right for you.
Could you have a word with SS about the financial aspects to make sure that you are getting all that you are entitled to?


   

just a quick update for those interested-   H was here for Christmas and on his best behavior, the only trouble I had was from my own family not from him.  He did use the time to tell me how God is changing him etc but that is as I explained to H for me to see in the future and God to confirm and show me what to do based on what is His will and plan for my future!

So I picked up the keys again to my transitional apt. from the womens center and had begun moving some things in before Christamas.  I haven't finished yet because of the visit from H and all the bustle going on but hope to be completely moved in by the end of the weekend.  There is alot to do and get in order, program fees, utilities, child care, school for me etc... but I know God will get me through and more!

More later but love for now!
Kim

Hi Kim,

It sounds like you are doing well and making the tough decisions and leaning on God through it all.  He will certainly see you through.  I think its awesome you are working on making a life for you and your daughter.  Don't be too hard on your family about your H.  Its probably easier for you to forgive him then it is them.  Also, do remember it takes time for change to really happen.  I think you know that and is the reason you're not running back to him.  Good for you.   I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Was offline for most of the past week without internet access but FYI, my daughter and I have been in our apartment since Tuesday- I have been cleaning and setting up and picking up supplies for the past few days with the aid of gift cards given to me by the Womens Center.  It is a nice place fully furnished and we are enjoying having our own space for a change with no one to scrutinize and/or what we do, what we don't do, what we should do.... you get the picture. 

Anyway, we will be living off of very little in the way of financial resources ($322. per month from the state) and will only be able to do it with God (just the way it should be) so any prayers from all of you will be very cherished and appreciated!  All in all it is a nice change, the only thing putting a damper in it is that after all of his  assurances, and confessions of and to change his heart and ways and promises to prove it to me- my H is back to his other ways again.  Called me on the phone this morning demanding that I tell him whether we are going to reconcile and move back in together by the summer or not and when I told him that I do not know because he has to prove he has changed 1st so I cannont say what will happen then- he then began to rant about how I am leading him on and he has to take care of himself and will not move from FL in July (his plans not mine) for an I don't know and so he wants joint custody of our daughter having her live in FL part time with him and if I do not work it out with him he will get a lawyer and make me come back to FL for trial etc.....   He also claimed that my being in the dv housing program and keeping the address from him is illegal and when I told him that was a bunch of bull he claimed that he spoke to a lawyer today who told him that.  He knows that what is most important to me is my daughter and my custody of her and I do not know if he is just trying to play on my fears or if he has plans for trying to do anything for real but I am just praying so much that God would intervene and cause him (H) to leave us alone.  I have tried to be nice and fair and accomodating (even spent everyday he was here for Christmas taking my daughter to see him) but he always turns back to the nasty stuff whenever the wind blows that way keeping me on his rollercoaster of instability and I cannot take it anymore especially since he makes comments to my daughter for his own uses causing her to hear things she shouldn't and/or become confused about things.

So prayers for protection, peace and security from H needed please!

Love,
Kim

Stay with your mother and at the same time look for a job any kind so that time will pass for you and at the same time earn and save money for your plans to move out. There are times when we need to be humble and accept help from our family or friend. It happened to me when i lost my job i stayed with my younger brother now its my turn to return the favor but i guess its what family is all about; leaning to each other's shoulder.

You'll get thru with it you'll see. 

Quote from: jessbuds on Mon Jan 12, 2009 - 07:30:20

Stay with your mother and at the same time look for a job any kind so that time will pass for you and at the same time earn and save money for your plans to move out. There are times when we need to be humble and accept help from our family or friend. It happened to me when i lost my job i stayed with my younger brother now its my turn to return the favor but i guess its what family is all about; leaning to each other's shoulder.

You'll get thru with it you'll see. 

Hi,
thanks for your encouragement- I have already moved out of my mom's though and into an apartment provided by the transitional housing program of the women's center here.  The time at my mom's was alot like being with my H somewhat volatile and unsteady environmentally and my daughter was living in the same state of mind at times as when we were with my H which wasn't any good for either of us because there was no room for healing with some of the same treatment happening and it did not make any sense to leave my H just to have to live under the same cirumstances with someone else.  What prompted my mom to behave so, I do not know- it could be her history with alchoholism (has since stopped) or the influences of known troublemakers such as my sister (?).  Who knows but so far since we have left the relationship with her is much better, I know she feels bad at what has happened and misses us (tried to talk me into staying one last time) but I felt that this is what I needed to do as scary as it is, so we are here and must fend for ourselves within the rules and necessities of the program as this is how things have played out for us through the guidance of The Lord-  we will have to live on bare essentials for a while but I pray and know God will provide what we need and soon we will be doing well both inside and out.

The other difficulties I spoke of come from my H who still behaves extremely unstable- talking about reconciling and becoming a family again because he insists he's changed one moment and threatening my custody of my daughter and belittling me and bullying me the next.  It is very emotionally draining- all of these things and I pray daily for the peace of God and His protection to come upon me as well as for good things and stability for us in the future (I may be reaching too high with the way the world is now but I will take whatever God gives to me gratefully!).

So what I need now are prayers for my daughter and I to be safe from craziness my H causes, for him (Husband) to open up his heart fully to The Lord and truly change and become stable, disciplined and loving with a complete and true turn around in his heart, and for God to provide all that my daughter and I need spiritually, financially and necessarily during these times!

God bless you and love in my beautiful Lord and Father,
Kim

Brave woman

My husband had taken upon himself to assume, even plan without asking how I felt, what I thought ..... that he was going to come to NJ and that we were going to move right back in together and be in his mind 'a happy family' just like that.

He called me on Monday evening and then on Tuesday and declared what would be happening and repeatedly insisted that I research, decide and tell him where we would be living (together), where my daughter would be attending school etc....   He exclaimed that I must decide so that my daughter doesn't have to change schools once she begins because he is "concerned with her welfare and that wouldn't be fair for her".

When I told him I could say nothing on this subject because there has been no work done either by him or the two of us together to enact a change in our marriage so that we do not repeat the same mistakes or end up in the same situation as before, his response was I (meaning him) have changed already and there is "no way to know until we live together again".  I told him that is isnt that easy and that counceling has to be done and a change has to be seen 1st especially since when he speaks to me he pours on the sugar and then as soon as he doesn't get his way or hear what he wants he still speaks to me in the same manner as before I left him so as far as I can tell things are pretty much the same as they always were.

At that he got competely ticked off and started saying that I was yelling at him etc... (I hadn't even raised my voice) and going on (once again) about how all of this is not fair to him, I am leading him on and he can't take it anymore and he is not going to pick up and leave FL just to come here for something that may not happen.

So I said to him that he again is only thinking of  himself, when we (my daughter and I) have gone through much at his own choosing through the past and so in order for this marriage to come back together again and for change to happen he has to be willing to put himself aside and do the work and take a chance on it, otherwise everything is still the same as before.

His response was that I chose my own situation when I decided to leave him, because I should have stayed and contributed to our marriage instead of being lazy, selfish etc.....  (all the same stuff as before- never mind the abuse by him, keeping me from having a car most of the last 5 years, moving us through 4 states during this time etc...-  which BTW according to him is all my fault).  Then he declared that he has had enough and is tired of being made to suffer, so he wants a divorce and joint custody of our daughter and will be obtaining a lawyer (note that earlier in the conversation he was telling me a pity story about how he is only getting $1700. in his pay this week and cannot afford to pay all of his bills and buy food etc....  there are also tax problems which keep getting compounded and I suggested that if he cannot resolve them perhaps he should call a tax lawyer which he told me he could not afford).  So I said umm hmm, you cannot buy food, you cannot afford a tax lawyer but you can afford a lawyer to fight against me instead of working on our marriage- his response was don't you worry where I get the money from!  Also noted is that he declared how unfair it will be for our daughter if she has to change school districts once she begins going but has no problem with trying to institute an action to shift her between two different states (especially when he also promised her that no matter what he would be moving here to be close to her- which once again has changed).

I have no problem with him seeing our daughter, but I do not want her going back there- he needs to keep his word to both of us that no matter how things work out he will not try to force either of us back to FL but that he will move here.

Anyway, that is my story at this point and I pray that God will protect my daughter and I and for all things to work out for good as The Word says. 

pray to the Lord and be still he will lead you down the right path !!! trust him he is the way truth and life listen to him !!!!!

Quote from: I B 4 Jesus on Wed Jan 28, 2009 - 09:17:07
pray to the Lord and be still he will lead you down the right path !!! trust him he is the way truth and life listen to him !!!!!

Thank you I B 4 Jesus,

that is what I am doing, still human fears and emotions get the best of me sometime- especially when I watch the news about the condition of the job market and here I am living on very little and working on trying to rebuild my life and get back out there after several years so that I can support my daughter and I!

It doesn't help when I have to submit to having housing inspections and so forth in this place, causing me to feel like a child passing mom's inspection and then being subject to judgement over my life for things like the property I have that I took with me when I left my husband (the case worker who comes here looks at my things which BTW are very little- most of what I got from the women's shelter like household items and Christmas gifts for my daughter) and she makes comments like "less is, more", "maybe you should give some things away", " do you need this"etc...  or she makes comments that make me feel terrible for having a phone/internet package hooked up even though I told her someone else agreed to pay for it for me and I have used it to apply for and search for help services and will be able to use it for school etc..

I don't know maybe I am being over sensistive, my daughter and I love the apartment we are in but I am so uncomfortable with having every area of my life scrutinized and judged by others (this is what I went through with H), when the program is supposed to build up my self esteem not bring it down, God does not even do that and He alone has the right to be my judge!  Still this is the only place available to me, so I guess I have little choice!

I just pray that despite how things look out there with unemployment, housing costs etc.   that God opens doors and makes a way for me to be able to do this and that He will provide work, finances and whatever else I need to make a life here for my daughter and I until His return!!!!

Those housing inspections and such, will that happen on a regular basis, or just at the beginning??

I just came across this whole thread today and started reading from the beginning....I was VERY relieved when I read you had moved out of your mother's and into this apartment, and also not back with the husband.  I feel personally (my opinion) that you need the peace and quiet of your  own environment.  Being in a home with other people screaming at you and such is just not good for any of you.

My sister has been in situations like yours and she has been very resourceful in finding help.  For example, she just recently found this county organization that will pay her heating bill this winter.  Keep searching, looking, and asking questions until you find the help you need.

Also, have you found a good, solid church/fellowship to be a part of?  I think that is very important for you both.

And one other thing.  I have unfortunately found this out from my own personal experience, but I don't think you need to be so nice and accomodating to your husband.  You don't need to be nasty to him, but just stop being so sweet and nice because he will only see that as weakness and will do everything he can to take advantage of you and intimidate you.  Don't listen to his threats.  Honestly, the best thing to do is ignore him.

Now go find a good group of Christian folks to fellowship with, if you haven't already!!

Quote from: His Princess on Sat Jan 31, 2009 - 07:15:20
Those housing inspections and such, will that happen on a regular basis, or just at the beginning??

I just came across this whole thread today and started reading from the beginning....I was VERY relieved when I read you had moved out of your mother's and into this apartment, and also not back with the husband.  I feel personally (my opinion) that you need the peace and quiet of your  own environment.  Being in a home with other people screaming at you and such is just not good for any of you.

My sister has been in situations like yours and she has been very resourceful in finding help.  For example, she just recently found this county organization that will pay her heating bill this winter.  Keep searching, looking, and asking questions until you find the help you need.

Also, have you found a good, solid church/fellowship to be a part of?  I think that is very important for you both.

And one other thing.  I have unfortunately found this out from my own personal experience, but I don't think you need to be so nice and accomodating to your husband.  You don't need to be nasty to him, but just stop being so sweet and nice because he will only see that as weakness and will do everything he can to take advantage of you and intimidate you.  Don't listen to his threats.  Honestly, the best thing to do is ignore him.

Now go find a good group of Christian folks to fellowship with, if you haven't already!!

Hi His Princess,

yes I suppose the housing inspection will happen on a regular or at least a monthly basis but I was told that it would be set up like an appointment not a surprise.  The odd thing is that on the same day I had an appointment with the person who was to do an inspection that afternoon but in the morning two others from the organization showed up while I was out and let themselves in to do an inspection also- which was the note I found when I returned home.  Then later on the other person came at the time we had set up as well.

Yes I have moved out of mom's and feel much better (as does my daughter) as far as peace goes because of it and I haven't returned to my H although he has tried ever argument, demand and offer he can come up with to try and get me to.  I am however so worried with the job/housing market being what it is about there being good work with which I can support my daughter and I available for me when the time comes in a couple months to look and also affordable housing when I have to leave this program.

I have applied for heating help and whatever resources I could find, but I do still have to cover most things on my own with my $322 per month.  I went to social service on Thursday to sign the legal paperwork for the courts to pursue child support and while I was doing so the court advocate shook her head and said "$322 per month, I don't know how they think anyone could survive on that" and then she went on to tell me that she has been doing this for about 30 years and in that time the amount has always been $322 and has never and she expects will never change!  Talk about ignoring inflation and seeing things through rose colored glasses! 

I am always searching and looking for more help- although it is distressing because it takes all my time most days, leaving my daughter to go without the amount of attention I would love to be able to relax and just give her!

I have been going to my brothers church and the people there are very nice, but many of them are much older then myself and so it is difficult to develop personal relationships there.  I have participated in a few events given by the hispanic members of the church who my brother knows and who are the most lovely people you could know but they speak and sing in Spanish mostly which I do not understand so it makes it hard.  Also although the church was very close to my mom's house, it is quite a distance from the apartment I am now in.

I would like to find a more charasmatic church to become a part of and make friends in but need prayer with that- I am very nervous around people and find it very difficult to develop relationships as I have both a trust and anxiety problem.

Yes you are right about being nice and accomodating- I was told the very same thing by my councelor and the case manager of the housing program and I am learning little by little to be stronger against all of my feelings of obligation, my fear of making him angry and allowing myself to be intimidated and controlled by him still.

Pray for me that I find a good and understanding fellowship and that God helps me with my fears and anxieties!

Quote from: HeRestoresMyHeart on Mon Feb 02, 2009 - 13:02:37

Quote from: His Princess on Sat Jan 31, 2009 - 07:15:20
Those housing inspections and such, will that happen on a regular basis, or just at the beginning??

I just came across this whole thread today and started reading from the beginning....I was VERY relieved when I read you had moved out of your mother's and into this apartment, and also not back with the husband.  I feel personally (my opinion) that you need the peace and quiet of your  own environment.  Being in a home with other people screaming at you and such is just not good for any of you.

My sister has been in situations like yours and she has been very resourceful in finding help.  For example, she just recently found this county organization that will pay her heating bill this winter.  Keep searching, looking, and asking questions until you find the help you need.

Also, have you found a good, solid church/fellowship to be a part of?  I think that is very important for you both.

And one other thing.  I have unfortunately found this out from my own personal experience, but I don't think you need to be so nice and accomodating to your husband.  You don't need to be nasty to him, but just stop being so sweet and nice because he will only see that as weakness and will do everything he can to take advantage of you and intimidate you.  Don't listen to his threats.  Honestly, the best thing to do is ignore him.

Now go find a good group of Christian folks to fellowship with, if you haven't already!!

Hi His Princess,

yes I suppose the housing inspection will happen on a regular or at least a monthly basis but I was told that it would be set up like an appointment not a surprise.  The odd thing is that on the same day I had an appointment with the person who was to do an inspection that afternoon but in the morning two others from the organization showed up while I was out and let themselves in to do an inspection also- which was the note I found when I returned home.  Then later on the other person came at the time we had set up as well.

Yes I have moved out of mom's and feel much better (as does my daughter) as far as peace goes because of it and I haven't returned to my H although he has tried ever argument, demand and offer he can come up with to try and get me to.  I am however so worried with the job/housing market being what it is about there being good work with which I can support my daughter and I available for me when the time comes in a couple months to look and also affordable housing when I have to leave this program.

I have applied for heating help and whatever resources I could find, but I do still have to cover most things on my own with my $322 per month.  I went to social service on Thursday to sign the legal paperwork for the courts to pursue child support and while I was doing so the court advocate shook her head and said "$322 per month, I don't know how they think anyone could survive on that" and then she went on to tell me that she has been doing this for about 30 years and in that time the amount has always been $322 and has never and she expects will never change!  Talk about ignoring inflation and seeing things through rose colored glasses! 

I am always searching and looking for more help- although it is distressing because it takes all my time most days, leaving my daughter to go without the amount of attention I would love to be able to relax and just give her!

I have been going to my brothers church and the people there are very nice, but many of them are much older then myself and so it is difficult to develop personal relationships there.  I have participated in a few events given by the hispanic members of the church who my brother knows and who are the most lovely people you could know but they speak and sing in Spanish mostly which I do not understand so it makes it hard.  Also although the church was very close to my mom's house, it is quite a distance from the apartment I am now in.

I would like to find a more charasmatic church to become a part of and make friends in but need prayer with that- I am very nervous around people and find it very difficult to develop relationships as I have both a trust and anxiety problem.

Yes you are right about being nice and accomodating- I was told the very same thing by my councelor and the case manager of the housing program and I am learning little by little to be stronger against all of my feelings of obligation, my fear of making him angry and allowing myself to be intimidated and controlled by him still.

Pray for me that I find a good and understanding fellowship and that God helps me with my fears and anxieties!

Hi, thanks for answering me!  A couple of other thoughts:  first, if you find it very difficult to be strong with him, then just try to limit the amount of interactions you have with him as much as possible.

Also, I work from home as a medical transcriptionist, and I'd be happy to tell you about it if you're interested.  You'd have to have a computer with high speed internet, though.

And we will all pray for you to find the church for you and your daughter where you will belong and be able to have relationships with other Christians!   Most definitely.

Quote from: His Princess on Mon Feb 02, 2009 - 13:07:43

Quote from: HeRestoresMyHeart on Mon Feb 02, 2009 - 13:02:37

Quote from: His Princess on Sat Jan 31, 2009 - 07:15:20
Those housing inspections and such, will that happen on a regular basis, or just at the beginning??

I just came across this whole thread today and started reading from the beginning....I was VERY relieved when I read you had moved out of your mother's and into this apartment, and also not back with the husband.  I feel personally (my opinion) that you need the peace and quiet of your  own environment.  Being in a home with other people screaming at you and such is just not good for any of you.

My sister has been in situations like yours and she has been very resourceful in finding help.  For example, she just recently found this county organization that will pay her heating bill this winter.  Keep searching, looking, and asking questions until you find the help you need.

Also, have you found a good, solid church/fellowship to be a part of?  I think that is very important for you both.

And one other thing.  I have unfortunately found this out from my own personal experience, but I don't think you need to be so nice and accomodating to your husband.  You don't need to be nasty to him, but just stop being so sweet and nice because he will only see that as weakness and will do everything he can to take advantage of you and intimidate you.  Don't listen to his threats.  Honestly, the best thing to do is ignore him.

Now go find a good group of Christian folks to fellowship with, if you haven't already!!

Hi His Princess,

yes I suppose the housing inspection will happen on a regular or at least a monthly basis but I was told that it would be set up like an appointment not a surprise.  The odd thing is that on the same day I had an appointment with the person who was to do an inspection that afternoon but in the morning two others from the organization showed up while I was out and let themselves in to do an inspection also- which was the note I found when I returned home.  Then later on the other person came at the time we had set up as well.

Yes I have moved out of mom's and feel much better (as does my daughter) as far as peace goes because of it and I haven't returned to my H although he has tried ever argument, demand and offer he can come up with to try and get me to.  I am however so worried with the job/housing market being what it is about there being good work with which I can support my daughter and I available for me when the time comes in a couple months to look and also affordable housing when I have to leave this program.

I have applied for heating help and whatever resources I could find, but I do still have to cover most things on my own with my $322 per month.  I went to social service on Thursday to sign the legal paperwork for the courts to pursue child support and while I was doing so the court advocate shook her head and said "$322 per month, I don't know how they think anyone could survive on that" and then she went on to tell me that she has been doing this for about 30 years and in that time the amount has always been $322 and has never and she expects will never change!  Talk about ignoring inflation and seeing things through rose colored glasses! 

I am always searching and looking for more help- although it is distressing because it takes all my time most days, leaving my daughter to go without the amount of attention I would love to be able to relax and just give her!

I have been going to my brothers church and the people there are very nice, but many of them are much older then myself and so it is difficult to develop personal relationships there.  I have participated in a few events given by the hispanic members of the church who my brother knows and who are the most lovely people you could know but they speak and sing in Spanish mostly which I do not understand so it makes it hard.  Also although the church was very close to my mom's house, it is quite a distance from the apartment I am now in.

I would like to find a more charasmatic church to become a part of and make friends in but need prayer with that- I am very nervous around people and find it very difficult to develop relationships as I have both a trust and anxiety problem.

Yes you are right about being nice and accomodating- I was told the very same thing by my councelor and the case manager of the housing program and I am learning little by little to be stronger against all of my feelings of obligation, my fear of making him angry and allowing myself to be intimidated and controlled by him still.

Pray for me that I find a good and understanding fellowship and that God helps me with my fears and anxieties!

Hi, thanks for answering me!  A couple of other thoughts:  first, if you find it very difficult to be strong with him, then just try to limit the amount of interactions you have with him as much as possible.

Also, I work from home as a medical transcriptionist, and I'd be happy to tell you about it if you're interested.  You'd have to have a computer with high speed internet, though.

And we will all pray for you to find the church for you and your daughter where you will belong and be able to have relationships with other Christians!   Most definitely.

thank you His Princess,

yes I would so much be interested in learning more about doing medical transcription from home- I do have a computer and right now if I can manage to keep the bill paid I have high speed internet.  If I can have the opportunity to do this at home I will make sure I keep the connection!

excited to hear back from you!

thanks much,
Kim