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Okay, I know I am very young to be learning about this but I would just like to know what it is like to be married. 

Questions on the subject: How did you meet?  Did you date anybody else and has that helped you with your current relationship?  Did you have any second thoughts when you were up at the altar?  (This question is VERY personal so don't be obligated to answer) What was the marriage bed like at first?  Anything else?

If anybody thinks that openly discussing this is a terrible idea, please tell me. 

It's what you make it.  What you put in...is what you get out.

Quote from: Wycliffes_Shillelagh on Mon Feb 09, 2009 - 20:47:57
It's what you make it.  What you put in...is what you get out.

I get what you mean and it's very useful, but you explain a bit further on the matter?  Like some examples would be nice.

If you marry the person that God has chosen for you marriage is the best thing ever. I LOVE being married. Yes, it does require time and effort. By that I mean time spent togather just the two of you, learning to not only think of what you want but thinking of what your spouse wants, and often putting them before yourself.
A good marriage is a real treasure, and with God as the head of the marriage followed by the husband, there is so much richness to be had. It is sort of like a journey. You both change as time goes by, but hopefully this will mean that you grow closer and not far apart.
I am sort of thnking it is like a garden. if you tend it, sweep up the leaves, mow the grass, weed it and plant flowers it stays pretty and looks good. if you neglect it, and ignore it, it goes wild and unkempt and all the weeds choke the flowers and they can die.

Always put you spouse first (after God) even before kids and certainly before parents,friends and work colleagues.

Quote from: chosenone on Mon Feb 09, 2009 - 22:12:46
If you marry the person that God has chosen for you marriage is the best thing ever.

Always put you spouse first (after God) even before kids and certainly before parents,friends and work colleagues.

On the 1st point I agree, and if you do not it can be quite a different story in a book you may not have wanted to read if you had skipped to the end and took a sneak peak 1st.

On the 2nd point you are absolutely correct and both individuals in the marriage must do this for each other, if only one is doing this the marriage will soon become unbalanced and the door will then be opened to further difficulties!

The hardest part of marriage is when you move past being all gooey eyed stupid in love. That's where the rough patch hits as your marriage goes through puberty and has to grow up. It's a shame people want to cling to that heart-racing crazy time because it gets so much better than that.

Quote from: chosenone on Mon Feb 09, 2009 - 22:12:46


Always put you spouse first (after God) even before kids and certainly before parents,friends and work colleagues.

That explains why my parents are divorced.  You see, my dad seemed good at first, but then it was always about him.  My mom told me that around the time she gave birth to me, my dad started masturbating to pornography.  It took her 10 years to finally get the guts to file a divorce.  The worst thing a divorce can do is tear apart a child, like it has me.  I sometimes feel like a curse, like every since I was born, my mom and dad have been a wreck.  I hope that NOBODY on this site will masturbate to pornography when they are married and have children or I will help knock some sense into you!  A divorce can leave a child scarred forever. 

Quote from: wolflet7 on Tue Feb 10, 2009 - 20:53:10
A divorce can leave a child scarred forever. 

On the other hand in some circumstances staying too long can be far worse for your child (I know)!

Quote from: HeRestoresMyHeart on Tue Feb 10, 2009 - 21:19:18

Quote from: wolflet7 on Tue Feb 10, 2009 - 20:53:10
A divorce can leave a child scarred forever. 

On the other hand in some circumstances staying too long can be far worse for your child (I know)!

yes my hubbys parents more or less lived seperate lives in the same house through out all of his childhood, and it hurt him terribly, to live n that atmosphere of tension, arguements and unhappriness was very damaging to him. I often think that he would have been much happier of they had divorced early on and at least he wouldnt have had to live in that awful atmosphere for 20 years.
Also becuase his mum was unhappy she put all of her emotional needs on him being the eldest son and he felt as if he was her surrogate husband all of hs childhood, and this too was very unhealthy and damaging for him.Their realtionship has never been good and she is still very possessive of both of her sons (or tries to be) she doesnt succeed with my husband becuase we live the other side of the world. One of the reaosns why he left there was becuase of her bahaviour. Sad but true.

Quote from: wolflet7 on Tue Feb 10, 2009 - 20:53:10

Quote from: chosenone on Mon Feb 09, 2009 - 22:12:46


Always put you spouse first (after God) even before kids and certainly before parents,friends and work colleagues.

That explains why my parents are divorced.  You see, my dad seemed good at first, but then it was always about him.  My mom told me that around the time she gave birth to me, my dad started masturbating to pornography.  It took her 10 years to finally get the guts to file a divorce.  The worst thing a divorce can do is tear apart a child, like it has me.  I sometimes feel like a curse, like every since I was born, my mom and dad have been a wreck.  I hope that NOBODY on this site will masturbate to pornography when they are married and have children or I will help knock some sense into you!  A divorce can leave a child scarred forever. 

You are right. Pornography is very damaging and destructive to a marriage and family and also to the person who does it.I dont think that I could stand it myself and your mum did well to put up with it this long. it is unfaithfullness on the part of the man who does it. He is bringong other women into the marriage. It is as horrible and terrible thing that Satan is using to destroy lves, and yet many many Christians still continue to be involved in it.

Being married to the right person can be the most wonderful thing in the world.. whereas being married to the wrong person, no matter how hard you try, can be a living hell.

Quote from: Tantor on Wed Feb 11, 2009 - 13:47:38
Being married to the right person can be the most wonderful thing in the world.. whereas being married to the wrong person, no matter how hard you try, can be a living hell.

Very True. Being in an unhappy marriage is worse than being alone I am sure.

So, (this questions applies to every married person) how did you and your spouse meet?  And how did it all come together as marriage?

Quote from: wolflet7 on Wed Feb 11, 2009 - 15:15:26
So, (this questions applies to every married person) how did you and your spouse meet?  And how did it all come together as marriage?

We met on a Christian dating site here in the UK. I e-mailed him on the Tuesday, we spoke on the phone on the Thursday and met on the Saturday.I knew in 5 days that he was the one for me, but was pretty sure even before we met in person.
We got engaged 7 months after that and married 2 months after the engagment, so 9 months after I first contacted him we were married.
We have never looked back and have a very good marriage. We are soul mates.

Quote from: wolflet7 on Wed Feb 11, 2009 - 15:15:26
So, (this questions applies to every married person) how did you and your spouse meet?  And how did it all come together as marriage?

I was introduced to my wife on a College Forum through the Myspace social network. I later met up with my wife at our college and proceeded to date. 1 year after dating, I asked her dad if I could marry her and he said yes, contingent on me preparing a financial budget for him. Did that, got it approved, was engaged for one more year and married on the 2 year anniversary of our first date.

Now why did I marry? Because I love my wife and like spending time with her...that's it. Companionship. It wasn't deep, symbolic, soul mates, or anything of the sort. I saw pretty woman with a great heart, I wanted a pretty woman with a great heart, I married a pretty woman with a great heart. Sorry if mine is boring compared to the Movies :).

I'm sure some of the perpetual adultery or other once married always married people will come out of the wood work and try and beat me up on this but here we go.

My first marriage was to a friend of my mothers through my mom's church.  There was a lot of pressure on me to succeed because my younger brother had died in a car accident in 81 and I was the only child left.. So I bent to pressure and dumped my then girlfriend and started dating the 'preferable' girl that my family would approve of.  Well, we hit it off pretty well but it was also rocky at times.. she was 2 years older then me and hadn't dated much and was looking to settle down.  Later I learned that love was really not the motivation on her part, it was more that she thought I would 'do the right thing' and be a good husband and father for the kids she wanted.  Well, we got married and 3 months later we got pregnant with our first child.  (later I would deduce that she got pregnant on purpose even though we had agreed to wait 5 years.. one of the things I tell my kids to this day is that always take care of the birth control yourself.. you want no one to blame but yourself.)

Anyhow, the marriage quickly soured as it became quite obvious that all she ever wanted from me was my money and minimal parental involvement... she had definite ways on how she wanted to raise the children and my wants did not count.

Anyhow, out of a sense of duty, I stayed with her for 17 years until I got laid off the second time and after hearing her complain day after day that I wasn't working hard enough to find a job or why I wasn't temporarily working at Home Depot (even though it was less then the unemployment),, I told her I was doing the best I could and if she didn't like it she knew where the door was.  Eventually she took me up on it and left me... luckily the kids were old enough to make the decision on who they wanted to stay with in spite of her telling all her friends that I was angry and 'dangerous' and tried to hide the kids from me... they eventually got sick of her lies and came back.  When she left, I got sued for child and spoual support and had to support all the credit card debt she ran up.

In the mean time she was going to this cultish fundy church that she was using as a shield that believed that divorce was not acceptable under any circumstances and she agreed because without a divorce she could collect 800 bucks from me a month for life... on top of that one of the elders of the church had a business and transferred her to Tenneesee and she took it.  She left her own kids to move 800 miles away.  It was that time I filed for a divorce (after 6 years of separation) and was able to use the credit card debt to leverage her out of alimony... the divorce was final in November 2005.

Since the kids were now grown and on their own, I downsized my house and moved to a different county to get away from all the bad memories... exactly a year after I moved, I ran into my old girlfriend that I was dating prior to my first wife and found out that she was unmarried and had moved to the same county that I had and she lived only 4 miles from me.  Well, we hit it off as though all those years never happened and we were married last July in a private ceremony at Niagara Falls and then we had a big get together when we got back for all our family and friends (at our expense).

My current wife is everything that I ever dreamed up all those years.. kind and caring, smart and successful and has taken to my two kids like a duck to water.  My son even gave a toast at the get together that he can never remember me being has happy as I am now during his entire life.  The only thing I regret is that my current wife will never have any kids of her own and its too late for us now.. it wouldn't even be fair to adopt at our age.

The moral of the story is to never be in a hurry and do not try and please anyone but yourself when it comes to a mate selection... listen to the Holy Spirit's lead in your life and not your hormones.


whew.. got that out.

Divorce is never to be taken lightly.. I asked for my first wife's forgiveness many times and tried to get her into counseling with me and the kids.. all to no avail.  I tried for 6 years to get her back and only filed for divorce when she made it physically impossible to try and deal with her and when she abandoned our kids.  I never cheated on her and tried to be positive about her.  But at some point she started acting like an unbeliever and I had to cut ties.. I could not see supporting her for 800 a month when she is the one that left.

1 Corinthians 13:1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 

12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

Marriage is to me love personified it is what we should all be thriving for in Cornithians Chapter 13.

Marriage is the covenant between you your husband or wife and God that no matter what you will not leave that persona nd instead love them, endure with them through the hard times and sorrows life will at some point hit you with. It is a covenant to always try for better or worse. Sadly a lot of people only mean the better part and bail out when things get hard.

If they would stay and wait it out or work it out they would see how amazing it really is.

Just think every one is so different from every one else and yet GOD has some one who is right for you. I look at my husbnad and I love him more every day it seems impossible but it happens.

When we struggle and go to hard times I find more reasons to admire him and I see GOd through him in so many ways. No one knows me the way he does and to me the safest place in the world is in his arms.

It is not always easy most people seem to think it will be hard times come....you do not always agree or understand eachother...but with GOD as the center of the relationship and sustainer nothing is out of reach.  You have to think you go from two seperate lives to one as a while it is a learning exsperience nad you have to grow together.

Sex wise.....it gets better and better the longer you are together. It might not seem like much at first and a women may not even orgasim for a while ( months or years some itmes) but as time goes by you grow closer to eachother. Becoming one becomes something of so much more value and worth then i can put into words. Sex is not important but what it represents is. FOr my husband and me it is an exspression of our love for eachother and as that has grown stronger and deeper our sex life has gotten better and better too. As we learn more about what pleases the other person too.

At first I could only orgasim through oral sex ( given to me) now I can through sexual intercourse as well. People always told me married people have the best sex....and I would agree. Few women will lever build up to being able to squart and orgasim mulitiple time but I will tell you if emotionally you are in it and your husbands desire is to get you there nad you feel loved then at some point it will build up an you will.

THe first time people have sex together they seem shy and nervous....it changed with time though as you get compfortable together.

I believe every cupple should shower together and hold eachother after as well as talk openly about their sex life what they lifked and didn't like be honest and bold.

My husband and I met through a bible Study. I wanted to see God through soem one elses eyes and so tried to start one and he is the only person who ever replied...


Marrying him has been more then a blessing on my life it has made my life in a way.

Now That.....was TMI

TMI?   When does the video series come out?   

Quote from: wolflet7 on Mon Feb 09, 2009 - 20:58:18

Quote from: Wycliffes_Shillelagh on Mon Feb 09, 2009 - 20:47:57
It's what you make it.  What you put in...is what you get out.

I get what you mean and it's very useful, but you explain a bit further on the matter?  Like some examples would be nice.

Everybody starts by giving their partner what they would like to be given.  As the marriage progresses you'll learn each other, and adjust to give them what they need and/or want.

If you sow compliments, you'll eventually start getting them back.
If you sow attention, you'll get attention back.
If you sow unforgiveness, later you won't be forgiven.

Quote from: fanuvmxpx on Wed Feb 11, 2009 - 17:01:31
Now That.....was TMI

True...but it was also good advice, and pretty much right on the money.  And it was part of what the OP asked about.

Also, the unashamed attitude demonstrated by the poster would be VERY helpful in marriage.  It takes a while to get there... giving such intimate details is an expression of unearned trust, which is something you have to give in order to make a marriage work.

Says me...whose marriage did not work.  But at least I know the why's behind that.

I met my wife walking across campus. Saw the cute redhead from my English I class and swept in to pick her up using my best material. Didn't go great her blonde friend was whispering and making fun of my material. Married the blonde 10 months later.

Quote from: Wycliffes_Shillelagh on Wed Feb 11, 2009 - 17:32:31

Quote from: fanuvmxpx on Wed Feb 11, 2009 - 17:01:31
Now That.....was TMI

True...but it was also good advice, and pretty much right on the money.  And it was part of what the OP asked about.

I was good until the "multiple squirts" section.

Quote from: Arkstfan on Thu Feb 12, 2009 - 07:55:22
I met my wife walking across campus. Saw the cute redhead from my English I class and swept in to pick her up using my best material. Didn't go great her blonde friend was whispering and making fun of my material. Married the blonde 10 months later.

Hmm...sounds like the wife played the "isn't he silly" card, so she could get rid of the redhead and claim her man

Quote from: fanuvmxpx on Thu Feb 12, 2009 - 11:47:10
Hmm...sounds like the wife played the "isn't he silly" card, so she could get rid of the redhead and claim her man

No I think she thought I was silly, suspect she still does. The red head didn't work out but we all became fast friends and then one day I kissed her. Couple months later asked her to marry me and she said no. Asked later and she said no. After a couple months she gave up, er saw things my way.

24 years sometime in June (I can tell you the exact date, if I had a calendar handy).

Quote from: Arkstfan on Thu Feb 12, 2009 - 13:46:54

Quote from: fanuvmxpx on Thu Feb 12, 2009 - 11:47:10
Hmm...sounds like the wife played the "isn't he silly" card, so she could get rid of the redhead and claim her man

No I think she thought I was silly, suspect she still does. The red head didn't work out but we all became fast friends and then one day I kissed her. Couple months later asked her to marry me and she said no. Asked later and she said no. After a couple months she gave up, er saw things my way.

24 years sometime in June (I can tell you the exact date, if I had a calendar handy).

Your continueous thought tells me that you kissed the red head and married the blond.  :)

Quote from: Mystery Man on Thu Feb 12, 2009 - 14:03:42

Quote from: Arkstfan on Thu Feb 12, 2009 - 13:46:54

Quote from: fanuvmxpx on Thu Feb 12, 2009 - 11:47:10
Hmm...sounds like the wife played the "isn't he silly" card, so she could get rid of the redhead and claim her man

No I think she thought I was silly, suspect she still does. The red head didn't work out but we all became fast friends and then one day I kissed her. Couple months later asked her to marry me and she said no. Asked later and she said no. After a couple months she gave up, er saw things my way.

24 years sometime in June (I can tell you the exact date, if I had a calendar handy).

Your continueous thought tells me that you kissed the red head and married the blond.  :)

Well.... I did, but it wasn't a match but we became friends... then I kissed the blonde.

Quote from: wolflet7 on Mon Feb 09, 2009 - 20:20:53
Okay, I know I am very young to be learning about this but I would just like to know what it is like to be married. 

Questions on the subject: How did you meet?  Did you date anybody else and has that helped you with your current relationship?  Did you have any second thoughts when you were up at the altar?  (This question is VERY personal so don't be obligated to answer) What was the marriage bed like at first?  Anything else?

If anybody thinks that openly discussing this is a terrible idea, please tell me. 

Daniel and I met at church.  He just had his appendix removed and I helped him up and down the stairs.  One morning after church, he shouted in front of everyone that I was going to be his wife someday.  We just got married 2/11/09!

Before we got married, we had one out where we split for 2 months.  We did see other people and we both really regret it.  I don't think this helped other than it let us know that it wasn't the same and we are in love with each other and aren't interested in anyone else.

I didn't have any second thoughts other than "Do I look okay? Should I be crying? Should I not be crying? Should I not be laughing?"  All those self-conscious thoughts rolled through my mind lol

The marriage bed was amazing!  For the first time in my life, I knew it was right by God and we were no longer sinning together before marriage.  We both asked His forgiveness and honestly, it felt different.  It was better than I could have ever imagined because we are husband and wife and God approves!!

Great topic :)