Could It Be, I'm Falling in Love

[angeleyes]

I didn't think that it was possible, but I think that I am falling in love with Charlie(guy that I have been dating for two months). I don't know if this is too soon to talk about loving him, but every time I or someone else mentions his name I get real giddy. Every time I think about him I start smiling. He brings more happiness into my life and he inspires me to be a better person(Christian) and I think it is fair to say that I do the same for him. I don't know do you think it is too soon to fall in love with him?

[janine]

No, it's not too soon to have those giddy feelings.  They can just "happen" in the right circumstances like a bolt of lightning.

What it IS too soon for, is to to start throwing around that word "love".

It's terrific, the giddy girlish "falling" in love time, but it has very little to do with washing the daily stains out of his work clothes for 20 years.

It's marvelous, the uplift in personal feelings of prowess this "falling in love" brings us.  The feelings of being highly valued!  Amazing!  The feelings of having found someone who seems to want you as much as you want him!  Astounding!  Terrific!

But all that feeling is actually divorced from the promises and determination to live a married life of 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 more years.  Odd word for me to use, right?  "Divorced"?  But it's a good word, I think, for what I'm trying to convey.

See, the best marriages I know about, and the best times in my own marriage, have been when the framework of the relationship is so rock-solid-steady that it stays in place for many, many other reasons besides the "feelings" surrounding love.  Because those come and go, you see.

There will come a time, whether because you and Charlie have parted ways, or whether because you and Charlie are married but time has passed and the daily frictions and cares of life have built up -- There will come a time when you will not "love" Charlie.  A day will come with you don't even like Charlie.  What will you do then?  What will he do when that day comes for him?  And it will come for him too.   And not necessarily at the same point when your day comes for you.

The thing is, these falling-in-love feelings: the infatuated, adoring, fire-in-the-loins, ego-stroking, starry-eyed stuff -- hormone-fueled and circumstance-fed stuff that it is!  Is great fun and offers many many rewards.  If you have built a real love, a conscious love, a determination and desire to follow God together, then you have a framework in permanent place for the time of breakdown of the rosy sparkly feelings.  Then you will still roll on together OK, partners, until the feelings rise up again.  And they do.

Who doesn't love the roller-coaster effect of "falling in love"?  Maybe sane people...  haha!  I am convinced the quest for these fantastic feelings is much of the root behind the success of Internet matchmaking & dating services and the Internet prowling around for sex that goes on.

It might help if we make use of the several Greek words we find in the New Testament, that are translated "love" in most of our modern Bibles.

Like phileo, agape, eros...  The love of comraderie and fond affection, or the love of such a sacrificial quality that it champions the best interests of the beloved, or the love that desires to give and receive sexually... And I'm not saying we can't possess more than one of these at a time, of course we can.  I'm just saying an analysis of which one is up on top in full force and which ones we've had time to develop, is a wise thing to do.

But you see what I'm getting at?  The tossing around of that word "love", that we tend to do as soon as the merry-go-round of falling in love cranks up, cheapens the process.

In my opinion.

[angeleyes]

I know about love and the good, bad and ugly parts of it, but I believe that each person's experience is different and varies from person to person. I believe that it also deopends on your relationship with God. The thing about being in a relationship with god is that it teaches you how to love and to show your appreciation towards Him even when you are going through hard times. If you can wake up each morning and still be in love with the Lord then you can pretty much love anyone unconditionally.

Especially when God chastises and rebukes us and yet we still praise, love, adore, and worship Him. Well there really shouldn't be any exception with people because we have never seen God, but we see people everyday of our lives.

It's not like I've never been in love before. As a matter of fact I have been in love with someone who didn't even love me back and after all is said and done I still  have love for this person. They treated me like a dirty dish rag, but I still loved him.

Now the way that I see it is if I could love someone who didn't love me and treated me like garbage then I should and will love and appreciate someone who actaully loves me back and treats me like a queen.

[janine]

Yes, but are you ready to wash his stinky socks by hand because the washing machine broke?  Are you ready to send him off to his job every day while you take care of the house and family AND work a job?  Are you ready to have the man take offense from time to time at stuff like paying back a debt?

Is he ready for all that kind of stuff, with you?

[Pokhara]

I agree with Janine.  Love is a feeling which can be very strong one moment and dead the next.  Once dead, it can perhaps be revived, but usually only with a lot of effort on both sides.

People can change, not least because their situations often change.  I am not the same person now as I was five years ago.  I've not changed hugely, but I have different interests certainly.

You will probably be a different person in a few years from now, and he will probably change as well.  These changes might be for the better or ... The point I'm making is that marriage is always a gamble, because you never really know the person you are marrying.  It is easy to talk about "too soon", but there is never a right time when you can say that you truly know the person you are marrying.  You never truly know yourself, so how can you hope to know someone else?

Sorry if that all sounds a tad bleak.

[angeleyes]

Hey, you both really need to slow down here. No one said anything about marriage yet. We are only boyfriend and girlfriend and wouldn't even dare start to think or talk about marriage anytime soon. I think that you both are jumping the gun just a little.

All of the things that janine is talking about happens after you are married and we are still in the beginning of our relationship. Still getting to know each other and feel each other out(not literally).

All that I said was that I think that I am falling in love with him. I don't even know for certain and until I do I wouldn't even dare to tell him that I love him.

[Pokhara]

Point taken.

Do you ever really know that you are in love with someone?  I'm not sure, but one thing I will say is that true love, if it exists, should be able to overcome obstacles in the relationship.  Therefore it would probably make sense not to tell him that you are in love with him until after you have been through some testing times.  Of course I'm not hoping that you encounter any testing times, but ... I'll just play my guitar shall I?