When should teens be allowed to date?

[junia]

Hello,

I have a question. I'm 16 and I'm not permitted to date. I'm allowed to go out with groups of friends and boys can be included in that, but I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend or to go on actual dates, even double dates. My older sisters weren't allowed either, so it's not because my parents don't trust me, it's just their rule, no dating until 18. I happen to think this is ridiculous. Nearly all of my friends have been dating for years and have had at least one boyfriend. I feel really babyish when I have to turn a guy down who asks me out. I'm not even allowed to go to school dances with friends from other schools (my school doesn't host dances) even though they are chaperoned. It's frustrating. I'd like to know what the norm is for being able to date and any advice you can give me.

[Hehealedme]

.

[janine]

Besides, if a guy likes you and wants to get to know you and spend time doing fun activities with you -- such a guy will come with you on your "group dates" if he is a reasonable, mature guy, and enjoy getting to know you that way.

If he won't do that then maybe he wants something from the single-dating experience that you had better not be looking at quite yet.

I don't think 30-year-olds should "date" and "go out" and "talk" (as in "I'm talking to him") and whatever else they call this modern serial sexual monogamy these days.  All modern dating does is set you up for divorce practice.

Mom and Dad can set your rules for social dating while you're under their roof and monetary control, but they cannot run your heart.  I imagine you've had some crushes and really liked some boys.  It's not that Mom and Dad want to jerk you around like a marionette on strings -- your heart and mind are your own.  They're just trying to give you a good structure so that you can help yourself stay pure.

And it's not even a matter of preserving your ever-so-precious virginity for some lucky dude you're gonna marry, hot-cha-cha.  Although that's preferable and very nice, the couple coming into marriage having been intimate with no one else before.

The main thing is to help you keep yourself close to and useful to God and available, unencumbered, for Him.

[grace]

I had a rule for my teenagers as well. I believe that you should submit to your parents, stay close to God. Always stay under the authority God places you under with submission. You will be rewarded for this.

I raised two teenage girls. One I did allow to date earlier because she showed me respect and her other decisions were responsible. But... the other daughter I should have chained her to the house(just kidding!)

Just remember that your parents have your best interest in mind. With my first daughter it was hard to let her go.....this was my fault(insecuities).

Group dating is a lot safer and less temptation. LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS.

[Jon-Marc]

Junia,

While I don't agree with making you wait until you're 18 just to date, your parents are the ones to obey. I had a girlfriend at age 13, and the first time I was attracted to a girl was when I was 11. She was blond and beautiful and in my 5th grade class, but I quickly got over it. 

Too often teens will rebel and sneak behind their parents' backs to be with a boy or girl, and that can cause problems. Too often when a teen boy and girl are alone, there are temptations that are too strong to resist--especially with a boy who is very insistent and uses the old lie, "Everyone else is doing it." Being with others makes it easier to avoid that pitfall--and boys who won't take "No" for an answer. Your parents are thinking of your safety, and while they might seem a bit over-protective, it's because they care.

[YHP]

I am a father of three daughters.  I have basically four rules.

1. Must maintain GPA 3.7+ or no dating.
2. The Boy is to come in the house every single time.  If for nothing more, than for me to say Hi.
3. At 16, Dates for Prom, Homecoming, Coming Home (basketball), all others are by my approval only.  Based on if I know the boy and his parents.
4. At 17 rules #1, #2 apply.

My girls all maintained 3.98+ GPAs, and at 16, I only said No one time.  My buddy offered his daughter a choice, a car, or boys.  In other words, he would buy her a car, but no dating until she was 18, or she could date.  His daughter took the car.

[soaringasaneagle]

I think it is a good thing to go on group dates.  I know it is hard at your age to see that your parents have wisdom and your best interests at heart, especially when everyone else is doing it.  Honor your parents and you will be blessed in what you do.  There is plenty of time for dating.  Enjoy going out in groups and having fun.  Believe me when I say that you don't need the headache of a serious dating relationship right now.  Draw close to the Lord now and He will bless you and sustain you.  When I was in high school I did the group dating thing and as I look back on it, I do not regret that my parents had that rule as well.  God bless you. 

[Petals]

How refreshing to find parents who are adhering to strict, common sense rules of dating.  With society the way it is today, children are being pushed to grow up so very, very fast.  At 16, kids think they are adults, but most are still so emotionally immature that they make decisions with their hormones more than their heads.  They go for those who are "hot", instead of those who have qualities that would make the best husband or wife.  On a side note, the object of dating is to find a potential marriage partner, so dating should only be with someone with whom you would want to spend the rest of your life with. 
As far as friends dating for years already, I think it's so very sad.   They have not been protected by their parents and have been thrown to the wolves, so to speak.   

What's wrong with group dating?  My beautiful daughter had so many good times going out in couples or with friends when in high school.   She never went to a prom because she went to a small Christian school, was homecoming queen,  and had many friends.  She told me that she never felt like she missed out on anything when growing up, even though she did not date in high school.  She has been happily married  to a wonderful man she met at Christian college for 18 years now.     

Be thankful for parents who care enough to set rules that will keep you from being harmed or put in situations that you may not have wisdom enough to handle.  You are blessed more than you know, but may not realize it until you're much older.   

[Bon Voyage]

My daughter is going to be a Protestant nun.

[Circuitridingpreacher]

Hello,

I have a question. I'm 16 and I'm not permitted to date. I'm allowed to go out with groups of friends and boys can be included in that, but I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend or to go on actual dates, even double dates. My older sisters weren't allowed either, so it's not because my parents don't trust me, it's just their rule, no dating until 18. I happen to think this is ridiculous. Nearly all of my friends have been dating for years and have had at least one boyfriend. I feel really babyish when I have to turn a guy down who asks me out. I'm not even allowed to go to school dances with friends from other schools (my school doesn't host dances) even though they are chaperoned. It's frustrating. I'd like to know what the norm is for being able to date and any advice you can give me.

Your parents are correct on this.

You date for one reason, to find a mate for life. If you are not yet able nor prepared to be married then you simply don't date. Taking this route solves many more problems than you believe it causes.

Now as far as the norm goes, I think in today's society it would be with child-without wedlock, so I wouldn't look for a norm, but rather what is the biblical high-road and stick to that one.

Go with your parents on this one, they truly have your best interests at heart....

CRP

[gator_forChrist]

Well I am 16 as well...I'm allowed to date, I had to wait til I was 16 but my mom gave in when I was 15 and met my now ex boyfriend.  I WISH she had made me wait. I was sexually, physically, mentally and verbally abused in that relationship, and I was at a point in my life where I did not have God in it at all but wanted Him in it.  That relationship completely took my focus off of God and threw me into a life that I didn't want.  Though I do have a boyfriend now (who is a strong Christian and has been a significant help in my walk with Christ), I think that waiting is not something you should be worried or stressed or upset about. I know, I know..."easy for (me) to say."  But honestly...take this as God giving you another 2 years to truly focus on Him and grow in your relationship with Him.  It is NOT easy to find a guy who won't take your focus off of God...I'm sure you already know that, but it should still be emphasized.  I am EXTREMELY lucky to have found someone who, after 5 months, has not ONCE tried to pressure me into doing anything that we shouldn't be doing. I am blessed but I can honestly say that if I at all start to feel like I am drifting from God because of him, it's over! :D.   Be thankful that you don't have to worry about any distractions and that God has provided you with this opportunity to grow with Him :).

[rockymtnmama]

You are a lucky girl! :) I know it sounds lame, but I think it's true :) I wasn't supposed to be allowed to date til I was 16, but a guy came into my life around age 14 and though it wasn't physically intimate, it was WAY too much for me to handle emotionally, even as a very mature 14 year old. We were so serious - 14 is 14, you're still a kid at that age. I see kids now (my sister is 19) so emotionally involved, wasting so much of their youth trying to be adults in these dating relationships. It's a bunch of bunk, don't buy the hype :)

I am 28 now, married and have 2 kids. I remember at 16 being on and off still with the same guy, and when we weren't "together," it would just feel awful. But looking back, having a husband now and not feeling those feelings anymore of course :), I wish so much that someone had said "you should try xyz instead of focusing on boys so much at this age." Gosh, 16 is so young, you don't have to pay for hardly anything, your church would probably even pay for you to go around the world on a mission trip! :) When you have to start paying for life all on your own, you will know how amazingly wonderful this time in your life can really be and how awesome it is that people will PAY for you to go someplace cool and HELP you make a difference in the world, wow.
Boys your age (no offense guys) are kind of dopey. Really. The guy I dated throughout my teen years was a very intelligent, mature guy for his age, not terribly dopey, but it was just soooo much energy to be in a relationship - then and now, in some ways. I thought it was the best thing in the world at the time to "have a boyfriend," but really, it soaks up energy you could be using to do really well in school and get a scholarship that would pay for college - TRUST me, school loans are no joke!! :) You could make a goal to travel somewhere when you're 18, start saving up. Take up a new sport, write a novel, get into art, take dance classes, get your church to send you to Mongolia and make a difference in the world while learning about an entirely different culture. Boys will come and go, but who you are, what you experience and accomplish will go with you for the rest of your life. If boys are already hitting on you, girl, you are going to be fine once you're out of the house :) SOMEone will date you, and at that point, you will have something cool to bring to the table apart from being cute or wanted by some random boy: you'll have your experiences and the important things you've dedicated your time and energy in rather than all the boys you've dated. Whoopedy do! :) Be all you can be! :) Wait til you're 18 :)

[kensington]

Hello,

I have a question. I'm 16 and I'm not permitted to date. I'm allowed to go out with groups of friends and boys can be included in that, but I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend or to go on actual dates, even double dates. My older sisters weren't allowed either, so it's not because my parents don't trust me, it's just their rule, no dating until 18. I happen to think this is ridiculous. Nearly all of my friends have been dating for years and have had at least one boyfriend. I feel really babyish when I have to turn a guy down who asks me out. I'm not even allowed to go to school dances with friends from other schools (my school doesn't host dances) even though they are chaperoned. It's frustrating. I'd like to know what the norm is for being able to date and any advice you can give me.

Sweetie... I have 7 kids... 6 boys and 1 girl.. and your rules are the same I have raised them all by.  I am the mom, I stand responsible for keeping them chaste until they are old enough to walk that out for themselves. I pledged to not ever put them in situations they were not old enough or strong enough to handle.  At your age, the boys bodies are doing things they don't understand, they are not in control... their changing bodies are. And you just do not want to be there or say "done that" later. 

Think about it... you parents love you so much, they are willing to go against all the norms that society is allowing, and to protect you at the cost of you being offended and angry at them.  That is a LOT of love. I have seen girls and boys whose mom's could care less, or use excuse after excuse why they do NOT stand in the gap for them and keep them close until it is time.  These short 16 years seem like forever to you now... but in the lifespan of 80-85 years, you have only experienced a blink.

Go out, in groups... have fun, no commitments, no pressure for "dates"... kissing and being alone... just kids, friends and a crush or two while you are at it...  love life... be good and honor your parents. I promise, someday, you will be so thankful you did.  You will have nothing to regret or explain to anyone. God will be your source, bless you for doing what is right in His sight.  God Bless.

[WileyClarkson]

Junia,

I am a father of three daughters.  I have basically four rules.

1. Must maintain GPA 3.7+ or no dating.
2. The Boy is to come in the house every single time.  If for nothing more, than for me to say Hi.
3. At 16, Dates for Prom, Homecoming, Coming Home (basketball), all others are by my approval only.  Based on if I know the boy and his parents.
4. At 17 rules #1, #2 apply. 

Ditto

I rasied three daughters also, and I had all of the above rules (my requirement for GPA was that the be on the honor roll) plus I had time rules.  On week nights, they could not date but they could attend church and school functions (all three played four years of High  school girls basket ball) but they could not stay out past a reasonable time frame for coming home after the school/church function.  On Friday and Saturday nights they could stay out until 11:00pm, and with prior approval from us, they could stay out until midnight.  If something happened, then they were expected to call by phone prior to the deadline, explain the situation, and we would adjust the time frame to allow them a little freedom.  I told my daughters that the rules were for their safety more than anything else because I trusted all my daughters to make the right decissions.  They ALWAYS did!  They appreciated having the rules because it gave them a way of getting out of problem situations.

I have heard parents tell horror stories about raising teens (especially daughters) but, honestly, I never once experienced any of those problems. 

While I do think that maybe the rules are a little tight in your case,  your parents are doing what they feel is best for you and your sisters and your family situation.  Trust them and enjoy the love and protection that they are offering you by caring enough to set rules to be adhered to!  In the area I live in, that's a rarity!